Fireworks. [Chapter Twenty-Six]
Title: Fireworks
Author: Harriet, a.k.a masokisstiic
Rating: R
Pairing: Alex and Jack, if the kids don't believe, make them believe.
POV: Third
Summary: So it's true what they say, if you love someone, you should set them free.
Disclaimer: Totally fictional, soz.
Credit: Title to YouMeAtSix
A/N: I'm so sorry for such a long awaited update, I've just had so much on my mind lately |: but anyway, I hope this is okay! And I'm sure you'll be surprised by a certain tattooed man's reaction.
Tumblr.
Masterpost.
Jack’s fingers curled around the bare hip of the sleeping male next to him.
Their hot breath was heating the back of his neck, shivers tingling down his spine.
As his nails gently grazed against the skin, he listened to the older boy stir in his sleep, a state which Jack preferred him to be in if he was honest. It certainly made things a lot easier.
“I wish I could tell you the truth,” Jack began to whisper, “I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be with you. I’m just scared, Oli...”
The American teenager retracted his hand back to his side, feeling quite disgusted in himself. He knew that Oli was his current boyfriend, and he was cheating on him with Alex, yet he believed that in actual fact, being here, he was cheating on that other English boy.
Either way, Jack’s actions cause somebody to get hurt.
At least with Alex understanding the current situation, it made Jack feel a little less guilty. Alex knew that Jack couldn’t just say to Oli, “It’s over.” for there were many more complications than that. Anyway, even if Jack was able to do that, it would cause such controversy if he jumped into a relationship with Alex straight away.
They would be forced to wait for at least a couple of weeks.
Alex hated waiting, but it had become something he was getting good at.
Jack wished for things to be easier, but he’d come to realise that with Alex, nothing would be easy, not ever.
Pressing his body up against the wall, he was attempting to wriggle from Oli’s grip, yet the older man did not want to let go, so it seemed.
Jack was regretting the decision to stay the night in this hellhole, but he knew that it was the only thing he could do.
The past couple of days, Jack had made excuses to not see Oli, “I have to go shopping with my mum.” or “I need to catch up with school work.” both were lies which Jack spun to allow him time to spend with Alex.
Whilst Oli thought he was studying, or maybe doing early Christmas shopping, Jack was in fact in the arms of the boy whom he believed to be falling in love with, ever so gradually.
Oli was growing suspicious, which Jack could sense. He knew that when Oli offered the boy to stay over, he couldn’t decline, because otherwise the man would figure it all out.
Sure, it sounds like a good idea, maybe have Oli break up with him, but suspecting him of cheating (when the accusation would be true), it was a large risk for Alex’s health. Jack wasn’t prepared to put the boy in danger, especially since he knew exactly what Oli could do, and it was not fucking pretty.
Stretching an arm across Oli’s sleeping body, Jack picked up his mobile from the bedside table. Drawing the item into his chest, he checked for the time.
Three a.m, has he seriously been awake for this long?
He hated his mind; he doubted it would ever let him rest.
Pressing into his inbox, Jack scrolled through several messages, before finding one that Alex had sent to him the other night when he couldn’t sleep.
“stay strong 4 me, ok beautiful? everything will be good soon, it will just be me and you vs the world like it should be. i know its hard but we can do it, we can do anything as long as we have each other. and we do. so just lay your head against your pillow, close your eyes, & think of me. think of us & how happy we r going to be, dont give up <3 xxxxx”
A smile tugged at the corners of Jack’s lips as he settled into the pillow, imagining that the arms wrapped around him were Alex’s, and if he just pretended that he was with the boy now, maybe he could drift off.
And he did.
- - - -
“Hey, sleepyhead, wake the fuck up!”
Such a lovely morning call for Jack, a hand shaking his shoulder violently.
“Gerroff...” He murmured sleepily, batting away the intruding hand.
Rolling onto his back, he groaned, eyes gradually opening.
“Fuck sake Alex, it’s too early for this.” He whined.
Oh dear.
“Alex?” The other voice asked, concerned.
Oli’s voice.
Jack’s eyes widened as he propped himself up against the pillow. That was one of the biggest mistakes he could have made.
“Alex? Who’s Alex? I don’t know an Alex.” Jack began to babble, as if pretending he didn’t know what Oli was going on about. Yet the shaky tone to his voice only proved himself to be more guilty.
“Don’t bullshit me, Jack.” Oli shot, perching his fully clothed self at the edge of his bed, facing the boy lying beneath the duvet. “You just called me Alex...”
“I-I’m tired...?” Jack suggested, his heartbeat speeding in his chest.
“And I’m not a fucking idiot.” Oli muttered coldly, folding his arms tightly across his chest. “Are you seeing somebody else?”
Jack didn’t quite know how to answer. Well, there was always the truth, which could work. However, lying just seemed to be a better option.
“No, no... I’m with you, aren’t I?” He choked, even offering a fucking smile, but he knew it wasn’t going to work. He was just praying that Oli didn’t turn on him.
The tattooed man held his breath as he closed his eyes, hands rising to cover his face. As he finally exhaled, his hands slid into his lap, “I don’t know,” He shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, you’re with me now, but what about the last week? I haven’t seen you, but I bet this Alex has. Am I right?”
Jack was honestly quite surprised at how calm Oliver’s tone was, though he doubted it would last for long.
“I...” He began to chew on his bottom lip, pondering. The more he denied, the more suspicious Oli would become. Even so, if he just made up a story about Alex being maybe a cousin of his that he’d become close to, what about when he does break up with the man and starts dating someone coincidentally named Alex? That would just make matters even worse, so Jack realised that maybe if he just blurted everything, at least it would be finally over. The consequences would be worth it, he figured.
“Y-yeah, you’re right.” He managed to sigh, eyes looking toward the duvet; he daren’t look up and create eye contact.
“I can’t believe this...” Oli shook his head, fingers ruffling his hair. “I can’t believe you. I thought you were different, Jack.” He admitted, palm against his forehead. “How long have you been seeing him?”
The younger boy shrugged his shoulders, “A week and a bit, properly.” He said, “But I’ve had feelings for him for a few months, now...”
Oli’s eyebrows furrowed as he glared upon the boy opposite, quite confused if anything. “A few months?”
Jack nodded, tugging the duvet up his bare torso. He was wishing to be in clothes right now.
“... Then why did you become my boyfriend in the first place?”
Shrugging his shoulders, the American teen sighed once more. “I thought I liked you.”
“You thought?”
“W-well, yeah...” Jack stuttered, “It’s s-so difficult to explain, Oli...”
“I have time.”
Of course he did.
“Can I at least get dressed?” Jack asked, and Oli nodded in reply as he stood from the creaking bed.
“This better be good.”
- - - -
Jack didn’t know why Oli was being so understanding. It just made him feel more sick as he settled into the tattered couch, a discoloured, chipped mug full of hot, sweet tea in his hand. He didn’t deserve any hospitality, but he simply guessed Oli was perhaps trying to win him over, maybe convince him that he could love him.
“So, come on, tell me.” Oli said, urging Jack to just explain everything that he needed to hear.
“It was when I first moved here,” Jack started, the rim of the mug pressed against his bottom lip. “First day of upper sixth form, and this complete tool is forced into showing me around, much to his dismay.” Jack scoffed, taking a gulp of the hot liquid, burning his tongue in the process. “But for some reason, I liked the fact he was an idiot to me. It was as if I was turned on by his cruel words.”
Oli sighed, fidgeting beside him. “I think you have a thing for guys being complete arseholes to you when they first meet you.” Referring to how he shoved Jack to the floor when they walked into each other in that dull corridor.
Jack shrugged his shoulders, “Perhaps.” He answered, placing the mug onto the coffee table. He wasn’t even sure how Oli could afford a coffee table, it was possibly the nicest thing in the poor excuse of a living room, he just guessed it was stolen.
“Anyway,” He continued, getting back to his story, “We just talked more, I guess. I eventually got through to him, and he started to like me, though he claimed he was straight, and he still does. I’m just his exception.”
Even sitting here, feeling uncomfortable, those last words couldn’t stop a smile flashing across Jack’s gentle features.
“But it became difficult...”
Oli watched as Jack tugged at the sleeves of his baseball t-shirt, curling the fabric over the backs of his hands, obvious signs of nervousness.
“What happened?” He asked, fighting so hard to keep his hands to himself.
Jack rolled his eyes, “I’m getting there.” He answered back, “It’s not exactly the easiest thing to talk about.” He muttered, quickly sweeping his fringe across his forehead.
“... I got hurt.” He managed to say, “Alex’s best friend beat the fucking shit out of me, but with a body like mine, that’s not the hardest thing to do.” He shrugged. “Yet, Alex stood up for me, and he protected me. I couldn’t help but to like him even more, knowing that he would be there for me if I ever needed it.”
“Then why was it difficult? Sounds like things were going pretty well?” Oli interrupted, a bitter tone to his voice, growing impatient with his, well, ex-boyfriend? It certainly seemed as if they wouldn’t be together after this, something that was tugging on his heart strings.
“Alex’s best friend, Josh, he figured it out.” Jack decided to pick the pace of the story up, perhaps the faster this was over, the less likely he was to throw up in Oli’s flat. “He blackmailed Alex, saying that if he was really one hundred per cent straight, he’d stay the fuck away from me, the faggot.”
Oli’s facial expression softened as he noticed Jack welling up. “Hey, hey... It can’t have been that hard, I mean, it wasn’t like you were in love, was it?”
Jack shrugged his shoulders for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning. “We weren’t in love, and I don’t think we are at the moment, but I guess it is the stage before that, you know. The falling part, we’re still waiting to catch one another.” He raised the mug to his lips once more, “I don’t know why it hurt so much, though, but it did. I mean, we talked things over, and I tried to persuade him to stay, or perhaps cheat the deal, but he refused. He couldn’t risk it, he couldn’t risk his pride, or his popularity.”
Oli’s eyes narrowed, trying to imagine what kind of boy would even think of doing that to somebody. “He sounds like a fucking cunt.” He wasn’t one to use the best of language.
“Yeah, he does, and I thought he was.” Jack admitted, “I mean, I was so fucking mad at him for just leaving me like that. He tried to stop going to lessons, too, just to avoid me.” But here comes the hardest part of it all.
Even after the past month or so being with Oli, Jack still never uttered a word about why he was seeing a therapist. Of course, he knew every detail about Oli’s addictions, his painful childhood, absolutely everything, but Jack was still like a present yet to be unwrapped.
Now the boy was to know at least a part of his past, the recent past.
“But one English lesson, I saw the boy walk in late. He looked straight at me, before trying to find a seat. Our teacher forced him next to me, though.” Jack murmured, his voice hushed. “I felt physically sick,” Much like now, “The way he just acted as if I wasn’t even there, and I suppose I just couldn’t handle it. All I remember is rummaging in my bag, trying to sneakily hide my razor blade in my pocket, and I went to the school bathroom. I tried to take my own life.”
Oli’s brown eyes widened, and he gulped. Through everything that he had ever been through, not once had suicide even crossed his mind. He might have hated living with an abusive father, having to suffer a beating every time he sauntered in from school, crying himself to sleep even when he was fifteen years old, but suicide was something he just didn’t like the thought of. Drugs, on the other hand, yeah, they seemed good.
Oli wanted to interrupt, but noticed Jack’s lips parting, signing he was to continue, he refrained himself from speaking.
“I woke up in hospital, and I don’t know why, but I expected Alex to be there. I wanted him to be there to say sorry, and to make things better, but of course the asshole wasn’t there.” He spat, almost forgetting that the boy had been forgiven. Reminiscing just made himself bitter, he guessed.
“I just decided from that point onwards that I hated him more than I’ve ever hated anybody before. I convinced myself that he was nothing but a piece of shit, and I deserved better. That’s why when you came along, when you were so sweet, and lovely, I thought you were what I needed after such a shit time.”
Oli rested his chin on his palm, “But I wasn’t.” He simply added, beginning to chew on his fingernails.
Jack shook his head, “No... I mean, I thought you were, I really did, but when Alex came back to me last week, explaining himself, I knew that I still wanted him all along.” The younger boy finally lifted his head, looking toward the man whom he knew was upset. “I’m so sorry...” Jack whispered, “I’m an idiot, I know.”
Oli forced a laugh as he sat up, eyes connecting with Jack’s for the first time that morning. “You really are.” His bitten nails began to scratch at the stubble on his cheek.
Jack had been expecting a punch by now, especially since his long speech had come to its end. “Why are you laughing? Why aren’t you angry with me?” He questioned.
“This isn’t something to trigger me, Jack. I thought you’d understand that by now.” Oli rolled his eyes, “But I suppose I knew all along that this wasn’t something that would last, I mean, you never looked at me with adoration, you always seemed to have something on your mind, and now it’s clear that you did. I just wish you would have told me.”
“But I was scared...” Jack admitted shyly.
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise, it’s fine.” Oli sighed, though they both knew it wasn’t. Oli knew he was going to hurt, because he had grown used to having somebody to rely on, but he’d managed to live without the boy, so he was certain he could do it again. Obviously, Jack wasn’t the one for him. “Look, the way you’ve talked about this Alex kid, it’s just got me thinking, y’know? The way you smile when you say his name, even when it’s something as upsetting as the whole suicide thing, I noticed the glint in your eyes, it’s obvious that you really care for him, Jack. I guess I just kind of wish that it could have been me instead...”
Jack nodded, “Yeah...” Was all he could respond with.
“So this, I suppose, is where it’s going to end? Me and you.” Oli breathed, standing to his feet from the couch, Jack following in suit.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Jack said, “Th-thank you...”
“For what?”
“For not going schitz.”
Oli began to chuckle, and even pulled Jack into a hug, though one which maybe you would give to a brother. For once, there were no wandering hands.
“I might be an addict, and I might have a short temper, but I get angry over things like people taking my drink, or not looking where they’re going and walking straight into me.”
Jack couldn’t help himself but to giggle, and it was strange that this was the most comfortable he had ever been with Oli, treating him like a friend.
“I’m not going to hurt you because you’ve fallen in love.”
“I’m not in love.” Jack tried to argue back, but Oli’s laughter cut him short.
“You keep telling yourself that, Barakat.”
The first time that Jack had ever heard Oli utter his surname, but he couldn’t help to prefer it.
“Mm, well, would you be okay with us just staying as, I don’t know, friends?” Jack offered, holding his palm out.
Oli slapped his hand against Jack’s, before gripping it into a tight handshake.
“Yeah, mates.”
And they hugged once more before Jack decided that it was time for him to go.
Alex just had to hear the fantastic news.
Author: Harriet, a.k.a masokisstiic
Rating: R
Pairing: Alex and Jack, if the kids don't believe, make them believe.
POV: Third
Summary: So it's true what they say, if you love someone, you should set them free.
Disclaimer: Totally fictional, soz.
Credit: Title to YouMeAtSix
A/N: I'm so sorry for such a long awaited update, I've just had so much on my mind lately |: but anyway, I hope this is okay! And I'm sure you'll be surprised by a certain tattooed man's reaction.
Tumblr.
Masterpost.
Jack’s fingers curled around the bare hip of the sleeping male next to him.
Their hot breath was heating the back of his neck, shivers tingling down his spine.
As his nails gently grazed against the skin, he listened to the older boy stir in his sleep, a state which Jack preferred him to be in if he was honest. It certainly made things a lot easier.
“I wish I could tell you the truth,” Jack began to whisper, “I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be with you. I’m just scared, Oli...”
The American teenager retracted his hand back to his side, feeling quite disgusted in himself. He knew that Oli was his current boyfriend, and he was cheating on him with Alex, yet he believed that in actual fact, being here, he was cheating on that other English boy.
Either way, Jack’s actions cause somebody to get hurt.
At least with Alex understanding the current situation, it made Jack feel a little less guilty. Alex knew that Jack couldn’t just say to Oli, “It’s over.” for there were many more complications than that. Anyway, even if Jack was able to do that, it would cause such controversy if he jumped into a relationship with Alex straight away.
They would be forced to wait for at least a couple of weeks.
Alex hated waiting, but it had become something he was getting good at.
Jack wished for things to be easier, but he’d come to realise that with Alex, nothing would be easy, not ever.
Pressing his body up against the wall, he was attempting to wriggle from Oli’s grip, yet the older man did not want to let go, so it seemed.
Jack was regretting the decision to stay the night in this hellhole, but he knew that it was the only thing he could do.
The past couple of days, Jack had made excuses to not see Oli, “I have to go shopping with my mum.” or “I need to catch up with school work.” both were lies which Jack spun to allow him time to spend with Alex.
Whilst Oli thought he was studying, or maybe doing early Christmas shopping, Jack was in fact in the arms of the boy whom he believed to be falling in love with, ever so gradually.
Oli was growing suspicious, which Jack could sense. He knew that when Oli offered the boy to stay over, he couldn’t decline, because otherwise the man would figure it all out.
Sure, it sounds like a good idea, maybe have Oli break up with him, but suspecting him of cheating (when the accusation would be true), it was a large risk for Alex’s health. Jack wasn’t prepared to put the boy in danger, especially since he knew exactly what Oli could do, and it was not fucking pretty.
Stretching an arm across Oli’s sleeping body, Jack picked up his mobile from the bedside table. Drawing the item into his chest, he checked for the time.
Three a.m, has he seriously been awake for this long?
He hated his mind; he doubted it would ever let him rest.
Pressing into his inbox, Jack scrolled through several messages, before finding one that Alex had sent to him the other night when he couldn’t sleep.
“stay strong 4 me, ok beautiful? everything will be good soon, it will just be me and you vs the world like it should be. i know its hard but we can do it, we can do anything as long as we have each other. and we do. so just lay your head against your pillow, close your eyes, & think of me. think of us & how happy we r going to be, dont give up <3 xxxxx”
A smile tugged at the corners of Jack’s lips as he settled into the pillow, imagining that the arms wrapped around him were Alex’s, and if he just pretended that he was with the boy now, maybe he could drift off.
And he did.
- - - -
“Hey, sleepyhead, wake the fuck up!”
Such a lovely morning call for Jack, a hand shaking his shoulder violently.
“Gerroff...” He murmured sleepily, batting away the intruding hand.
Rolling onto his back, he groaned, eyes gradually opening.
“Fuck sake Alex, it’s too early for this.” He whined.
Oh dear.
“Alex?” The other voice asked, concerned.
Oli’s voice.
Jack’s eyes widened as he propped himself up against the pillow. That was one of the biggest mistakes he could have made.
“Alex? Who’s Alex? I don’t know an Alex.” Jack began to babble, as if pretending he didn’t know what Oli was going on about. Yet the shaky tone to his voice only proved himself to be more guilty.
“Don’t bullshit me, Jack.” Oli shot, perching his fully clothed self at the edge of his bed, facing the boy lying beneath the duvet. “You just called me Alex...”
“I-I’m tired...?” Jack suggested, his heartbeat speeding in his chest.
“And I’m not a fucking idiot.” Oli muttered coldly, folding his arms tightly across his chest. “Are you seeing somebody else?”
Jack didn’t quite know how to answer. Well, there was always the truth, which could work. However, lying just seemed to be a better option.
“No, no... I’m with you, aren’t I?” He choked, even offering a fucking smile, but he knew it wasn’t going to work. He was just praying that Oli didn’t turn on him.
The tattooed man held his breath as he closed his eyes, hands rising to cover his face. As he finally exhaled, his hands slid into his lap, “I don’t know,” He shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, you’re with me now, but what about the last week? I haven’t seen you, but I bet this Alex has. Am I right?”
Jack was honestly quite surprised at how calm Oliver’s tone was, though he doubted it would last for long.
“I...” He began to chew on his bottom lip, pondering. The more he denied, the more suspicious Oli would become. Even so, if he just made up a story about Alex being maybe a cousin of his that he’d become close to, what about when he does break up with the man and starts dating someone coincidentally named Alex? That would just make matters even worse, so Jack realised that maybe if he just blurted everything, at least it would be finally over. The consequences would be worth it, he figured.
“Y-yeah, you’re right.” He managed to sigh, eyes looking toward the duvet; he daren’t look up and create eye contact.
“I can’t believe this...” Oli shook his head, fingers ruffling his hair. “I can’t believe you. I thought you were different, Jack.” He admitted, palm against his forehead. “How long have you been seeing him?”
The younger boy shrugged his shoulders, “A week and a bit, properly.” He said, “But I’ve had feelings for him for a few months, now...”
Oli’s eyebrows furrowed as he glared upon the boy opposite, quite confused if anything. “A few months?”
Jack nodded, tugging the duvet up his bare torso. He was wishing to be in clothes right now.
“... Then why did you become my boyfriend in the first place?”
Shrugging his shoulders, the American teen sighed once more. “I thought I liked you.”
“You thought?”
“W-well, yeah...” Jack stuttered, “It’s s-so difficult to explain, Oli...”
“I have time.”
Of course he did.
“Can I at least get dressed?” Jack asked, and Oli nodded in reply as he stood from the creaking bed.
“This better be good.”
- - - -
Jack didn’t know why Oli was being so understanding. It just made him feel more sick as he settled into the tattered couch, a discoloured, chipped mug full of hot, sweet tea in his hand. He didn’t deserve any hospitality, but he simply guessed Oli was perhaps trying to win him over, maybe convince him that he could love him.
“So, come on, tell me.” Oli said, urging Jack to just explain everything that he needed to hear.
“It was when I first moved here,” Jack started, the rim of the mug pressed against his bottom lip. “First day of upper sixth form, and this complete tool is forced into showing me around, much to his dismay.” Jack scoffed, taking a gulp of the hot liquid, burning his tongue in the process. “But for some reason, I liked the fact he was an idiot to me. It was as if I was turned on by his cruel words.”
Oli sighed, fidgeting beside him. “I think you have a thing for guys being complete arseholes to you when they first meet you.” Referring to how he shoved Jack to the floor when they walked into each other in that dull corridor.
Jack shrugged his shoulders, “Perhaps.” He answered, placing the mug onto the coffee table. He wasn’t even sure how Oli could afford a coffee table, it was possibly the nicest thing in the poor excuse of a living room, he just guessed it was stolen.
“Anyway,” He continued, getting back to his story, “We just talked more, I guess. I eventually got through to him, and he started to like me, though he claimed he was straight, and he still does. I’m just his exception.”
Even sitting here, feeling uncomfortable, those last words couldn’t stop a smile flashing across Jack’s gentle features.
“But it became difficult...”
Oli watched as Jack tugged at the sleeves of his baseball t-shirt, curling the fabric over the backs of his hands, obvious signs of nervousness.
“What happened?” He asked, fighting so hard to keep his hands to himself.
Jack rolled his eyes, “I’m getting there.” He answered back, “It’s not exactly the easiest thing to talk about.” He muttered, quickly sweeping his fringe across his forehead.
“... I got hurt.” He managed to say, “Alex’s best friend beat the fucking shit out of me, but with a body like mine, that’s not the hardest thing to do.” He shrugged. “Yet, Alex stood up for me, and he protected me. I couldn’t help but to like him even more, knowing that he would be there for me if I ever needed it.”
“Then why was it difficult? Sounds like things were going pretty well?” Oli interrupted, a bitter tone to his voice, growing impatient with his, well, ex-boyfriend? It certainly seemed as if they wouldn’t be together after this, something that was tugging on his heart strings.
“Alex’s best friend, Josh, he figured it out.” Jack decided to pick the pace of the story up, perhaps the faster this was over, the less likely he was to throw up in Oli’s flat. “He blackmailed Alex, saying that if he was really one hundred per cent straight, he’d stay the fuck away from me, the faggot.”
Oli’s facial expression softened as he noticed Jack welling up. “Hey, hey... It can’t have been that hard, I mean, it wasn’t like you were in love, was it?”
Jack shrugged his shoulders for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning. “We weren’t in love, and I don’t think we are at the moment, but I guess it is the stage before that, you know. The falling part, we’re still waiting to catch one another.” He raised the mug to his lips once more, “I don’t know why it hurt so much, though, but it did. I mean, we talked things over, and I tried to persuade him to stay, or perhaps cheat the deal, but he refused. He couldn’t risk it, he couldn’t risk his pride, or his popularity.”
Oli’s eyes narrowed, trying to imagine what kind of boy would even think of doing that to somebody. “He sounds like a fucking cunt.” He wasn’t one to use the best of language.
“Yeah, he does, and I thought he was.” Jack admitted, “I mean, I was so fucking mad at him for just leaving me like that. He tried to stop going to lessons, too, just to avoid me.” But here comes the hardest part of it all.
Even after the past month or so being with Oli, Jack still never uttered a word about why he was seeing a therapist. Of course, he knew every detail about Oli’s addictions, his painful childhood, absolutely everything, but Jack was still like a present yet to be unwrapped.
Now the boy was to know at least a part of his past, the recent past.
“But one English lesson, I saw the boy walk in late. He looked straight at me, before trying to find a seat. Our teacher forced him next to me, though.” Jack murmured, his voice hushed. “I felt physically sick,” Much like now, “The way he just acted as if I wasn’t even there, and I suppose I just couldn’t handle it. All I remember is rummaging in my bag, trying to sneakily hide my razor blade in my pocket, and I went to the school bathroom. I tried to take my own life.”
Oli’s brown eyes widened, and he gulped. Through everything that he had ever been through, not once had suicide even crossed his mind. He might have hated living with an abusive father, having to suffer a beating every time he sauntered in from school, crying himself to sleep even when he was fifteen years old, but suicide was something he just didn’t like the thought of. Drugs, on the other hand, yeah, they seemed good.
Oli wanted to interrupt, but noticed Jack’s lips parting, signing he was to continue, he refrained himself from speaking.
“I woke up in hospital, and I don’t know why, but I expected Alex to be there. I wanted him to be there to say sorry, and to make things better, but of course the asshole wasn’t there.” He spat, almost forgetting that the boy had been forgiven. Reminiscing just made himself bitter, he guessed.
“I just decided from that point onwards that I hated him more than I’ve ever hated anybody before. I convinced myself that he was nothing but a piece of shit, and I deserved better. That’s why when you came along, when you were so sweet, and lovely, I thought you were what I needed after such a shit time.”
Oli rested his chin on his palm, “But I wasn’t.” He simply added, beginning to chew on his fingernails.
Jack shook his head, “No... I mean, I thought you were, I really did, but when Alex came back to me last week, explaining himself, I knew that I still wanted him all along.” The younger boy finally lifted his head, looking toward the man whom he knew was upset. “I’m so sorry...” Jack whispered, “I’m an idiot, I know.”
Oli forced a laugh as he sat up, eyes connecting with Jack’s for the first time that morning. “You really are.” His bitten nails began to scratch at the stubble on his cheek.
Jack had been expecting a punch by now, especially since his long speech had come to its end. “Why are you laughing? Why aren’t you angry with me?” He questioned.
“This isn’t something to trigger me, Jack. I thought you’d understand that by now.” Oli rolled his eyes, “But I suppose I knew all along that this wasn’t something that would last, I mean, you never looked at me with adoration, you always seemed to have something on your mind, and now it’s clear that you did. I just wish you would have told me.”
“But I was scared...” Jack admitted shyly.
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise, it’s fine.” Oli sighed, though they both knew it wasn’t. Oli knew he was going to hurt, because he had grown used to having somebody to rely on, but he’d managed to live without the boy, so he was certain he could do it again. Obviously, Jack wasn’t the one for him. “Look, the way you’ve talked about this Alex kid, it’s just got me thinking, y’know? The way you smile when you say his name, even when it’s something as upsetting as the whole suicide thing, I noticed the glint in your eyes, it’s obvious that you really care for him, Jack. I guess I just kind of wish that it could have been me instead...”
Jack nodded, “Yeah...” Was all he could respond with.
“So this, I suppose, is where it’s going to end? Me and you.” Oli breathed, standing to his feet from the couch, Jack following in suit.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Jack said, “Th-thank you...”
“For what?”
“For not going schitz.”
Oli began to chuckle, and even pulled Jack into a hug, though one which maybe you would give to a brother. For once, there were no wandering hands.
“I might be an addict, and I might have a short temper, but I get angry over things like people taking my drink, or not looking where they’re going and walking straight into me.”
Jack couldn’t help himself but to giggle, and it was strange that this was the most comfortable he had ever been with Oli, treating him like a friend.
“I’m not going to hurt you because you’ve fallen in love.”
“I’m not in love.” Jack tried to argue back, but Oli’s laughter cut him short.
“You keep telling yourself that, Barakat.”
The first time that Jack had ever heard Oli utter his surname, but he couldn’t help to prefer it.
“Mm, well, would you be okay with us just staying as, I don’t know, friends?” Jack offered, holding his palm out.
Oli slapped his hand against Jack’s, before gripping it into a tight handshake.
“Yeah, mates.”
And they hugged once more before Jack decided that it was time for him to go.
Alex just had to hear the fantastic news.