All Was Golden In The Sky [3/20]
As we were walking home, they were bombarding Ryan with questions so I hung back with Lilly.
“Dude, the performance yesterday, I loved it, you were seriously amazing” Jon near enough shouted at him, making Ryan look slightly scared.
“Err well thanks, you like Smashing Pumpkins then?” He asked. Jon’s jaw dropped, but Emma cut in.
“Like? Likes a bit of an understatement for Jon, he fucking worships them!” she laughed, Jon grinned.
“They need to be worshipped by everyone and everything!” He complained. Ryan laughed.
“I totally agree with you, The Pumpkins are Gods.”
“So what other stuff are you into?” Spencer asked, Ryan shrugged and though for a second.
“Erm, Iron Maiden, System Of A Down, Metallica, Blink 182, My Chem, Slipknot, ya know, that sorta stuff, but my favourite band will always be Guns n Roses” He listed. My head shot up.
“Oh God, Urie don’t get to excited back there. Seriously, you two can obsess over them together” Diane grinned. I stuck my tongue out at her. Ryan turned around to face me slightly.
“You like Guns n Roses?” He asked, slightly shocked which I didn’t understand.
“Mmhm” I mumbled. He smiled slightly then turned back round.
“Well guys, this where we leave you. It was awesome meeting you Ryan, you should totally hang out with us some time” Spencer suggested. Ryan smiled a sweet, innocent smile which made me stomach flip.
“It was great meeting you too, and yeah that would be cool” He said. We bade goodbye and Spencer, Lilly and Jon all walked off down the road, leaving Emma, Diane, Ryan and I to carry on walking. But soon enough we reached where Emma and Diane left.
“It was nice meeting you Ryan, like Jon said, come hang out with us sometime” Emma grinned. Ryan smiled and nodded. They both hugged him and walked off, obviously talking to each other but something a.k.a us.
We carried on walking in silence.
“So…” I started, Ryan looked at me.
“Oh you’re talking to me now?” He said, looking surprised. I raised an eyebrow.
“I was only not talking to you because you weren’t talking to me before” I explained, his surprised look disappeared, replaced by a slightly sad one.
“Oh”
“Yeah, I don’t just ignore people for no reason” I shrugged.
We reached my house and I opened the door for us, he muttered Thanks as he walked through. I so wanted to just grab him there and then and hold him close to me. But I stopped myself. Knowing he would probably be freaked out. I shut the door behind me, Ryan was facing me but his eyes, big with surprise, were looking around.
“You have a very nice house, it’s really big too” He said. I shrugged.
“It seems bigger to me than it actually is, no one lives here except me” I said. His eyes found mine and I could see concern in them.
“Oh, why?” He asked. So he could ask questions about my life, but I couldn’t ask about his? I answered anyways.
“Well my mum and dad work a lot, like out the state, so I get this place to myself for weeks at a time” I explained, he bit his lip and stepped forward slightly. He looked like he was torn between running to me, and staying put.
“Don’t you get lonely?” He asked quietly, I swallowed slightly and nodded. He didn’t understand how lonely I could get, and I was scared if I spoke, my voice would crack and I would break down.
“Okay, well you can go on ahead to the living room, and I’ll go get us some drinks and stuff” I said, he nodded, taking off his shoes and walking into the living room. I stared at his shoes in surprise; I haven’t done that in a while. My mother used to tell me to always take my shoes off, as it was polite and I wouldn’t get dirt on the carpet. When they started going away often I ignored this.
But I copied his actions. I took my shoes off and put them next to his. They were a good 2 sizes bigger, which I smiled at. I walked into the kitchen and pulled a 4 can pack of Red Bull out of the fridge, then went to the cupboard and got a packet of chips and a packet of skittles out. I hoped he liked this stuff, but by the looks of his figure, I should really be giving him a stick of celery or something. Well I can assure you there is none of that stuff in this house.
I walked into the living room and sat opposite him on the floor, dumping the stuff next to us and shrugging my bag off of my shoulders and onto the floor. I looked at Ryan and he looked back.
“I hope you like Skittles and Red bull; I pretty much live of this stuff…” I said. He smiled.
“So do I” He grinned.
“But, you’re so skinny, I wish I could eat this crap and stay so skinny, look at me, I’m so dumpy” I complained, poking at my stomach. Okay I wasn’t that fat; I was just making a point. I looked at Ryan and his smile went down a bit, but it stayed there.
“You’re not dumpy Bren, your perfect” He said softly. The butterflies that were constantly in my tummy when he was around, fluttered. I smiled and looked away, grabbing my bag and pulling the booklet out of it.
“Okay, let’s start this bitch” I said, sliding onto my stomach and crossing legs in the air. I got a pen out and looked up at Ryan. He stayed still and quiet. I sighed.
“Ryan please, let’s just get this done, and if it makes you happy you don’t have to talk to me ever again” I muttered looking at the floor. Warm fingers lifted my head up, and I stared into Ryan’s honey eyes.
“That wouldn’t make me happy at all Brendon” He said, a serious look on his face.
“Me neither” I whispered. I felt myself leaning in towards him, but he suddenly dropped his fingers and pulled back. I felt embarrassed and stupid.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” I asked the carpet, well Ryan but I was looking at the carpet.
“I am talking to you” He said, confused, I looked back up at him, glaring.
“You know what I mean Ryan, it seems you have a lot on your mind, but when I try to help you, you block me out completely or you run. I know I only met you yesterday, but I want to help somehow! And it’s not coz I feel I need to, I actually care” I said quietly, embarrassed. Ryan’s face fell a considerable amount, an angel should never be unhappy, I thought.
“I…I’m scared Bren” He whispered, the emotion in his voice so strong, I couldn’t help it any more. I shuffled over to him and put and arm over his shoulder.
“Why, what are you scared about?” I asked softly, rubbing his arm. He just shook his head and burst into tears there and then. It took me by surprise but I wrapped my other round him and pulled him closer. His head fell delicately onto my chest and I felt his tears absorb into my shirt…but I didn’t mind.
“I want to tell you Brendon, so so badly, but I can’t” Ryan cried.
“Shh, shh calm down, shh its going to be alright” I cooed, trying to sooth him. I wanted to know what was wrong, but I’d rather find out when my heart wasn’t breaking from seeing him cry his eyes out.
We sat for a while, until Ryan slowly calmed down and pulled away slightly. He wiped his eyes on the back of his head and looked up at him. His soft eyes were still glassy and his dark eyelashes were stuck together. I lifted a hand from his arm to catch a tear he missed from his cheek, but placing my hand back straight after.
“Thanks Brendon, again” He whispered. I shook my head.
“I’ve already told you, I’m here for you, whenever you need me, and for whatever reasons. When you need to talk, or if you just need to be with someone” I whispered back, leaning my head on his forward, he closed his eyes and nodded. We sat like that for a little longer, Ryan with his eyes shut, and me watching his every little movement, taking it in, as he could be back to blanking me tomorrow. His eyes opened a little to see me looking, then they opened fully, and we stared at each other. It was so hard to control these feelings I had for him. I had never felt like this before, I hadn’t even come close to feeling like this. Why was he so special? Why was he so beautiful? Why was he making me feel like this?
Because he was Ryan Ross. That was enough explanation.
**
We had decided to just start with me first. So Ryan asked me the questions in the book, and I answered them as best as I could. I hoped that if I could show him it was easy to talk about my own life, he might find it easy to talk about his.
“Favourite colour?” He asked. I rolled my eyes and took a sip of Red Bull.
“I swear, this is like doing a MySpace survey. Honey.” I answered, looking at him. Yes his eye colour. But I swear my favourite colour has been Honey since forever.
“Okay, favourite food?” He asked, after writing down my favourite colour. I thought for a second.
“Oh dude I love most food. Erm, pizza, gotta be pizza” I grinned; Ryan smiled and wrote it down.
“Well we’ve finished the favourites section. I don’t know how many questions these guys thought of coz this booklet's huge. Oh well. Okay if you were stuck-“ Ryan started the next question, but stopped when I grabbed the booklet out of his hands.
“Ryan, any more questions tonight and my brain will explode” I laughed, Ryan grinned and stretched his legs out in front of him. I rested my head on the sofa and stared at him smiling. I didn’t care if I got caught anymore, I couldn’t help it.
“What are you staring at?” Ryan laughed, my jaw dropped and I clutched my head in fake pain, his laugh faded out as I started wriggling on the floor. He crawled over to me.
“Bren, what’s wrong?” He asked, worried.
“My head…its exploding… too many questions!” I squealed. Ryan slapped my chest and laughed.
“Ow bitch!” I said, tackling him to the floor and sitting on him.
“Ow, now you’re the bitch again, I thought something was wrong, don’t ever do that again” He scolded. I pouted.
“Yes mummy” I said. Ryan laughed and reached his hand up to stroke my cheek, my pout dropped and I stared into his eyes again.
“Brendon…” Ryan said softly, sitting up slightly. My heart went crazy.
“Mmhm?” I mumbled. Ryan grinned.
“You need to cut down on the skittles, you’re crushing me” He said. My jaw dropped and I rolled off, lying on the floor next to him and pretending to cry.
“Aww baby Brendon, it’s okay I was only joking” He said, looking over at me, and then scooting closer to take me in his arms. I stopped crying at once and looked at him.
When I brought Ryan home today I had no idea that we would be lying next to each other on the floor, obviously staring into each other’s eyes.
I rested my head on his chest and he pulled me closer. It probably wasn’t that comfortable on the floor for Ryan, but he didn’t seem to mind that much. And I had no objections to how we were positioned.
And we just sat. We didn’t need to talk. We didn’t need to make any noise at all. We were happy being in each other’s company. It felt like we were connecting somehow, even if I didn’t know anything about Ryan. But I will find out, I will somehow prove to him that he can trust me.
“Brendon…” Ryan muttered. I didn’t bother looking up at his face, I would just get lost in his eyes.
“Mmhm?”
“I’m really happy at the moment. I know you want to know about me, and you don’t know how much I want to tell you, to share everything with you. But right now, please let me enjoy this, I’ll let you in as soon as I’m ready” He whispered, I was so surprised by this sudden outburst, that I sat up and propped myself up on my elbow.
“Of course, just please, as soon as you’re ready. I could help, I could help now, I-“ I stopped as Ryan gave me a look.
“Please don’t spoil this Brendon; it’s been so long since I've been actually happy. If I talk about it now, it’s going to disappear, and I don’t want to act like I acted earlier” He pleaded. I reached out to his face and cupped my hand around it; he shut his eyes and leant into my hand.
“Okay, I promise I won’t say anything about it anymore…and by the way, I’m really happy too” I added. Ryan smiled and leant away from my hand.
“Do you know what time it is?” He asked suddenly. I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the time,
“9:30” I answered, Ryan shot up making me fall off him. He stood up and started shoving all his things into his bag.
“Ryan?” I asked, still sitting there.
“I have to go, I was meant to be in at 9” He answered quickly, rushing towards the front door and pulling his shoes on, I followed after him.
“Do you wanna phone someone and say you’re staying here?” I suggested. Ryan looked at me with a torn expression.
“You don’t know how much I want to say yes, but I can’t, I have to go, I’ll see you tomorrow” He said, shoving his arms through the straps of his bag and opening the door.
“Is this something I have to wait to find out about?” I asked, he nodded and wrapping his arms around me, kissing my forehead. My heart exploded with happiness and the butterflies might have exploded as well.
“I’ll see you tomorrow Bren, I hope” He whispered, he opened the door and ran out. I regained myself quickly.
“What do you mean I hope?” I shouted out the door as he took of the down the road at full speed.
“Ryan!” I called again but it was no use. I shivered in the cold, wrapping my arms around myself. I shut the door and went back to the living room, staring at the place that we were just lying in. One of the happiest moments of my life. And he wished he could stay with me.
Does this mean he likes me too, or he is just being nice? Or just searching for a friend.
But my questions will be answered…hopefully soon.
I quickly cleaned up the living room and ran up the stairs. Once in my room I pulled my shirt off my body and flung it somewhere, walking into the bathroom I had joined to my room. I never liked having more money than everyone else. I mean some things are nice, but I felt like one of those kids you get in Fanfic's, who seem to have everything in the world, and their parents don’t even work.
But my parents do work, they work too much, that’s why we have a lot of money, they are so devoted.
Once I was finished in the shower it was hitting 10. I pulled on some new boxers, brushed my teeth then crawled into bed.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow Brendon, I hope.’
I hope so badly.
Needless to say that Ryan starred in my dreams that night.