i did the same thing with my anti-depressants a couple of months back. i couldn't handle always feeling like everything was peachy, it felt artificial. but eventually i got really depressed. & i started taking my medication how i was supposed to.
as weird as this sounds, it reminds me of that episode of dawson's creek. where andie does e to feel happy, because her medication basically did the same thing yours does. eventually she was written out of the script. i don't think you want that. [am i making sense?]
ask your doctor if there's another medication you can try, or perhaps a combination. i think feeling happy at the risk of endangering yourself might not be the best thing, you know?
i don't want to tell you what i think you should do, because i don't think i'm in any way informed enough or qualified to. in my own experience, however, i was put on zoloft and then prozac in high school for major depression. the prozac DID alleviate my depression, but it also, as you stated, made me feel flat. i felt like i could just shrug my shoulders at anything that happened, whether it was very good or very bad. before i was on any drugs, i experienced very high highs and very low lows, and was extremely self-destructive all through it. in the 12th grade, i made the decision to quit taking the drugs, secretly at first, and then i later told my shrinks i wanted off. it took many more years of additional therapy and serious introspection to get to a place where my craziness was manageable, still there, but i wasn't hurting myself. i mean, i still have bouts of self-destructive behaviors, but only in extreme circumstances. i still have very high highs and very low lows, but i'm more self-aware and equipped to deal with them. the
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I just have a few questions. When you TALK to your counsellor, therapist, or what have you, could you imagine THAT helping solely, without the drugs? Is he/she the kind of shrink who gives you Rx without even talking?
Personal experience - if I didn't keep as open a mind as possible when talking to my shrink, and if I didn't make one or two leaps of faith, I would need the drugs.
If I were you, I'd try to get to a point (via soul searching) where you lose the drugs. I don't know how. Tell your doctor you want to do this.
And personally, I've found smoking up to make me scared of everything, and while on it I can never enjoy anything at all. I would try to stop doing it. I'm not preachin, though, just talking.
Besides that, I don't know what to "suggest". We're all thinking of you, every day, and we wish you all the best!
I've been going back and forth contemplating your question and I think it comes down to this: It is possible to go off your meds and learn to deal with the psychosis. It is possible to stay on the meds and learn to feel a non-destructive range of emotional extremes without remembering the manic depressive range fondly and feeling cheated. Which will be easier for you to achieve?
i've been there before. ask your doctor if you can have the 15 mg to take twice a day instead of 30 once a day, take 15 in the morning and if you decide to go get high, don't take the other 15. But if you aren't going to, take the other 15 and save yourself the drama of having everyone worry about you because you're unstabble and they think you'll do something well...crazy.
p.s. Are you going up to B-Town, are you reading Dune?
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as weird as this sounds, it reminds me of that episode of dawson's creek. where andie does e to feel happy, because her medication basically did the same thing yours does. eventually she was written out of the script. i don't think you want that. [am i making sense?]
ask your doctor if there's another medication you can try, or perhaps a combination. i think feeling happy at the risk of endangering yourself might not be the best thing, you know?
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Personal experience - if I didn't keep as open a mind as possible when talking to my shrink, and if I didn't make one or two leaps of faith, I would need the drugs.
If I were you, I'd try to get to a point (via soul searching) where you lose the drugs. I don't know how. Tell your doctor you want to do this.
And personally, I've found smoking up to make me scared of everything, and while on it I can never enjoy anything at all. I would try to stop doing it. I'm not preachin, though, just talking.
Besides that, I don't know what to "suggest". We're all thinking of you, every day, and we wish you all the best!
Reply
Reply
p.s. Are you going up to B-Town, are you reading Dune?
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