I'm really sorry sweetie. I'm also sorry that you didn't feel like you could talk to me about this last weekend...
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
My mother wanted to be remembered as she was - when she was in good health - not dying in a hospital bed. I think the best you can do is to continue being the good friend you have been and to remember B when he was healthier and happier. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for a person is give them permission to go on to whatever is next...
Thank you for your heartfelt post. I am a hospice volunteer and what I've seen is that people who are dying just want to be comfortable and feel connected to people who are present and yet willing to let them go. The greatest gift is to just BE with someone who is dying. If it is something you feel comfortable with, touch is usually very nurturing and soothing. Even when dying people cannot talk, they can (unless deaf) usually hear right up to the end. Letting them know what you remember, what you appreciate about them is a good thing too
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Re: CondolencesjavagothApril 21 2008, 17:41:32 UTC
Try not to judge people too harshly who don't do the death bed watch. I know the rest of the family didn't understand why I only visited my mother once the last time she was in the hospital before dying. I, unlike them, had grown up with my mother being in and out of hospitals. My mother made it really crystal clear to me that she didn't want to be remembered on her death bed. So I saw her once and we said our goodbyes and I didn't go again.
I may have been too literal in my interpretation of what my mother told me. I was 17 when she died. I went to visit Bill a number of times with Ambrose and was even there for awhile the night he died...
My Master passed on March 16. To the very end, what he wanted was to be connected with life. People there, talking to him, touching him, responding to him.
There is not gift greater than that. Friends called him even the day he passed - and we held the phone to his ear. He could not hold it himself and he could no longer speak - but his smile was proof that it made him happy.
Ask him, directly and clearly if there is anything at all that is within your power that he wants. And if he tells you something, then do everything you can to make it happen.
For those who will be left behind (and you are one of them) - talk of your friend and your friendship. Let them speak of what ever they wish. If you have them, bring photos of a better time, and share them all together.
When he does pass, do not tell anyone "at least he is out of pain" or "it must be a relief" or "the pain will go away" ... we don't want to hear that. It may be true but it doesn't need to be said.
Communicate, Sir. It helps. If you need to talk about it, say "I need to talk about it." If you need quiet time, a hand to hold, a hug, space, etc. say it and say why. Even those closest to you don't always know instinctively what you need. You have been there for/with B. That's a wonderful thing. Keep talking about the memories. Tell stories. Let him know that even with him dieing, he won't be gone. And say "I love you" everytime you leave. This is not for him, this is for you. Jot things down you want to say to him. Not everyone is blessed with a chance to say good-bye. For you, to take care of you 'cause you're the one left behind, don't let there be "I wish I had said" or " I wish I had told him" or ...
Death is an important question that all should seek the answer to. I Believe I know what death is and it was well worth the effort it took me to find out! It is your captor until you are freed from it. And when it comes it stings and leaves a perminate mark always. Death is not the enemy but the power of the enemy, and you can be free of this Master of death....
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
My mother wanted to be remembered as she was - when she was in good health - not dying in a hospital bed. I think the best you can do is to continue being the good friend you have been and to remember B when he was healthier and happier. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for a person is give them permission to go on to whatever is next...
{{{{{{{{ more hugs }}}}}}}}}}
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I may have been too literal in my interpretation of what my mother told me. I was 17 when she died. I went to visit Bill a number of times with Ambrose and was even there for awhile the night he died...
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There is not gift greater than that. Friends called him even the day he passed - and we held the phone to his ear. He could not hold it himself and he could no longer speak - but his smile was proof that it made him happy.
Ask him, directly and clearly if there is anything at all that is within your power that he wants. And if he tells you something, then do everything you can to make it happen.
For those who will be left behind (and you are one of them) - talk of your friend and your friendship. Let them speak of what ever they wish. If you have them, bring photos of a better time, and share them all together.
When he does pass, do not tell anyone "at least he is out of pain" or "it must be a relief" or "the pain will go away" ... we don't want to hear that. It may be true but it doesn't need to be said.
Feel free to cry. With them and alone.
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You have been there for/with B. That's a wonderful thing. Keep talking about the memories. Tell stories. Let him know that even with him dieing, he won't be gone. And say "I love you" everytime you leave. This is not for him, this is for you. Jot things down you want to say to him. Not everyone is blessed with a chance to say good-bye. For you, to take care of you 'cause you're the one left behind, don't let there be "I wish I had said" or " I wish I had told him" or ...
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sain't
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