Aiba-chan's Recomen! Arashi Remix 10.02.2009 [TRANSLATIONS]
*makes excuses* It's still the 24th in some parts of the U.S. (Hawaii)! That means it's still Aibaka Day and time for another Recomen! He goes on tangents and reveals some interesting stories. :D Happy holidays everyone; this may be a small gift, but it is a gift nonetheless. Thank you for always reading~
**Announcements**
a) Drawings for the past two translations have taken place! Congrats to the winners ^^
b) To participate in the mini contest for this set of translations, comment on your favorite story Aiba-chan reveals.
Kind reminders:
+ My translations should amnosxmatsujun that Aiba-chan..."] *thank you!
+ If you enjoyed the translations, I'd love to hear from you! :) Comments are ♥♥
Highlights from this Recomen!:
# Koharu-chan loooooooves her Masamune-kun. :)
# OMG Aiba-chan... you did what to a stranger?! xD
# Stories about him and his dad. <3 Aww~
# More stories about toilets. ^^;; He really loves them, doesn't he?
# Why is Chika-san openly pervy? Ask the man himself.
This particular Recomen can be found HERE @ MF. *audio credits: ysy2021 Thank you!
A=Aiba-chan
C=Chika-san
A: Even if you lock your phone, don’t lock your heart! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Good evening, this is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. Well! It’s already October!
C: It is.
A: You know, starting October 9th…
C: Yes?
A: My Girl begins.
C: Yes.
A: No, really… it’s a heartwarming story.
C: She’s adorable.
A: Oh, the girl playing Koharu-chan? Momoka-chan?
C: Yes, at Kokuritsu…
A: Did you meet her?
C: She was probably standing very close to me, with her mom and dad.
A: Oooh, the day you came to see Arashi’s concert-
C: Right.
A: Momoka-chan also attended?
C: Yes.
A: Okay, okay, okay.
C: And the whole time, she was looking in your direction, waving your uchiwa.
A: Oh?
C: However far you went, she kept her eyes on you. No matter which member was closest to her, she kept looking at you, cheering.
A: It’s got to be the bond we have.
C: Seriously…
A: We have a bond!
C: Others would feel jealous seeing her cheer for you.
A: Who would?
C: How do I say? … She would.
A: She would?
C: No, I got jealous of her.
A: Wait, what do you mean?
C: No, not in THAT way. [laugh]
A: You make absolutely no sense! [laugh] What made you jealous?
C: She kept your eyes on you, Aiba-kun.
A: Oooh…
C: That’s why.
A: That makes me happy. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening once again. This is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. This show is brought to you from Bunka housou in Hamamatsu city and broadcasted nationwide. Without delay, here’s the first number for the evening. This is from the All the BEST album: Arashi’s “Happiness”.
[Arashi - “Happiness”]
A: Yikes, my eyes are bloodshot.
Ootsuka-kun: It’s radio.
A: Oh, right. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! “Memory Shredder!” During this segment, I’ll read some of your embarrassing stories or moments you’d like to forget, and place them through a paper shredder so you can rest at ease. We have tons of embarrassing stories again this week, so we’d like to share some of them with you, then shred them up.
C: Right.
A: Let’s begin. First is from radio pen name Harumi-san from Osaka: “When I was in the later half of my elementary school years, I was playing with a new friend. It was then, at such timing, that I let out a loud fart. My friend laughed it off, but I was mortified. Just out of curiosity, can you fart while you’re with the other members?” Hrm… farting. I can.
C: Oh… you’re someone who can?
A: Whether I fart or not… let’s put that aside.
C: Okay.
A: Let’s ignore whether Aiba-kun can or can’t fart. If I have to fart, I will.
C: Is that so…
A: To what point… you don’t have to worry about this sort of thing in front of family, right?
C: In front of family is okay.
A: What is your opinion as someone with his own family? Can you fart in front of the kids?
C: I can.
A: Then-
C: But we’ve made it so we don’t fart in close proximity to one another.
A: [laugh] What do you mean? You have some rules?
C: The sound is okay, but the smell is not.
A: Hm, that’s complex.
C: So… we’ve set it so that we don’t fart near one another.
A: I see, and your wife?
C: I’d get in trouble if I said anything about my wife, don’t you think? Ah, well, she farts. [laugh]
A: [laugh] So quick! He said it, he blabbed~! Shall we move on? This is by radio pen name Cotton candy-san? … from Tokyo: “This is when I went to the mall with my family. I was wandering around apart from my family. I was thinking of meeting up with them later, and finally, I saw my parent’s backs. I thought, ‘Thank goodness,’ but when I got closer to them, I spotted those sticky tape lint removers attached to them. ‘How embarrassing,’ I thought, and ripped it off. At that moment, I heard them yell, ‘What are you doing?!’ and saw a face not belonging to my parents. That’s right; I mistook someone else for my parents, and moreover, I ripped off some lint removing tape. I was so embarrassed that all I could say was ‘I’m sorry’.” This happens. Not the lint removing tape part, but mistaking someone for someone else happens a lot. Yeah, yeah. This happens to me even now. I’ll go on location for work, and…
C: Right.
A: How do I say this… I’ll tag along after a staff member who isn’t a guide and get lost. I have lots of instances like those.
C: Yes.
A: I mean… I probed up a stranger’s butthole with my fingers at a hot-spring. (*note: “kancho” is a popular prank in Japan among young boys, where one positions his fingers in a pistol-like shape and shoves his two pointer fingers up another person’s butt)
C: [laugh]
A: Thinking he was a staff member.
C: That’s the infamous story.
A: Yeah. I got the top joint of my pointer fingers inside that guy’s butt.
C: [laugh]
A: Inside a butthole…
C: [laugh]
A: [laugh] Belonging to some stranger.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: That… stuff like this happens a lot to me.
C: That’s true.
A: So do be careful. Please take caution, okay? Let’s keep going. This is by radio pen name Es-san from Nagano: “My teacher strained their lower back, so my friend and I were talking about it. I intend to go into nursery so I thought I’d show off by saying the medical term for ‘strained back’. I said haughtily, ‘A strained back is called ‘tsuikanbaa hernia.’ (*note: In English, the medical term is spinal disk herniation) But my friend cracked up. That’s right; I had thought the ‘tsuikanban’ part (*spinal disk) was an English term, ‘tsuikanbaa’. Subsequent to this incident, my friend told this story to my parents and they keep bringing it up.” Slip of the tongue, this happens a lot. My dad…
C: Yes?
A: Got a neck hernia.
C: Ah… cervical disc herniation.
A: Yes, the same as Yoshiki-san. (*note: musician, part of X JAPAN)
C: Right, right, right. He banged on the drums too much.
A: Yes, yes, yes. My dad shook them woks too much.
C: Ah [laugh] while shaking his neck.
A: [laugh] While shaking his neck, yes. No, not really. And did I tell you? I went to the hospital to keep him company during the surgery.
C: Okay.
A: Just recently.
C: Oh!
A: It was this year.
C: That recent?
A: Yeah. He said he needed surgery and that he wanted me to come along.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: My dad was totally freaking out. But I don’t blame him. His neck… they… numb the area, oh! From the throat side. They insert this laser thing and zap the affected cervical disc area.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: Once he told me he was going to have that surgery, he couldn’t sleep for 2-3 days because he was so nervous. So I told him I’d go with him. Once there, they called out “Aiba-san~” and we were ushered into… some small waiting room where my dad changed. I was with him then, too.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: He must have been extremely nervous… my dad had put on his underwear backwards.
C: Yeah?
A: So I said, “You put it on backwards,” thinking he wouldn’t be as tense anymore, but that didn’t help at all.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: I told him, “It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay. Go!” and led him to the surgery room. I went in with him to watch the procedures, but the noise is deafening. Up until they insert that thing through his throat… well, my dad wasn’t in pain or anything. But when they inserted the laser, it made this zapping noise.
C: Mm.
A: When I asked my dad about it later, he told me that his neck felt like it was burning.
C: Ah…
A: It was insane. But… I’m glad to have been there for him.
C: Wasn’t he put under? Wasn’t he asleep?
A: He was not.
C: Was it a short procedure?
A: It lasted about ten minutes.
C: Wow…
A: The whole surgery.
C: Really?!
A: Really. I was surprised.
C: Plus, you could enter? The surgery room?
A: Well, the surgery room… it was like a booth.
C: Ah… so you could watch through a pane of glass?
A: I could see clearly, and I wasn’t that far away from him. The distance is much shorter. I was stunned.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: But now, my dad is totally fine. He’s healthy as ever, shaking his neck as he flips those woks.
C: Oh, that’s impressive. He recovered that quickly?
A: Well, for neck hernias, your hands feel numb.
C: Right, right, right.
A: And that numbness-
C: Because it’s connected. There are tons of nerves there.
A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. He told me that his hands aren’t numb anymore, so the surgery was a success.
C: Is that right? I’m glad to hear that.
A: Me, too. Really, take caution of those things, also.
C: Yes.
A: Shall we go on? Here’s the last one. This is from radio pen name NinoAi-chan from Ibaraki: “I’m in ninth grade at the moment, but every summer, I remember swimming class in fifth grade. Wanting to show off, I started backstroking in the fifth lane, but once I finished and got back on my feet, I realized that I didn’t end in the fifth lane where I started, but rather, I found myself in the first lane. I was surprised more than I was embarrassed. Of course, everyone laughed at me after that.” This happens! And you know in elementary school, they probably don’t have those lane markers up. You know… those things that identify what area is one lane.
C: That’s true.
A: They don’t have those markers, right?
C: Swimming lesson schools have them, but…
A: School pools?
C: But come to think of it, there were definitely kids who kept swimming diagonally.
A: [laugh] That’s… like me.
C: The ones who come bumping into you.
A: I’ve taken swimming lessons since I was three. I was, until I entered elementary school.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: Why do you start swimming all crooked? I don’t understand. Why does that happen? When you do backstrokes.
C: You’d swim crookedly if you were doing backstrokes, right? Because the water surface… if you were facing down, you can see if you’re keeping straight or not, but for backstrokes, all you see is the sky. You’d start going crooked, right?
A: But… oh, I guess so.
C: Yeah. One or the other… if your right arm is stronger, you start heading a certain way, right?
A: Like a boat?
C: Mm-hmm.
A: [laugh] The same concept as a boat?
C: [laugh] Same as rowing a boat.
A: They’re the same concept?
C: Yeah.
A: Oh, really… I have no idea. But there was always [laugh] a kid like that.
C: Yeah.
A: Anyway, we read a lot today, as usual. I’ll shred these memories! [paper shredding noises] That concludes Tell me, Aiba-chan! (*note: Aww, Aiba-chan makes a mistake with segment names~)
Ootsuka-kun: Even that full-breasted model is listening in on this show.
A: For real?! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Oshiete Aiba-chan! (*Tell us, Aiba-chan!) Here, I’ll answer questions you’ve sent in via postcards! We’ve received plenty this week as well, so let’s get to them! First one is from radio pen name Aya dot com-san from Mie: “The other day, I was dazed, not thinking of anything, and was using a hair straightening iron. I ended up clamping my left earlobe. I was so shocked and it was so scalding hot that I couldn’t say anything. Aiba-chan, have you ever had a time when you were so shocked words failed you?” Have I ever been so shocked… she means to be at a complete loss for words, right? If I’m surprised, I actually say more.
C: Oh? Then-
A: When I go to a haunted house, I go crazy, and I don’t know… if someone says, ‘boo!’ I scream right back.
C: Well, if you were placed in this same situation and clamped your ear with a hair straightening iron, you’d probably go, “Damn it, that’s hot!”
A: I’d scream!
C: You’d scream even if you were alone, then?
A: Yeah, “Hot, hot! Get me some ice!” All alone.
C: [laugh]
A: “Where’s the ice?”
C: [laugh]
A: I’d probably say that. Yeah! Who doesn’t voice his… Riida’s like that.
C: Oh!
A: Our Riida says that he’s afraid of haunted houses, but he’s unable to scream at all.
C: Ah…
A: He’s more of the type to become silent, to keep it all in… probably. Let’s keep going. This is from radio pen name Shiori-chan from Saitama: “Aiba-chan, KonAiba.” KonAiba! (*note: “konbanwa”, or ‘good evening’ + Aiba) “There are many people who say that the toilets in their homes have a calming effect. Why is that? Do you feel more at ease in your own toilet?” Hm… there are people like that.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: People who love toilets.
C: Your own toilet… is nice.
A: You like it?
C: Well, in comparison to a public restroom, it’s easier to use.
A: Hm… I don’t think there’s much of a difference for me. Except… whether it’s the Japanese style or the Western one (*note: Japanese style toilets require that you squat down, whereas the Western styles require that you sit down)
C: Mm-hmm.
A: A ‘botton’, for example. (*note: “botton” is a colloquial term to mean old Japanese style toilets, comes from the sound stools make when it falls down a deep hole dug in the ground) That’s about it. If it were Western styles, if we were only going to talk about those, there’s nothing different.
C: But… just like they have the Otohime-sama (*note: this is a device that makes the sound of running water so that the sound of urine becomes muffled; Japanese women, in particular, find it embarrassing if others can hear their “sounds”)…
A: [laugh]
C: You have to think about those around you if you’re using a public restroom.
A: I see.
C: Yeah, like if there was someone using the stall next to you. And if there’s someone next to you for a while, you start getting curious. You know, for “number two”.
A: Like…
C: If they’re right next to you.
A: Like their sighs. “Ungggh” and such. [laugh] Those people, right?
C: [laugh] Exactly, yes.
A: I think I understand a bit.
C: The whole time… you thought they weren’t there but then you hear an ‘ungh’.
A: [laugh]
Staff: You heard them?
C: It’s like, “Oh! There was someone here?!”
A: [laugh] I totally understand! That might be it.
C: “Since when have you been here?!”
A: That might be it! That does make me curious. If you put it that way, your own toilet is nicer.
C: Yeah.
A: My toilet plays music.
C: What?
A: It’s like the Otohime. I recently-
C: Is that part of the toilet itself?
A: That’s correct. I recently changed my toilet. And it plays songs.
C: For what?
A: Für Elise
C: Ah! Für Elise?!
A: Yeah, it plays that song.
C: [laugh] Really?
A: [laugh] Really, really.
C: At what timing?
A: When I lift the lid.
C: [sings Für Elise]
A: Yeah, it’s probably when I sit down, I activate some sensor.
C: And it plays Für Elise?
A: That’s what it plays. Furthermore, though I haven’t fidgeted with the settings, near the speakers, there’s a “play” button and a “fast forward” button.
C: Yeah?
A: I’m thinking the songs change.
C: Ah… will a whole album data fit in there?
A: Mm, I don’t know.
C: [laugh]
A: I think there are all sorts of songs in there, if such buttons exist.
C: Yeah.
A: [laugh] I’ll check. Moving on. This is from radio pen name Yuuki-kun from Hyogo. Oh, it’s Yuuki-san, I apologize. “My husband is blood type B, but when he puts bills into his wallet, he has to make sure that they are facing upright. I’m blood type A, but that doesn’t bother me at all. What about you, Aiba-kun? And just for reference, what kind of wallet do you have?” (*note: in Japan, blood type B people are said to not care much about details, whereas blood type A people are meticulous about them) Chika-san, are they facing the same way?
C: Let’s see… ah, no, they’re not. There are ones facing backwards, upside down…
A: Does your wallet folds in the middle?
C: Yes, it does.
A: It looks like you’ve had it for a while.
C: What was once brown is now black.
A: Are you serious?!
C: Yes.
A: It’s the color of a century egg.
C: Yeah.
Staff: [laugh]
A: Right?! It’s like a century egg.
C: That’s the idea. Well-
A: They say the more you use it, the better it is, but don’t others say that wallets should be changed every three years or so?
C: They do, they tell me to get another one.
A: Right?
C: Yeah.
A: How long have you had that one?
C: But this… about four years.
A: Oh, only four years?!
C: Four or five years, yes.
A: Really… mine is that kind.
C: Right.
A: It folds in half, and it’s about time I got another one. I’ve had this one for 2-3 years. It’s a brown wallet.
C: Oh, yeah? And?! What about your bills?
A: My bills?
C: Yes.
A: I don’t really care about… no,
I do.
C: Yeah?
A: I do, I do. Do you see all these receipts?
C: Yes.
A: And I clean them out once a month.
C: Okay.
A: That’s when I organize my whole wallet, but otherwise, I don’t. So there’s a 50/50 chance.
C: I don’t care about which way they’re facing, but I always keep them like 10,000 yen bill, 10,000 yen bill, 10,000 yen bill, 5,000 yen bill.
A: Aaah! I see.
C: Do you do that?
A: I also… don’t do that. Um…
C: Oh, you don’t?! So it’s like 10,000 yen bill, 1,000 yen bill, 5,000 yen bill, 10,000 yen bill?
A: And 2,000 yen bills. (*note: equivalent of a $2 bill, not often used)
C: 2,000 yen bills?!
A: Yes.
C: I had forgotten about those.
A: You did, didn’t you?
C: Yes.
A: Okay, next one. This is from radio pen name Kokuritsu itta yo~-san from Chiba (I attended the Kokuritsu concert). Thank you very much. “Aiba-chan, KonAiba.” KonAiba! “My younger brother is in sixth grade and he’s undergoing voice change, becoming an adult. That’s fine, but I’m afraid of him becoming perverted as time passes. I wonder if he’s been looking at porn magazines. Aiba-chan and Chika-san, when did you two become perverted? Also, how should I look after him as an older sister?” What do you think, Chika-san?
C: Hm…
A: This question is for you.
C: Is it? I also have a son in sixth grade.
A: Yeah, yeah, yeah! So this is on the dot for you.
C: Yes.
A: Do you think your sixth grader son is looking through porn magazines?
C: No, I don’t think he is.
A: You’re the only one who wishes that were the case.
C: No, no, no. I want him to read them.
A: [laugh]
C: Contrarily.
A: [laugh] You want him to read them?
C: Yes.
A: Why’s that?
C: Well, because that’s normal.
A: Yeah, but sixth grade is too early.
C: Sixth graders are too young.
A: They are. However, mature children may find some [laugh] and read ‘em.
C: Well, sometimes, I try saying some dirty things to see how he’d react. He gives me a face like I’m bothering him. It’s an important subject! Your lower body parts!
A: Whoa, like a teacher!
C: Yes. That’s why-
A: You know lots.
C: I don’t want him to loathe or avoid these kinds of conversations. That’s why I’ve started up this “liberation of dirty thinking” movement.
A: “Liberation of dirty thinking movement”?
C: [laugh] Yes.
A: Then this Kokuritsu itta yo~-san should also, as an older sister, support her sixth grader son… oh, not son, her younger brother in sixth grade?
C: That’s right. If you teach them that eroticism is wrong, they’ll head in the opposite direction and become secretive about it.
A: Mm…
C: So, to check if they’re normal, these kinds of conversations should be out in the open. If it’s for all to hear, you can gauge whether they’re normal or not.
A: This is deep, but-
C: If we keep it hidden, we won’t be able to tell.
A: This is deep, but… saying such things on the radio in a serious tone…
C: I’m sorry!
A: Right? But you might be right.
C: Yeah.
A: I don’t know, but in moderation!
C: Yes.
A: Everything in moderation! That’s what I think, anyway. So! What a mediocre way of concluding things. That was Tell me, Aiba-chan! Please take a listen now to Arashi’s “Boku ga Boku no Subete”
[Arashi - “Boku ga Boku no Subete”]
A: Send your postcards to Bunka Housou Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix!. Zip code 105-8002. E-mail address: Arashi@joqr.net. Please put the name of the segment in the subject. You can also send us a message through the Bunka Housou website on your cell phone. We’re just about out of time! Um, as I said at the beginning of this show, I will be starring in My Girl, starting October 9th on TV Asahi. Please do tune in starting next week.
C: Right.
A: Our Best album, All the BEST! 1999-2009, is on sale now. Also, Arashi is touring the five major stadiums, and we’re down to the last three: Sapporo, Tokyo, and Nagoya. We’re going to give our best for those remaining places, so if you’re attending, please look forward to it! This was Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s-
C: Ah! May I say one thing?
A: What is it?! [laugh]
C: [laugh] May I?
A: What is-
C: The theme song for My Girl…
A: … OH! Chika-san.
C: What’s the news on that?
A: That… well, shall we announce it?
C: Please inform me.
A: Arashi will sing it.
C: What?!
A: The title...
C: Yes?
A: Is Arashi’s “My Girl”.
C: Ooh, the exact, same title!
A: [laugh] Exactly the same. Arashi will be singing the My Girl theme song, “My Girl”.
C: That’s just as exciting.
A: Please look forward to it. We’ll be able to play it on the radio soon. Keep on the lookout for that! This was Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Your radio partner has been Aiba Masaki from Arashi. See you next week, bye-bye!
**Announcements**
a) Drawings for the past two translations have taken place! Congrats to the winners ^^
b) To participate in the mini contest for this set of translations, comment on your favorite story Aiba-chan reveals.
Kind reminders:
+ My translations should amnosxmatsujun that Aiba-chan..."] *thank you!
+ If you enjoyed the translations, I'd love to hear from you! :) Comments are ♥♥
Highlights from this Recomen!:
# Koharu-chan loooooooves her Masamune-kun. :)
# OMG Aiba-chan... you did what to a stranger?! xD
# Stories about him and his dad. <3 Aww~
# More stories about toilets. ^^;; He really loves them, doesn't he?
# Why is Chika-san openly pervy? Ask the man himself.
This particular Recomen can be found HERE @ MF. *audio credits: ysy2021 Thank you!
A=Aiba-chan
C=Chika-san
A: Even if you lock your phone, don’t lock your heart! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Good evening, this is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. Well! It’s already October!
C: It is.
A: You know, starting October 9th…
C: Yes?
A: My Girl begins.
C: Yes.
A: No, really… it’s a heartwarming story.
C: She’s adorable.
A: Oh, the girl playing Koharu-chan? Momoka-chan?
C: Yes, at Kokuritsu…
A: Did you meet her?
C: She was probably standing very close to me, with her mom and dad.
A: Oooh, the day you came to see Arashi’s concert-
C: Right.
A: Momoka-chan also attended?
C: Yes.
A: Okay, okay, okay.
C: And the whole time, she was looking in your direction, waving your uchiwa.
A: Oh?
C: However far you went, she kept her eyes on you. No matter which member was closest to her, she kept looking at you, cheering.
A: It’s got to be the bond we have.
C: Seriously…
A: We have a bond!
C: Others would feel jealous seeing her cheer for you.
A: Who would?
C: How do I say? … She would.
A: She would?
C: No, I got jealous of her.
A: Wait, what do you mean?
C: No, not in THAT way. [laugh]
A: You make absolutely no sense! [laugh] What made you jealous?
C: She kept your eyes on you, Aiba-kun.
A: Oooh…
C: That’s why.
A: That makes me happy. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening once again. This is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. This show is brought to you from Bunka housou in Hamamatsu city and broadcasted nationwide. Without delay, here’s the first number for the evening. This is from the All the BEST album: Arashi’s “Happiness”.
[Arashi - “Happiness”]
A: Yikes, my eyes are bloodshot.
Ootsuka-kun: It’s radio.
A: Oh, right. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! “Memory Shredder!” During this segment, I’ll read some of your embarrassing stories or moments you’d like to forget, and place them through a paper shredder so you can rest at ease. We have tons of embarrassing stories again this week, so we’d like to share some of them with you, then shred them up.
C: Right.
A: Let’s begin. First is from radio pen name Harumi-san from Osaka: “When I was in the later half of my elementary school years, I was playing with a new friend. It was then, at such timing, that I let out a loud fart. My friend laughed it off, but I was mortified. Just out of curiosity, can you fart while you’re with the other members?” Hrm… farting. I can.
C: Oh… you’re someone who can?
A: Whether I fart or not… let’s put that aside.
C: Okay.
A: Let’s ignore whether Aiba-kun can or can’t fart. If I have to fart, I will.
C: Is that so…
A: To what point… you don’t have to worry about this sort of thing in front of family, right?
C: In front of family is okay.
A: What is your opinion as someone with his own family? Can you fart in front of the kids?
C: I can.
A: Then-
C: But we’ve made it so we don’t fart in close proximity to one another.
A: [laugh] What do you mean? You have some rules?
C: The sound is okay, but the smell is not.
A: Hm, that’s complex.
C: So… we’ve set it so that we don’t fart near one another.
A: I see, and your wife?
C: I’d get in trouble if I said anything about my wife, don’t you think? Ah, well, she farts. [laugh]
A: [laugh] So quick! He said it, he blabbed~! Shall we move on? This is by radio pen name Cotton candy-san? … from Tokyo: “This is when I went to the mall with my family. I was wandering around apart from my family. I was thinking of meeting up with them later, and finally, I saw my parent’s backs. I thought, ‘Thank goodness,’ but when I got closer to them, I spotted those sticky tape lint removers attached to them. ‘How embarrassing,’ I thought, and ripped it off. At that moment, I heard them yell, ‘What are you doing?!’ and saw a face not belonging to my parents. That’s right; I mistook someone else for my parents, and moreover, I ripped off some lint removing tape. I was so embarrassed that all I could say was ‘I’m sorry’.” This happens. Not the lint removing tape part, but mistaking someone for someone else happens a lot. Yeah, yeah. This happens to me even now. I’ll go on location for work, and…
C: Right.
A: How do I say this… I’ll tag along after a staff member who isn’t a guide and get lost. I have lots of instances like those.
C: Yes.
A: I mean… I probed up a stranger’s butthole with my fingers at a hot-spring. (*note: “kancho” is a popular prank in Japan among young boys, where one positions his fingers in a pistol-like shape and shoves his two pointer fingers up another person’s butt)
C: [laugh]
A: Thinking he was a staff member.
C: That’s the infamous story.
A: Yeah. I got the top joint of my pointer fingers inside that guy’s butt.
C: [laugh]
A: Inside a butthole…
C: [laugh]
A: [laugh] Belonging to some stranger.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: That… stuff like this happens a lot to me.
C: That’s true.
A: So do be careful. Please take caution, okay? Let’s keep going. This is by radio pen name Es-san from Nagano: “My teacher strained their lower back, so my friend and I were talking about it. I intend to go into nursery so I thought I’d show off by saying the medical term for ‘strained back’. I said haughtily, ‘A strained back is called ‘tsuikanbaa hernia.’ (*note: In English, the medical term is spinal disk herniation) But my friend cracked up. That’s right; I had thought the ‘tsuikanban’ part (*spinal disk) was an English term, ‘tsuikanbaa’. Subsequent to this incident, my friend told this story to my parents and they keep bringing it up.” Slip of the tongue, this happens a lot. My dad…
C: Yes?
A: Got a neck hernia.
C: Ah… cervical disc herniation.
A: Yes, the same as Yoshiki-san. (*note: musician, part of X JAPAN)
C: Right, right, right. He banged on the drums too much.
A: Yes, yes, yes. My dad shook them woks too much.
C: Ah [laugh] while shaking his neck.
A: [laugh] While shaking his neck, yes. No, not really. And did I tell you? I went to the hospital to keep him company during the surgery.
C: Okay.
A: Just recently.
C: Oh!
A: It was this year.
C: That recent?
A: Yeah. He said he needed surgery and that he wanted me to come along.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: My dad was totally freaking out. But I don’t blame him. His neck… they… numb the area, oh! From the throat side. They insert this laser thing and zap the affected cervical disc area.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: Once he told me he was going to have that surgery, he couldn’t sleep for 2-3 days because he was so nervous. So I told him I’d go with him. Once there, they called out “Aiba-san~” and we were ushered into… some small waiting room where my dad changed. I was with him then, too.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: He must have been extremely nervous… my dad had put on his underwear backwards.
C: Yeah?
A: So I said, “You put it on backwards,” thinking he wouldn’t be as tense anymore, but that didn’t help at all.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: I told him, “It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay. Go!” and led him to the surgery room. I went in with him to watch the procedures, but the noise is deafening. Up until they insert that thing through his throat… well, my dad wasn’t in pain or anything. But when they inserted the laser, it made this zapping noise.
C: Mm.
A: When I asked my dad about it later, he told me that his neck felt like it was burning.
C: Ah…
A: It was insane. But… I’m glad to have been there for him.
C: Wasn’t he put under? Wasn’t he asleep?
A: He was not.
C: Was it a short procedure?
A: It lasted about ten minutes.
C: Wow…
A: The whole surgery.
C: Really?!
A: Really. I was surprised.
C: Plus, you could enter? The surgery room?
A: Well, the surgery room… it was like a booth.
C: Ah… so you could watch through a pane of glass?
A: I could see clearly, and I wasn’t that far away from him. The distance is much shorter. I was stunned.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: But now, my dad is totally fine. He’s healthy as ever, shaking his neck as he flips those woks.
C: Oh, that’s impressive. He recovered that quickly?
A: Well, for neck hernias, your hands feel numb.
C: Right, right, right.
A: And that numbness-
C: Because it’s connected. There are tons of nerves there.
A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. He told me that his hands aren’t numb anymore, so the surgery was a success.
C: Is that right? I’m glad to hear that.
A: Me, too. Really, take caution of those things, also.
C: Yes.
A: Shall we go on? Here’s the last one. This is from radio pen name NinoAi-chan from Ibaraki: “I’m in ninth grade at the moment, but every summer, I remember swimming class in fifth grade. Wanting to show off, I started backstroking in the fifth lane, but once I finished and got back on my feet, I realized that I didn’t end in the fifth lane where I started, but rather, I found myself in the first lane. I was surprised more than I was embarrassed. Of course, everyone laughed at me after that.” This happens! And you know in elementary school, they probably don’t have those lane markers up. You know… those things that identify what area is one lane.
C: That’s true.
A: They don’t have those markers, right?
C: Swimming lesson schools have them, but…
A: School pools?
C: But come to think of it, there were definitely kids who kept swimming diagonally.
A: [laugh] That’s… like me.
C: The ones who come bumping into you.
A: I’ve taken swimming lessons since I was three. I was, until I entered elementary school.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: Why do you start swimming all crooked? I don’t understand. Why does that happen? When you do backstrokes.
C: You’d swim crookedly if you were doing backstrokes, right? Because the water surface… if you were facing down, you can see if you’re keeping straight or not, but for backstrokes, all you see is the sky. You’d start going crooked, right?
A: But… oh, I guess so.
C: Yeah. One or the other… if your right arm is stronger, you start heading a certain way, right?
A: Like a boat?
C: Mm-hmm.
A: [laugh] The same concept as a boat?
C: [laugh] Same as rowing a boat.
A: They’re the same concept?
C: Yeah.
A: Oh, really… I have no idea. But there was always [laugh] a kid like that.
C: Yeah.
A: Anyway, we read a lot today, as usual. I’ll shred these memories! [paper shredding noises] That concludes Tell me, Aiba-chan! (*note: Aww, Aiba-chan makes a mistake with segment names~)
Ootsuka-kun: Even that full-breasted model is listening in on this show.
A: For real?! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Oshiete Aiba-chan! (*Tell us, Aiba-chan!) Here, I’ll answer questions you’ve sent in via postcards! We’ve received plenty this week as well, so let’s get to them! First one is from radio pen name Aya dot com-san from Mie: “The other day, I was dazed, not thinking of anything, and was using a hair straightening iron. I ended up clamping my left earlobe. I was so shocked and it was so scalding hot that I couldn’t say anything. Aiba-chan, have you ever had a time when you were so shocked words failed you?” Have I ever been so shocked… she means to be at a complete loss for words, right? If I’m surprised, I actually say more.
C: Oh? Then-
A: When I go to a haunted house, I go crazy, and I don’t know… if someone says, ‘boo!’ I scream right back.
C: Well, if you were placed in this same situation and clamped your ear with a hair straightening iron, you’d probably go, “Damn it, that’s hot!”
A: I’d scream!
C: You’d scream even if you were alone, then?
A: Yeah, “Hot, hot! Get me some ice!” All alone.
C: [laugh]
A: “Where’s the ice?”
C: [laugh]
A: I’d probably say that. Yeah! Who doesn’t voice his… Riida’s like that.
C: Oh!
A: Our Riida says that he’s afraid of haunted houses, but he’s unable to scream at all.
C: Ah…
A: He’s more of the type to become silent, to keep it all in… probably. Let’s keep going. This is from radio pen name Shiori-chan from Saitama: “Aiba-chan, KonAiba.” KonAiba! (*note: “konbanwa”, or ‘good evening’ + Aiba) “There are many people who say that the toilets in their homes have a calming effect. Why is that? Do you feel more at ease in your own toilet?” Hm… there are people like that.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: People who love toilets.
C: Your own toilet… is nice.
A: You like it?
C: Well, in comparison to a public restroom, it’s easier to use.
A: Hm… I don’t think there’s much of a difference for me. Except… whether it’s the Japanese style or the Western one (*note: Japanese style toilets require that you squat down, whereas the Western styles require that you sit down)
C: Mm-hmm.
A: A ‘botton’, for example. (*note: “botton” is a colloquial term to mean old Japanese style toilets, comes from the sound stools make when it falls down a deep hole dug in the ground) That’s about it. If it were Western styles, if we were only going to talk about those, there’s nothing different.
C: But… just like they have the Otohime-sama (*note: this is a device that makes the sound of running water so that the sound of urine becomes muffled; Japanese women, in particular, find it embarrassing if others can hear their “sounds”)…
A: [laugh]
C: You have to think about those around you if you’re using a public restroom.
A: I see.
C: Yeah, like if there was someone using the stall next to you. And if there’s someone next to you for a while, you start getting curious. You know, for “number two”.
A: Like…
C: If they’re right next to you.
A: Like their sighs. “Ungggh” and such. [laugh] Those people, right?
C: [laugh] Exactly, yes.
A: I think I understand a bit.
C: The whole time… you thought they weren’t there but then you hear an ‘ungh’.
A: [laugh]
Staff: You heard them?
C: It’s like, “Oh! There was someone here?!”
A: [laugh] I totally understand! That might be it.
C: “Since when have you been here?!”
A: That might be it! That does make me curious. If you put it that way, your own toilet is nicer.
C: Yeah.
A: My toilet plays music.
C: What?
A: It’s like the Otohime. I recently-
C: Is that part of the toilet itself?
A: That’s correct. I recently changed my toilet. And it plays songs.
C: For what?
A: Für Elise
C: Ah! Für Elise?!
A: Yeah, it plays that song.
C: [laugh] Really?
A: [laugh] Really, really.
C: At what timing?
A: When I lift the lid.
C: [sings Für Elise]
A: Yeah, it’s probably when I sit down, I activate some sensor.
C: And it plays Für Elise?
A: That’s what it plays. Furthermore, though I haven’t fidgeted with the settings, near the speakers, there’s a “play” button and a “fast forward” button.
C: Yeah?
A: I’m thinking the songs change.
C: Ah… will a whole album data fit in there?
A: Mm, I don’t know.
C: [laugh]
A: I think there are all sorts of songs in there, if such buttons exist.
C: Yeah.
A: [laugh] I’ll check. Moving on. This is from radio pen name Yuuki-kun from Hyogo. Oh, it’s Yuuki-san, I apologize. “My husband is blood type B, but when he puts bills into his wallet, he has to make sure that they are facing upright. I’m blood type A, but that doesn’t bother me at all. What about you, Aiba-kun? And just for reference, what kind of wallet do you have?” (*note: in Japan, blood type B people are said to not care much about details, whereas blood type A people are meticulous about them) Chika-san, are they facing the same way?
C: Let’s see… ah, no, they’re not. There are ones facing backwards, upside down…
A: Does your wallet folds in the middle?
C: Yes, it does.
A: It looks like you’ve had it for a while.
C: What was once brown is now black.
A: Are you serious?!
C: Yes.
A: It’s the color of a century egg.
C: Yeah.
Staff: [laugh]
A: Right?! It’s like a century egg.
C: That’s the idea. Well-
A: They say the more you use it, the better it is, but don’t others say that wallets should be changed every three years or so?
C: They do, they tell me to get another one.
A: Right?
C: Yeah.
A: How long have you had that one?
C: But this… about four years.
A: Oh, only four years?!
C: Four or five years, yes.
A: Really… mine is that kind.
C: Right.
A: It folds in half, and it’s about time I got another one. I’ve had this one for 2-3 years. It’s a brown wallet.
C: Oh, yeah? And?! What about your bills?
A: My bills?
C: Yes.
A: I don’t really care about… no,
I do.
C: Yeah?
A: I do, I do. Do you see all these receipts?
C: Yes.
A: And I clean them out once a month.
C: Okay.
A: That’s when I organize my whole wallet, but otherwise, I don’t. So there’s a 50/50 chance.
C: I don’t care about which way they’re facing, but I always keep them like 10,000 yen bill, 10,000 yen bill, 10,000 yen bill, 5,000 yen bill.
A: Aaah! I see.
C: Do you do that?
A: I also… don’t do that. Um…
C: Oh, you don’t?! So it’s like 10,000 yen bill, 1,000 yen bill, 5,000 yen bill, 10,000 yen bill?
A: And 2,000 yen bills. (*note: equivalent of a $2 bill, not often used)
C: 2,000 yen bills?!
A: Yes.
C: I had forgotten about those.
A: You did, didn’t you?
C: Yes.
A: Okay, next one. This is from radio pen name Kokuritsu itta yo~-san from Chiba (I attended the Kokuritsu concert). Thank you very much. “Aiba-chan, KonAiba.” KonAiba! “My younger brother is in sixth grade and he’s undergoing voice change, becoming an adult. That’s fine, but I’m afraid of him becoming perverted as time passes. I wonder if he’s been looking at porn magazines. Aiba-chan and Chika-san, when did you two become perverted? Also, how should I look after him as an older sister?” What do you think, Chika-san?
C: Hm…
A: This question is for you.
C: Is it? I also have a son in sixth grade.
A: Yeah, yeah, yeah! So this is on the dot for you.
C: Yes.
A: Do you think your sixth grader son is looking through porn magazines?
C: No, I don’t think he is.
A: You’re the only one who wishes that were the case.
C: No, no, no. I want him to read them.
A: [laugh]
C: Contrarily.
A: [laugh] You want him to read them?
C: Yes.
A: Why’s that?
C: Well, because that’s normal.
A: Yeah, but sixth grade is too early.
C: Sixth graders are too young.
A: They are. However, mature children may find some [laugh] and read ‘em.
C: Well, sometimes, I try saying some dirty things to see how he’d react. He gives me a face like I’m bothering him. It’s an important subject! Your lower body parts!
A: Whoa, like a teacher!
C: Yes. That’s why-
A: You know lots.
C: I don’t want him to loathe or avoid these kinds of conversations. That’s why I’ve started up this “liberation of dirty thinking” movement.
A: “Liberation of dirty thinking movement”?
C: [laugh] Yes.
A: Then this Kokuritsu itta yo~-san should also, as an older sister, support her sixth grader son… oh, not son, her younger brother in sixth grade?
C: That’s right. If you teach them that eroticism is wrong, they’ll head in the opposite direction and become secretive about it.
A: Mm…
C: So, to check if they’re normal, these kinds of conversations should be out in the open. If it’s for all to hear, you can gauge whether they’re normal or not.
A: This is deep, but-
C: If we keep it hidden, we won’t be able to tell.
A: This is deep, but… saying such things on the radio in a serious tone…
C: I’m sorry!
A: Right? But you might be right.
C: Yeah.
A: I don’t know, but in moderation!
C: Yes.
A: Everything in moderation! That’s what I think, anyway. So! What a mediocre way of concluding things. That was Tell me, Aiba-chan! Please take a listen now to Arashi’s “Boku ga Boku no Subete”
[Arashi - “Boku ga Boku no Subete”]
A: Send your postcards to Bunka Housou Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix!. Zip code 105-8002. E-mail address: Arashi@joqr.net. Please put the name of the segment in the subject. You can also send us a message through the Bunka Housou website on your cell phone. We’re just about out of time! Um, as I said at the beginning of this show, I will be starring in My Girl, starting October 9th on TV Asahi. Please do tune in starting next week.
C: Right.
A: Our Best album, All the BEST! 1999-2009, is on sale now. Also, Arashi is touring the five major stadiums, and we’re down to the last three: Sapporo, Tokyo, and Nagoya. We’re going to give our best for those remaining places, so if you’re attending, please look forward to it! This was Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s-
C: Ah! May I say one thing?
A: What is it?! [laugh]
C: [laugh] May I?
A: What is-
C: The theme song for My Girl…
A: … OH! Chika-san.
C: What’s the news on that?
A: That… well, shall we announce it?
C: Please inform me.
A: Arashi will sing it.
C: What?!
A: The title...
C: Yes?
A: Is Arashi’s “My Girl”.
C: Ooh, the exact, same title!
A: [laugh] Exactly the same. Arashi will be singing the My Girl theme song, “My Girl”.
C: That’s just as exciting.
A: Please look forward to it. We’ll be able to play it on the radio soon. Keep on the lookout for that! This was Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Your radio partner has been Aiba Masaki from Arashi. See you next week, bye-bye!