I'm lost without you (4/4)
Title: I‘m lost without you
Author: Me, CherylMcMinorrr
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: PG?
Part: 4/4
Genre: Angst and fluff and other stuff.
Summary: What happens when the life you’ve come to know gets shook up in every possible way? Sometimes you need to be on the verge of losing it all before you realise what you had. (Sorry, I fail at writing summaries)
Disclaimer: This hasn’t happened and I hope it doesn’t. Title belongs to Blink 182.
Chapters
A/N: THIS IS THE END. However, I shall be writing an epilogue kind of chapter, which will probably be set slightly in the future. Thanks to anyone who’s been reading this, it’s the longest slash I’ve ever stuck with writing up until the end. I know I’ve already posted today, but it was annoying me having this written (yes, I wrote slash instead of finishing my homework) and besides I don’t know if I’ll find the time to post it tomorrow because I have a feeling college work’s gonna eat my life.
Dedications: Anyone who's commented or bothered to read this. Thank you.
Alex had never been more happier to hear Jack‘s voice, it was like music to his ears. He couldn’t help but getting lost in his dark-brown eyes, because he hadn’t seen them open and full of life in so long. Jack stared back, smiling at his fiancée, still a little bit confused and disorientated at waking up in hospital. “My throat kills.” Alex broke the intense stare that they were locked in, by swiftly walking across the room. “Here, let me get you a drink, Jack.” He hurried about the room, before returning with the cup. “You were in a coma for nearly four weeks, I was so scared Jack!” he said sincerely, his wide smile contradicting the tone of voice and yeah, he was kind of jumping off the walls with happiness at that moment.
Jack sipped quietly, watching his ecstatic fiancée hopping from foot to foot and grinning at him, trying to come to terms with how he’d felt before he’d awoken and make sense of the jumbled voices he’d been hearing through the strange blackness it felt like he‘d just pulled himself from. The bright lights of the room hurt his eyes, he hated the unnatural brightness, it kind of felt like waking up in a laboratory or something. There was a tiredness in the back of his mind, it kind of felt like jet lag, it could have been any time of the day - the distressful room didn’t appear to have a clock and there were thick curtains pulled across what he assumed was a window, giving no sign whatever as to what time it might actually be. He noticed Alex’s mood change suddenly, as though the older boy just remembered something. He still seemed happy, just his spirits seems slightly dampened. “What is it?” He asked instantly, his voice was less croaky and more like how he should sound, but he definitely felt like he had a sore throat.
He pulled Alex back into his arms, preventing him from fidgeting nervously and the older boy spoke. “I just need to tell you what’s happened since your accident, but it can wait until the doctor’s checked you over, I’ll go phone your mom and dad when he gets back.” “Okay. What time is it?” “2am.” “Fuck, I’m tired.” He yawned. “No, no, you’re not allowed to sleep until the doctor comes back.” besides, deep down, he was irrationally scared that Jack wouldn‘t wake up again. “I love you Jack.” “I love you too.” The younger boy yawned resting his head on Alex’s shoulder. Alex’s hand went to idly play with his hair and he received a sigh off the younger boy, which caused his heart to flutter because Jack was with him again, it felt kind of surreal, like something drastic had been missing from his life and it had suddenly come back and now he didn‘t know what to do with it all.
When the doctor entered the room, Alex left to call Jack’s mom, which in honesty only took about 5 minutes, then he spent the rest of his time out of the room pacing up and down the hospital corridor, wondering how he was going to tell Jack that he’d lost their daughter. He didn’t know how lightly Jack would take the news, or how much he’d blame him. He hoped the younger boy would understand that it’s not his fault, but he was doubting that he would. He cursed Jack’s timing, if his fiancée had awoken just a day before, there wouldn’t be a problem. Once the doctor left the room, he decided he’d better face the music before Jack’s family and others started arriving, he’d hate for Jack to find out off anyone else first. That would definitely be worse.
By the time Alex reached the room once again, Jack was alone. He offered him a sleepy smile and Alex really didn’t want to break it to him. His own heart was breaking at the thought. “Jack, you can’t sleep yet…” He whispered, crawling into the bed beside the younger man. “Why?” Jack asked through a yawn, still feeling slightly out-of-character and dizzy from having just woken up but he still wrapped his arms around the older man‘s waist. “We need to talk about Evie…” He sighed, nausea hitting him like a brick. The room sounded so unnaturally quiet compared to how it had done before Jack awoke when the purring of machines and the beeping had filled the room. It was unnatural like it’s colour scheme and unnatural like the too bright lights that lined the ceiling.
Jack was looking down into his eyes, giving Alex his undivided attention, but he couldn’t help feeling worried about what he had said. “What’s wrong with her?” he rushed out, biting on his lip. Alex’s eyes filled with sadness and his hands began to tremble. “There’s nothing wrong with her, it’s just she -” “What Alex? What did she do?” “Evie did nothing, her mother -” Jack sat bolt upright in the bed. “Bitch. What’s she done?” “She… Well, she asked for custody of her and well -” “You gave her up?!” Jack sounded incredulous, he could hear another fighting match coming on and he didn‘t want that. “No. I - No. She got an attorney to come and take her, they, they said because I’m not her legal guardian that they had to give her to her mother to look after.” the older man’s eyes were filling with tears, he knew Jack would take this badly. He sort of hated Mr. Paul for leaving all of this with him and he hated Evie’s mother, for having her apparent sudden change of heart about the little girl.
Jack growled somewhere in the back of his throat out of annoyance, before slightly pulling at his hair then turning to face his lover, who was now perched lightly on the edge of the bed, looking at him tentatively. He sighed lightly, before taking deep breaths, thinking logically. Alex had gone through so much recently, he couldn’t get mad at him for something out of his control. He calmed his expression before looking up at the older boy. “Phone them. Now. I don’t care that it’s nearing 3am. Phone until the attorney guy picks up and tell them I’m currently able to take care of my own daughter and I’d like to see her now.” Alex jumped up at Jack’s words and nodded before leaving the room.
He thought the younger boy was crazy, but he’d just almost lost him and he’d rather do as he asked than ever have to go through that again. He’d expected Jack to completely blame him for not even being able to protect his daughter while he couldn’t, for being incapable and he was so thankful that he hadn’t, because he’d been trying so hard. He soon reached the pay phone at the end of the corridor, inhaling air before he dialled. It took what seemed like forever for Mr. Paul to pick up and when Alex told him, he simply said it wasn’t that easy. That pissed Alex off. “JACK IS STILL HER FUCKING CUSTODIAL PARENT AND HE’S AWAKE NOW, YOU CAN COME AND SEE FOR YOURSELF, JUST BRING EVA BACK TO HER FAMILY WHERE SHE BELONGS.” “It’s a bit early Mr. Gaskarth and perhaps we should wait for her mother to take this to court before attempting to have her back.” Alex, who’d once thought the man seem like quite a considerate human being had changed his opinion, he cursed himself for being so wrong. “Of course, with the maternal parent now wanting custody there’s a large chance she’ll be granted residential parent and Jack will be granted contact, as the paternal parent.” Alex refrained from hitting the receiver or his own head off the wall. “You listen here!” he spat. “Jack still has custody of her and he’s awake, therefore if you don’t bring her back I’m sure there’s at least one law you’d be breaking, which as an attorney you wouldn’t want and Eva’s mother certainly wouldn’t want, because that could give Jack and I the upper hand in court if she does decide to fight for custody. We are the little girl’s family, not her, she knows us, she’s familiar with us and Jack’s a perfectly capable father, you, as her mother’s attorney obviously feel inclined to side against us, but at the moment you’re in a losing situation, so just follow through with the law and bring the baby back.” “You’d make a great lawyer Mr. Gaskarth, now excuse me, I have a child to return to her dad.” “Thank you.”
He was so stressed out from the phone call, his muscles ached out of stress and he had the familiar intense feeling building up in his gut, making him want to lash out and hit something. He felt dizzy, he needed to cool down, so he headed to the hospital doors and sat outside of the hospital in the small garden area. There was literally no body about, due to the time, however soon a small figure walked past him before doing a double take and seeming to check weather he was safe, before sitting on the other end of the bench. He saw it was quite a young girl and he instantly wondered if it were a fan and she’d found him, but her sad smile told him otherwise. He returned her smile. “It’s a bit late for someone to be out here isn’t it?” “I could say that to you.” “I just needed to think about some things.” “Me too. And give my fiancée some alone time, but mainly to think.” “Are you visiting her, then?” “Him.” he corrected, looking for any signs of disgust on the young girl’s face, but it remained as slightly sad as before. “What happened to him?” “He’s just come out of a coma. What about you being here?” it was kind of nice to have someone to vent about his life to who didn’t know him, or of his band, he guessed.
“My grandma brought me in, she thinks I’m suicidal or need therapy or something, but I don’t.” he instantly saw himself in the young girl, how he were when he was a teenager. He nodded. “It’s a pain, but she’s only doing what she thinks is best, I guess.” He nodded again. “What did your parents say?” He could tell from the change in her face that he’d overstepped the mark. “My mom gave me up when I was born. My Gran took me in.” He nodded, but it set him off thinking, Evie’s mom had given her up, maybe it’d do good for her to at least have some contact with the child. “I used to see my dad when I was little, but he got arrested for manslaughter, he was drunk driving.” This set off a new train of thought in his mind. Did whoever had hurt his Jack have a life? A family? Children? A job? He’d spent the past month hating the guy or girl he hadn’t put much thought into the other side of things. Everything in his head was mixing together and he had to pull himself out of the thought train to hear the girl speaking again. “I’m gonna have to get back now, it was nice talking to you…” “Alex.” “Alex, I’m Gemma by the way, bye.” she waved on her way back. He thought he should head back to Jack and await Mr. Paul’s arrival.
“I just met the strangest character…” he told the half awake boy, he threw him a look before asking him “You went to find out about Evie?” “They’re bringing her, thankfully, stupid fuckers trying to take advantage of the situation, the nerve of that man. How dare he even -” “Hey, hey, at least they’re bringing her, shush Lex, calm down.” he soothed, attempting to stand up and comfort the shorter man, but his attempt failed and the room started spinning. Alex climbed onto the bed and cuddled into his side, inhaling his scent.
“I feel like I almost lost everything and at the last minute life decided I’d suffered enough and shoved it back into my grasp again.” he whispered into the boy he loves shoulder. He felt gentle little kisses being pressed to his cheek in between Jack whispering sweet nothing’s into his ear and maybe, he realised, just maybe everything was going to be okay. Maybe they wouldn’t find whoever did this to them, maybe Alex’s brief meeting before had even caused him to have a change of heart about wanting the culprit arrested. Maybe Evie’s mother would want to play a part in her life, that didn’t mean they still wouldn’t be her family. Things were changing, but it didn’t matter. He’d never realised how lucky or happy he was before, but now he knew one thing and that was that he wasn’t letting his lover or child go again.
“Alex?” he nodded, content in his position. “You know what we need to do don’t you?” he shook his head this time. “We better start planning our wedding, because then you can like apply to be Evie’s legal guardian or whatever and if anything else bad happens they won’t be able to take her away.” he smiled and nodded. “We had. I‘ve a song to sing to you in the morning…” and with that he fell asleep, genuinely happy for the first time in a long while.
Author: Me, CherylMcMinorrr
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: PG?
Part: 4/4
Genre: Angst and fluff and other stuff.
Summary: What happens when the life you’ve come to know gets shook up in every possible way? Sometimes you need to be on the verge of losing it all before you realise what you had. (Sorry, I fail at writing summaries)
Disclaimer: This hasn’t happened and I hope it doesn’t. Title belongs to Blink 182.
Chapters
A/N: THIS IS THE END. However, I shall be writing an epilogue kind of chapter, which will probably be set slightly in the future. Thanks to anyone who’s been reading this, it’s the longest slash I’ve ever stuck with writing up until the end. I know I’ve already posted today, but it was annoying me having this written (yes, I wrote slash instead of finishing my homework) and besides I don’t know if I’ll find the time to post it tomorrow because I have a feeling college work’s gonna eat my life.
Dedications: Anyone who's commented or bothered to read this. Thank you.
Alex had never been more happier to hear Jack‘s voice, it was like music to his ears. He couldn’t help but getting lost in his dark-brown eyes, because he hadn’t seen them open and full of life in so long. Jack stared back, smiling at his fiancée, still a little bit confused and disorientated at waking up in hospital. “My throat kills.” Alex broke the intense stare that they were locked in, by swiftly walking across the room. “Here, let me get you a drink, Jack.” He hurried about the room, before returning with the cup. “You were in a coma for nearly four weeks, I was so scared Jack!” he said sincerely, his wide smile contradicting the tone of voice and yeah, he was kind of jumping off the walls with happiness at that moment.
Jack sipped quietly, watching his ecstatic fiancée hopping from foot to foot and grinning at him, trying to come to terms with how he’d felt before he’d awoken and make sense of the jumbled voices he’d been hearing through the strange blackness it felt like he‘d just pulled himself from. The bright lights of the room hurt his eyes, he hated the unnatural brightness, it kind of felt like waking up in a laboratory or something. There was a tiredness in the back of his mind, it kind of felt like jet lag, it could have been any time of the day - the distressful room didn’t appear to have a clock and there were thick curtains pulled across what he assumed was a window, giving no sign whatever as to what time it might actually be. He noticed Alex’s mood change suddenly, as though the older boy just remembered something. He still seemed happy, just his spirits seems slightly dampened. “What is it?” He asked instantly, his voice was less croaky and more like how he should sound, but he definitely felt like he had a sore throat.
He pulled Alex back into his arms, preventing him from fidgeting nervously and the older boy spoke. “I just need to tell you what’s happened since your accident, but it can wait until the doctor’s checked you over, I’ll go phone your mom and dad when he gets back.” “Okay. What time is it?” “2am.” “Fuck, I’m tired.” He yawned. “No, no, you’re not allowed to sleep until the doctor comes back.” besides, deep down, he was irrationally scared that Jack wouldn‘t wake up again. “I love you Jack.” “I love you too.” The younger boy yawned resting his head on Alex’s shoulder. Alex’s hand went to idly play with his hair and he received a sigh off the younger boy, which caused his heart to flutter because Jack was with him again, it felt kind of surreal, like something drastic had been missing from his life and it had suddenly come back and now he didn‘t know what to do with it all.
When the doctor entered the room, Alex left to call Jack’s mom, which in honesty only took about 5 minutes, then he spent the rest of his time out of the room pacing up and down the hospital corridor, wondering how he was going to tell Jack that he’d lost their daughter. He didn’t know how lightly Jack would take the news, or how much he’d blame him. He hoped the younger boy would understand that it’s not his fault, but he was doubting that he would. He cursed Jack’s timing, if his fiancée had awoken just a day before, there wouldn’t be a problem. Once the doctor left the room, he decided he’d better face the music before Jack’s family and others started arriving, he’d hate for Jack to find out off anyone else first. That would definitely be worse.
By the time Alex reached the room once again, Jack was alone. He offered him a sleepy smile and Alex really didn’t want to break it to him. His own heart was breaking at the thought. “Jack, you can’t sleep yet…” He whispered, crawling into the bed beside the younger man. “Why?” Jack asked through a yawn, still feeling slightly out-of-character and dizzy from having just woken up but he still wrapped his arms around the older man‘s waist. “We need to talk about Evie…” He sighed, nausea hitting him like a brick. The room sounded so unnaturally quiet compared to how it had done before Jack awoke when the purring of machines and the beeping had filled the room. It was unnatural like it’s colour scheme and unnatural like the too bright lights that lined the ceiling.
Jack was looking down into his eyes, giving Alex his undivided attention, but he couldn’t help feeling worried about what he had said. “What’s wrong with her?” he rushed out, biting on his lip. Alex’s eyes filled with sadness and his hands began to tremble. “There’s nothing wrong with her, it’s just she -” “What Alex? What did she do?” “Evie did nothing, her mother -” Jack sat bolt upright in the bed. “Bitch. What’s she done?” “She… Well, she asked for custody of her and well -” “You gave her up?!” Jack sounded incredulous, he could hear another fighting match coming on and he didn‘t want that. “No. I - No. She got an attorney to come and take her, they, they said because I’m not her legal guardian that they had to give her to her mother to look after.” the older man’s eyes were filling with tears, he knew Jack would take this badly. He sort of hated Mr. Paul for leaving all of this with him and he hated Evie’s mother, for having her apparent sudden change of heart about the little girl.
Jack growled somewhere in the back of his throat out of annoyance, before slightly pulling at his hair then turning to face his lover, who was now perched lightly on the edge of the bed, looking at him tentatively. He sighed lightly, before taking deep breaths, thinking logically. Alex had gone through so much recently, he couldn’t get mad at him for something out of his control. He calmed his expression before looking up at the older boy. “Phone them. Now. I don’t care that it’s nearing 3am. Phone until the attorney guy picks up and tell them I’m currently able to take care of my own daughter and I’d like to see her now.” Alex jumped up at Jack’s words and nodded before leaving the room.
He thought the younger boy was crazy, but he’d just almost lost him and he’d rather do as he asked than ever have to go through that again. He’d expected Jack to completely blame him for not even being able to protect his daughter while he couldn’t, for being incapable and he was so thankful that he hadn’t, because he’d been trying so hard. He soon reached the pay phone at the end of the corridor, inhaling air before he dialled. It took what seemed like forever for Mr. Paul to pick up and when Alex told him, he simply said it wasn’t that easy. That pissed Alex off. “JACK IS STILL HER FUCKING CUSTODIAL PARENT AND HE’S AWAKE NOW, YOU CAN COME AND SEE FOR YOURSELF, JUST BRING EVA BACK TO HER FAMILY WHERE SHE BELONGS.” “It’s a bit early Mr. Gaskarth and perhaps we should wait for her mother to take this to court before attempting to have her back.” Alex, who’d once thought the man seem like quite a considerate human being had changed his opinion, he cursed himself for being so wrong. “Of course, with the maternal parent now wanting custody there’s a large chance she’ll be granted residential parent and Jack will be granted contact, as the paternal parent.” Alex refrained from hitting the receiver or his own head off the wall. “You listen here!” he spat. “Jack still has custody of her and he’s awake, therefore if you don’t bring her back I’m sure there’s at least one law you’d be breaking, which as an attorney you wouldn’t want and Eva’s mother certainly wouldn’t want, because that could give Jack and I the upper hand in court if she does decide to fight for custody. We are the little girl’s family, not her, she knows us, she’s familiar with us and Jack’s a perfectly capable father, you, as her mother’s attorney obviously feel inclined to side against us, but at the moment you’re in a losing situation, so just follow through with the law and bring the baby back.” “You’d make a great lawyer Mr. Gaskarth, now excuse me, I have a child to return to her dad.” “Thank you.”
He was so stressed out from the phone call, his muscles ached out of stress and he had the familiar intense feeling building up in his gut, making him want to lash out and hit something. He felt dizzy, he needed to cool down, so he headed to the hospital doors and sat outside of the hospital in the small garden area. There was literally no body about, due to the time, however soon a small figure walked past him before doing a double take and seeming to check weather he was safe, before sitting on the other end of the bench. He saw it was quite a young girl and he instantly wondered if it were a fan and she’d found him, but her sad smile told him otherwise. He returned her smile. “It’s a bit late for someone to be out here isn’t it?” “I could say that to you.” “I just needed to think about some things.” “Me too. And give my fiancée some alone time, but mainly to think.” “Are you visiting her, then?” “Him.” he corrected, looking for any signs of disgust on the young girl’s face, but it remained as slightly sad as before. “What happened to him?” “He’s just come out of a coma. What about you being here?” it was kind of nice to have someone to vent about his life to who didn’t know him, or of his band, he guessed.
“My grandma brought me in, she thinks I’m suicidal or need therapy or something, but I don’t.” he instantly saw himself in the young girl, how he were when he was a teenager. He nodded. “It’s a pain, but she’s only doing what she thinks is best, I guess.” He nodded again. “What did your parents say?” He could tell from the change in her face that he’d overstepped the mark. “My mom gave me up when I was born. My Gran took me in.” He nodded, but it set him off thinking, Evie’s mom had given her up, maybe it’d do good for her to at least have some contact with the child. “I used to see my dad when I was little, but he got arrested for manslaughter, he was drunk driving.” This set off a new train of thought in his mind. Did whoever had hurt his Jack have a life? A family? Children? A job? He’d spent the past month hating the guy or girl he hadn’t put much thought into the other side of things. Everything in his head was mixing together and he had to pull himself out of the thought train to hear the girl speaking again. “I’m gonna have to get back now, it was nice talking to you…” “Alex.” “Alex, I’m Gemma by the way, bye.” she waved on her way back. He thought he should head back to Jack and await Mr. Paul’s arrival.
“I just met the strangest character…” he told the half awake boy, he threw him a look before asking him “You went to find out about Evie?” “They’re bringing her, thankfully, stupid fuckers trying to take advantage of the situation, the nerve of that man. How dare he even -” “Hey, hey, at least they’re bringing her, shush Lex, calm down.” he soothed, attempting to stand up and comfort the shorter man, but his attempt failed and the room started spinning. Alex climbed onto the bed and cuddled into his side, inhaling his scent.
“I feel like I almost lost everything and at the last minute life decided I’d suffered enough and shoved it back into my grasp again.” he whispered into the boy he loves shoulder. He felt gentle little kisses being pressed to his cheek in between Jack whispering sweet nothing’s into his ear and maybe, he realised, just maybe everything was going to be okay. Maybe they wouldn’t find whoever did this to them, maybe Alex’s brief meeting before had even caused him to have a change of heart about wanting the culprit arrested. Maybe Evie’s mother would want to play a part in her life, that didn’t mean they still wouldn’t be her family. Things were changing, but it didn’t matter. He’d never realised how lucky or happy he was before, but now he knew one thing and that was that he wasn’t letting his lover or child go again.
“Alex?” he nodded, content in his position. “You know what we need to do don’t you?” he shook his head this time. “We better start planning our wedding, because then you can like apply to be Evie’s legal guardian or whatever and if anything else bad happens they won’t be able to take her away.” he smiled and nodded. “We had. I‘ve a song to sing to you in the morning…” and with that he fell asleep, genuinely happy for the first time in a long while.