Thanks for nothing
Title: Thanks for nothing
Fandom: Heroes
Rating/Genre: PG/het
Characters/Pairing: Nathan, Linderman (Nathan/Niki-Jessica-Tracy)
Summary: Based on the Nathan&Linderman “pick a desk” scene in “I Am Become Death”; I’m turning it into a conversation about Tracy. Or about Niki-Jessica-Tracy confusion.
Word count: 856
Spoilers/Warnings:
Notes: This came from a Challenge I found somewhere.
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn your music player on and turn it on random.
3. Write a drabble/ficlet related to each song that plays. You only have the length of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts and stop when it's over.
4. Do five of these and post them.
This is the first fic; song: “Thanks for nothing”. (Note: I cheated because I didn’t stop when the song was over…)
“What do I care about desks?” Nathan asked rhetorically, looking out of the window. “Where is Tracy? This is not what I wanted.”
“What is it that you want, then?” Linderman said mildly, tilting his head.
Nathan turned around and looked at the man only he could see.
“I want you to get the hell out of here!”
“Come on now”, the white haired man said, “that’s not true. You know you can trust me. I’m the reason you’re here, am I not?”
Nathan didn’t want to talk back to this phantom of his mind, this illusion full of delusions who tried to poison him once more, but he said:
“No, she’s the reason.”
“Who, Tracy Strauss?”
“Niki Sanders”, Nathan sighed.
“Niki is dead, Nathan. Tracy Strauss is not Niki.”
Dead, what does he mean? Nathan thought; the word “dead” seemed strange to him. What is it to be dead anyway; can anyone really die anymore? And how could Tracy look exactly like Niki without knowing anything about her? Nathan still wasn’t sure if he could believe what Tracy - or Niki? - was telling him. But if Niki was dead, then obviously he had to believe her.
And honestly, he thought, I do believe her, even if it's a little hard. It's confusing, the way she looks, but I can feel that there is something about her, something special.
And Linderman, was he not dead, too? Is this what happens when you miraculously recovers from death? For a moment, Nathan thought that he really was dead, or in a coma, or having a really twisted dream. Why else would he be there, a senator, and talking to Linderman? And who else could he talk to right now, but to this man with small, mild eyes?
He wasn’t mild, Nathan knew that. He looked kind, but he was full of crazy ideas, just like before. He should be ignored. And yet Nathan talked:
“I know she’s not Niki. I mean, I thought that she was but now I know that she isn’t, and that makes all the difference. Because you see, when I made love to her in Vegas…”
“You didn’t. To her, you didn’t. That was Jessica you made love to…”
“All right, so it was Jessica. What do you mean by that? She told me her name was Niki! You mean there is a third one?”
Nathan stared at the man and tried to imagine the blonde woman duplicated in three copies, but the thought made him dizzy.
“Oh no”, Linderman answered, “There’s only one now; Tracy. Niki and Jessica were kind of the same person, really. Or the same body anyway. Tracy is someone else.”
“You’re not making any sense. Damn it, Linderman, why are we even having this conversation?”
“I don’t know, Nathan. I’m not very interested in Tracy Strauss. What I’d like to tell you…”
“What I was going to say”, Nathan interrupted the old man, “is that something happened when Niki and I had sex. I mean, it happened already the first time I talked to her. We talked, there was a connection… And I wanted her, and I know that she wanted me, but she left. But then, when she came back to my room…”
“When Jessica came…”
“My point is, that I was still married to Heidi at the time. I couldn’t do anything. I shouldn’t have done it. But I did. And I kept thinking about her… I kept wanting her, but she was married, too. Niki, I mean. And that was important to her - not in the same way as my marriage to Heidi was important for strategic reason, mostly, but because it mattered to her…”
“And now”, Linderman said, “you feel that you can make it right somehow. That the things that couldn’t happen between the two of you can happen now. But Nathan, are you being reasonable now? Niki Sanders is no more, I’ve told you so. That ‘connection’ is gone. And Tracy Strauss…”
“I know, okay!” Nathan shook his head in frustration; if he thought it was going to help, he would have wanted to throw the old man out of the window. “I hear you. But I felt something… a real connection between us this time. That’s what I’m saying. It couldn’t happen with Niki, but this person who looks exactly like her but is a totally different person… I think God wants this. I mean, I thought so. Niki was… there was something innocent about her, but Tracy is more like me. And when I looked into her eyes I felt something, something pure and beautiful… but now she isn’t even here. And they ask me what desk I want! What do I care?”
“You said that already.”
“And I told you to get the hell out of here already.”
“Watch your language, young man. Don’t be upset. Remember, I’m here for you, to help you, to give you advice. You can ask me anything.”
Why are you doing this? Nathan thought. The one thing he couldn’t ask. Am I doing this?
“Thanks, then go and make yourself useful and find her for me.”
“I can’t do that, Nathan.”
“Thanks for nothing, then.”
“I’ll leave you now, and I’ll come back when you’re in a better mood.”
“I’m glad to hear that, because then I won’t have to see you again in a really long time.”
“Goodbye, Nathan.”
Fandom: Heroes
Rating/Genre: PG/het
Characters/Pairing: Nathan, Linderman (Nathan/Niki-Jessica-Tracy)
Summary: Based on the Nathan&Linderman “pick a desk” scene in “I Am Become Death”; I’m turning it into a conversation about Tracy. Or about Niki-Jessica-Tracy confusion.
Word count: 856
Spoilers/Warnings:
Notes: This came from a Challenge I found somewhere.
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn your music player on and turn it on random.
3. Write a drabble/ficlet related to each song that plays. You only have the length of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts and stop when it's over.
4. Do five of these and post them.
This is the first fic; song: “Thanks for nothing”. (Note: I cheated because I didn’t stop when the song was over…)
“What do I care about desks?” Nathan asked rhetorically, looking out of the window. “Where is Tracy? This is not what I wanted.”
“What is it that you want, then?” Linderman said mildly, tilting his head.
Nathan turned around and looked at the man only he could see.
“I want you to get the hell out of here!”
“Come on now”, the white haired man said, “that’s not true. You know you can trust me. I’m the reason you’re here, am I not?”
Nathan didn’t want to talk back to this phantom of his mind, this illusion full of delusions who tried to poison him once more, but he said:
“No, she’s the reason.”
“Who, Tracy Strauss?”
“Niki Sanders”, Nathan sighed.
“Niki is dead, Nathan. Tracy Strauss is not Niki.”
Dead, what does he mean? Nathan thought; the word “dead” seemed strange to him. What is it to be dead anyway; can anyone really die anymore? And how could Tracy look exactly like Niki without knowing anything about her? Nathan still wasn’t sure if he could believe what Tracy - or Niki? - was telling him. But if Niki was dead, then obviously he had to believe her.
And honestly, he thought, I do believe her, even if it's a little hard. It's confusing, the way she looks, but I can feel that there is something about her, something special.
And Linderman, was he not dead, too? Is this what happens when you miraculously recovers from death? For a moment, Nathan thought that he really was dead, or in a coma, or having a really twisted dream. Why else would he be there, a senator, and talking to Linderman? And who else could he talk to right now, but to this man with small, mild eyes?
He wasn’t mild, Nathan knew that. He looked kind, but he was full of crazy ideas, just like before. He should be ignored. And yet Nathan talked:
“I know she’s not Niki. I mean, I thought that she was but now I know that she isn’t, and that makes all the difference. Because you see, when I made love to her in Vegas…”
“You didn’t. To her, you didn’t. That was Jessica you made love to…”
“All right, so it was Jessica. What do you mean by that? She told me her name was Niki! You mean there is a third one?”
Nathan stared at the man and tried to imagine the blonde woman duplicated in three copies, but the thought made him dizzy.
“Oh no”, Linderman answered, “There’s only one now; Tracy. Niki and Jessica were kind of the same person, really. Or the same body anyway. Tracy is someone else.”
“You’re not making any sense. Damn it, Linderman, why are we even having this conversation?”
“I don’t know, Nathan. I’m not very interested in Tracy Strauss. What I’d like to tell you…”
“What I was going to say”, Nathan interrupted the old man, “is that something happened when Niki and I had sex. I mean, it happened already the first time I talked to her. We talked, there was a connection… And I wanted her, and I know that she wanted me, but she left. But then, when she came back to my room…”
“When Jessica came…”
“My point is, that I was still married to Heidi at the time. I couldn’t do anything. I shouldn’t have done it. But I did. And I kept thinking about her… I kept wanting her, but she was married, too. Niki, I mean. And that was important to her - not in the same way as my marriage to Heidi was important for strategic reason, mostly, but because it mattered to her…”
“And now”, Linderman said, “you feel that you can make it right somehow. That the things that couldn’t happen between the two of you can happen now. But Nathan, are you being reasonable now? Niki Sanders is no more, I’ve told you so. That ‘connection’ is gone. And Tracy Strauss…”
“I know, okay!” Nathan shook his head in frustration; if he thought it was going to help, he would have wanted to throw the old man out of the window. “I hear you. But I felt something… a real connection between us this time. That’s what I’m saying. It couldn’t happen with Niki, but this person who looks exactly like her but is a totally different person… I think God wants this. I mean, I thought so. Niki was… there was something innocent about her, but Tracy is more like me. And when I looked into her eyes I felt something, something pure and beautiful… but now she isn’t even here. And they ask me what desk I want! What do I care?”
“You said that already.”
“And I told you to get the hell out of here already.”
“Watch your language, young man. Don’t be upset. Remember, I’m here for you, to help you, to give you advice. You can ask me anything.”
Why are you doing this? Nathan thought. The one thing he couldn’t ask. Am I doing this?
“Thanks, then go and make yourself useful and find her for me.”
“I can’t do that, Nathan.”
“Thanks for nothing, then.”
“I’ll leave you now, and I’ll come back when you’re in a better mood.”
“I’m glad to hear that, because then I won’t have to see you again in a really long time.”
“Goodbye, Nathan.”