(no subject)
almost is never enough
p: KaiSoo
genre: angst
wc: 7+k
Summary: Kim Jongin is a young business prodigy. Considered as the company’s adamant Devil, he drifts from one goal to another, from being the art director to the next Vice President for Marketing. Kai is a soulless hitman, according to Chen by the way. Dubbed as the Dark Angel, he lives to kill anybody the higher ones deem expendable.
And somewhere in between those two lives that he live, there’s a guy named Do Kyungsoo.
The first time they met was when Kai finished a particular assignment a little early and opting to wash with the smooth burn of bourbon; Kyungsoo on the other hand can’t finish his because of the job he recently acquired.
“You’re up next Kyungsoo. Kill ‘em.” Luhan was one of the faces Kyungsoo recognized clearly when he was hired. Luhan was definitely angelic with his features, plus the fact that his voice is heavenly. Thursdays are assigned to Kyungsoo, it’s one day of the week that he dedicates for his music and he spends it in the bar. He would’ve said yes to any day but it seems that Thursdays are the days Luhan can’t stay late, the reason still a mystery to Kyungsoo but he disregards it.
“Yeah. Take care.” Kyungsoo stands to leave.
Kai sits at the bar. He can’t stand waiting for someone to look his way and get his order. He’d rather snap his fingers or call the bartender for his orders. He was about to finish his glass when the microphone echoed making him turn. Kai is never surprised and ever prepared. That was changed however the moment his eyes caught the sight of the man about to perform. With his looks, Kai undeniably has his own share of relationships and flings. But none of that can compare to the pull this man is doing to him right now.
♪Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
He should have guessed what was about to come but Kai was once again captured by the smaller man. Kai finds himself putting down his unfinished glass and slowly making his way through the tables, to the center of the room directly in front of the singer. He thinks that this ethereal voice is calling right inside him, waking something that he thinks Chen repeatedly announces he does not have.
You are the love of my life.
You are the love of my life.
You are the love of my life.♪
As the song come to a close, Kai comes up with a decision.
“I will get you, have you, mark you mine and you shall have no one else to live for but me.”
He promises to himself, clapping and taking in everything that is right in front of him. And just like that, a bullet is aimed at Kyungsoo’s head.
Kyungsoo finishes the first song he prepared for the night. He hears the clapping a little later because when he sings, he shuts everything and pours all the frustrations and weariness his days are bringing him. Like the melodies carries the exhaustion, takes them to the air for them to disperse and eventually vanish. The crowd was clapping but his attention was directed to the person parallel to him. The person was standing right there in the middle of the tables clapping silently but standing with such authority that Kyungsoo was compelled to look only there. The singer looks closer and he thinks he sees a smirk that would’ve made a definite mark in his memory if he hadn’t blocked it off immediately. The spotlight gets in the way and he can’t see more of the stranger that applauds him. Kyungsoo shrugs it off, just like everything that is not related to his music or studies, and then he nods to the guitarist accompanying him for the night and continues with his next song.
❄
Kyungsoo goes out the back door after the bar’s closing time. He was ready to go home, lie in his single bed, and wake up to homework due in three hours. What he wasn’t ready for was someone grabbing him hard at the forearm, dragging him to a narrower alley, and shoving with a force he’s sure would make his head collide with the wall. The collision doesn’t happen though. Instead, he felt a hand securing his head from the wall he was leaning on. Before he could react, his vision as suddenly assaulted by a smirk Kyungsoo was sure he blocked earlier.
Guess I wasn’t able to ignore it huh.
Just when Kyungsoo was about to gather his thoughts, the stranger surprises him again. Kyungsoo’s lips was suddenly occupied with the stranger’s own. Kyungsoo tastes the full lips, feels the hand behind his head pushing him deeper to the kiss and down his nape, the hand grabbing his forearm was slowly moving its way to his hips making the distance between him and the stranger disappear. Kyungsoo thinks this is wrong. Who the hell grabs anybody, shoves them into a corner, and then kisses them senselessly? But Kyungsoo feels so right. With the stranger’s kiss that is tenderly securing Kyungsoo into the moment they have now, Kyungsoo feels wanted. Desired. But Kyungsoo can’t let this go further, so he opens his eye and give his full strength to pushing the stranger.
“Don’t you come any closer!” he shouts in a breathless voice.
The stranger takes one step closer and scoffed at him. “You’re cute.”
I’m wha-
“You don’t have to be afraid of me. I won’t hurt you.” Kyungsoo thinks he’s gone crazy. Despite the fact that his brain is shouting at him to scream and run away, he stays in place. There’s a part in him, he doesn’t know which part, which roots him to the spot he’s in. Somehow, he believes the stranger. Crazy right? The stranger is once again inches from him that they are practically breathing the same air. Kyungsoo holds his breath and closes his eyes, afraid of what might come next.
“It’s Kai.”
❄
“Kim Jongin in a hurry? Is the wind blowing the wrong way today?” Chanyeol looks out the window as if he can tell the direction of the wind without as much as a tree’s tallest branch in sight. He looks back to the packing Jongin and his eyebrows connect when he realized that the younger did not look up.
“I can hear your head crunching from here Chanyeol. I’m in a hurry. Bother someone else.” Jongin continues to clear his desk without sparing a glance to his assistant. He wishes he doesn’t know Chanyeol so much because knowing his assistant, Park Chanyeol isn’t someone who bothers someone else especially when you ask him to.
“You know Jongin… I think I’ve never heard you sing, or hum for that matter. And this past week, you were humming in replay more times than I have Seungri’s Gotta talk to you. Aaaaaaaaaaaand, you were humming Justin Timberlake’s Mirrors! When do you even listen to western songs?”
If Jongin wasn’t in a hurry, he would’ve strangled the taller man sitting cosily at his office’s couch just to see him stop talking. It’s not his fault the song stuck in his head. He wasn’t even aware he was doing the humming if not for the creepy stares that Chanyeol has been giving him the whole week. And again, it’s not his fault that when he hums, he imagines the singer and his saccharine voice like he was back at the bar. Jongin spent his whole week in a rush. He would gust from one report to another in the mornings and his assignments in the nights are also in haste but still professionally done. After accomplishing everything, Jongin pushes himself inside the bar in hopes of seeing the singer. One whole week has passed and Jongin would always fail in catching the singer.
“I’m going Park Chanyeol.” He zips his bag and stares right to Chanyeol. “I’ll lock the door and leave you in here if you don’t move faster.” Jongin states with a serious face that makes Chanyeol’s eyes rounder and his legs a little faster in striding to the door. But of course he doesn’t let up. So Chanyeol asks, “Are you going on a date?”
Jongin stops in his tracks. He hadn’t seen this day as a date between him and the singer. But the thought makes him smile. “You might call it a date. And you have to stop listening to that track Chanyeol. It makes you dance with overflowing creepiness like you weren’t creepy enough.” They are both by the elevator now. Jongin steps in and Chanyeol is left outside the elevator.
“Oh you haven’t seen creepy Mr. Kim Jongin. Creepy is when you stand in the middle of the audience, gawking at a singer like his voice is your lifeline. Aaaaaaaaaaaand, smiling like an idiot, with the said singer in mind, while saying something in the lines of you-might-call-it-a-date.” Then Chanyeol winks.
The elevator doors slide shut and Jongin is left with Chanyeol’s last statement.
Jongin opens his black Audi R8 and drives with ease before dialling Chen’s number. The latter picks up on the third ring.
“I’m not supposed to know you until… well, now. What timing you have Kai.” Chen’s voice was overflowing with sarcasm that anyone in proximity to him might drown from it.
“Hello to you too hyung. Can you please tell the leader I’m taking that one day leaves from today? Every Thursday.”
Kai waits for the other’s response. If he counted the seconds, he would’ve finished until five before a response came.
“Woah. Let me get this clear. The Dark Angel is asking for a day of human hours. What? Are you looking for your lost soul?” Kai hears a chuckle and can imagine Chen’s smile, something that captures anybody’s attention for all the wrong reasons.
“Yeah, human hours, something akin to that.” He responds vaguely to convey that he didn’t like to talk about it further.
“Sure.” Chen understands and leaves Kai with his own business. “And kid…” Chen takes a pause and Kai isn’t sure if he’s supposed to say something. Just when he was about to answer, Chen decide to continue his sentence. “Take care.”
It’s now Kai’s turn to take a pause. He was used to Chen’s sarcasm he can’t remember ever having a normal conversation with the man. The older spoke those two words with sincerity which made Kai speechless. So the younger settles for “Yeah. Thanks hyung.”
He continues to drive until the familiar bar is in his view. He steps out of the car, confident that tonight will be the night he will hear the singer and taste those beautiful lips again. He enters the room and waits.
❄
Kyungsoo doesn’t believe in happy endings. Not anymore. He used to dream of those cold silent nights with someone beside him to warm him up, gazing at each other, knowing smiles, and falling into a blissful sleep. That is until life chose to open his eyes. If you’re thinking that Kyungsoo came from a broken family, you’re wrong. In fact, Kyungsoo’s parents are still together. And that is what Kyungsoo sees as something wrong. He can’t remember when was the last time his parents held each other’s hand, let alone look at each other with love in their eyes. His parents are still together and that’s just it. There was no happiness from it. So Kyungsoo concludes that people stay together because of companionship and not because of love.
He almost believed in it once. But as he was developing a new perspective, it was shattered when his past lover left him and disappeared to who knows where. It seems that life loves fucking with Kyungsoo though. After a year of silence, Kyungsoo saw the damned lover in the arms of somebody else with a smile so bright that he was sure he never saw when they were together. He shuts himself in his room that night. And when morning came, a new Kyungsoo stepped out.
It’d be a lie if Kyungsoo denies of thinking about Kai. For the past week, he had lesser sleep because of deep dark eyes and the smirk that would make his chest constrict. His daydreams consist of soft but sure lips and he finds himself touching his own, as if to bring back the sensation.
“Hey Kyungsoo. You okay?”
Kyungsoo breaks from his reverie as he heard Luhan’s voice. He notes that his hands are hovering close to his lips, again. The younger shakes his head and turns his attention to Luhan.
“Uhm. Yeah. Sure.”
“You look like a balloon ready to burst any moment.” Luhan chuckles with concern in his eyes.
“Must be from lack of sleep. I’m good.” Kyungsoo would not admit he’s overflowing anticipation, not to himself especially.
“You sure? Well, I’m going now. Go kill ‘em.” Luhan leaves with his usual goodbye.
Kyungsoo thanks whoever the technical team of the bar is, the spotlight is once again shining a little too bright in his eyes that he cannot see his audience for the night. The singer finishes the first half of his set. There was nobody standing in the middle of the audience. There was no out of sync clap amidst the clapping crowd. There was no one to draw Kyungsoo’s attention. He steps from the platform and trudges to his waiting room. He blames the sleepless nights for the heaviness he’s feeling.
Kyungsoo isn’t even surprised to see him in front of the mirror, sitting in his chair. Kai stands up from the seat and saunters his way to the smaller man. He backs the singer, closing the door and locking it.
“Hello stranger.” Kai’s voice is deep with suppressed longing.
“Hi.” Kyungsoo doesn’t understand what powers this Kai yield. Maybe he can freeze people. He inwardly chastises himself because of the stupid idea he’s coming up with. He’s once again rooted at his spot and everything seems a replay of what has happened the week before.
Except this time, Kai isn’t in a rush and Kyungsoo doesn’t hesitate. The kiss doesn’t come with colliding lips and harsh tugs, this time the kisses are welcomed and in sync. Hands aren’t used to grip but to caress. Kyungsoo doesn’t push, rather he pulls Kai closer. This time Kai is the one to pull away, leaning with their foreheads together, leaving only a space to so that their mouths can talk.
“How much time do you have?” Kai asks while catching his breath.
Kyungsoo gulps before answering with a hurried 30 minutes. This time, Kyungsoo moves his head, reaching for Kai’s lips. This time, Kai moves away in tease. Kyungsoo stiffens, his defences start to block everything, and his brain over thinks. Kai senses the other’s insecurity and almost bangs his head on the wall with the insensitive gesture he just made. Kai moves his thumbs in stroke of the other’s cheeks while the rest of his fingers stay just right under the jaws.
“Hey. Hey. Don’t over think.” Kai murmurs in his ear and Kyungsoo lets out a breath he was holding. When Kai felt the man in front of him relax a little, he moves his lips to hover right above the other’s without stopping the gentle stroking of the cheeks.
“I got you. I have you.” He whispers with genuine protection Kyungsoo wasn’t able to block it. Kai places a hesitant kiss and Kyungsoo lets him.
They continue the kisses only this time Kai thinks about everything about Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo doesn’t think about anything.
When Kyungsoo returns to the platform, his lips were a little swollen and his voice more silvery. He finds a note in his desk, the handwriting a little neat for someone as carefree as Kai.
I’d see you next week. - Kai. (Who else right?)
Kyungsoo shakes his head and thinks of how Kai had the guts to ask about who he might be dating. No one else of course stupid. I don’t get breath taking strangers to kiss me everyday…
❄
Kyungsoo’s Thursdays are composed of attending classes, singing at the bar, and kissing Kai. He doesn’t question when he sees Kai in the couch of his waiting room, just like when he didn’t question him the first time he found the said man in front of his mirror. Kyungsoo doesn’t question Kai at all. He just accepts what was in front of him and doesn’t think much of it. Kyungsoo thinks of it more as a routine rather than a relationship. Because, really, what relationship revolves around kisses and fleeting meetings?
Kyungsoo likes Kai’s kisses. He can’t stop thinking of how those lips would fit right into his own every time they touch. He focuses on how Kai creates a trail of kisses from his lips, his jaw, and his neck. He buries the emotions it stirs from inside of him, thinking that what they have isn’t supposed to be emotional but pure physical. So Kyungsoo kisses Kai at the couch. They kiss at the table. And they kiss in front of the mirror.
❄
“Do you remember the first rule I told you about kid?” Kai sits beside Chen in his R8. He hates it when somebody else touches his precious car but he can’t do anything about it when it comes to Chen.
“Yeah.” He answers with a frown. “I live for myself.”
“The higher ups don’t like it when they can’t count their gold, or when they think that there is someone taking away their gold.”
Chen speaks in a humourless tone Kai have never heard before. The younger turn to look at his hyung and what he sees was not the smile that lures his victims into pretentious safety. It’s a knowing look with a sad smile. Kai wonders what past Chen might have to have that look he has.
“What if the gold wasn’t theirs to begin with?”
“It doesn’t matter. You know how they are. I call you soulless, but you have a heart Kai. They have neither.”
Kai’s hair stands with the truth he had known for a long time, since he entered the group to be exact. They sit in silence waiting for their assigned target but neither was in full attention. Kai breaks the silence.
“I’d find a way.”
Chen thinks of how he was like the younger but he believes that Kai is much, much, stronger than he is. “I know you will kid. You have to give them a diamond. A diamond so exquisitely cut, it would outweigh the gold they were about to lose.”
The man saw the defense and kicked at the smaller’s stomach. Without sparing a second, the gigolo grabbed Kai from the floor and threw him by the kitchen island. Their distance gave Kai a moment to gather himself. He checks himself in a swift, feeling something warm by his face, a few blows everywhere else. The gigolo is advancing on him again, this time Kai sees a silverware and grabs it. Years in the business makes Kai a threat by himself, with a weapon he’s already death. The gigolo falls faster than he can think. Kai slumps then, out of breath and the pain creeping up.
Chen cleans the scene while Kai tends to his wounds with less care. When they were back in the car, Chen worries about Kai. “We have to get you to a hospital.”
“You know we can’t do that hyung. They’d ask too much questions.” Kai waves the agitated man.
“We can tell then you slipped in the kitchen!” Chen wasn’t joking but even he would not accept the excuse he just came up with.
“I’m okay hyung. I’m more afraid to get blood in the seat and it might stick to the R8.” Kai smiles and he can see that he’s not assuring the older enough. “Really hyung, just get me home. I have a first aid there. The wounds aren’t even that serious.”
“Are you sure?” Chen asks as he concentrates on making the car faster to get to their destination. Kai hums in response.
Chen checks Kai’s wound, when he was assured that Kai would call him if matters get worse, he leaves. Kai collapses on the couch and he bites his lips to prevent himself from screaming. He reaches for his phone and dials a number he wasn’t able to contact before.
❄
Kyungsoo checks his clock as he was sure it’s not his body clock that woke him. True enough, it was just minutes past midnight of Saturday and his phone is ringing with an unregistered number.
“Who are you and do you know what time it is?!” Kyungsoo is not rude to unregistered callers but it’s the middle of the night and he’s sleep deprived.
“Hello to you too stranger.”
Kyungsoo is sure he would recognize this voice in any state of consciousness he’s in. “Kai.”
“I’d text you an address. Come quick.” If Kyungsoo was wide awake, he would have answered with a straight NO.
“It’s a Saturday Kai. I’m not supposed to see you until-” he wasn’t able to finish because Kai cuts in.
“I know. Just… Come… Please.” Kyungsoo realizes that the person on the other line is breathing heavy, labored.
“Kai are you okay?” His heart beats faster and he now realizes how Kai was talking in discomfort from the start of their conversation.
“I’ll be. When you come here. I’ll be waiting.” Then Kai cuts the line.
When, not if. Kyungsoo notes that Kai was sure he’d come. He thinks of ditching Kai and continuing with his sleep but he realizes that he was already changing from his pyjamas even before he finishes with the thought. He receives the text and replies with a “Do you need anything?” After locking his door, he receives another message. It’s a very short message, a one word reply, but it made him move faster. “You.”
Kai’s home was a ten minute cab ride from where Kyungsoo lived. Walking would have been cheaper but he didn’t want to waste time and energy. He didn’t bother to knock as Kai texted him not to and gave the apartment’s pass code. He enters 011214 into the number pad and comes in. Kyungsoo was welcomed with a deserted hallway.
“Kai?” he pronounces with uncertainty.
“In here.” Kai’s voice is softer than his usual. Kyungsoo turns to his right when the hallway comes to an end. He descends two steps of stairs as he saw Kai’s back, sitting on a long couch. Kyungsoo treads carefully as he rounds the couch to face Kai.
“What the hell happened Kai? Are you out of your mind? What did you do?” Kyungsoo had to stop himself from frantically screaming at the injured man. Kai’s left eye was swollen and there was a bleeding cut. As if that was not enough, there were bruises and cuts scattered through Kai’s body.
“Would you stop screaming? I feel like my whole body is in pain.” Kai was definitely in pain as he cannot hold the smile he was offering the smaller man. “I don’t need my ears to be in pain too.”
“We have to get you to a hospital.” Kyungsoo says through gritted teeth as he kneels at the floor close to where Kai was sitting. He picks the pack of ice Kai was holding, then he brushes the younger’s bangs, replacing the pack on the swollen eye.
“If I could, I would’ve not bothered you. I have a first aid kit. Help me?” Kai hisses at the pressure on his eye. “You did that on purpose.” He complains.
“Well it wouldn’t hurt you more to ask nicely. You don’t have to boss me around you know. Where’s the kit?” Kyungsoo stands and follows Kai’s directions. The apartment was big. Kyungsoo thinks that it’s twice his own without even knowing where Kai’s bedroom is. He returns to the living room only to place the kit on the center table, the next time he returns, he’s carrying a basin of hot water and a towel. Then he takes the ice pack from Kai’s hand and again goes out of the living room. When he comes back, Kyungsoo is holding a glass of water, a medicine bottle, and the ice pack he took from Kai.
“Stop pouting and lie down.” He orders his patient. Kai was about to reach to reach for the ice pack when Kyungsoo swats his hand away. “Let me do it.” Kyungsoo says with a stern but worried voice.
He starts with disinfecting the cut below Kai’s eye. When the cotton touched the cut, Kai takes in a sharp breath and Kyungsoo flinches with him. Kyungsoo continues and plasters the cut. He finishes with directing Kai’s right hand to place the ice pack on his eye. Then he proceeds with the cloth on Kai’s hand. When the cloth was completely gone, he inspects the injured hand and starts to clean it. Kai tries his best not to squirm from the pain and Kyungsoo‘s face was of pure concentration that Kai was not able to discern the pain in the other’s eyes.
“Everything’s a shallow wound. It’s a good thing you don’t need stitches, I’m not licensed to do that on my own yet.” Kyungsoo’s voice was tired but continues to carefully treat the other. Kai was tired too, choosing not to reply. When Kyungsoo was done treating the injured man, he went on with wiping the dried sweat with the now warm water. He makes Kai drink the pain killers he had seen in the medicine cabinet.
“Come on. You need to change and sleep in your bed.” Kai gets up from the couch and they walk in silence to his bedroom. Kyungsoo helps in changing his drenched long sleeves to a cotton shirt, and then he makes sure that Kai is comfortably lying in his bed.
“How did you know?” Kyungsoo wasn’t sure why he was suddenly asking a question instead of walking out the apartment back in his. If he was true to himself, it’s because he didn’t want to leave Kai just yet. Leaving the injured man means he had to worry from afar when he can be here and take care of him. But Kyungsoo denies the truth from himself.
“How did I know what?” Kai asks in a sleepy voice as the effects of the medicine and Kyungsoo’s tending slowly sets in.
“How did you know that I was a med student?” Kyungsoo elaborates. He was sure that Kai wouldn’t have asked him to tend such wounds if the guy had no idea he studying medicine.
“You’re a med student? Huh. That’s cool. I’ve always wanted to know a doctor…” Kai looks at Kyungsoo and he smiles in gratitude. “I didn’t know. I just hoped that you’d help me.” Kyungsoo smiles back while pondering if he should ask the first question Kai failed to answer. He decides against it and asks a different one.
“How were you so sure that I was coming?”
“Because I’d do the same thing for you in a heartbeat.” Kai was looking at Kyungsoo, his eyes speaking the same words he just uttered. Kyungsoo was not prepared for that so he turns around ready to walk away from the room, from Kai. But the younger was fast to grab Kyungsoo’s wrist.
“Thank you hyung. I’m sorry for bothering you.”
Kai never addresses Kyungsoo as ‘hyung’. It was always ‘stranger’ or a plain ‘Kyungsoo’. It had been a silent agreement that they don’t care about age differences or honorifics. Kyungsoo stands still, his back facing Kai, as he try to identify the cause of the chaos happening inside of him. He ignores it and turns back to Kai.
“Yeah.” He adjusts the quilt and avoids Kai’s eyes. It was no bother you idiot.
“Will you stay the night hyung?” Kai asks without letting go of Kyungsoo’s hands.
It takes moment for Kyungsoo to answer although in his mind, the reply was instantaneous. “Sure.” He pries his hand away from Kai. Kyungsoo has been letting himself too much into this. If he doesn’t draw the line now, he will suffer the consequences later on. It was not right when he let Kai kissed him that night, it was a mistake when he responded to each and every kiss they shared, and it was a misjudgement when he decided to go here.
But how can Kyungsoo draw the line if in the first place it was already blurred? How can he differentiate what was wrong or what was right if the kisses they shared were nothing short of good memories for him? How can he ever regret coming here and answering to Kai’s ask of help, when he knows that he’d be in as much pain as Kai the moment his wounds got worse. Kyungsoo thinks he was never meant to be happy. Therefore, he pushes his luck a little more. He carries a chair and places it beside Kai’s bed. He starts to sing a soft song.
♪I lost my mind the moment I saw you
Except you, everything was in slow motion
Tell me if this is love
Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you
Fighting, crying, and hugging
Tell me if this is love♪
Before Kai gives in to sleep he too asks what love is.
❄
The next time Kyungsoo wakes, it was because of his body clock. He was sure it was four in the morning without checking his phone for the time. Instead, he checks if Kai has a fever. He breathes a silent sigh when he felt that Kai’s temperature was normal, meaning the wound was not infected or at least Kai has a very strong immune system. He leaves before the sunrises, before Kai wakes.
❄Jongin was aroused from sleep by the grumbling of his stomach and the pain killers had worn off, making the whole of his left arm scream in pain. The room feels empty. The young man had been sleeping and waking from the same room for more than seven years so he can’t pin point why he was feeling that there is something amiss from the place. He checks the time on the bedside clock, Chanyeol would be at wits end if he doesn’t hear soon from Jongin. A glass of water, a bottle of pain killers, and a note makes him smile.
Eat first.
❄The night after Kai’s incident, Kyungsoo was far from calm. He was torn with going back to Kai’s apartment and see through that the younger was doing fine by himself. It was almost eleven in the evening when Kyungsoo decided to just call him.
“Why didn’t you call earlier? I was waiting for you.” Kai picked up at the second ring. His voice a little weak but the disgruntled tone makes up for the annoyance he’s trying to convey.
Kyungsoo did not know how to answer the other man. He did not expect that Kai was still awake, waiting for him.
“Why are you still awake? You should be resting.”
“I was waiting for you.”
“I didn’t remember telling you to wait for me.”
“Yeah well-”
Kai didn’t know how to continue. It was true that they had not agreed to anything like Kyungsoo going back to the apartment or to check on him, the older just left a note for him and that was their last piece of communication that day. Kyungsoo did not text or called him once but Kai expected that they will see each other again that night.
“Kai.” Kyungsoo says with a detached voice. “You should be sleeping already. Don’t stress yourself. I have to go now. Good night.” And the line was cut.
❄“Did you receive the files yet?” Jongin hadn’t been going to the office because of his healing injuries but it does not stop him from working at home.
“Yes Jongin. It’s been your longest absence from the office yet. Little singer keeping you busy?” Chanyeol was very curious why Jongin had been missing from their office and he was not allowed to go visit him.
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about Chanyeol. If that is all then I would like to take my rest now.” Jongin was about to hung up when he hears the person on the other line laugh.
“That hurts Jongin-ie! You didn’t even remember seeing me?”
“What?”
“Oh. So you really didn’t notice me? Wow.” Chanyeol was in amazement as to how Jongin could have missed him that night. He’s a giant in the line of a hundred eighty four to five centimeters and even sitting down he’s noticeable.
“I was there Jongin. I was little singer’s guitarist.” The revelation turns Jongin silent as he tries to remember seeing the giant that night. He couldn’t, all he remembers is that beautiful man standing in front of the microphone, singing with the most beautiful voice Jongin has ever remember hearing. The two talked more of that night and as it turns out, Chanyeol spends his free time playing the guitar at the bar where he saw Jongin.
“We should get together sometime Jongin.”
“Yeah sure.”Jongin answers in a non-committal tone.
❄
The next time Kyungsoo steps on Kai’s apartment, there was a piece he was sure is recently added, it was not there the last time he was here.
“I didn’t know you play the piano.” Kyungsoo directs the question to the other as he approaches the added piece.
“Oh. I don’t.”
“So it’s just a hobby of yours to buy a white grand piano?” He puts a finger on its smooth surface and turns his attention to Kai.
“Buying white grand piano, no. But listening to your voice is. I figured that maybe you know how to play, or I could learn how to play while you sing.” Kai closes their distance. And just like every night that they see each other, they share a kiss both craves, not getting tired of the sensations it brings.
Kyungsoo wonders if this too is just as much of a hobby as listening to his voice, if Kai thinks more of their meetings and if each touch means anything to him. Kyungsoo concludes that the answer to that is no. He needs to stop all these insane thoughts. This is just a moment of happiness and all he needs to do is live it. And so, Kyungsoo gives all of him to Kai that night, expecting nothing in return, not caring of the world and its injustices.
They turned up smashing the white piano stool. Then they laugh. Kyungsoo has that melodious laugh, close to his singing voice, but better because this is his own sound, his own composition of notes that goes up and down, in which ever way he wants to bring his laugh to. And Kai thinks it’s better because he likes to think that this laugh of Kyungsoo was caused by him.
“I guess I have to buy a new piano stool.” They were still lying on the floor, catching their breaths from laughing too much and their previous activity.
“Customize it, having it in the same color looks dull.” Kyungsoo suggests while contemplating if he should move closer to the younger.
“What color do you like?”
“Red.”
“Hmm. Then I’ll make request for something with black stool and red cushion” Kai turns to his left where Kyungsoo was lying. He smiles that youthful smile only Kyungsoo can bring and Kyungsoo is blinded by the beauty Kai exudes right at that moment. Everything was still and quiet, no words were exchanged between the two. There was no need of it. Kai’s smile is louder than any word he can shout. He wanted to say something to the older, to make him understand how he feels right now, how Kyungsoo makes him feel. But he’s drowned in so much happiness that he can only produce a smile, hoping that Kyungsoo can understand.
Kyungsoo does understand. Unlike Kai, he conveyed his message through his eyes. What Kai saw got him confused. Kyungsoo was scared and worried. And before Kai can recover, Kyungsoo had gathered his clothes, put them on, and left in haste. He was left at his apartment lying on the floor together with the remains of a broken stool.
Kai didn’t learn how to play the piano. Not ever.
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