Aiba-chan's Recomen! Arashi Remix 07.31.2009 [TRANSLATIONS]
If Aiba-chan and Chika-san want to hear about stark-naked women, all they have to do is ask. This particular Recomen proves this point. XD Oh! And I'm taking a poll/survey so it would be great if you could cast your vote. :) Your input helps me as a translator, so I'd appreciate your two cents~ Thank you!!
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Highlights from this Recomen!:
# These two men really have a fascination with imagining what their female counterpart would do in the same situations.
# More naked stories? You bet!
# I think Aiba-chan has always been dirty-minded. <3
# I wish I had Aiba-chan's ability with dreams! *o*
This particular Recomen can be found HERE @ MF. audio credits: ysy2021 :) Thank you~
A=Aiba-chan
C=Chika-san
A: Would you like to eat dinner first? Take a bath? Or… Arashi! Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening, I’m Aiba Masaki from Arashi. Chika-san!
C: Good evening!
A: Good evening. Would you believe…
C: Yes?
A: I overheard this, but since our last show, ABC in Osaka (*radio station in Osaka) has started airing this show.
C: Long time, no see!
A: Long time, no see! [laugh] We look forward to working with you! [laugh]
C: We do!
A: I hope they won’t reconsider their decision.
C: Yes. Go on about your bit on Osaka.
A: No, no, I don’t have much else to say.
C: [laugh]
A: We’ll talk about Osaka as we progress.
C: It’s only just begun.
A: That’s right. So, Chika-san?
C: Yes?
A: Our usual opening. Let’s do this.
C: Let’s. Is there one from Osaka? Yes, there is one that arrived from Osaka.
A: They didn’t arrive here! [laugh] There’s no one else in this studio.
C: We’ve received an e-mail from Osaka.
A: Oh, an e-mail. Thank you very much.
C: From radio pen name AiAi-san.
A: AiAi-san?
C: Yes.
A: Good evening!
C: Here’s the personality quiz, ready?
A: Yes.
C: “Aiba-kun, you went into a hot spring.”
A: Okay.
C: “However, you mistakenly entered the women’s hot spring instead!”
A: Oh!
C: “There, you find a naked woman.”
A: Ooh!
C: “What did you say to her?”
A: What? What would I say?! This is hard. I went in…
C: Well, say something!
A: I would say something, wouldn’t I?
C: Yes.
A: What would I say? “It was an accident!”
C: “An accident”?
A: “This is an accident!”
C: “This is an accident!” Ah, that’s a good one.
A: It is?
C: Yes.
A: Why? How come? What can we tell from this?
C: Well… what we can tell from this personality quiz is “the excuse you’d use when someone calls you out for lying”.
A: [laugh]
C: [laugh]
A: Look… these aren’t personality quizzes…
C: [laugh] But don’t you think it’s right?
A: The personality quizzes lately are odd.
C: No, no. This one’s from Osaka.
A: Really? Thank you, we appreciate that, but this means that when someone finds out that I’ve lied, I’d say, “That was an accident”?
C: Correct.
A: Then I’ll test its validity and report back to you.
C: Okay. [laugh]
A: If that is the case.
C: Okay.
A: Then let’s kick off this week. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening once again. This is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. This show is brought to you from Bunkahousou in Hamamatsu city and broadcasted nationwide. We’d like you all to listen to our first number now, but on August 19th, Arashi’s Best album, All the Best, will go on sale. Here’s one from that CD: Arashi’s “Aozora Pedal”.
[Arashi - “Aozora Pedal”]
A: Here’s a newsflash for your ears: checkmate! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Memory Shredder! During this segment, I’ll read some of your embarrassing stories or moments you’d like to forget, and place them through a paper shredder so you can rest at ease. We’ve received lots of embarrassing stories this week as well. First up is by radio pen name Masaki.com-san: “Please put my embarrassing incident through the paper shredder. When I had just gotten married, I had gone shopping with my husband and his parents. We all got in an elevator but it was crowded and I didn’t want to separate from my husband, so I held his hand. One by one, the other customers got off the elevator. I looked up at my husband and said, ‘It’s finally clearing out.’ But it turns out that the person next to me was my husband’s father.”
C: [laugh]
A: [laugh] “I thought, ‘No way’ and looked at the hand I was holding, only to find that it belonged to his father. I was at a loss for words and smiled nervously.” [laugh] “What was I to do with the awkwardness? I want to forget the blank look on his father’s face.” What do you have to say about this? [laugh] This…
C: I like her husband’s father’s blank look, too. [laugh]
A: I’m in shock!
A/C: Hm…
A: It could happen if you think about it.
C: Right.
A: It was crowded and if she’s shopping with her husband, his father, among others. She held his hand… [laugh] Okay, wait a minute. What I find strange is how she didn’t notice when she held his hand!
C: Mm-hmm.
A: Aren’t all hands different? Oh, but...
C: That’s true.
A: Are their hands similar because they’re father and son? The shape of their hands?
C: But as the father, he probably thought that it was inappropriate to shake her hand off.
A: If you were in the father’s shoes, you couldn’t.
C: Yeah.
A: Yeah, because-
C: You’d feel sorry for her.
A: Yeah, it’s your son’s wife.
C: Right.
A: And she holds your hand. You’d think, “Oh…”, right?
C: Yeah.
A: There’s nothing to say about awkwardness like this.
C: [laugh]
A: [laugh] She even says, “It’s finally clearing out” to you.
C: I wonder if his mother was glaring at her, I don’t know.
A: [laugh] Like a wife should? [laugh] The mom’s looking at her.
C: “What! You daughter-in-law…” [laugh]
A: That could lead to in-law issues. It could happen. I hope she’ll be careful. [laugh] Let’s put this through the paper shredder. Here’s the next one. What should I do? These are all along the same vein. I’ll go with this one.
C: Okay.
A: This one’s from radio pen name Ikutsu ni natte mo Aiba-kun heart-san (*No matter how old I get, I still heart Aiba-kun). Thank you. “In middle school, I played basketball. During a game, I bumped into someone from the opposing team and fell on my butt with force. Both standing and sitting were painful, so my mom took me to an orthopedics office to get an x-ray. The young man working in the x-ray room told me, ‘Please take off your clothes and situate yourself here,’ and I was led into the changing room. I took off my pants and, without thinking, I also removed my underwear. Thinking I was ready, I showed up in front of the young man and defiantly said, ‘Please take care of me.’ The man was really surprised and said, ‘Uhhhm… you can keep your underwear on.’ Realizing the situation, I was so mortified that I almost cried as I put my underwear back on and had the x-ray taken. It was so embarrassing that twenty years later, I still feel like crying when I remember the incident.” I can understand this one, too.
C: This kind of thing happens?
A: They tell you to take off your clothes.
C: Yeah.
A: Okay? And the doctor is telling you this. They say, “Alright, let’s have you remove your clothes and come this way.” How are we supposed to know how much we need to take off?
C: I see.
A: And she was in middle school.
C: Right. Well, for example, when we get an x-ray of our chest area, all we’d need to remove is a shirt.
A: Right.
C: But for women, if there are any wires…
A: Mm-hmm.
C: If there are any wires-
A: In their bra, for example.
C: Do they have to take that off?
A: The bra-type thing?
C: Yeah.
A: I don’t know. There isn’t a woman here tonight. We don’t know the answer; we’re bound to find ourselves in a maze. But!
C: But?
A: If you think about it, they take a stethoscope to listen… to your lungs? I think… to listen to something.
C: Right.
A: So for those…
C: Or to hear breathing.
A: If the bra-type thing is in the way, the doctor won’t be able to hear anything.
C: No, I’m sure they can. That’s not true.
A: They can hear through it?
C: That’s not right.
A: Are you sure they can hear?
C: Wait, what? Because it’s tight?
A: No, no… you know that towel-like material… what? Why are we having a serious conversation about this? [laugh]
C: [laugh]
A: Should we talk about this seriously on radio?!
C: [laugh]
A: I… I can’t anymore. I can’t talk about this seriously.
C: [laugh]
A: No more. I’m moving on! [laugh] I’m going to the next one. How dangerous; I was about to be tricked by Chika-san into talking about stuff like that. How about this one? Here I go. This one’s from radio pen name Kasutera-zarame daisuki-san from Nagasaki: “KonAiba.” KonAiba! “Please listen to my bittersweet story. During elementary school, I was lucky enough to be able to sit next to the boy I liked. Everyday was a happy day until this incident. Before handing back our tests, the teacher said, ‘There were two people who made horrible mistakes.’ I thought, ‘That couldn’t be me.’ But when I got my test back, I had written ‘Devil’ instead of ‘Xavier’ (*Francis Xavier).”
C: [laugh]
A: “And the boy who cheated off my test also got the answer wrong.” I see. She wrote ‘Devil’ instead of ‘Xavier’. And the boy she liked who cheated off her test also got it wrong.
C: She never would have thought that her answers would be stolen instead of her heart! (*In Japanese, the word for answer is ‘kotae’ and the word for heart is ‘kokoro’; Chika-san used the alliteration to be suave)
A: Whoa!
C: [laugh]
A: Man, it’s getting chilly in here! That was awful!
C: [laugh]
A: I guess I’ll just keep going. Next is by radio pen name Shiho-chan from Saitama: “In your previous shows, you got a kick out of the stark naked father and son stories. You were wondering if there were any women who did the same. Our family is most definitely a naked, female family. I grew up in an eight-person family and the only men were my grandpa and dad. My grandpa was a stylish man and wore appropriate clothes even after bathing. My dad is a sushi chef so he always arrived home late; he didn’t come back during the times we bathed. The remaining six women walked panties-only after bathing. My grandma was a strict woman but she was the ‘panties-only leader’ so we were allowed to be untidy after taking a bath. I’m married now and my younger sister and I do not live at home anymore, but both of us are carrying the ‘panties-only’ tradition along to our families so we get into the whole thing. The women in our family are also the ‘leave the door open while we use the restroom’ type as well. So we have conversations with family members using the toilet. For your reference, aside from my grandma, the other women wear clothes during the day, but on hot days, my grandma spends her days with her boobs hanging out. We’re a strange family, but to me, my home is a comfortable place to visit.” So there are women!
C: There are!
A: See, this wasn’t just [laugh] boys and dads. To walk around naked inside their homes. Walking around panties-only after bathing is understandable, but I don’t know how I feel about the ‘leave the door open while using the bathroom’ families.
C: Ah… I’ve heard of those, well, more like I’ve seen those.
A: Your household is like that?
C: No, this-
A: Your wife?
C: No, no.
A: Is your wife always naked?
C: Well, no.
A: [laugh]
C: But…
A: She wears clothes?
C: It’s not like that, but…
A: Okay.
C: A long while ago, when I was a student, I lived in an apartment with the landlord. The front door is the same as the landlord’s.
A: Right, right.
C: Yeah. I’d enter, and my room was on the second floor.
A: Okay, okay.
C: But the moment you enter the apartment, there was a bathroom to the left, and I’d spot the landlord, the old man-
A: He was always there?
C: He’d be sitting down on the toilet, and our eyes would meet. The moment I enter, our eyes meet.
A: Ah…
C: There were other students who lived in the other rooms, so I told one of them about it. But he told me, “The landlord? That’s nothing. His daughter also uses the bathroom with the door open.”
A: Really?!
C: And she was about thirty... a young daughter.
A: That’s-
C: So they were one of the ‘leave the door open’ families.
A: What?! I can’t believe there’s such a thing!
C: Yes.
A: Wow… what a strange concept.
C: We did ask if there were any naked women.
A: Right, but I didn’t think where would be.
C: Yeah.
A: I’m all excited now! Can I read the last one?
C: Yup.
A: Which one should I read? How about this one? Are we okay here?
C: Yes.
A: Chika-san’s having a ball so I’m going to with this one. This one’s from radio pen name Kotteri ramen yori assari ramen-san from Niigata (*I like light-flavored ramen over thick-flavored ramen): “My younger brother in second grade asked my mom, ‘Can you have sex if you’re a college student?’ all of a sudden while we were in the car. My mom asked why, to which he responded, ‘Big sis was watching a drama like that.’ I hadn’t watch such thing but after such a statement, we all fell silent.” Kids ask these questions. Chika-san, you have children.
C: Yes.
A: Do you get asked such questions?
C: Well…
A: It may not be as straightforward.
C: Right.
A: How old are your kids, Chika-san?
C: Uh, the younger one’s in third grade.
A: Do they talk to you about who they like? “Dad, I like this girl,” and bring you a picture of her? Do they do that?
C: Pictures, no… but from pre-school to the first half of elementary school, they’ll tell me who they like. But starting the second half of elementary school, they stop telling me.
A: Oh, so they stop telling you once they reach the second half of elementary school?
C: Yes.
A: Wow… so your older child won’t say anything to you.
C: No.
A: So if you two were watching TV and some boobs show up on screen, it becomes awkward for your child?
C: Hm… I suppose. It’s the age. From the second half of elementary school and into middle school, I bet it becomes awkward for the kid.
A: So if your younger child asked you, ‘Can you have sex if you’re a college student?’, what would you answer?
C: “Why not?”
A: [laugh] “Why not”?! [laugh] Like, “I don’t know”?
C: But my family is all male.
A: Ah, so it’s the same as my family.
C: Right? Men would just say, ‘Why not?’, but everything depends on the other person.
A: [laugh]
C: Who knows what the girl’s parents would say.
A: That’s true.
C: Right.
A: Yeah, my family’s has my brother and me, two boys, so we always had talks like that when we were young.
C: Yeah.
A: I see, I see. Tonight’s was a fun batch. We have so many good ones left, so Nabe-chan (*JE employee).
Nabe-chan: Yes?
A: I’m going to read them another time so keep them for me, okay?
Nabe-chan: Okay!
A: Right, anyway. I’m going to shred these memories! Please send in your embarrassing stories or a past you’d like to forget. Our e-mail address is Arashi@joqr.net! That was Memory Shredder!
A: After the kids have gone to bed, tune in quietly! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Oshiete Aiba-chan! (*Tell me, Aiba-chan!) Here, I’ll answer questions that you’ve sent in! Here I go! This is the first one. This is from radio pen name Pako-chan from Osaka: “Is it true that the mosquito gets stuck if you flex your muscles while it’s sucking your blood?” Is it?!
C: I heard about that when I was a kid, but I’ve yet to test the theory.
A: But let’s imagine this. This is the first time I’ve heard this. What I’m visualizing is you have to stare at the mosquito while it’s sucking your blood, right? And while you watch, you flex your muscles?
C: Yeah.
A: Could you stand that? I’d want to slap it dead.
C: Yeah, knowing that your blood is being sucked, you just watch helplessly.
A: Exactly! Helplessly.
C: Right, that’s true.
A: That’s hard to do. If I remember this theory while a mosquito is sucking my blood, I don’t mind trying it out.
C: Yeah. But you know, even if this were true, it would probably only work on muscular people, or someone who can flex a lot.
A: Ah.
C: Probably. If you had flabby skin…
A: Ah!
C: Even if you did flex…
A: But is that relevant?
C: Wouldn’t the mosquito be able to let go?
A: But it still sucks blood, even if you are flabby.
C: Right.
A: So if you flex, your muscles will get stiff inside.
C: Inside?
A: They do, right?
C: Yeah…
A: Then maybe it wouldn’t work on me! They pierce the outer layers of your skin…
C: [laugh]
A: Wait, feel that.
C: Okay.
A: Feel my hand. Hmgh!
C: Oh! It’s stiff!
A: Would that work?
C: That area, yes. Your forearm area.
A: That’s such a small area!
C: [laugh]
A: You’re telling me the mosquito has to land just right here in order for me to test this, right?
C: Yeah, yeah.
A: So you’re saying that if they landed here, it wouldn’t work.
C: Oh, yeah… the back of your arm-
A: Yeah, the back side of my forearm.
C: It’s softer, but your arms are fine. What if it’s like…
A: [laugh]
C: Your cheeks?
A: Or your neck!
C: Your neck, yeah.
A: It’ll be like, “How do I flex my neck?”
C: But the neck is still doable. Then where?
A: But this… [laugh]
C: [laugh]
A: Okay, so let’s say you remembered that much.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: Even if you had that thought in the corner of your mind, you’ll slap it first then regret it, like, “Aw, I forgot to flex my muscles.”
C: True. Or if you had flexed and the mosquito just flew away anyway.
A: Yeah. Well, let’s try it anyway.
C: Now you’ve just let the mosquito suck blood from you.
A: I’ll test this theory and report back to you. Here’s the next one. This is from radio pen name Sakura-san from Hiroshima. Oh, it says “Sakura, you don’t need the -san at the end”.
C: [laugh]
A: That’s what it says!
C: How polite of them.
A: “Radio pen name Sakura, you don’t need the -san at the end”-san.
C: [laugh]
A: “Aiba-san, Chika-chan, good evening.” Oh, I didn’t mean Chika-chan, I meant Chika-san! [laugh]
C: [laugh]
A: “Good evening.”
C: It’s okay, Chika-chan works, too.
A: “It’s definitely summer now! In Hiroshima where I live, the elementary, middle, and high schools, along with universities, all fold paper cranes in July. My teacher asked, ‘I wonder if people living in other prefectures know how to fold them.’ So I have a question for you. Aiba-chan, can you fold paper cranes?” Ah… I can fold them. Chika-san, you can too, right?
C: Yes.
A: I think the older the person, the more likely that they have made paper cranes. When I was little, like pre-school little, we had origami time as a class. I made paper cranes then.
C: I don’t know when we learn how, but we do.
A: Paper cranes?
C: Yeah.
A: It seems you’re trying to fold one right now with the radio scripts.
C: No, no, no.
A: You shouldn’t be folding the scripts like that!
C: [laugh] Then…
A: The next…
C: Then can I have some origami?
A: The next song title is written on there!
C: [laugh] Oh, don’t worry. It’s the pages we’ve already done, see?
A: That’s not the point!
C: “Aozora Pedal”. [laugh]
A: [laugh] That was the first number.
C: Right.
A: Right. Yeah, so I can fold them. I’m actually quite good at it. Okay, so here’s the last one. This is from radio pen name Kokuritsu made yaku ikkagetsu-san from Chiba (*About a month until Kokuritsu). Uh… “The other day, Jun-kun mentioned on his radio show that years before, if he tried to see an erotic dream before he went to sleep, he could. Aiba-chan, did you have similar abilities before? And since perversion is Chika-san’s forte, please ask him as well.” Chika-san, what about it?
C: Ah, so someone has asked.
A: If you tried to see an erotic dream, could you? That’s the question.
C: I don’t have the ability to see certain dreams, unfortunately.
A: Really?
C: Yeah.
A: I… can see the rest of a dream.
C: Amazing!
A: If I fall back asleep.
C: Fall back asleep?
A: If I wake up once and think, “Wow, this is great, I wonder what’s going to happen next!”
C: [laugh]
A: It’ll be like, “to be continued”, and when I fall back asleep again, I can see the rest.
C: How awesome!
A: In dreams, there’s some storyline and most people don’t realize that it’s a dream.
C: Yeah.
A: But I realize that it is a dream in the middle of it.
C: Hm…
A: I think, “Oh, this is a dream.”
C: Right.
A: “I’m actually sleeping. This wouldn’t ever happen in actuality.” I’d think that, and purposefully… you know… I’d throw a hard punch at the wall. I’ve done that several times.
C: To try to wake up?
A: Well, no… I just know that it’s a dream, so I think, “Anything goes.”
C: Right. Oh, I see, I see.
A: So I’ll punch the wall really hard, but it doesn’t hurt.
C: Oh, oh, oh, in the dream?
A: Right.
C: Ah, right.
A: I wonder why. Is it beyond my imagination? Am I making up the storyline?
C: Ah…
A: The continuation of my dream… I’m not sleeping…
C: There is a feeling though, that when you’re dreaming, you know that it’s just a dream.
A: Aren’t there times you think, “This is a dream!”
C: Hm…
A: You’re just going about the dream until that moment when something impossible happens.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: In the dream. From there, you start speculating, like, “This isn’t right…”
C: I think so.
A: Right?
C: Even if that were the case…
A: Even if it were?
C: Jun-kun could hope to see such dreams and was able to see them!
A: So it might just be an extension of his imagination. Same as me. I’m not sure, but I’ll ask him when I see him. So we’ve gone and answered these questions, but it’s time for a song. Here’s another from the All the Best album. Here’s Arashi’s “Kaze no Mukou e”.
[Arashi - “Kaze no Mukou e”]
A: Send your postcards to Bunka Housou Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix!. Zip code 105-8002. E-mail address: Arashi@joqr.net. Please put the name of the segment in the subject. You can also send us a message through the Bunka Housou website on your cell phone. So we need to wrap up for tonight, but what you’ve been hearing throughout this show is our first Best album. “All the Best! 1999-2009”. That will go on sale August 19th. It starts with our debut single, “A.RA.SHI”, and includes twenty-six of our singles released in these past ten years. We members have also included a new song that tells of the love we have towards our fans, so in total, there are thirty-one songs. In addition, we have a concert at Kokuritsu, from August 28th to the 30th, a total of three nights. Also, we’ll be touring Fukuoka, Osaka, Sapporo, Tokyo, and Nagoya for a total of fifteen performances. If you’re so inclined, we’d love to see you there. Right, Chika-san?
C: Let’s go!
A: Are you coming to see our show, Chika-san?
C: Yes, I am.
A: Excuse me?
C: Yes, I am!
A: [laugh] Seriously?
C: Yes.
A: Then make sure you memorize the songs on All the Best.
C: Okay. I’ll be there at Kokuritsu!
A: Please! This was Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Your radio partner was Aiba Masaki from Arashi. See you next week, bye-bye!
Kind reminders:
+ My translations should NOT be used elsewhere without my consent. If you want to use my translations for something, please PM me and tell me how you intend to use them. Please respect this rule: 30-minute radio shows do take time to translate.
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Highlights from this Recomen!:
# These two men really have a fascination with imagining what their female counterpart would do in the same situations.
# More naked stories? You bet!
# I think Aiba-chan has always been dirty-minded. <3
# I wish I had Aiba-chan's ability with dreams! *o*
This particular Recomen can be found HERE @ MF. audio credits: ysy2021 :) Thank you~
A=Aiba-chan
C=Chika-san
A: Would you like to eat dinner first? Take a bath? Or… Arashi! Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening, I’m Aiba Masaki from Arashi. Chika-san!
C: Good evening!
A: Good evening. Would you believe…
C: Yes?
A: I overheard this, but since our last show, ABC in Osaka (*radio station in Osaka) has started airing this show.
C: Long time, no see!
A: Long time, no see! [laugh] We look forward to working with you! [laugh]
C: We do!
A: I hope they won’t reconsider their decision.
C: Yes. Go on about your bit on Osaka.
A: No, no, I don’t have much else to say.
C: [laugh]
A: We’ll talk about Osaka as we progress.
C: It’s only just begun.
A: That’s right. So, Chika-san?
C: Yes?
A: Our usual opening. Let’s do this.
C: Let’s. Is there one from Osaka? Yes, there is one that arrived from Osaka.
A: They didn’t arrive here! [laugh] There’s no one else in this studio.
C: We’ve received an e-mail from Osaka.
A: Oh, an e-mail. Thank you very much.
C: From radio pen name AiAi-san.
A: AiAi-san?
C: Yes.
A: Good evening!
C: Here’s the personality quiz, ready?
A: Yes.
C: “Aiba-kun, you went into a hot spring.”
A: Okay.
C: “However, you mistakenly entered the women’s hot spring instead!”
A: Oh!
C: “There, you find a naked woman.”
A: Ooh!
C: “What did you say to her?”
A: What? What would I say?! This is hard. I went in…
C: Well, say something!
A: I would say something, wouldn’t I?
C: Yes.
A: What would I say? “It was an accident!”
C: “An accident”?
A: “This is an accident!”
C: “This is an accident!” Ah, that’s a good one.
A: It is?
C: Yes.
A: Why? How come? What can we tell from this?
C: Well… what we can tell from this personality quiz is “the excuse you’d use when someone calls you out for lying”.
A: [laugh]
C: [laugh]
A: Look… these aren’t personality quizzes…
C: [laugh] But don’t you think it’s right?
A: The personality quizzes lately are odd.
C: No, no. This one’s from Osaka.
A: Really? Thank you, we appreciate that, but this means that when someone finds out that I’ve lied, I’d say, “That was an accident”?
C: Correct.
A: Then I’ll test its validity and report back to you.
C: Okay. [laugh]
A: If that is the case.
C: Okay.
A: Then let’s kick off this week. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening once again. This is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. This show is brought to you from Bunkahousou in Hamamatsu city and broadcasted nationwide. We’d like you all to listen to our first number now, but on August 19th, Arashi’s Best album, All the Best, will go on sale. Here’s one from that CD: Arashi’s “Aozora Pedal”.
[Arashi - “Aozora Pedal”]
A: Here’s a newsflash for your ears: checkmate! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Memory Shredder! During this segment, I’ll read some of your embarrassing stories or moments you’d like to forget, and place them through a paper shredder so you can rest at ease. We’ve received lots of embarrassing stories this week as well. First up is by radio pen name Masaki.com-san: “Please put my embarrassing incident through the paper shredder. When I had just gotten married, I had gone shopping with my husband and his parents. We all got in an elevator but it was crowded and I didn’t want to separate from my husband, so I held his hand. One by one, the other customers got off the elevator. I looked up at my husband and said, ‘It’s finally clearing out.’ But it turns out that the person next to me was my husband’s father.”
C: [laugh]
A: [laugh] “I thought, ‘No way’ and looked at the hand I was holding, only to find that it belonged to his father. I was at a loss for words and smiled nervously.” [laugh] “What was I to do with the awkwardness? I want to forget the blank look on his father’s face.” What do you have to say about this? [laugh] This…
C: I like her husband’s father’s blank look, too. [laugh]
A: I’m in shock!
A/C: Hm…
A: It could happen if you think about it.
C: Right.
A: It was crowded and if she’s shopping with her husband, his father, among others. She held his hand… [laugh] Okay, wait a minute. What I find strange is how she didn’t notice when she held his hand!
C: Mm-hmm.
A: Aren’t all hands different? Oh, but...
C: That’s true.
A: Are their hands similar because they’re father and son? The shape of their hands?
C: But as the father, he probably thought that it was inappropriate to shake her hand off.
A: If you were in the father’s shoes, you couldn’t.
C: Yeah.
A: Yeah, because-
C: You’d feel sorry for her.
A: Yeah, it’s your son’s wife.
C: Right.
A: And she holds your hand. You’d think, “Oh…”, right?
C: Yeah.
A: There’s nothing to say about awkwardness like this.
C: [laugh]
A: [laugh] She even says, “It’s finally clearing out” to you.
C: I wonder if his mother was glaring at her, I don’t know.
A: [laugh] Like a wife should? [laugh] The mom’s looking at her.
C: “What! You daughter-in-law…” [laugh]
A: That could lead to in-law issues. It could happen. I hope she’ll be careful. [laugh] Let’s put this through the paper shredder. Here’s the next one. What should I do? These are all along the same vein. I’ll go with this one.
C: Okay.
A: This one’s from radio pen name Ikutsu ni natte mo Aiba-kun heart-san (*No matter how old I get, I still heart Aiba-kun). Thank you. “In middle school, I played basketball. During a game, I bumped into someone from the opposing team and fell on my butt with force. Both standing and sitting were painful, so my mom took me to an orthopedics office to get an x-ray. The young man working in the x-ray room told me, ‘Please take off your clothes and situate yourself here,’ and I was led into the changing room. I took off my pants and, without thinking, I also removed my underwear. Thinking I was ready, I showed up in front of the young man and defiantly said, ‘Please take care of me.’ The man was really surprised and said, ‘Uhhhm… you can keep your underwear on.’ Realizing the situation, I was so mortified that I almost cried as I put my underwear back on and had the x-ray taken. It was so embarrassing that twenty years later, I still feel like crying when I remember the incident.” I can understand this one, too.
C: This kind of thing happens?
A: They tell you to take off your clothes.
C: Yeah.
A: Okay? And the doctor is telling you this. They say, “Alright, let’s have you remove your clothes and come this way.” How are we supposed to know how much we need to take off?
C: I see.
A: And she was in middle school.
C: Right. Well, for example, when we get an x-ray of our chest area, all we’d need to remove is a shirt.
A: Right.
C: But for women, if there are any wires…
A: Mm-hmm.
C: If there are any wires-
A: In their bra, for example.
C: Do they have to take that off?
A: The bra-type thing?
C: Yeah.
A: I don’t know. There isn’t a woman here tonight. We don’t know the answer; we’re bound to find ourselves in a maze. But!
C: But?
A: If you think about it, they take a stethoscope to listen… to your lungs? I think… to listen to something.
C: Right.
A: So for those…
C: Or to hear breathing.
A: If the bra-type thing is in the way, the doctor won’t be able to hear anything.
C: No, I’m sure they can. That’s not true.
A: They can hear through it?
C: That’s not right.
A: Are you sure they can hear?
C: Wait, what? Because it’s tight?
A: No, no… you know that towel-like material… what? Why are we having a serious conversation about this? [laugh]
C: [laugh]
A: Should we talk about this seriously on radio?!
C: [laugh]
A: I… I can’t anymore. I can’t talk about this seriously.
C: [laugh]
A: No more. I’m moving on! [laugh] I’m going to the next one. How dangerous; I was about to be tricked by Chika-san into talking about stuff like that. How about this one? Here I go. This one’s from radio pen name Kasutera-zarame daisuki-san from Nagasaki: “KonAiba.” KonAiba! “Please listen to my bittersweet story. During elementary school, I was lucky enough to be able to sit next to the boy I liked. Everyday was a happy day until this incident. Before handing back our tests, the teacher said, ‘There were two people who made horrible mistakes.’ I thought, ‘That couldn’t be me.’ But when I got my test back, I had written ‘Devil’ instead of ‘Xavier’ (*Francis Xavier).”
C: [laugh]
A: “And the boy who cheated off my test also got the answer wrong.” I see. She wrote ‘Devil’ instead of ‘Xavier’. And the boy she liked who cheated off her test also got it wrong.
C: She never would have thought that her answers would be stolen instead of her heart! (*In Japanese, the word for answer is ‘kotae’ and the word for heart is ‘kokoro’; Chika-san used the alliteration to be suave)
A: Whoa!
C: [laugh]
A: Man, it’s getting chilly in here! That was awful!
C: [laugh]
A: I guess I’ll just keep going. Next is by radio pen name Shiho-chan from Saitama: “In your previous shows, you got a kick out of the stark naked father and son stories. You were wondering if there were any women who did the same. Our family is most definitely a naked, female family. I grew up in an eight-person family and the only men were my grandpa and dad. My grandpa was a stylish man and wore appropriate clothes even after bathing. My dad is a sushi chef so he always arrived home late; he didn’t come back during the times we bathed. The remaining six women walked panties-only after bathing. My grandma was a strict woman but she was the ‘panties-only leader’ so we were allowed to be untidy after taking a bath. I’m married now and my younger sister and I do not live at home anymore, but both of us are carrying the ‘panties-only’ tradition along to our families so we get into the whole thing. The women in our family are also the ‘leave the door open while we use the restroom’ type as well. So we have conversations with family members using the toilet. For your reference, aside from my grandma, the other women wear clothes during the day, but on hot days, my grandma spends her days with her boobs hanging out. We’re a strange family, but to me, my home is a comfortable place to visit.” So there are women!
C: There are!
A: See, this wasn’t just [laugh] boys and dads. To walk around naked inside their homes. Walking around panties-only after bathing is understandable, but I don’t know how I feel about the ‘leave the door open while using the bathroom’ families.
C: Ah… I’ve heard of those, well, more like I’ve seen those.
A: Your household is like that?
C: No, this-
A: Your wife?
C: No, no.
A: Is your wife always naked?
C: Well, no.
A: [laugh]
C: But…
A: She wears clothes?
C: It’s not like that, but…
A: Okay.
C: A long while ago, when I was a student, I lived in an apartment with the landlord. The front door is the same as the landlord’s.
A: Right, right.
C: Yeah. I’d enter, and my room was on the second floor.
A: Okay, okay.
C: But the moment you enter the apartment, there was a bathroom to the left, and I’d spot the landlord, the old man-
A: He was always there?
C: He’d be sitting down on the toilet, and our eyes would meet. The moment I enter, our eyes meet.
A: Ah…
C: There were other students who lived in the other rooms, so I told one of them about it. But he told me, “The landlord? That’s nothing. His daughter also uses the bathroom with the door open.”
A: Really?!
C: And she was about thirty... a young daughter.
A: That’s-
C: So they were one of the ‘leave the door open’ families.
A: What?! I can’t believe there’s such a thing!
C: Yes.
A: Wow… what a strange concept.
C: We did ask if there were any naked women.
A: Right, but I didn’t think where would be.
C: Yeah.
A: I’m all excited now! Can I read the last one?
C: Yup.
A: Which one should I read? How about this one? Are we okay here?
C: Yes.
A: Chika-san’s having a ball so I’m going to with this one. This one’s from radio pen name Kotteri ramen yori assari ramen-san from Niigata (*I like light-flavored ramen over thick-flavored ramen): “My younger brother in second grade asked my mom, ‘Can you have sex if you’re a college student?’ all of a sudden while we were in the car. My mom asked why, to which he responded, ‘Big sis was watching a drama like that.’ I hadn’t watch such thing but after such a statement, we all fell silent.” Kids ask these questions. Chika-san, you have children.
C: Yes.
A: Do you get asked such questions?
C: Well…
A: It may not be as straightforward.
C: Right.
A: How old are your kids, Chika-san?
C: Uh, the younger one’s in third grade.
A: Do they talk to you about who they like? “Dad, I like this girl,” and bring you a picture of her? Do they do that?
C: Pictures, no… but from pre-school to the first half of elementary school, they’ll tell me who they like. But starting the second half of elementary school, they stop telling me.
A: Oh, so they stop telling you once they reach the second half of elementary school?
C: Yes.
A: Wow… so your older child won’t say anything to you.
C: No.
A: So if you two were watching TV and some boobs show up on screen, it becomes awkward for your child?
C: Hm… I suppose. It’s the age. From the second half of elementary school and into middle school, I bet it becomes awkward for the kid.
A: So if your younger child asked you, ‘Can you have sex if you’re a college student?’, what would you answer?
C: “Why not?”
A: [laugh] “Why not”?! [laugh] Like, “I don’t know”?
C: But my family is all male.
A: Ah, so it’s the same as my family.
C: Right? Men would just say, ‘Why not?’, but everything depends on the other person.
A: [laugh]
C: Who knows what the girl’s parents would say.
A: That’s true.
C: Right.
A: Yeah, my family’s has my brother and me, two boys, so we always had talks like that when we were young.
C: Yeah.
A: I see, I see. Tonight’s was a fun batch. We have so many good ones left, so Nabe-chan (*JE employee).
Nabe-chan: Yes?
A: I’m going to read them another time so keep them for me, okay?
Nabe-chan: Okay!
A: Right, anyway. I’m going to shred these memories! Please send in your embarrassing stories or a past you’d like to forget. Our e-mail address is Arashi@joqr.net! That was Memory Shredder!
A: After the kids have gone to bed, tune in quietly! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Oshiete Aiba-chan! (*Tell me, Aiba-chan!) Here, I’ll answer questions that you’ve sent in! Here I go! This is the first one. This is from radio pen name Pako-chan from Osaka: “Is it true that the mosquito gets stuck if you flex your muscles while it’s sucking your blood?” Is it?!
C: I heard about that when I was a kid, but I’ve yet to test the theory.
A: But let’s imagine this. This is the first time I’ve heard this. What I’m visualizing is you have to stare at the mosquito while it’s sucking your blood, right? And while you watch, you flex your muscles?
C: Yeah.
A: Could you stand that? I’d want to slap it dead.
C: Yeah, knowing that your blood is being sucked, you just watch helplessly.
A: Exactly! Helplessly.
C: Right, that’s true.
A: That’s hard to do. If I remember this theory while a mosquito is sucking my blood, I don’t mind trying it out.
C: Yeah. But you know, even if this were true, it would probably only work on muscular people, or someone who can flex a lot.
A: Ah.
C: Probably. If you had flabby skin…
A: Ah!
C: Even if you did flex…
A: But is that relevant?
C: Wouldn’t the mosquito be able to let go?
A: But it still sucks blood, even if you are flabby.
C: Right.
A: So if you flex, your muscles will get stiff inside.
C: Inside?
A: They do, right?
C: Yeah…
A: Then maybe it wouldn’t work on me! They pierce the outer layers of your skin…
C: [laugh]
A: Wait, feel that.
C: Okay.
A: Feel my hand. Hmgh!
C: Oh! It’s stiff!
A: Would that work?
C: That area, yes. Your forearm area.
A: That’s such a small area!
C: [laugh]
A: You’re telling me the mosquito has to land just right here in order for me to test this, right?
C: Yeah, yeah.
A: So you’re saying that if they landed here, it wouldn’t work.
C: Oh, yeah… the back of your arm-
A: Yeah, the back side of my forearm.
C: It’s softer, but your arms are fine. What if it’s like…
A: [laugh]
C: Your cheeks?
A: Or your neck!
C: Your neck, yeah.
A: It’ll be like, “How do I flex my neck?”
C: But the neck is still doable. Then where?
A: But this… [laugh]
C: [laugh]
A: Okay, so let’s say you remembered that much.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: Even if you had that thought in the corner of your mind, you’ll slap it first then regret it, like, “Aw, I forgot to flex my muscles.”
C: True. Or if you had flexed and the mosquito just flew away anyway.
A: Yeah. Well, let’s try it anyway.
C: Now you’ve just let the mosquito suck blood from you.
A: I’ll test this theory and report back to you. Here’s the next one. This is from radio pen name Sakura-san from Hiroshima. Oh, it says “Sakura, you don’t need the -san at the end”.
C: [laugh]
A: That’s what it says!
C: How polite of them.
A: “Radio pen name Sakura, you don’t need the -san at the end”-san.
C: [laugh]
A: “Aiba-san, Chika-chan, good evening.” Oh, I didn’t mean Chika-chan, I meant Chika-san! [laugh]
C: [laugh]
A: “Good evening.”
C: It’s okay, Chika-chan works, too.
A: “It’s definitely summer now! In Hiroshima where I live, the elementary, middle, and high schools, along with universities, all fold paper cranes in July. My teacher asked, ‘I wonder if people living in other prefectures know how to fold them.’ So I have a question for you. Aiba-chan, can you fold paper cranes?” Ah… I can fold them. Chika-san, you can too, right?
C: Yes.
A: I think the older the person, the more likely that they have made paper cranes. When I was little, like pre-school little, we had origami time as a class. I made paper cranes then.
C: I don’t know when we learn how, but we do.
A: Paper cranes?
C: Yeah.
A: It seems you’re trying to fold one right now with the radio scripts.
C: No, no, no.
A: You shouldn’t be folding the scripts like that!
C: [laugh] Then…
A: The next…
C: Then can I have some origami?
A: The next song title is written on there!
C: [laugh] Oh, don’t worry. It’s the pages we’ve already done, see?
A: That’s not the point!
C: “Aozora Pedal”. [laugh]
A: [laugh] That was the first number.
C: Right.
A: Right. Yeah, so I can fold them. I’m actually quite good at it. Okay, so here’s the last one. This is from radio pen name Kokuritsu made yaku ikkagetsu-san from Chiba (*About a month until Kokuritsu). Uh… “The other day, Jun-kun mentioned on his radio show that years before, if he tried to see an erotic dream before he went to sleep, he could. Aiba-chan, did you have similar abilities before? And since perversion is Chika-san’s forte, please ask him as well.” Chika-san, what about it?
C: Ah, so someone has asked.
A: If you tried to see an erotic dream, could you? That’s the question.
C: I don’t have the ability to see certain dreams, unfortunately.
A: Really?
C: Yeah.
A: I… can see the rest of a dream.
C: Amazing!
A: If I fall back asleep.
C: Fall back asleep?
A: If I wake up once and think, “Wow, this is great, I wonder what’s going to happen next!”
C: [laugh]
A: It’ll be like, “to be continued”, and when I fall back asleep again, I can see the rest.
C: How awesome!
A: In dreams, there’s some storyline and most people don’t realize that it’s a dream.
C: Yeah.
A: But I realize that it is a dream in the middle of it.
C: Hm…
A: I think, “Oh, this is a dream.”
C: Right.
A: “I’m actually sleeping. This wouldn’t ever happen in actuality.” I’d think that, and purposefully… you know… I’d throw a hard punch at the wall. I’ve done that several times.
C: To try to wake up?
A: Well, no… I just know that it’s a dream, so I think, “Anything goes.”
C: Right. Oh, I see, I see.
A: So I’ll punch the wall really hard, but it doesn’t hurt.
C: Oh, oh, oh, in the dream?
A: Right.
C: Ah, right.
A: I wonder why. Is it beyond my imagination? Am I making up the storyline?
C: Ah…
A: The continuation of my dream… I’m not sleeping…
C: There is a feeling though, that when you’re dreaming, you know that it’s just a dream.
A: Aren’t there times you think, “This is a dream!”
C: Hm…
A: You’re just going about the dream until that moment when something impossible happens.
C: Mm-hmm.
A: In the dream. From there, you start speculating, like, “This isn’t right…”
C: I think so.
A: Right?
C: Even if that were the case…
A: Even if it were?
C: Jun-kun could hope to see such dreams and was able to see them!
A: So it might just be an extension of his imagination. Same as me. I’m not sure, but I’ll ask him when I see him. So we’ve gone and answered these questions, but it’s time for a song. Here’s another from the All the Best album. Here’s Arashi’s “Kaze no Mukou e”.
[Arashi - “Kaze no Mukou e”]
A: Send your postcards to Bunka Housou Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix!. Zip code 105-8002. E-mail address: Arashi@joqr.net. Please put the name of the segment in the subject. You can also send us a message through the Bunka Housou website on your cell phone. So we need to wrap up for tonight, but what you’ve been hearing throughout this show is our first Best album. “All the Best! 1999-2009”. That will go on sale August 19th. It starts with our debut single, “A.RA.SHI”, and includes twenty-six of our singles released in these past ten years. We members have also included a new song that tells of the love we have towards our fans, so in total, there are thirty-one songs. In addition, we have a concert at Kokuritsu, from August 28th to the 30th, a total of three nights. Also, we’ll be touring Fukuoka, Osaka, Sapporo, Tokyo, and Nagoya for a total of fifteen performances. If you’re so inclined, we’d love to see you there. Right, Chika-san?
C: Let’s go!
A: Are you coming to see our show, Chika-san?
C: Yes, I am.
A: Excuse me?
C: Yes, I am!
A: [laugh] Seriously?
C: Yes.
A: Then make sure you memorize the songs on All the Best.
C: Okay. I’ll be there at Kokuritsu!
A: Please! This was Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Your radio partner was Aiba Masaki from Arashi. See you next week, bye-bye!