It's All Downhill from Here (Part 6/6)

[allvowels]

Title: It's All Downhill From Here

Author: AllVowels

Summary: The study group go on a ski weekend at the Dean's prodding. It ends up being a Greendale type of weekend

Chapter 6

AN: Sorry this took so long. Life got in the way. There is one part of the story where I imagine Britta and Troy in slow motion. Without giving too much away, try to imagine that in your mind.

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Britta, Troy and Abed followed the large ambiguous tracks for several minutes.

Britta's eyes darted around uneasily, "So if we find this thing, is it dangerous?"

"We should be fine. There might be some hollering and other displays to show dominance, but I don't think it would attack humans. On the other hand, if we are inadvertently tracking a bear, or mountain lion, we may be in considerably more danger."

"Bears? Mountain lions? I did not agree to this when I signed up Abed." Britta complained.

"Ah come on Britta. You love helping animals. Nothing bad will happen." Troy chirped in optimistically.

"I love taking animals in and feeding them from bags of organic free-range chemical-free vegan animal food. I do not love feeding animals bags of me!"

"Is it because you aren't chemical free?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Abed tilted his head and looked back towards Britta, "There have been some instances where you have exhibited signs of being intoxicated on an illegal substance. Bloodshot eyes, erratic movements and the munchies."

"One, that is a NATURAL substance that the government bans to use an excuse to start unnecessary wars and increase police presence in otherwise poor countries. And two… And two…"

"Two?"

Britta gestured about, and opened her mouth several times as if to say something. Finally she muttered, "I've got nothing."

"Guys, I just realized something," Abed and Britta stopped their conversation to turn towards Troy. "Scooby Doo and Shaggy exhibited those signs too."

Jeff stared at his phone. So far Annie was kicking his ass. Who the hell came up with 'dementia' and got 125 points? Annie that's who. He was working with a jumble of E's, I's and one Q. For pete's sake, he didn't even have an S to just add on to an existing word.

Annie let out a faint sigh next to him and the nuzzled closer into Jeff's side. Jeff pulled his eyes away from the phone and glanced down. Apparently while he was contemplating what to with he's E's and I's, Annie had fallen asleep. Her hand had moved slightly onto his chest and was clutching his shirt. With anyone else, Jeff would have been irritated that his very expensive shirt was being wrinkled. With Annie there was no irritation, unless he counted the warmth that had diffused throughout his chest. It was similar to the feeling he got when he drank really good whiskey.

Is this what a heart attack felt like? Or a stroke? A warm itchy pressure in your chest? Because he had never felt anything quite like it before. The only person who would know the answer was currently passed out in his side. He set his phone down and angled his body so that Annie would lay more comfortable on his chest.

Annie stirred and murmured something incomprehensible.

"Ssh… Go back to sleep." He smoothed her hair down with his hand and quickly shut his eyes. If he died of a heart attack right now, it'd be worth it because his last memories would be snuggling with Annie. If he didn't maybe he would dream of a magical word that consisted of E's, I's and a Q that would knock Annie's dementia on its ass.

Shirley hopped off the ski lift once the two reached the top.

"Pierce, we made it! The ski lift is not a death trap!" Shirley said while clapping her hands. She turned towards Pierce, but he wasn't there. "Pierce?"

"SHIRLEY! It's defective! It's taking me back down!" Pierce had turned around in his seat to face Shirley as the ski lift descended back down towards the bottom of the ski slope.

"Pierce you were supposed to hop off!"

"HOP! I am not a bunny rabbit!"

"Just stay seated Pierce. We will get you off on the next go around."

"Oomph!" Britta and Troy exclaimed as they ran into the back of Abed.

"What's going on Ghangis Khan?"

Abed held up his hand signaling for silence and pointed ahead to where a big brown object set.

"OMG! We found one Abed!" Troy cried and did a happy dance.

"No, the dimensions are off. The arms are too short and the body to wide."

"Then what is it?" Britta asked.

"My best guess would be a bear."

"Does someone have a coke and sunglasses?" Troy cried.

"That's polar bears, they aren't native to Colorado."

"Honey! Winnie the Pooh likes Honey!"

"What kind of bear was Pooh?" Britta cried in response to Troy's outburst.

"I DON'T KNOW! Yellow? Abed is there a yellow bear? Abed? ABED?"

"TROY SHUT UP! IT'LL HEAR YOU!"

"YOU SHUT UP BRITTA!" The two stopped screaming and stood panting at each other. Abed stood next to them not moving. His eyes were unfocused while his arms dangled lifelessly by his side.

Britta poked him. "Abed?" Poke. Poke. "Abed?"

"Britta?" Troy said tentatively.

"Not now Troy. Abed is catatonic."

"Oh. Well the most likely bear type thing is starting to move towards us."

"Oh well if that's all…" Britta paused as she finally processed what Troy had just told her. "Troy we need to run."

"What about Abed?"

"You take one arm, I'll take the other and we run."

"Okay. On the count of three. One.."

"No Troy, now!" The two grabbed Abed and attempted to run, but Abed's body refused to budge. He was like a statue. Who knew that moving a man that skinny would prove to be so difficult?

"Abed," Troy whimpered, "We need to go so we aren't mauled."

The brown figure began approaching the trio. A twig snapped grabbing Troy and Britta's attention.

"Every person for her and/or himself. See you Troy!" Britta said and sprinted away.

Troy looked back and forth between Abed, and where Britta had been, "Abed?" He whimpered. "What do I do?" When he received no response, his survival instinct came in. He took one last long look at his best friend.

"Sorry Inspector. BRITTA WAIT FOR ME!" He screamed as he sprinted away, leaving Abed, still unmoving in the dust.

Britta and Troy ran at top speed through the trees. Britta stumbled a few times allowing Troy to catch up with her. From then on the two ran in perfect sync, jumping over trees and dodging branches while there arms wheeled around them. Every once in awhile Troy's feminine screams would pierce the air. Snot ran down both their faces from the chilly Colorado air as the two ran for their very lives.

Shirley had popped her skis off after the second go around. By the fourth she had sat down on the ground as she waited with her head resting on her hands.

"Pierce, just hop off!"

"You hop off!"

"I already did. That's why I'm here and you're there!"

"I'm white!"

"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"I don't have the black jumping bean in me!"

Shirley glared at him as he quickly descended back down. If he didn't jump off next time, she was leaving. She'd wait two more times at the most.

Jeff felt safe and warm. He hadn't felt like this in… well ever. As a child he had never had a night where he felt completely safe. Even after his father had left there was always a niggling fear that tonight would be the night he came back.

This was so… nice. His eyes fluttered open. Annie was gone but there was an intoxicating scent of bacon and eggs in the air.

"Jeff! You're awake," He heard Annie's voice cry. "I made your favorite breakfast. An egg white omelet with two strips of low sodium turkey bacon."

That seemed odd. Why was Annie cooking? And how did she get up without him. Maybe her ankle was feeling better.

"You did? Where are you?" Annie giggle came from behind him this time.

"In the kitchen! Will you feed Rasputin while I finish the food?"

"Of course I'll feed Rasputin. Where are the marbles?"

"Beneath the rock." Jeff found the aforementioned rock and grabbed the large bag of marbles. Who knew that a pygmy hippo ate so much? But Annie insisted when they got married that she had to have the cutest pet on the block. And he had to admit a pygmy hippo was adorable. Too bad it was so fat. Maybe him and Rasputin would start the insanity work out tomorrow.

"Rasputin? Here boy!" He didn't know what noise hippos made to imitate it so he just shook the marble bag. At that moment the hippo surfaced and attempted to swallow Jeff whole.

Jeff jerked awake. The warmth was still there, but more concentrated on his side.

Annie's eyes blinked open, "Huh? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just go back to sleep."

"M'kay." Annie snuggled back into his side.

"And Annie?" She made a noise of acknowledgement. "Promise me that we will never play Hungry Hungry Hippos."

"Promise."

Troy and Britta sat in a cave like alcove, huddled together.

"Do you think that bear is following us?" Britta asked.

"I think we lost him. I mean we are lost so he must be lost too. After all, all these trees look the same."

Britta didn't think a bear could get lost in the woods, but she could try to appreciate Troy's optimism. Key word was try.

"This is just great. We are lost in the woods, being chased by a man hungry bear, all the while Jeff and Annie are cuddled up in a romantic ski lodge making eyes at each other!"

"Britta, why are you so jealous of them? Do you still have feelings for Jeff?"

"What? Why would you say that?"

"Well Abed said that the reason you've been avoiding Annie is because you blame her for stealing men's attention from you. Conversely you don't seem to blame Jeff for liking Annie. You still interact the same with him. Abed said that females are naturally competitive with each other and some other stuff that was complicated. But the point is, do you?"

Britta sat in silence. If Abed said that it must be true, right? But she wasn't mad at Annie, was she? She thought she had gotten over that with the whole Vaughn thing, but lately she hadn't seen Annie much. She thought it was because their schedule was so different. Plus Jeff had been acting more human like (i.e. with genuine emotion) towards Annie. She was supposed to be the one who helped people make emotional breakthroughs. She was going to be a psychologist damn it! If anyone was supposed to help Jeff evolve it should have been her!

When Britta hadn't said anything Troy spoke up again, "Britta I know that it is none of my business but please just hear me out. So how I see it, Jeff is a wall outlet and you are an electrical plug. On the surface you are like, 'Hey these will totally work together.' But then you plug it in and sparks start to fly and the next thing you know the whole floor of building has a power outage. So what I'm saying is that you are one of those weird European plugs... or is Jeff the European outlet? Anyways, no matter how hard you jam yourself together with the outlet you won't work, or you will work for a little while but it ends in disaster. Key point: Don't worry about whatever plug is in that outlet. You just need to find the outlet made for you, because you are awesome and deserve to be filled with electricity without starting a fire and burning your sister bed to the ground."

Britta blinked as she processed what Troy told her. It was sweet, albeit odd. But Troy was right, her and Jeff didn't fit, at times he made her feel bad about who she was. She deserved someone who made her feel awesome even when she britta'd something. And maybe that outlet was closer than she thought.

Britta smiled at Troy, "Troy?"

"Are you going to kill me now?"

"No! I just was wondering why you made me the plug instead of the outlet. Boys have more 'pluggy' anatomy then women."

Troy's eyes widened. "That makes much more sense. If anyone asks, tell them I said it that way instead."

Britta wasn't going to tell anyone about this conversation, so no one should ask. She huddled into his side. "Deal."

"Hey Britta?" Troy asked tentatively.

Rolling her eyes, "Yes Troy?"

"I just wanted to give you permission to eat me first!"

"Troy…"

"No you can argue all you want but I want to make this noble sacrifice."

"Troy."

"Just leave my remains in an awesome position. Like I'm airdunking or something."

"TROY!"

"…"

"I'm not going to eat you. Vegetarian remember?"

This time Troy rolled his eyes, "I knew being a vegetable-tarian would lead to your untimely death."

Pierce approached the top of the ski lift again. Shirley was nowhere to be seen. He sighed and leaned back in the seat again. He was left behind again. Maybe he could go ahead and take a nap. He reluctantly shut his eyes as he descended back down. He was awoken when the seat began to swing.

"DEFECTIVE SKI LIFT! DEFECTIVE SKI LIFT!"

"Hush."

"Shirley? What are you doing here?"
"I skied down again. We will get off this together this time."

The duo approached the top of the ski lift again.

"On the count of three?" Pierce asked.

"Nope now!" Shirley grabbed his arm and jumped off the chair, taking Pierce with her. He slid a few feet before collapsing in front of Shirley. "Pierce! Are you okay?"

"My legs fell asleep sitting on that hard chair."

Annie woke up slowly. She was surrounded by Jeff's unique scent. She recognized the smell of his hair gel, and the slight smell of sunscreen which she assumed was in his moisturizer. The problem was that she was draped across his chest which was pulling her ankle funny. It was throbbing slowly. She tried to move away but Jeff's arms were wrapped securely around her.

"Ah screw it."

"Screw what?"

"Ah!" Annie screamed as Abed spoke. She turned and saw Abed's camera trained on her and Jeff. "Abed what are you doing?"

"I'm filming you and Jeff. The two of you have been muttering very interesting things in your sleep. I'm especially intrigued by the hippo comments."

"Hippo?"

"Yes. Hippo, ring, and furry. Oh and love."

Annie paled. "I said love in my sleep?"

"No Jeff did. He also mentioned Annie's boobs. I didn't realize he was so attached to Troy's monkey. Maybe he was dreaming he was on safari."

Jeff groaned as he woke up. "Where am I?"

"You are in a hotel lobby dreaming about safaris." Abed said while zooming in on Jeff's face, "Would you like to comment on your dream?"

"No." Jeff made a noise of frustration, "Abed what are you even doing in here? I thought you were out skiing with the rest of the group."

"Well you see, Britta, Troy and I were trying to find bigfoot. So we walked approximately 30 feet due north…" Abed stopped his explanation when Jeff held up one of his hands.

"Slow your roll. Give me the cliff notes version."

"We thought we saw a bear, so Troy and Britta ran off leaving me behind."

"Oh Abed!" Annie cried, "Why did you get left behind?"

"I saw on a television the best way to survive a bear was to play dead, but the ground was cold so I just became a statue. They must not have seen the special because they took off running."

"Are they alright? Did the bear follow them?"

"Oh it wasn't a bear. It ended up being Chang in Troy's large coat."

"Wait Chang is here?" Jeff did not sound pleased.

"How did he get Troy's coat?" Annie just sounded confused.

"Well the Dean-a-ling didn't invite me so I strapped myself to the bottom of the space bus while the bus was being filled up. I got stuck underneath the bus overnight, and let me tell you, it was a life CHANG-ing experience. If I still had my tail it would have frozen off. I was able to crawl out this morning and I just pushed on doors until one let me in. I found this fluffy coat and claimed it as my own." Chang popped up next to Abed, still wearing the large coat.

At that moment Shirley hobbled in with Pierce. His arm was over her shoulder as he used her as a makeshift crutch. When they reach the others she plopped Pierce into the nearest chair.

Swinging her eyes towards Jeff and Annie she quipped, "Don't the two of you look cozy. Are the other chairs not comfy Jeff-ry?"

Jeff met her glare and tightened his arms around Annie, who let out a slight meep at the pressure.

"Nope I was too tall for the other chairs and I didn't want Annie to have to move because of her ankle."

"Jeff, dimensional speaking the chair to the right is the correct height for the man of your size. This one is too low for your legs to bend at a comfortable angle."

Jeff turned his glare towards Abed. "Really? Thanks I did not know."

"You are welcome."

Shirley humphed and slide into an open armchair. Annie looked at her and Pierce and asked, "How was skiing?"

"Don't even ask."

Cowed Annie leaned back into Jeff and the remaining group members sat in silence. Soon a soft weeping was heard. It gradually grew louder and louder.

Finally Britta's voice flitted into the room, "Troy, we did what we had to survive. Abed will understand that."

"My best friend was eaten by a bear while I ran away! A bear ATE HIM! How do you precede with a traditional sea burial if the bear ate his sweet sweet flesh?"

"Troy, that is disgusting."

"It's true I do have unnaturally sweet flesh. I think it's cause I spilled pixie sticks on myself though." Abed interjected once the two were fully in the room.

"Abed you are alive!"

"Yep, the bear was Chang." Troy nodded as if that made perfect sense.

Jeff looked around the room at his rag tag group of friends. Annie's ankle was still swollen and looked painful. Shirley was slumped in the chair looking exhausted. Troy and Britta's faces looked chapped and red from being out in the cold so long without proper attire. Pierce looked… like Pierce, and Chang probably had some sort of frost bite from being under the space bus all night.

He stood up abruptly and called out, "Go get your things."

"Are we going to have a sleepover in the lobby?"

"No we are leaving. Annie needs medical attention, and I think some of you have frostbite so we are going to the hospital. Then if everyone is okay we will go to Denny's!"

"Huzzah!" Troy and Abed cried while they sprint down the corridor to their room. Britta and Shirley slowly followed. Pierce gestured towards his bag that was still there from that morning.

"Jeff some of my stuff is still in the room. Would you help me go get it?"

"You just stay here. I'll go to our room." Annie's heart constricted a little at Jeff's words. 'Our' room. Oh how she'd miss hearing that.

Offering Jeff a weak smile, "Thank you."

Jeff entered their room. There was her clothing in the bathroom as well as some personal hygiene items. The rest of her stuff was in the lobby already so he just scooped it up and put it into his bag. They'd sort it out later. Maybe once they were home he'd forget about it and then he'd have an excuse to check in on her."

"Sounds like a plan Winger." He gathered up the rest of his things and headed back to the lobby.

By the time he got back the group was ready to go.

"Here carry this." He said while shoving Annie's bag into Troy's hand. "You carry this one." He continued as he shoved his bag into Britta's hands.

"What are you too good to carry a bag now, Winger?"

Jeff ignored Britta and hauled Annie up into his arms. "Do you want to switch loads? I thought not"

The group followed Jeff out into the parking lot.

"Troy will you open the passenger door?"

"Aye Aye Captain!" He saluted and Jeff set Annie inside.

"Hey I need to sit upfront cause of my claustrophobia!"

"You can suffer for your favorite."

"Jeff I can waddle into the back. It's no big deal." Annie made to get up and winced as her foot touched the truck floor.

Pierce's eyes softened upon seeing Annie struggle, "No, I will be fine in back. I think I'm over my claustrophobia anyway. 3 hours in a tightly enclosed space. Pssh!"

"Are you sure?"

Pierce nodded and grabbed his bag. The rest of the group followed and threw all the bags into the truck and entered the space bus. Jeff climbed into the driver's seat.

"We don't have the key!" Annie cried in alarm. Jeff reached the ignition and wiggled his hand, and the space bus started. "I didn't know you could hot wire a car."

"I can't the Dean left the key in the ignition." And with that, the study group plus Chang were off.

"Jeff?"

"Yes Annie?"

"Do you think I'll ever get to go skiing?"

Jeff took his eyes off the road and looked at Annie. He quirked his best Winger smile at her, "We will go skiing somewhere nice one day. Without any of this Greendale craziness, and a valid ski instructor and non-deathly ski lifts."

"Promise?"

"I promise." A smile bloomed across her face at his response. Feeling that warmth in his chest again he turned his eyes back to the road.

"Jeff?"

"Hm?"

"We forgot the Dean."

"Oops!" Annie laughed at Jeff's fake look of regret.

"Jeff I'm serious. We need to go back and get him."

"We don't have enough gas. We will send someone for him once we get back. After all we were supposed to be there until tomorrow. A day won't kill him."

"Alright."

As Jeff pulled into the hospital and unloaded Annie into a wheelchair his phone buzzed.

Britta: What do I get for not telling Shirley what was hanging out of your bag?

Jeff: What was in my bag?

Britta: Annie's bra.

Jeff: Did Shirley see it?

Britta: If she had you'd be dead. I'm the only one who saw.

Jeff: It's not what you think...

Britta: Whatever, you owe me BIG.

Jeff sighed and looked over at where Britta and the others were now standing waiting to be seen by health care professional. He was never going to live this down. It wasn't even fair, he didn't even know the bra was in there. He hadn't even seen her... oh wait he did. A goofy smile spread across his face.

Annie's boobs= TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Jeff: Fine

The End

"Guys? Hello? GUYS?" The Dean shouted in the lobby of the ski lodge. "OLLIE OLLIE DEANIE FREE!"

He ran down the nearest hallway. "Guys? I'm serious this isn't funny!"

He darted into the next hallway and ran smack dab into the hotel clerks back.

"Oh I'm sorry… Trent. I didn't see you there." He brushed the husky red head's vest with his hands. "Wait I thought your name was Abner?"

The clerk breathed heavily through his mouth. Abruptly he coughed loudly clearing his throat. "Sorry I had a cold the other day and couldn't talk. And my name is really Leon. The owners of this place never bothered to make me a nametag, so I just reach into the drawer and randomly draw out an old employee's nametag each day."

"Oh how fun. It must be like putting on a new persona each day. I'll have to try it. Anyways have you seen my group?"

An: Hope you enjoyed this jaunt. I had fun writing it. And as for the hotel employee, I actually did that once when I worked in a hotel. Every day it was like I was someone new because the manager wouldn't get me a nametag.