Better
Title: Better
Pairing: Onew/Key
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: PG
dedicated to emptycavern and raelee92
Kibum, you’re here again.
You say you are sorry, but then I tell you not to be. After all, I never really recall how many times you have come knocking at my door, yet I can’t see how waking up in the middle of the night with you crying in my arms is a bother.
Not even once, Kibum.
Have you noticed, though? You’re getting thinner nowadays.
I bring you a cup of tea. You stare oddly at me when I steady the cup in your hand. You may not realize it, Kibum, but your fingers are trembling badly.
So how’s everything going? Your study? Oh, you were in a play? I know, Kibum, I was on the front seat.
Don’t you remember?
Never mind. It doesn’t matter.
It never does.
. . .
You look tired, Kibum. Are you okay?
It is probably the most ridiculous question to ask when your state pretty much explains everything, I know. But I can’t help it. I always have to make sure. I need to know how much pain he inflicts on you, so I can provide the right dose of comfort.
I don’t want to go too far, Kibum. I don’t want to cross the line.
Are you going to spend the night here?
No? You’re going back to his place? Of course it’s a right thing, Kibum.
You belong there, anyway.
. . .
Hey, what’s with all the smiles?
You push your way through my front door and beam that wide grin again. The room seems brighter with your sweet dimple-smile. I wish you’d be here to light my life every single day.
I wish you were mine to always keep on my side.
Yes, Kibum, I’m paying attention. Now spill the good news already.
You raise your left hand and show me your ring-finger.
I look at that glinting band circling on it. My hand itches all of a sudden to rip it off your skin, and my heart screams asking for this pain to stop.
But instead I offer you my best smile and wrap you in a friendly hug.
I’m happy for you, Kibum.
. . .
You are sobbing helplessly against my chest. Your clutch is like a death-grip on my shirt. I wonder how many hours have passed since you bolted into my room, because your pitiful hiccups still haven’t stop.
What happened? You were so happy not long ago.
I don’t know how, but by the time you are asleep, my cheeks has gotten wet, the dull pain these days that I barely realize is there come back with almost intolerable prickling throbs on my chest.
I have no control over this, Kibum.
I hate seeing you so broken.
. . .
How did he hurt you this time, Kibum?
It’s okay, Kibum. Tell me whenever you’re ready.
Because I will always be here.
I just wish I had the complete right to fix you entirely.
You cry again, on my lap this time.
I bend down to envelop you in a tight embrace, wanting to shut off all the things that can harm you then cradle you in my own little space forever.
I almost think you had given up by now.
. . .
But I was so wrong, wasn’t I?
Kibum, do you really love him?
…Yes?
Then be strong. Hold your chin up and fight for it.
Fight for the love you deserve, Kibum.
You’re never worth of the same mistake that a coward like me did.
. . .
Don’t ever look back, Kibum.
I will always be here.
So when you ever trip and fall, please keep that in mind, use it as your strength and keep on walking forward.
Thank you for the wonderful opportunity to stay by your side through your worst times.