Like We Used To (4)
“Please kill me now.” I grumbled.
“Alex, I know it’ll be a bit awkward seeing as he has been gone for a year, but I know
things will return to normal.”
Why was everyone saying things would return to normal? Normal was long gone and I knew
it was never coming back.
“Yeah, sure, whatever mom.”
“They’ll be here at six. Treat Jack nicely!” I nodded as I looked at the clock.
One hour and twenty-three minutes. That’s not nearly enough time to mentally prep myself for the situation ahead.
---
The doorbell rang at exactly six o’clock and not a minute later. I heard my father bellow from the kitchen, “I’ll get it.” He probably offered since Isobel was no doubt taking the dessert out of the oven and double checking all the place settings.
I sat in my room listening to the choruses of My, how long has it been? and Jack, you’ve grown so much that filled the living room and drifted up to my room. My mother started gushing about the new flowers she had added to her garden
while the two men discussed the current economic standings. I could just picture Jack standing downstairs awkwardly, waiting to take a seat at the dinner table. He was probably looking around the living room, searching for changes since he’d last been here.
I sighed. How long could I keep him waiting? Not very long, I guessed. I really just wanted to lock myself in my room and spend the night there, not letting anyone in. I wasn’t in the mood for the hugs and questions. And I most definitely wasn’t in the mood for Jack. I looked down at my sweatpants. Throwing on a shirt, I opened the door and started walking downstairs. I didn’t
care how I looked, it’s not like I was trying to dress up for him anyway.
As I stepped off the stairs, however, my mom glared at me. I could practically hear her yelling, “Couldn’t you at least bother to dress up nicely?” Mr. and Mrs. Barakat turned to face me.
“Oh my goodness! Alex, look at you! You’ve grown up to be a handsome young man.” Joyce leaned over and hugged me closely.
“With the brain of a three year old?” Bassam joked as he pulled me in for one of those manly hugs.
I looked at Jack, nodding once, before we relocated to the dinner table. All throughout dinner I kept catching Jack staring at me. I could practically feel his eyes burning a hole in my head.
“So Alex, how were things at school while Jack was away?” his mother asked.
I finished chewing, “Well, pretty much the same. Nothing drastic happened. It’s not like a teacher decided to be nice for a change.” This got a laugh from the table, so my input was over. My mom left the room and came back a few minutes later with two plates full of chocolate raspberry cake. She handed one to me and the other to Jack.
“Go on you guys. You can eat upstairs. You probably don’t want to listen about politics. And you have a lot of catching up to do.” I stared at her in horror and Jack stood up, waiting for me to lead the way to my room. No, mom, please. I’d much rather listen about the upcoming election than talk to Jack. In fact, I’d love to.
I sighed, knowing there was no way out. I padded upstairs, Jack following closely. I threw myself onto the
bed, settling in the corner, and opening a book. Jack stood in the doorway awkwardly.
“At least take a seat,” I spat. He flinched at my harsh tone and took a seat at the very edge of my bed. “Now turn the t.v. on.”
“What channel?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t care. Whatever you want.” He nodded and turned on some standup comedy show. I pretended to read my book, but I was really just watching him over the edge of the pages. He looked around my room as if comparing it to the last time he’d been here. It was the same; at least, I hadn’t meant to change anything. The Blink-182 and New Found Glory posters were still up. All the furniture was
in its original position. He lightly ran his fingers over the covers of the books on my bookshelf. He stopped at one, pulling on it, but not fully taking it out, as if he was debating whether or not he wanted to read it. I looked closer, trying to see the title. It was a book of dares that we had picked up at the local bookstore our freshman year. I remembered the first, and last time,
we had used it.
“Jack, goddammit, truth or dare! It isn’t a hard choice, there’s only two options,” Rian exclaimed.
Jack sighed. “But there’s consequences to either one I choose.”
“Exactly, so choose one.”
“Um, dare, I guess.”
Zack and Rian exchanged a mischievous glance. I watched them, knowing that Jack was going to get it bad. This was so amusing, until it was your turn, of course. They had already made me run down the street in just my boxers even though it was November and colder
than it had been in a while. Rian was forced to chug a mixture that the rest of us made, which, of course, he threw up seconds after swallowing. Jack had dared him that and now Rian was going to get revenge. It must’ve been a dare Zack
helped him come up with.
“Kiss Alex.” My eyes narrowed. I had no idea this dare would have anything to do with me.
Jack started protesting, “But”-
“A dare is a dare,” Zack proclaimed as if this was a newly discovered fact.
“No shit Sherlock!” Rian slapped Zack.
I looked over at Jack who was glancing at me nervously every few seconds. I sighed; this kid would never do
it. I leaned over to him and turned his head to face me. He looked at my lips and I patiently waited with my eyes closed. Two seconds later I felt his lips crash against mine. I pressed my lips against his, wanting to feel him, but he pulled away seconds later. We looked at each other, blushing. I’d never had a kiss like that. It made my stomach stir just thinking about it, little
butterflies taking flight. Rian and Zack burst out laughing.
“I. Didn’t. Think. You’d. Actually do it!” Rian managed in between laughs. Zack just held his stomach,
tears rolling down his face.
“I don’t get it?” I asked.
“You know, I actually thought you two enjoyed it for a minute, but damn Jack, I can’t believe you didn’t
chicken out.”
“Fuck you,” Jack grumbled, obviously embarrassed.
Rian and Zack left a few hours later, leaving me alone with Jack, who was sleeping the night. We sat side by side on my bed, our thighs lightly touching. We were supposed to be watching some dumb movie on t.v. but all I could concentrate on was how close Jack and I
were.
“You know,” Jack mumbled, bringing me out of my thoughts. “I, um, didn’t mind it.”
“The kiss?”
“Yeah, I kinda liked it,” Jack whispered. I practically felt my heart explode from joy. I acted on impulse,
for once doing what I wanted and not analyzing it beforehand. I swung my leg over Jack’s so that I was sitting on his lap, out faces just inches away.
I whispered against his lips, “I kinda liked it too.” He pushed forward then, letting our lips collide. The kiss
was slow and passionate, as if letting out all the romantic tension from the months we had spent as best friends and nothing more. I pulled on his hair lightly, whimpering as he placed his hands on my hips, stroking my skin where the fabric had ridden up. I felt a shiver run through me and he swiped his tongue against my lip. I moaned quietly and he slid his tongue in as my mouth opened against his.
Jack cleared his throat uncomfortably, taking me out of my memories. I wiped at my eyes, realizing that they were filling with tears. Fucking nostalgia.
“So how have you been, since I, uh, left?” Jack asked tentatively, as if testing the
water.
“Better than when you were here.” I snapped.
I watched as his face took a pained expression and he turned away quickly, rubbing his eyes. He turned back and stared at the floor, picking at his nails.
“Oh, really. That’s, good I guess.”
I sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just, last time we saw each other, things weren’t going so well.”
He nodded, but I could still see how much I had hurt him. “Did you have any relationships while I was away?”
Nosy little fucker. I was so tempted to lie and say that the whole school was on its knees for me, but I felt too cruel. “No, not really. How’s Amber?” I couldn’t help it, when I said her name, I felt like gagging.
“She’s good, we’re really close friends now.”
“You broke up with her?”
“We were never together Alex.”
“Right, I forgot.”
I watched him as he played with his hands, a nervous habit of his. I could tell that he was scared to be in the same room as me. He was just as afraid as I was that the past would resurface way too soon, and neither of us was ready to deal with it. I thought I wouldn’t
have to. After all, he was supposed to be gone.
“Hey Jack?” I asked. He looked up at me, nodding for me to go on. I fucking love you. I want you back. No, I need you back. But you hurt me so bad, and yet I still can’t stand life without you. I spent half of a year successfully without thinking about you and now you’re back and you won’t get out of my head. Every five minutes, you creep into my thoughts. “That’s my sweatshirt.”
He looked down at what he was wearing, tugging on the collar as he remembered. “Oh yeah, I must’ve borrowed it before I left and forgot to give it back.” He started unzipping it.
“No, it’s fine, keep it.” I said, not like I wanted something he had worn anyway. It wasn’t that I wanted him to have a part of me. No, not at all.
There was a knock on my door. “Come in,” I yelled. My mom opened the door.
“Hi boys. I have fantastic news!” Jack is going back to wherever the hell he was for the past year. Don’t get too
hopeful Gaskarth. “I talked to Joyce and Bassam and we all agreed that Jack can spend the night. A sleepover, just like the old times!”
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.