Statement for uni application

[ammos]

OK the other day I metnioned would people look at my personal statement. Its done now so please give me advise on it.

I am a bright and bubbly young woman, who has been interested in teaching science for years after being encouraged to continue science education by a very inspiring GCSE chemistry teacher. Many years have gone by without me being

Comments

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[masati]

I've typed enough LJ is complaining my comment is too long so I've split this into two...

As usual, all my own opinion. Reading through my comments I suspect that I'm being a little over cautious, and perhaps downplaying things too much. Take a pinch of salt, and certainly get another opinion on how applicable the following is.

First, grammar type things:

- Are you certain "TDA" will be understood by the person reading the application? (I wouldn't, but I'm not in the right sector - I had to Google it.) If not then expand it.

- Put "website" rather than "site". It's slightly more formal, and as well as being a formal application formality is often associated with professionalism.

- Quite a lot of the sentences are fairly long and I feel some of them could benefit from a comma or two.

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[masati]

*mutters about how he should just have split it down the middle and now it's three comments

Feedback 3/3

[masati]

Right, last chunk

[longrat]

think the previous commentor has pretty much got it nailed! :D

best of luck!

[sarahlascelles]

Everything Jon said... :-)
I'll comment on a later version if you like.