Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters mini nonspoilery review

[amanuensis1]

I am glad I could recognize that Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters was not a good movie, as the majority of critics have agreed, because it means I'm not that Renner-blind. The script's not good. The humor timing's off. It should be more consistently funny but it can't really settle on its tone. In premise, it's very much up my alley--irreverent

Comments

[bethbethbeth]

Heh...did you read my post? We might as well have cribbed off each other's movie notes. :)

[amanuensis1]

We did channel, didn't we! I won't say, "Ah, the critics just don't like this kind of thing," because even for this kind of thing the script should have been better. But I adored the milk bottles and the diabetes (oh, yes, of course diabetes works that way! :D I so want to write the "How they learned to extract insulin" fanfic) and the freakin' guns and the deadpan f-bomb quips and some of the witch design was quite nice. And it was so much better than Van Helsing because it knew it wasn't to be taken seriously.

(This might have been the first film of his I've seen where he actually had some loving lip-lock. WAIT HOW CAN THAT BE.)

[bethbethbeth]

There's some smooching and skin in The Unusuals and, um...public events with Scarlett Johansson? Probably Neo Ned (which I haven't seen yet), because his character has an actual girlfriend), but usually there's nothing but a lot of gun-firing metaphors.

[amanuensis1]

Yeah, it took The Unusuals to get him in a regular romantic role! Quelle concept.

(I enjoyed Neo Ned. And I still haven't watched MI:4 because it's, like, my holdout "if I don't watch this I haven't yet exhausted everything" Rennerflick!)

[allisnow]

*giggles madly* Yes, exactly. I was expecting horrible, and it wasn't horrible, it just wasn't GOOD. But I'll forgive a lot of mediocrity for a little half-nekkid Renner.

[amanuensis1]

Seriously, on a repeat watch, I'm going to be able to look past the places where the dialogue was lame and just enjoy it. (And Jeremy can do so much with what he's given!)

[allisnow]

You know, Adele's Skyfall come on during the drive over to my folks' and I reflected that if I had to rewatch a movie, I would pick H&G before the aforementioned Bond. Although I'm apparently the only person on the planet who didn't like it...

Renner could read the phone book (do they still make those?) and I would pay $7 to watch him do it.

[amanuensis1]

Oh, god, I thought I was the only one who didn't care for Skyfall! Actually, it's not like I hated it; I had a good time watching it, but it wasn't Bond. Hell yes I want exploding gadgets. I don't want a Bond that's off his game, either. I want nuclear countdowns and western civilization in jeopardy and such.

[ani_bester]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who enjoyed this movie.
It wasn't good in the sense of being anything more than an popcorn action flick. I was dying when Hansel was drunk, and I did enjoy the fight scenes and over all it was just lots and lots of cheesy fun.

Also, I've decided that they are the first SPN Hunters. I mean how they acted, what they did. it reminded me so much of Sam and Dean and I couldn't help thinking they started it all LOL.
That's my new headcanon.

I did warn family though that this was R for violence. Like no joke violence. People had three year olds at our theater and they watched the whole thing. Each parent to their own way IMHO but there was levels of violence I wouldn't want to explain to my kid, plus the witched IMHO were legit scary... so yeah I don't.

But for older peoples cheesy fun :D

[amanuensis1]

It was fun! I mean, I winced at the very first line of dialogue ("Take them to the forest now,"--now? As opposed to five minutes from now? As opposed to tomorrow? Oof) but the grin almost never left my face through the movie! Not in a so-bad-it's-good way, but in a "Hey, this is fun!" way.

And the violence was so much "action gore" as opposed to "horror gore," it didn't bother me at all. (Horror gore can bother me lots, because it's meant to.)

[allisnow]

So you were okay with the head-stomping then? I kind of winced at that, even though I was LOLing at the same time.

[amanuensis1]

That was my reaction--wince and LOL. ^_^

[midnitemaraud_r]

Ha! I thought pretty much the same thing! Massively entertaining for all my B-movie needs. (Although, I also admit to having liked Green Lantern, but mostly because Ryan Reynolds looks hot naked and in CGI green spandex! And being a Sirius Black fan, I clearly like dickish men. :-P)

Also, hello incest, come to me! This review is possibly the best H&G review ever! (note to anyone clicking who hasn't seen the movie for massive spoilers. Although, really, if you watched one trailer, you basically know everything that's going to happen in the movie anyway. :-P)

[amanuensis1]

Oh, god, what a review! Especially regarding the "Pity about that Van Helsing movie taking itself so seriously." So glad you linked that!

And, yes, B-movie needs. SOMETIMES I DO NOT WANT TO SEE "AMOUR." Actually, I'm pretty sure I never want to see "Amour."

[themostepotente]

Hopefully going to see this next weekend <3

Totally was hoping you'd have a review, too :))))

[amanuensis1]

Hee! I almost didn't get there this weekend because of work, but I carved out a couple of hours. FOR RENNER IT'S WORTH IT.