Part 2 of the "I hate DH with the burning fire of a thousand suns!" post
Did I call it or WHAT?! I am so perversely excited that my DH rant actually exceeded LJ's posting limit, and by a fair bit, too! :D :D :D
Anyway, on to part two:
We're picking back up on Chapter 32, and moving on to the end of the book, followed by a list of my more general dislikes of this book, and a smidge more commentary, too. :D
Chapter 32:
110.) (691, Voldemort) "If your son is dead, Lucius, it is not my fault. He did not come and join me, like the rest of the Slytherins."
So not only did all of Slytherin house leave and refuse to fight, they all immediately left the castle and fled right over to Voldemort's camp?!?!?! UTTER, TOTAL, COMPLETE FAIL.
111.) (652-656) Does Snape really have nothing better up his sleeve than to keep begging and grovelling to be allowed to go and bring Harry to Voldemort?! The first two times, okay, but everything after that was bordering on insubordination!
112.) (655) "Snape was not looking at Voldemort now. His dark eyes were still fxed upon the coiling serpent in its protective sphere."
This whole bit gave me the impression that Voldemort was asking Snape why the Elder wand wasn't performing to it's stellar standards - why would Snape know? Though Snape looking away from Voldemort at this particular time makes me think that Snape is having difficulty maintaining his Occulumency in all the 'excitement' going on! *is confused*
113.) (656-657) There is absolutely NO REASON for Voldemort to kill Snape with Nagini, and as a matter of fact, he really wouldn't have, seeing as he already knew Arthur Weasley survived Nagini's bite! He even walks away before Snape is even dead, practically giving him the opportunity to save himself - this just doesn't make sense!
I would also like to add that I have always hated Snape, from the moment I clapped eyes on him in SS/PS. However, even so, I will freely admit that Snape's death was a real FAIL. Snape deserved better than a plothole, a final-stage Ebola-like death, silvery goo, and a corpse left to rot (perhaps JKR was trying to say Snape should have died back then at the hands of Werewolf!Lupin? /sarcasm). I can just imagine the absolute disgust on Snape's face if he found out Harry named one of kids "Albus Severus" - if Harry thought HE got shit in Snape's class, it's NOTHING to what Snape would do to Albus Severus in Potions! *literally bursts out laughing at the mental image, with A.S. being the new class lab rat, and the nicknames,....*
Anyway, on a more serious note, there are many, many other LJ members who have done brilliant, insightful, and often passionate entries on Snape's death who have commented on it with far more skill and justice than I would have been able to give him. Here's some examples I found in my travels, mixed amid other fantastic reviews of DH:
http://community.livejournal.com/otherwhispers/1264.html
http://laurel-tx.livejournal.com/141208.html
http://sigune.livejournal.com/60094.html?view=1092030
http://community.livejournal.com/dh_oh_shit/3964.html
http://violet-quill.livejournal.com/329450.html
http://andromakhe.livejournal.com/105895.html
http://the-bitter-word.livejournal.com/24321.html
http://mistress-siana.livejournal.com/3475.html
http://subtle-science.livejournal.com/92921.html
http://www.ljseek.com/wherein-it-s-completely-legal-now-so-bite-me_223703652.html
114.) (658, Snape) "Look...at...me..."
I've seen it said that Snape just wanted to look into Harry's "indentical-to-Lily's-eyes" before he died, and I agree. This is some nasty, warped shizzle-nit, and it probably spawned a TON of future equally creepy Snarry 'fic. *barf*
Chapter 33:
115.) (659, Voldemort) "If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste."
Once again, it's kind of a....late date to be picking up this motto...
Also, upon reading this line, I was really struck by something - this line feels like JKR wrote it in JUST to be part of the last movie!
116.) (661) It was mentioned during the battle that the Slytherin House points hourglass (filled with emeralds) had been shattered, and it's mentioned here as well. None of the others were broken (which seems quite unlikely to me in and of itself, with all the spells, enchantments, curses, ect. flying around), so I'm forced to assume this is some crude form of symbolism. :(
117.) (661) Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Black/Tonks/Lupin dead?!?!?!?! Way to go, JKR, for making another Harry-like orphan. I hand out a ticket for the FAIL TRAIN to go to FAILSVILLE, and JKR can have FAILTEA and FAILCRUMPETS on the way. Killing off all the Mauraders?! Perhaps it was a mercy killing, after the character asassinations both Lupin (most ESPECIALLY Lupin!) and Tonks suffered through at the hands of a more-than-cruel and vindictive creator, perhaps it was a kindness.
118.) (662) Yay! We finally get to see Dumbledore's portrait! Oh, wait - I almost forgot. We only get to see 'ol Dumbles mugshot second hand in someone else's memory and it getting all weepy at the end of the battle. Also, so much for finding out the limitations of portraits - I vote this is another plot point JKR forgot about until the last minute, like the Deathly Hallows and Percy Weasley, among others.
From here 'til the end of Snape's Pensieve memories, I most definitely recommend having your copy of the Deathly Shallows handy!
119.) (663-665) Petunia's the freak here - even at such a young age, she's so violently opposed to anything new and different it screams "Issues!" to me. Also, why didn't young Snape show off a tiny bit of magic to prove he was a wizard, instead of just saying so?
120.) (668-670) This scene cements my move from viewing Petunia Dursley as 'merely a one-dimensional character with the potential to be something more' to 'hated character that has achieved 2nd-dimensional capabilities, but in a fake, contrived, and stiff way'.
121.) (669-670) Petunia sends a letter to Dumbledore, begging to be let in? *barf*
122.) (670-672) Definitely a poor start to the Snape/Mauraders/Lily dynamic! Why is Lily just squashed in there? I would have found it believeable if Snape and Lily had been in a compartment, and James and Sirius and perhaps Lupin had busted in with smartass comments, or perhaps if the pre-Mauraders had stumbled in on Snape alone, while Lily found some muggleborns to talk to.
123.) (673-675) It's canon now that the Prank comes before Snape's Worst Memory! Seriously, that makes little sense, and even so, the Mauraders probably got a pretty stiff punishment for nearly killing Snape, so WHY would they keep antagonizing him, after they were probably threatened with expuslsion?! On top of that, I also got the impression that the Prank was only a week or so before Worst Memory - huh? *JKR logic loss - incomprehensibility imminent!*
124.) (674) Also, why does Lily know about it? Dumbledore had "forbidden them to tell", and yet she obviously didn't find out from Snape! Besides, Snape "glimpsed" Werewolf!Lupin at the end of the tunnel, so his "theory" on Lupin wasn't theory at all - it was fact!
125.) At this point, for an in-depth look at Snape's Worst Memory, I went back to look at the scene in Order of the Phoenix.
-(648, OotP) "Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile,..."
Why would she nearly be smiling when her friend is obviously in trouble? Why would his torment be the slightest bit funny to her? Then, directly after the Mudblood comment, Lily uses 'Snivellus', the Maurader's own term for Snape - then turns around and yells at James. So from this extra information, I think I can infer that Lily was probably with some of the girls Sirius mentioned that day as being on the lake side, so she was probably cooling her heels in the lake for the first bit, then she jumps in to the rescue (finally). Wow....that's some friend!
126.) (675-676) Snape threatening to sleep outside Gryffindor tower, waiting for Lily to come out? *barf* Srsly, did he have a song playing from the end of his wand for her? Bet it's already been done over and over again in fanbrats suger-high 'fics, with Celine Dion, and Good Charlotte and all that emo kid music! *Bad JKR! No more fanfic!*
Futhermore, he never even tells her how he feels, which immediately lends a whole "Why was he so attached to her still later?" light to the whooole Snape/Lily dynamic. Maybe it could have worked if he'd shouted it out over her accusations, but no. I also suggest that he should have shouted it right around here:
(676, Lily) "----to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"
127.) (676-678) Three points of contention here! First off, Dumbledore apparently did some sort of enchantment so no one listening in could hear what they were saying, but still - anyone following snape around could have seen them talking a long ways off!
Secondly, Snape then proceeds to tell Dumbledore he'll do "anything" to protect Lily, then Lily and her family when pressed. Ridiculous! Why would he apply anything more than passing effort at protecting a friend he had at Hogwarts up until his 5th year - it would be like Harry doing everything for Cho 2-3 years after he'd gotten out of school! :(
Last, we have this gem from Dumbledore:
"And what will you give me in return, Severus?"
Chilling. I hope this was just Dumbledore keeping his cards close, because right here he sounds like he could really go either way in caring about the lives of the Potters. D:
128.) (679, Dumbledore) "My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?"
The best of Snape is supposed to be his warped obsession with Lily Evans?! *barf*
129.) (680, Dumbledore) "You know, I think sometimes we Sort too soon..."
What's this supposed to me? I got the feeling that Dumbledore meant that if Snape got Sorted a little bit later, he'd have been a Gryffindor! *expression of distaste*
Snape would have hated being in Gryffindor, and really, it undermined the very slim, tiny bit of dignity JKR allowed Slytherin House. >:(
130.) (682, Dumbledore) "I have your word that you will do all in your power to protect the students of Hogwarts?"
Yea, great job Snape did with that. Stundents Crucio'ed and tortured in detention. Do many of the students of Hogwarts now have damaged souls from casting Unforgivables? Perhpas some have mental damage from having them performed on them? It also sounded like Michael Corner caught it pretty good, too. :( FTL
131.) (683, Snape and Dumbledore) S: " If you don't mind dying"...."why not let Draco do it?"
D: "That boy's soul is not yet so damaged,"....."I would not have it ripped apart on my account."
S: "And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?"
D: "You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation."
So here it's definitely implied that Unforgivables cause damage to the soul, yet, Harry, McGonagall, ect. toss them around with careless abandon. Is she trying to say that as long as the Unforgivable is performed with the intention for mercy or in the name of 'good intention' that it won't do damage to the soul? Also, one more thing - you cannot tell me Snape hasn't killed anyone while in Voldemort's service. Really, no. *thumbs down* FTL
132.) (683, Dumbledore) "I confess I shall prefer a quick, painless exit to the protracted and messy affair it will be if, for instance, Greyback is involved - I hear Voldemort has recruited him?"
Wait...Greyback has been running with the Voldemort crew since the first rise in the 1970's! He bit Lupin as a child, though whether it was because Lupin's father was working with the resistance or not, we don't know, all we know for sure is that Lupin's father offended Greyback. (HBP, chapter 16)
133.) (684, Dumbledore) "I spend time with Harry because I have things to discuss with him, information I must give him before it is too late."
Yea, another great job! Dumbles told Harry what the Horcrux resided in, but not the crucial point (in some cases) - where. This was one of my biggest questions pre-DH's release - I wanted to know how Harry was going to actually find where all the Horcrux were. I figured Dumbledore's portrait would have offered more ideas, but alas, no. This drives home the point again that the 'Deathly Hallows" ought never have been in here at all. FTL
134.) (684, Dumbledore) "Voldemort fears that connection,..."
Dumbledore speaks this line referring to the mind link between Harry and Voldemort - and like so many things in this book, it makes no sense. Voldemort dwells on the things he fears! On death, on his Horcrux - why why WHY would he suddenly stop caring and forget all about the mind link?!?! The Voldemort we knew at the end of OotP and in HBP dwelled on the mind link, obsessing, and doing his best to prevent any sort of further transmissions! Right here we have another example of character asassination in the name of furthering the plot.
135.) (687) Snape's doe Patronus to match Lily's?! *projectile vomit*
Furthermore, same goes for Lily's probably changing to match James's stag. *chokes*
Worst of all? Here we go again with the "Snape wuuved Lily and always did this all for her! Once again, their friendship broke off in 5th year, Lily went and married Snape's worst schoolyard enemy, and I haven't seen a SINGLE INSTAMCE where Lily and Snape communicated AT ALL after the "Snape waiting ouside the tower for Lily" barferific flashback. Stalker/obsessed/Unrequited!Love Snape - a resounding WTF. D:<
136.) (686-687) Just a thought on my part, but the whole bit with the Horcrux and the fact that Harry had to die was supposed to be secret, but yet, no one ever gives a thought for all the portraits in the Headmaster's office. :(
137.) (688) No, Snape didn't have to give the correct date for Harry's departure! Why would Voldemort assume Snape was "so well-informed" about Order activites, right after Snape killed Dumbledore and was obviously outed from the Order! MAJOR PLOT HOLE!
Seriously, Dumbledore's portrait made a literally fatal error with this one - Snape couldn't have sent a Patronus to warn Harry and/or the Order?! I guess we did find out the limitations of portraits - listening to their advice on matters of consequence can swiftly lead to deadly results.
Chapter 34:
138.) You know, it's more of a general thing, but I'd really like to know the limits of the Pensive, just like with the portraits. Also, Snape appears to have one as well, so it begs the question of - how widely availible are these things?
139.) (694) Why were Oliver Wood and Neville (others as well) carrying in the bodies of the dead instead of levitating them? I mean, with Dobby's death, they actually had the time and place for such an affair. Here, they're only in the eye of the storm, and they're going to need all their energy!
140.) (702) Why would the D.E.'s drive all the Acromantulas out of Aragog's den? Furthermore, they "had been driven out by the Death Eaters, to fight for their cause." How? It's not like they could have Imperioused the whole lot of them or anything!
Chapter 35:
Sorry, I've got another hair-pulling, flailing, potter rage moment to go through.
Chapter 35 - Where Harry Goes to Meet Dumbledore the White, and Pulls a Gandalf! All aboard the Failboat!
141.) The only good thing I found in this chapter was that we found out very slightly more about Grindelwald and Dumbledore (though never enough about Grindelwald! NEED MOAR INFO!), including why Dumbledore never accepted the job as Minister of Magic (no surprises there, though), and that Dumbledore has taught at Hogwarts pretty much his whole life. Everything else, even his motivations, we could have guessed at easily or had already gotten the point.
142.) (706-707) "a small, naked child, curled on the ground, its skin raw and rough, flyed-looking, and it lay shuddering under a seat where it had been left, unwanted, stuffed out of sight, struggling for breath."
Now, I protest this bit for a couple reasons. For one, it has inspired some really off-kilter thoughts from fandom, from what I've seen. For two, I will agree that by the end, after all the times the thing had been making noise and Dumbledore telling Harry to forget about the thing, it really got kinda perverse.
Now, keep in mind (no pun intended), they're actually in Harry's mind for all this. That "child" is actually the dying piece of the soul fragment from Voldemort. Now, I've seen a lot of complaints on feeling sorry for the child and all that bit, which I find irritating - even if they were on a spiritual plane, this is VOLDEMORT we're talking about! Mass murderer? Scary megalomaniac bent on world domination? Yea.
My reaction to it, you ask? Personally, if I were in Harry's shoes, I bet I would have kicked the thing on the way by. It reminds me of one of those child-like Chiropterans from Blood+, or maybe the little brother that was zooming around in the X-files episode "Humbug" looking for a new host. Also, I bet that if Harry had tried to help the thing, it would have latched onto him like a facehugger! *shudders*
143.) (726-727) Harry can thank his lucky goddamned stars he got out of that predicament! Far too lucky, if you ask me, and Harry feeling no pain with Crucio?! *is no suspension of disbelief lest to sunder*
144.) (734-735) Why in the seven hells are the House-elves of Hogwarts fighting with kitchen utensils instead of using their own rather formiddable brand of magic?! WTF!! FAIL!
145.) (736, Molly Weasley) "Not my daughter, you bitch!"
JKR - NO MORE ALIEN MOVIES FOR YOU! EVER! *Gives Ceasar's thumbs-down* *vows to beat JKR with a rolled-up newspaper until she stops stealing her dramatic lines from others*
146.) (740) Yuck, did we really have to have the whole barferific run-through of Snape/Lily again?!
147.) (740ish) It's official - Voldemort officially has the Mad Scientist laugh down "but now let out a cackle of mad laughter.". The fighting scenes thus far have been all right, but Voldemort is just getting so....irritating...! On top of that, the whole "Hahahaha! I'll tell you all the secrets of my evil plans before I kill you! Bwahahahaha!" was old and cliched...a real long time ago. Futhermore, they weren't even alone when this whole long-ass bit was going on for the benefit of the readers just tuning in! Anyone, at any point, could have just fired off a quick Avada and be done with it!
148.) (743) Also, these "golden flames" that keep appearing remind me forcefully of the battle between Harry and Voldemort in the graveyard scene in the GoF movie! What, is she trying to make the last book canon-compliant for the movies coming up?! *bitter*
149.) (734) Expelliarmus was too strong for Avada Kedavra? Weak! :p
150.) (745) The three Malfoys are still there in the hall?!?!?! WTF! Lucius has probably killed/tormented/blackmailed at least some of somebody's relatives there, so GTFO!
Epilogue:
151.) This part is just so horrifying, it defies words. I vote for the idea that JKR handed her quill over to one of her kids for this one, and/or she robbed it from fanfiction. *nods*
Anyway - the names of the Trio's kids are vomit-inducing, most notably Albus Severus. WTF in itself, as WHY would Harry name one of kids after two of the most manipulative jerks in his life?!?!?! Dumbledore was out to dress him up as a sacrificial lamb the whole time, not to mention that he was like young Voldemort when he was Harry's age, and Snape never even passed any sort of final words to Harry besides a goblet full of silvery goo! GTFO.
Also, we have Rose and Hugo. Isn't there, um, somebody more *clears throat* important they should be naming one of their kids after? Futhermore, we have James and Lily Jr. . Creepy! ( Hey, over here, guys! Don't you remember us? Sirius and Lupin? Padfoot and Moony?! )
Bottom line: nothing's changed, Slytherin's still the evil House, and no, JKR, all is NOT FUCKING WELL! D:<
On to the more general dislikes for the Deathly Shallows:
152.) I guess learning non-verbal spells wasn't so important after all, even after all the FUSS that got made over them in HBP! D:<
153.) Why wouldn't Voldemort have put up secrecy sensors around any of his Horcrux, like Umbridge did on the Headmaster's office in OotP?!
154.) Soooo.....where's the feckin' zombies Inferi?! All that bit in the pamphlet, and all the Inferi were for were to guard over the locket?! WEAK! If she really wanted to go for shock value, why didn't she have Harry and Co. confronted by Inferi made from people they'd known?! There weren't even any in the Final Battle! D:<
155.) Maybe in some other series it would work having everything from the main character's POV, but HP it is not. Harry, first and foremost, is an idiot. Seriously, throught just about the ntire book, I wanted to chase Harry around with a clue-by-four! D:<
156.) Ummm......what happened with the Polyjuice? It lasts one hour, then you change back to normal. But, in the totally separate plan of Deathly Shallows, it apparently lasts half of forever, and comes off at whatever time is at or close to convenient for the user! There is NO WAY that Bill and Phlegm's wedding AS WELL AS the break in to the Ministry only lasted one hour!!!! FLINT
157.) Dittany - the wizarding world's answer to Star Trek's anaprovaline!
158.) Overall, we hear Dumbledore's backstory 5 times! TOTALLY UNECESSARY!
159.) About the only glimpse we get to see of Hufflepuff House in this book (along with the others) is the yellow-papered spine on the DH book! We got to see Sprout throwing plants with Neville, and Zarcharias Smith being a total wuss and shoving young kids out of the way in his haste to leave the castle and upcoming battle.
*sigh* I guess they'll be the stoner/lazy/hive mentality House foreva.
160.) Probably in my top five complaints with the ENTIRE book: JKR does a cowardly cop-out by merely giving out names of characters given their pink slip out of the series and gesturing wildly at corpses. I see in my mind's eye JKR dancing around like an overexcited chimpanzee, laughing hysterically (like Bellatrix in movie 5!) as she first steamrolls 'ships, then moves on to not only coldly killing off fandom favorites, but taking a sledgehammer to her own universe. To add insult to grevious injury, they get no mourning (no burial, in some cases), no funerals, just the next generation left behind with the vaguest of memories. It feels like she made the last book this bad to insure that no one would pester her for any more sequels, but it went quite the opposite way - now I'm here waiting for the headlines to erupt with "JKR says she's just kidding, fans - Deathly Hallows was an awesome bit of fanfiction she found, and the REAL book will be coming out soon!" D:<<<
161.) (26) WHY did it take so long for the Wizarding world to find out the uses for Dragon's blood?!
162.) WHY did it take so long for Harry and Co. to start making plans and visiting possible sites with Horcrux?!?!?!?!
163.) (347) Even if Bathilda Bagshot only spoke in Parceltongue at Godric's Hollow, wouldn't Hermione still have heard the odd hissing? Maybe she though Bathilda was leaking steam or something?
164.) I demand to know more about Grindelwald, STAT! We got to hear the same junk about when Albus was Harry's age 500 TRILLION TIMES, but yet we only know Grindelwald went to Durmstrang, was expelled, had a couple months of fun plotting a nazi regime with Albus, then took off when somebody's spell killed Ariana. Oh, and he ran around for a few years kiling and maiming, then Dumbledore too his wand and all was well. :((((
165.) Hey, speaking of long windy bits about Dumbledore, how about we lose some of the camping and two of the newspaper articles and have some more backstory on some other characters too, huh?! Dumbledore = drama whore.
166.) In retrospect, I found a convo on Leaky's Pensieve section on what they all thought Nurmengard (Gindelwald's prison) was. *I* still maintain it's a ripoff name from LotR, but some people also pointed out these goodies (here: http://www.hp-lexicon.org/comments/?comments_popup=198) :
"And Nurmengard, Grindelwalds prison, sounds a bit like Neuengamme. This is a small town near the city of Hamburg and there was a concentracion camp of the Nazis."
"When I first read what Nurmengard was I instantly thought of a Nazi concentration camp for Grindelwald used it to imprison his political opponents. And like apinkpony I connected “For the Greater Good” to “Arbeit macht frei” (without ’s’, by the way) even though it means something quite different."
"But I’m not sure wether Nurmengard is supposed to be connected to Nürnberg (Nuremburg). In Germany you wouldn’t call something Nurmengard (well ok the Nazis might have because of their obsession with nordic and germanic mythology)"
"Of course the whole book reminds you of the “3. Reich”, with things like the “Muggle-Born Registration Commission” and the discussions about “Mudbblods”, “Half-Bloods”, “Pure-Bloods”, “Blood-Traitors”…
And because of the resitance radio and how small underground groups oppose the Ministry tha slowly, and without the general public noticing, turns, well, evil."
Also, it appears we have another timeline FLINT, this time concerning Dumbledore's age (which is supposed to be 150, BTW):
"It seems, that Albus Dumbledore was probably much younger, than previosly assumed. Take a look at p.22, where Elphias Doge wrote in his orbitary: “He not only won evry prize of note, that the school offered, he was soon in regular correspondence, with the most notable magical names of the day, including…..Adalbert Waffling”. Adalbert Waffling!! His birthyear is given and it is not before 1899. Take also a look at p.129, where Auntie Muriel is gossiping about the Dumbledores, when they were young. Her age is also given with 107 (b.1890), and she seemed to have been already alive, as the 2 male Dombledores attended Hogwarts and as Ariana died, who was likely yet in her teens at that time."
"I definitely agree that Albus Dumbledore is probabably quite a bit younger than in his 150’s because of the reason’s above. By the way Muriel speaks about having heard about the Dumbldeore brother’s coffin side brawl by listening to her mother and Bathilda Bagshot through the door, I would guess that Muriel would probably still be living at home at the time of Ariana’s death, putting Albus probably somewhere between 105-115. Although JKR did say that Albus was 150, that was in 2000 and it is highly likely that she changed the figure since then. The new age would certainly fit much better with what else we know of wizarding lifespans from the books and Wizard of the month."
167.) The Elder wand and accompaning convoluted, plot hole-riddled, crappy ownership bit. Wait, so let me see if I've got it right. Somebody else had the wand, then Gregorvich had it, then Grindelwald STOLE it, then it WORKED for Grindelwald, then Dumbledore defeated him and became master of the wand, then Draco disarmed Dumbledore but Snape killed him so then Draco came master of the wand, then Voldemort STOLE it and it wouldn't work right for him, because Harry punched Draco in the face and stole HIS wand he became master of the Elder wand! Easy, right? FAIL, WTF!
168.) One more FLINT from the Pensive bit:
"A few boo-boos on Bathilda’s page - Ron wasn’t with Harry and Hermoine on their posthumous encounter with Bathilda. She didn’t encounter a “charming young stranger” - Grindelwald was her great-nephew."
169.) (405-onward) JKR waits until CHAPTER 21 to introduce this massive new plot point of the Deathly Hallows?!?!?!?! They could have been a whole book in themselves!
170.) (575, Neville) "We lost Luna at Chrustmas, and Ginny never came back after Easter, and the three of us were sort of the leaders."
WHY IN THE SEVEN HELLS would the Weasleys and all the rest of the muggleborn/blood traitor/anyone on the good side send their kids back to Hogwarts?! The Ministry fell BEFORE term started!!!!! FAIL FAIL FAIL!
171.) Also, I must add that I completely believe that Snape isn't good - he was playing both sides and lost, and happened to get heard by the right person when he died to make him "good". D:<
172.) Even on the second time around, it STILL felt horribly like JKR took a brief breath from the battle at Hogwarts (when Harry went to the Shrieking Shack) just to throw in a short list of the dead, just for the shock value. And she goes on to do it REPEATEDLY - she keeps rattling off the names of fandom's favorites, canonically dead, as though it were a cruel jingle, or her personal way to stab fandom. D:<<<<
173.) Was it REALLY necessary to kill off ALL the Mauraders?! I really think these deaths, along with the Unmentionable Death, show that JKR has ISSUES. Perhaps not to the level of say, V.C. Andrews, but still - I really think she bullied herself in school in the name of humor by people like the above, or perhaps has unpleasant memories of ones like them from her teaching stint. Really, I do. D:<
Furthermore, she went so far with Snape (yea, I still hate him, but he was...interesting) yet seems to hate him. I vote Snape was her repository for her own feelings and the bit of herself she wishes to deny.
174.) Even with my dirty, filthy, gutter-ridden mind, and the constant reference to everyone waving their wangs wands around, I've been able to keep a completely pristine outlook on the series. But this book? Hahahahahaha, no. Let me count just a few of the ways, now with my new unwanted abilities of Being Able to See the Bullshit Slashers Go All Wacko Over.:
- (27, Skeeter) "I devote an entire chapter to the whole Potter-Dumbledore relationship. It's been called unhealthy, even sinister. Again, your readers will have to buy my book for the whole story, but there is no question that Dumbledore took an unnatural interest in Potter from the word go."
Canon implied Harry/Dumbledore?
- (50) Do I really need to say anything about Harry's Polyjuice potion being a "bright, clear gold" or JKR giving the Harmoanians a heart attack with a line like "Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry!"
- (150, Krum) "I had not realized I ever discussed my vand with fans" *snicker*
- (167, Ron) "It's no wonder I can't get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they're tight."
"Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his wand instead." *stifles laughter*
- (348) Hermione broke Harry's wand! *snerk*
- (372, Ron) "You know. You still want me."
Somewhere, a Ron/Harry 'shipper just combusted
- (415, Hermione) "Some wizards just like to boast that theirs are bigger and better than other people's." *snerk*
- (493) Harry takes possession of Draco's wand! Another moment of somewhere, a Harry/Draco 'shipper just combusted. Lollers!
- (chapter 26, Hermione and Ron) "Okay, Ron, come here so I can do you.."
"Right, but remember, I don't like the beard too long --"
"Oh, for heaven's sakes, this isn't about looking handsome --"
"It's not that, it gets in the way!"
LOL!
- (704) "...and Harry thought inexplicably of Ginny, and her blazing look, and the feel of her lips on his --"
*dies* XD
And so many more - even Luna/Ollivander gets a nudge! *barf*
175.) Finally.....Deus ex Machina. 'Nuff said.
Finally - here's some macros and icons to express my feelings on this:
Hey, look! it's JKR's ghost writer!:
How the cats feel about JKR (and the fact that Umbridge's Patronus is a cat):
Here's my thoughts on JKR:
Here's me even THINKING about JKR:
Here's JKR with her own universe in DH:
Oh yea, and here's me and my black permanent marker:
Aaaaand...that's what *I* got. It took me 5 friggin' days to type up all these notes (along with getting sidetracked by other interesting things on teh internets.) *whew*, though I'm sure I missed some things.
This book is just totally unbelievable to me. I've never actually read a fantasy book where I did anything more than say "Hey, wait.." but then the issue gets resolved not too long after, but with DH, it literally broke my suspension of disbelief. It broke. :*(
As for the Harry Potter of the future, I'll let you know I'm officially tooling around with my 'fic. Also, here's a couple more bits:
- Harry Potter is like Fight Club. Don't talk about Fight Club either one. (unless it's really tasty news or mocking, that's okay)
- JKR will only be mentioned by name in one or two more posts. After that, she shall henceforth be called She Who Must Not Be Named (SWMNBN)
- Most importantly - Do not speak of the Unmentionable Death. As far as I'm concerned, my canon ends right around the end of GoF/somewhere in OotP, and also, MY copy of DH doesn't have any mention of said death, because my black permanent marker says so. :p *snicker*
/this round of Maim
Anyway, on to part two:
We're picking back up on Chapter 32, and moving on to the end of the book, followed by a list of my more general dislikes of this book, and a smidge more commentary, too. :D
Chapter 32:
110.) (691, Voldemort) "If your son is dead, Lucius, it is not my fault. He did not come and join me, like the rest of the Slytherins."
So not only did all of Slytherin house leave and refuse to fight, they all immediately left the castle and fled right over to Voldemort's camp?!?!?! UTTER, TOTAL, COMPLETE FAIL.
111.) (652-656) Does Snape really have nothing better up his sleeve than to keep begging and grovelling to be allowed to go and bring Harry to Voldemort?! The first two times, okay, but everything after that was bordering on insubordination!
112.) (655) "Snape was not looking at Voldemort now. His dark eyes were still fxed upon the coiling serpent in its protective sphere."
This whole bit gave me the impression that Voldemort was asking Snape why the Elder wand wasn't performing to it's stellar standards - why would Snape know? Though Snape looking away from Voldemort at this particular time makes me think that Snape is having difficulty maintaining his Occulumency in all the 'excitement' going on! *is confused*
113.) (656-657) There is absolutely NO REASON for Voldemort to kill Snape with Nagini, and as a matter of fact, he really wouldn't have, seeing as he already knew Arthur Weasley survived Nagini's bite! He even walks away before Snape is even dead, practically giving him the opportunity to save himself - this just doesn't make sense!
I would also like to add that I have always hated Snape, from the moment I clapped eyes on him in SS/PS. However, even so, I will freely admit that Snape's death was a real FAIL. Snape deserved better than a plothole, a final-stage Ebola-like death, silvery goo, and a corpse left to rot (perhaps JKR was trying to say Snape should have died back then at the hands of Werewolf!Lupin? /sarcasm). I can just imagine the absolute disgust on Snape's face if he found out Harry named one of kids "Albus Severus" - if Harry thought HE got shit in Snape's class, it's NOTHING to what Snape would do to Albus Severus in Potions! *literally bursts out laughing at the mental image, with A.S. being the new class lab rat, and the nicknames,....*
Anyway, on a more serious note, there are many, many other LJ members who have done brilliant, insightful, and often passionate entries on Snape's death who have commented on it with far more skill and justice than I would have been able to give him. Here's some examples I found in my travels, mixed amid other fantastic reviews of DH:
http://community.livejournal.com/otherwhispers/1264.html
http://laurel-tx.livejournal.com/141208.html
http://sigune.livejournal.com/60094.html?view=1092030
http://community.livejournal.com/dh_oh_shit/3964.html
http://violet-quill.livejournal.com/329450.html
http://andromakhe.livejournal.com/105895.html
http://the-bitter-word.livejournal.com/24321.html
http://mistress-siana.livejournal.com/3475.html
http://subtle-science.livejournal.com/92921.html
http://www.ljseek.com/wherein-it-s-completely-legal-now-so-bite-me_223703652.html
114.) (658, Snape) "Look...at...me..."
I've seen it said that Snape just wanted to look into Harry's "indentical-to-Lily's-eyes" before he died, and I agree. This is some nasty, warped shizzle-nit, and it probably spawned a TON of future equally creepy Snarry 'fic. *barf*
Chapter 33:
115.) (659, Voldemort) "If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste."
Once again, it's kind of a....late date to be picking up this motto...
Also, upon reading this line, I was really struck by something - this line feels like JKR wrote it in JUST to be part of the last movie!
116.) (661) It was mentioned during the battle that the Slytherin House points hourglass (filled with emeralds) had been shattered, and it's mentioned here as well. None of the others were broken (which seems quite unlikely to me in and of itself, with all the spells, enchantments, curses, ect. flying around), so I'm forced to assume this is some crude form of symbolism. :(
117.) (661) Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Black/Tonks/Lupin dead?!?!?!?! Way to go, JKR, for making another Harry-like orphan. I hand out a ticket for the FAIL TRAIN to go to FAILSVILLE, and JKR can have FAILTEA and FAILCRUMPETS on the way. Killing off all the Mauraders?! Perhaps it was a mercy killing, after the character asassinations both Lupin (most ESPECIALLY Lupin!) and Tonks suffered through at the hands of a more-than-cruel and vindictive creator, perhaps it was a kindness.
118.) (662) Yay! We finally get to see Dumbledore's portrait! Oh, wait - I almost forgot. We only get to see 'ol Dumbles mugshot second hand in someone else's memory and it getting all weepy at the end of the battle. Also, so much for finding out the limitations of portraits - I vote this is another plot point JKR forgot about until the last minute, like the Deathly Hallows and Percy Weasley, among others.
From here 'til the end of Snape's Pensieve memories, I most definitely recommend having your copy of the Deathly Shallows handy!
119.) (663-665) Petunia's the freak here - even at such a young age, she's so violently opposed to anything new and different it screams "Issues!" to me. Also, why didn't young Snape show off a tiny bit of magic to prove he was a wizard, instead of just saying so?
120.) (668-670) This scene cements my move from viewing Petunia Dursley as 'merely a one-dimensional character with the potential to be something more' to 'hated character that has achieved 2nd-dimensional capabilities, but in a fake, contrived, and stiff way'.
121.) (669-670) Petunia sends a letter to Dumbledore, begging to be let in? *barf*
122.) (670-672) Definitely a poor start to the Snape/Mauraders/Lily dynamic! Why is Lily just squashed in there? I would have found it believeable if Snape and Lily had been in a compartment, and James and Sirius and perhaps Lupin had busted in with smartass comments, or perhaps if the pre-Mauraders had stumbled in on Snape alone, while Lily found some muggleborns to talk to.
123.) (673-675) It's canon now that the Prank comes before Snape's Worst Memory! Seriously, that makes little sense, and even so, the Mauraders probably got a pretty stiff punishment for nearly killing Snape, so WHY would they keep antagonizing him, after they were probably threatened with expuslsion?! On top of that, I also got the impression that the Prank was only a week or so before Worst Memory - huh? *JKR logic loss - incomprehensibility imminent!*
124.) (674) Also, why does Lily know about it? Dumbledore had "forbidden them to tell", and yet she obviously didn't find out from Snape! Besides, Snape "glimpsed" Werewolf!Lupin at the end of the tunnel, so his "theory" on Lupin wasn't theory at all - it was fact!
125.) At this point, for an in-depth look at Snape's Worst Memory, I went back to look at the scene in Order of the Phoenix.
-(648, OotP) "Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile,..."
Why would she nearly be smiling when her friend is obviously in trouble? Why would his torment be the slightest bit funny to her? Then, directly after the Mudblood comment, Lily uses 'Snivellus', the Maurader's own term for Snape - then turns around and yells at James. So from this extra information, I think I can infer that Lily was probably with some of the girls Sirius mentioned that day as being on the lake side, so she was probably cooling her heels in the lake for the first bit, then she jumps in to the rescue (finally). Wow....that's some friend!
126.) (675-676) Snape threatening to sleep outside Gryffindor tower, waiting for Lily to come out? *barf* Srsly, did he have a song playing from the end of his wand for her? Bet it's already been done over and over again in fanbrats suger-high 'fics, with Celine Dion, and Good Charlotte and all that emo kid music! *Bad JKR! No more fanfic!*
Futhermore, he never even tells her how he feels, which immediately lends a whole "Why was he so attached to her still later?" light to the whooole Snape/Lily dynamic. Maybe it could have worked if he'd shouted it out over her accusations, but no. I also suggest that he should have shouted it right around here:
(676, Lily) "----to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"
127.) (676-678) Three points of contention here! First off, Dumbledore apparently did some sort of enchantment so no one listening in could hear what they were saying, but still - anyone following snape around could have seen them talking a long ways off!
Secondly, Snape then proceeds to tell Dumbledore he'll do "anything" to protect Lily, then Lily and her family when pressed. Ridiculous! Why would he apply anything more than passing effort at protecting a friend he had at Hogwarts up until his 5th year - it would be like Harry doing everything for Cho 2-3 years after he'd gotten out of school! :(
Last, we have this gem from Dumbledore:
"And what will you give me in return, Severus?"
Chilling. I hope this was just Dumbledore keeping his cards close, because right here he sounds like he could really go either way in caring about the lives of the Potters. D:
128.) (679, Dumbledore) "My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?"
The best of Snape is supposed to be his warped obsession with Lily Evans?! *barf*
129.) (680, Dumbledore) "You know, I think sometimes we Sort too soon..."
What's this supposed to me? I got the feeling that Dumbledore meant that if Snape got Sorted a little bit later, he'd have been a Gryffindor! *expression of distaste*
Snape would have hated being in Gryffindor, and really, it undermined the very slim, tiny bit of dignity JKR allowed Slytherin House. >:(
130.) (682, Dumbledore) "I have your word that you will do all in your power to protect the students of Hogwarts?"
Yea, great job Snape did with that. Stundents Crucio'ed and tortured in detention. Do many of the students of Hogwarts now have damaged souls from casting Unforgivables? Perhpas some have mental damage from having them performed on them? It also sounded like Michael Corner caught it pretty good, too. :( FTL
131.) (683, Snape and Dumbledore) S: " If you don't mind dying"...."why not let Draco do it?"
D: "That boy's soul is not yet so damaged,"....."I would not have it ripped apart on my account."
S: "And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?"
D: "You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation."
So here it's definitely implied that Unforgivables cause damage to the soul, yet, Harry, McGonagall, ect. toss them around with careless abandon. Is she trying to say that as long as the Unforgivable is performed with the intention for mercy or in the name of 'good intention' that it won't do damage to the soul? Also, one more thing - you cannot tell me Snape hasn't killed anyone while in Voldemort's service. Really, no. *thumbs down* FTL
132.) (683, Dumbledore) "I confess I shall prefer a quick, painless exit to the protracted and messy affair it will be if, for instance, Greyback is involved - I hear Voldemort has recruited him?"
Wait...Greyback has been running with the Voldemort crew since the first rise in the 1970's! He bit Lupin as a child, though whether it was because Lupin's father was working with the resistance or not, we don't know, all we know for sure is that Lupin's father offended Greyback. (HBP, chapter 16)
133.) (684, Dumbledore) "I spend time with Harry because I have things to discuss with him, information I must give him before it is too late."
Yea, another great job! Dumbles told Harry what the Horcrux resided in, but not the crucial point (in some cases) - where. This was one of my biggest questions pre-DH's release - I wanted to know how Harry was going to actually find where all the Horcrux were. I figured Dumbledore's portrait would have offered more ideas, but alas, no. This drives home the point again that the 'Deathly Hallows" ought never have been in here at all. FTL
134.) (684, Dumbledore) "Voldemort fears that connection,..."
Dumbledore speaks this line referring to the mind link between Harry and Voldemort - and like so many things in this book, it makes no sense. Voldemort dwells on the things he fears! On death, on his Horcrux - why why WHY would he suddenly stop caring and forget all about the mind link?!?! The Voldemort we knew at the end of OotP and in HBP dwelled on the mind link, obsessing, and doing his best to prevent any sort of further transmissions! Right here we have another example of character asassination in the name of furthering the plot.
135.) (687) Snape's doe Patronus to match Lily's?! *projectile vomit*
Furthermore, same goes for Lily's probably changing to match James's stag. *chokes*
Worst of all? Here we go again with the "Snape wuuved Lily and always did this all for her! Once again, their friendship broke off in 5th year, Lily went and married Snape's worst schoolyard enemy, and I haven't seen a SINGLE INSTAMCE where Lily and Snape communicated AT ALL after the "Snape waiting ouside the tower for Lily" barferific flashback. Stalker/obsessed/Unrequited!Love Snape - a resounding WTF. D:<
136.) (686-687) Just a thought on my part, but the whole bit with the Horcrux and the fact that Harry had to die was supposed to be secret, but yet, no one ever gives a thought for all the portraits in the Headmaster's office. :(
137.) (688) No, Snape didn't have to give the correct date for Harry's departure! Why would Voldemort assume Snape was "so well-informed" about Order activites, right after Snape killed Dumbledore and was obviously outed from the Order! MAJOR PLOT HOLE!
Seriously, Dumbledore's portrait made a literally fatal error with this one - Snape couldn't have sent a Patronus to warn Harry and/or the Order?! I guess we did find out the limitations of portraits - listening to their advice on matters of consequence can swiftly lead to deadly results.
Chapter 34:
138.) You know, it's more of a general thing, but I'd really like to know the limits of the Pensive, just like with the portraits. Also, Snape appears to have one as well, so it begs the question of - how widely availible are these things?
139.) (694) Why were Oliver Wood and Neville (others as well) carrying in the bodies of the dead instead of levitating them? I mean, with Dobby's death, they actually had the time and place for such an affair. Here, they're only in the eye of the storm, and they're going to need all their energy!
140.) (702) Why would the D.E.'s drive all the Acromantulas out of Aragog's den? Furthermore, they "had been driven out by the Death Eaters, to fight for their cause." How? It's not like they could have Imperioused the whole lot of them or anything!
Chapter 35:
Sorry, I've got another hair-pulling, flailing, potter rage moment to go through.
Chapter 35 - Where Harry Goes to Meet Dumbledore the White, and Pulls a Gandalf! All aboard the Failboat!
141.) The only good thing I found in this chapter was that we found out very slightly more about Grindelwald and Dumbledore (though never enough about Grindelwald! NEED MOAR INFO!), including why Dumbledore never accepted the job as Minister of Magic (no surprises there, though), and that Dumbledore has taught at Hogwarts pretty much his whole life. Everything else, even his motivations, we could have guessed at easily or had already gotten the point.
142.) (706-707) "a small, naked child, curled on the ground, its skin raw and rough, flyed-looking, and it lay shuddering under a seat where it had been left, unwanted, stuffed out of sight, struggling for breath."
Now, I protest this bit for a couple reasons. For one, it has inspired some really off-kilter thoughts from fandom, from what I've seen. For two, I will agree that by the end, after all the times the thing had been making noise and Dumbledore telling Harry to forget about the thing, it really got kinda perverse.
Now, keep in mind (no pun intended), they're actually in Harry's mind for all this. That "child" is actually the dying piece of the soul fragment from Voldemort. Now, I've seen a lot of complaints on feeling sorry for the child and all that bit, which I find irritating - even if they were on a spiritual plane, this is VOLDEMORT we're talking about! Mass murderer? Scary megalomaniac bent on world domination? Yea.
My reaction to it, you ask? Personally, if I were in Harry's shoes, I bet I would have kicked the thing on the way by. It reminds me of one of those child-like Chiropterans from Blood+, or maybe the little brother that was zooming around in the X-files episode "Humbug" looking for a new host. Also, I bet that if Harry had tried to help the thing, it would have latched onto him like a facehugger! *shudders*
143.) (726-727) Harry can thank his lucky goddamned stars he got out of that predicament! Far too lucky, if you ask me, and Harry feeling no pain with Crucio?! *is no suspension of disbelief lest to sunder*
144.) (734-735) Why in the seven hells are the House-elves of Hogwarts fighting with kitchen utensils instead of using their own rather formiddable brand of magic?! WTF!! FAIL!
145.) (736, Molly Weasley) "Not my daughter, you bitch!"
JKR - NO MORE ALIEN MOVIES FOR YOU! EVER! *Gives Ceasar's thumbs-down* *vows to beat JKR with a rolled-up newspaper until she stops stealing her dramatic lines from others*
146.) (740) Yuck, did we really have to have the whole barferific run-through of Snape/Lily again?!
147.) (740ish) It's official - Voldemort officially has the Mad Scientist laugh down "but now let out a cackle of mad laughter.". The fighting scenes thus far have been all right, but Voldemort is just getting so....irritating...! On top of that, the whole "Hahahaha! I'll tell you all the secrets of my evil plans before I kill you! Bwahahahaha!" was old and cliched...a real long time ago. Futhermore, they weren't even alone when this whole long-ass bit was going on for the benefit of the readers just tuning in! Anyone, at any point, could have just fired off a quick Avada and be done with it!
148.) (743) Also, these "golden flames" that keep appearing remind me forcefully of the battle between Harry and Voldemort in the graveyard scene in the GoF movie! What, is she trying to make the last book canon-compliant for the movies coming up?! *bitter*
149.) (734) Expelliarmus was too strong for Avada Kedavra? Weak! :p
150.) (745) The three Malfoys are still there in the hall?!?!?! WTF! Lucius has probably killed/tormented/blackmailed at least some of somebody's relatives there, so GTFO!
Epilogue:
151.) This part is just so horrifying, it defies words. I vote for the idea that JKR handed her quill over to one of her kids for this one, and/or she robbed it from fanfiction. *nods*
Anyway - the names of the Trio's kids are vomit-inducing, most notably Albus Severus. WTF in itself, as WHY would Harry name one of kids after two of the most manipulative jerks in his life?!?!?! Dumbledore was out to dress him up as a sacrificial lamb the whole time, not to mention that he was like young Voldemort when he was Harry's age, and Snape never even passed any sort of final words to Harry besides a goblet full of silvery goo! GTFO.
Also, we have Rose and Hugo. Isn't there, um, somebody more *clears throat* important they should be naming one of their kids after? Futhermore, we have James and Lily Jr. . Creepy! ( Hey, over here, guys! Don't you remember us? Sirius and Lupin? Padfoot and Moony?! )
Bottom line: nothing's changed, Slytherin's still the evil House, and no, JKR, all is NOT FUCKING WELL! D:<
On to the more general dislikes for the Deathly Shallows:
152.) I guess learning non-verbal spells wasn't so important after all, even after all the FUSS that got made over them in HBP! D:<
153.) Why wouldn't Voldemort have put up secrecy sensors around any of his Horcrux, like Umbridge did on the Headmaster's office in OotP?!
154.) Soooo.....where's the feckin' zombies Inferi?! All that bit in the pamphlet, and all the Inferi were for were to guard over the locket?! WEAK! If she really wanted to go for shock value, why didn't she have Harry and Co. confronted by Inferi made from people they'd known?! There weren't even any in the Final Battle! D:<
155.) Maybe in some other series it would work having everything from the main character's POV, but HP it is not. Harry, first and foremost, is an idiot. Seriously, throught just about the ntire book, I wanted to chase Harry around with a clue-by-four! D:<
156.) Ummm......what happened with the Polyjuice? It lasts one hour, then you change back to normal. But, in the totally separate plan of Deathly Shallows, it apparently lasts half of forever, and comes off at whatever time is at or close to convenient for the user! There is NO WAY that Bill and Phlegm's wedding AS WELL AS the break in to the Ministry only lasted one hour!!!! FLINT
157.) Dittany - the wizarding world's answer to Star Trek's anaprovaline!
158.) Overall, we hear Dumbledore's backstory 5 times! TOTALLY UNECESSARY!
159.) About the only glimpse we get to see of Hufflepuff House in this book (along with the others) is the yellow-papered spine on the DH book! We got to see Sprout throwing plants with Neville, and Zarcharias Smith being a total wuss and shoving young kids out of the way in his haste to leave the castle and upcoming battle.
*sigh* I guess they'll be the stoner/lazy/hive mentality House foreva.
160.) Probably in my top five complaints with the ENTIRE book: JKR does a cowardly cop-out by merely giving out names of characters given their pink slip out of the series and gesturing wildly at corpses. I see in my mind's eye JKR dancing around like an overexcited chimpanzee, laughing hysterically (like Bellatrix in movie 5!) as she first steamrolls 'ships, then moves on to not only coldly killing off fandom favorites, but taking a sledgehammer to her own universe. To add insult to grevious injury, they get no mourning (no burial, in some cases), no funerals, just the next generation left behind with the vaguest of memories. It feels like she made the last book this bad to insure that no one would pester her for any more sequels, but it went quite the opposite way - now I'm here waiting for the headlines to erupt with "JKR says she's just kidding, fans - Deathly Hallows was an awesome bit of fanfiction she found, and the REAL book will be coming out soon!" D:<<<
161.) (26) WHY did it take so long for the Wizarding world to find out the uses for Dragon's blood?!
162.) WHY did it take so long for Harry and Co. to start making plans and visiting possible sites with Horcrux?!?!?!?!
163.) (347) Even if Bathilda Bagshot only spoke in Parceltongue at Godric's Hollow, wouldn't Hermione still have heard the odd hissing? Maybe she though Bathilda was leaking steam or something?
164.) I demand to know more about Grindelwald, STAT! We got to hear the same junk about when Albus was Harry's age 500 TRILLION TIMES, but yet we only know Grindelwald went to Durmstrang, was expelled, had a couple months of fun plotting a nazi regime with Albus, then took off when somebody's spell killed Ariana. Oh, and he ran around for a few years kiling and maiming, then Dumbledore too his wand and all was well. :((((
165.) Hey, speaking of long windy bits about Dumbledore, how about we lose some of the camping and two of the newspaper articles and have some more backstory on some other characters too, huh?! Dumbledore = drama whore.
166.) In retrospect, I found a convo on Leaky's Pensieve section on what they all thought Nurmengard (Gindelwald's prison) was. *I* still maintain it's a ripoff name from LotR, but some people also pointed out these goodies (here: http://www.hp-lexicon.org/comments/?comments_popup=198) :
"And Nurmengard, Grindelwalds prison, sounds a bit like Neuengamme. This is a small town near the city of Hamburg and there was a concentracion camp of the Nazis."
"When I first read what Nurmengard was I instantly thought of a Nazi concentration camp for Grindelwald used it to imprison his political opponents. And like apinkpony I connected “For the Greater Good” to “Arbeit macht frei” (without ’s’, by the way) even though it means something quite different."
"But I’m not sure wether Nurmengard is supposed to be connected to Nürnberg (Nuremburg). In Germany you wouldn’t call something Nurmengard (well ok the Nazis might have because of their obsession with nordic and germanic mythology)"
"Of course the whole book reminds you of the “3. Reich”, with things like the “Muggle-Born Registration Commission” and the discussions about “Mudbblods”, “Half-Bloods”, “Pure-Bloods”, “Blood-Traitors”…
And because of the resitance radio and how small underground groups oppose the Ministry tha slowly, and without the general public noticing, turns, well, evil."
Also, it appears we have another timeline FLINT, this time concerning Dumbledore's age (which is supposed to be 150, BTW):
"It seems, that Albus Dumbledore was probably much younger, than previosly assumed. Take a look at p.22, where Elphias Doge wrote in his orbitary: “He not only won evry prize of note, that the school offered, he was soon in regular correspondence, with the most notable magical names of the day, including…..Adalbert Waffling”. Adalbert Waffling!! His birthyear is given and it is not before 1899. Take also a look at p.129, where Auntie Muriel is gossiping about the Dumbledores, when they were young. Her age is also given with 107 (b.1890), and she seemed to have been already alive, as the 2 male Dombledores attended Hogwarts and as Ariana died, who was likely yet in her teens at that time."
"I definitely agree that Albus Dumbledore is probabably quite a bit younger than in his 150’s because of the reason’s above. By the way Muriel speaks about having heard about the Dumbldeore brother’s coffin side brawl by listening to her mother and Bathilda Bagshot through the door, I would guess that Muriel would probably still be living at home at the time of Ariana’s death, putting Albus probably somewhere between 105-115. Although JKR did say that Albus was 150, that was in 2000 and it is highly likely that she changed the figure since then. The new age would certainly fit much better with what else we know of wizarding lifespans from the books and Wizard of the month."
167.) The Elder wand and accompaning convoluted, plot hole-riddled, crappy ownership bit. Wait, so let me see if I've got it right. Somebody else had the wand, then Gregorvich had it, then Grindelwald STOLE it, then it WORKED for Grindelwald, then Dumbledore defeated him and became master of the wand, then Draco disarmed Dumbledore but Snape killed him so then Draco came master of the wand, then Voldemort STOLE it and it wouldn't work right for him, because Harry punched Draco in the face and stole HIS wand he became master of the Elder wand! Easy, right? FAIL, WTF!
168.) One more FLINT from the Pensive bit:
"A few boo-boos on Bathilda’s page - Ron wasn’t with Harry and Hermoine on their posthumous encounter with Bathilda. She didn’t encounter a “charming young stranger” - Grindelwald was her great-nephew."
169.) (405-onward) JKR waits until CHAPTER 21 to introduce this massive new plot point of the Deathly Hallows?!?!?!?! They could have been a whole book in themselves!
170.) (575, Neville) "We lost Luna at Chrustmas, and Ginny never came back after Easter, and the three of us were sort of the leaders."
WHY IN THE SEVEN HELLS would the Weasleys and all the rest of the muggleborn/blood traitor/anyone on the good side send their kids back to Hogwarts?! The Ministry fell BEFORE term started!!!!! FAIL FAIL FAIL!
171.) Also, I must add that I completely believe that Snape isn't good - he was playing both sides and lost, and happened to get heard by the right person when he died to make him "good". D:<
172.) Even on the second time around, it STILL felt horribly like JKR took a brief breath from the battle at Hogwarts (when Harry went to the Shrieking Shack) just to throw in a short list of the dead, just for the shock value. And she goes on to do it REPEATEDLY - she keeps rattling off the names of fandom's favorites, canonically dead, as though it were a cruel jingle, or her personal way to stab fandom. D:<<<<
173.) Was it REALLY necessary to kill off ALL the Mauraders?! I really think these deaths, along with the Unmentionable Death, show that JKR has ISSUES. Perhaps not to the level of say, V.C. Andrews, but still - I really think she bullied herself in school in the name of humor by people like the above, or perhaps has unpleasant memories of ones like them from her teaching stint. Really, I do. D:<
Furthermore, she went so far with Snape (yea, I still hate him, but he was...interesting) yet seems to hate him. I vote Snape was her repository for her own feelings and the bit of herself she wishes to deny.
174.) Even with my dirty, filthy, gutter-ridden mind, and the constant reference to everyone waving their wangs wands around, I've been able to keep a completely pristine outlook on the series. But this book? Hahahahahaha, no. Let me count just a few of the ways, now with my new unwanted abilities of Being Able to See the Bullshit Slashers Go All Wacko Over.:
- (27, Skeeter) "I devote an entire chapter to the whole Potter-Dumbledore relationship. It's been called unhealthy, even sinister. Again, your readers will have to buy my book for the whole story, but there is no question that Dumbledore took an unnatural interest in Potter from the word go."
Canon implied Harry/Dumbledore?
- (50) Do I really need to say anything about Harry's Polyjuice potion being a "bright, clear gold" or JKR giving the Harmoanians a heart attack with a line like "Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry!"
- (150, Krum) "I had not realized I ever discussed my vand with fans" *snicker*
- (167, Ron) "It's no wonder I can't get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they're tight."
"Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his wand instead." *stifles laughter*
- (348) Hermione broke Harry's wand! *snerk*
- (372, Ron) "You know. You still want me."
Somewhere, a Ron/Harry 'shipper just combusted
- (415, Hermione) "Some wizards just like to boast that theirs are bigger and better than other people's." *snerk*
- (493) Harry takes possession of Draco's wand! Another moment of somewhere, a Harry/Draco 'shipper just combusted. Lollers!
- (chapter 26, Hermione and Ron) "Okay, Ron, come here so I can do you.."
"Right, but remember, I don't like the beard too long --"
"Oh, for heaven's sakes, this isn't about looking handsome --"
"It's not that, it gets in the way!"
LOL!
- (704) "...and Harry thought inexplicably of Ginny, and her blazing look, and the feel of her lips on his --"
*dies* XD
And so many more - even Luna/Ollivander gets a nudge! *barf*
175.) Finally.....Deus ex Machina. 'Nuff said.
Finally - here's some macros and icons to express my feelings on this:
Hey, look! it's JKR's ghost writer!:
How the cats feel about JKR (and the fact that Umbridge's Patronus is a cat):
Here's my thoughts on JKR:
Here's me even THINKING about JKR:
Here's JKR with her own universe in DH:
Oh yea, and here's me and my black permanent marker:
Aaaaand...that's what *I* got. It took me 5 friggin' days to type up all these notes (along with getting sidetracked by other interesting things on teh internets.) *whew*, though I'm sure I missed some things.
This book is just totally unbelievable to me. I've never actually read a fantasy book where I did anything more than say "Hey, wait.." but then the issue gets resolved not too long after, but with DH, it literally broke my suspension of disbelief. It broke. :*(
As for the Harry Potter of the future, I'll let you know I'm officially tooling around with my 'fic. Also, here's a couple more bits:
- Harry Potter is like Fight Club. Don't talk about Fight Club either one. (unless it's really tasty news or mocking, that's okay)
- JKR will only be mentioned by name in one or two more posts. After that, she shall henceforth be called She Who Must Not Be Named (SWMNBN)
- Most importantly - Do not speak of the Unmentionable Death. As far as I'm concerned, my canon ends right around the end of GoF/somewhere in OotP, and also, MY copy of DH doesn't have any mention of said death, because my black permanent marker says so. :p *snicker*
/this round of Maim