I Walk a Fine Line (Between The Right And The Real) [15/20]
Title: I Walk a Fine Line [15/20]
Author: 23a_j10
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth + Jack Barakat.
Rating: R/NC-17: Overall.
Warnings: OCD behavior, mental illness, and self-harm.
Summary: When the only thing Alex believes in is killing him and the only thing Jack believes in is love can the two save each other from their unhealthy and unrealistic lifestyles.
Disclaimer: I don't know/own All Time Low or claim this is at all true.
POV: Third
MASTERPOST
Jack isn’t sure what time it is when he hears something from outside his door. His room is still in darkness and everything’s still. Making a small, tired noise, he looks up to see his Mom pushing his bedroom door open. For a moment they just take in each other’s expression, and neither realize that there’s something missing. Jack blinks a few times and pulls himself up to start his apology, his excuses, but then it dawns on him as his heart stops. There’s not a third person breathing. Before he can look down to his side, the worst thoughts flash through his head and he imagines the other boy cold, with pale blue lips. But before he can look down his Mom breaks the silence and says,
“Where’s Alex?”
And Jack lets out a breath but then a fresh wave of anxiety overtakes him. Still fully dressed from the night before, he scrambles out from his sheets and it’s confirmed. Alex is gone. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, he looks helplessly at his Mom and her face is twisted in something like despair too. She walks softly into the room and puts her arms around her son, feeling his body go weak against her. He doesn’t make any effort to return to gesture as she makes comforting noises in the quiet room, stroking his back softly. Swallowing thickly Jack whispers,
“I’m sorry”
Before he starts to cry, and his Mom just hugs him tighter and says it’s okay, again and again.
-----
The hospital’s nurses frown at Zack Merrick when he tells them once again that he doesn’t know who or where Alex’s parents are or how to contact them. He repeats himself when he says that he doesn’t know anything about the teenager apart from his first name and the direction he lives in, but people in scrubs keep asking him if his friend has allergies or if he’s on any medication. And Zack wishes he knew so he could tell them because the younger boy looks so helpless wired up with a machine sounding out is heart rate.
Three hours later Zack’s rubbing his eyes struggling to keep awake, Alex’s stomach has been pumped and he’s going to be okay. The hospital staff aren’t sure what to do with him, they don’t know if he’s an acquaintance to Alex or the reason he’s here. So each time they walk past they give Zack a stern look and each time he pointedly ignores them, his lack of sleep is making him irritable. It takes another twenty three minutes before Zack notices that Alex’s eyes are open and he’s blinking slowly staring up at the ceiling saying nothing.
With a sigh of relief Zack stands up from the backbreaking plastic chair to find someone to help him. The first thing the doctor asks Alex is how he feeling, and when the teenager doesn’t reply she tries,
“This young man called an ambulance for you, do you know him?”, and he nods slightly without looking at Zack at all. Zack sits backs down and waits while the doctor tries to explain to the unresponsive teenager about how dangerous mixing alcohol and drugs are, prescription or not. She then attempts to extract information from him, asking where he lives and what are his parents’ address and phone number. Zack stares at the floor and feels bad for the doctor; Alex hasn’t said a word and hasn’t looked at her once. She seems to realize her talking to achieving nothing, and she has other patients to see, so she says she’ll send a nurse in to talk to him soon.
Once she’s gone Alex sighs heavily and sits up straighter, looking around the cubical, and finally at Zack. The blonde opens his mouth but promptly closes it again, looking confused and maybe apologetic before he taps on his chest and pulls at the hospital gown.
“Huh? I don’t know where they put your clothes, sorry.” Zack says honestly, and Alex scrunches his eyebrows together and purses his lips looking desperate to say something without opening his mouth. Zack reaches into his own pocket and takes out his phone; he opens a blank text and holds it out. Alex looks at the device for three seconds before gingerly talking it and tapping the keys. He hands it back carefully and it reads “Alex Barakat, please call my brother Jack” followed with a cell phone number and an address. Zack hesitates,
“You know I have to tell someone here, right?”
Alex nods but stares quite urgently at the phone.
“Do you want me to ring your brother first, before I tell them who you are?”
Alex starts nodding before he gets to the end of the sentence so Zack heads outside and calls the number.
“Hello?” A miserable teenage boy answers with a despondent tone
“Hi, is this Jack Barakat?”
“Who are you?” The boy’s voice edges with something sharp that Zack can’t decipher
“I called an ambulance for your brother Alex las-”
“Alex? Why? Is he okay?” He sounds stricken even by phone, and Zack guesses this really is Alex’s brother.
“He’s okay, he asked me to call you before I told the hospital where you lived, he hasn’t told them anything”
“Oh, yeah, I… Um. Tell him that I’ll be there soon, and um, our Mom”
Zack tells him which ward to look for and heads back inside, rubbing his face and wondering what he’s gotten himself into now. Part of him wants to go back to his college dorm and forget his ever happened but he feels like he has a purpose to stay, and he really does want to know that Alex’s family are coming to look after him and not someone else, a stranger like himself.
He doesn’t have to wait very long before someone is yanking back the curtain. Zack looks up and there’s a boy of Alex’s age with a similar haircut and bone structure, he puts the varied hair colour down to dying and he figures the height difference must come down to an age different and decides they look enough like family to convince him. There’s an awkward few moments of silence and Zack stands up makes a vague gesture which he hopes conveys “excuse me” and leaves, making a beeline for the coffee machine.
-----
Jack stands at the end of the hospital bed and stares Alex, unable to hold back tears. He’s angry and hurt, and upset, but more than anything he just wants to hug the boy he feels so much for. Alex doesn’t tell him it’s okay, or offer any comfort, he just fidgets awkwardly and looks conflicted. Jack swallows the lump constricting his throat and sniffs,
“My Mom said she couldn’t lie for you to the hospital, so I guess they’ll be calling your parents now. Sorry…”
Alex leans back against the pillows and makes an unhappy sound from the back of his throat. Jack bites the inside of his mouth and shifts his weight uncomfortably before saying,
“I was so scared when I woke up and you weren’t there. It felt like part of me had been crushed and I couldn’t even breathe properly…”
Alex sits up again and reaches out his hand; Jack moves to the side of the bed and lets Alex spell out words by tracing letters on his palm. Jack has to concentrate hard to figure out where one word ends and another begins, but once the movements on his hand stop he looks to up to see Alex’s eyes pleading something to his own. Jack doesn’t know what he’s asking for, and he sure as hell doesn’t know what’s going to happen now. He’s scared because he’s hurt his Mom; he’s brought back some painful memories for himself and her. He’s scared because he doesn’t know why Alex is here, even though he looks okay, he’s scared because Alex made the decision to leave so easily. He’s scared because he doesn’t know the boy who rang his number, and he doesn’t know what Alex’s Mom is going to do or say once she gets here. And he can deal with all of that uncertainty, and long conversations complete with hard looks. But what he’s really scared of is losing Alex, because that’s the one thing he can’t deal with, and he doesn’t know if he’s going to have to try.
Chapter Sixteen
Author: 23a_j10
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth + Jack Barakat.
Rating: R/NC-17: Overall.
Warnings: OCD behavior, mental illness, and self-harm.
Summary: When the only thing Alex believes in is killing him and the only thing Jack believes in is love can the two save each other from their unhealthy and unrealistic lifestyles.
Disclaimer: I don't know/own All Time Low or claim this is at all true.
POV: Third
MASTERPOST
Jack isn’t sure what time it is when he hears something from outside his door. His room is still in darkness and everything’s still. Making a small, tired noise, he looks up to see his Mom pushing his bedroom door open. For a moment they just take in each other’s expression, and neither realize that there’s something missing. Jack blinks a few times and pulls himself up to start his apology, his excuses, but then it dawns on him as his heart stops. There’s not a third person breathing. Before he can look down to his side, the worst thoughts flash through his head and he imagines the other boy cold, with pale blue lips. But before he can look down his Mom breaks the silence and says,
“Where’s Alex?”
And Jack lets out a breath but then a fresh wave of anxiety overtakes him. Still fully dressed from the night before, he scrambles out from his sheets and it’s confirmed. Alex is gone. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, he looks helplessly at his Mom and her face is twisted in something like despair too. She walks softly into the room and puts her arms around her son, feeling his body go weak against her. He doesn’t make any effort to return to gesture as she makes comforting noises in the quiet room, stroking his back softly. Swallowing thickly Jack whispers,
“I’m sorry”
Before he starts to cry, and his Mom just hugs him tighter and says it’s okay, again and again.
-----
The hospital’s nurses frown at Zack Merrick when he tells them once again that he doesn’t know who or where Alex’s parents are or how to contact them. He repeats himself when he says that he doesn’t know anything about the teenager apart from his first name and the direction he lives in, but people in scrubs keep asking him if his friend has allergies or if he’s on any medication. And Zack wishes he knew so he could tell them because the younger boy looks so helpless wired up with a machine sounding out is heart rate.
Three hours later Zack’s rubbing his eyes struggling to keep awake, Alex’s stomach has been pumped and he’s going to be okay. The hospital staff aren’t sure what to do with him, they don’t know if he’s an acquaintance to Alex or the reason he’s here. So each time they walk past they give Zack a stern look and each time he pointedly ignores them, his lack of sleep is making him irritable. It takes another twenty three minutes before Zack notices that Alex’s eyes are open and he’s blinking slowly staring up at the ceiling saying nothing.
With a sigh of relief Zack stands up from the backbreaking plastic chair to find someone to help him. The first thing the doctor asks Alex is how he feeling, and when the teenager doesn’t reply she tries,
“This young man called an ambulance for you, do you know him?”, and he nods slightly without looking at Zack at all. Zack sits backs down and waits while the doctor tries to explain to the unresponsive teenager about how dangerous mixing alcohol and drugs are, prescription or not. She then attempts to extract information from him, asking where he lives and what are his parents’ address and phone number. Zack stares at the floor and feels bad for the doctor; Alex hasn’t said a word and hasn’t looked at her once. She seems to realize her talking to achieving nothing, and she has other patients to see, so she says she’ll send a nurse in to talk to him soon.
Once she’s gone Alex sighs heavily and sits up straighter, looking around the cubical, and finally at Zack. The blonde opens his mouth but promptly closes it again, looking confused and maybe apologetic before he taps on his chest and pulls at the hospital gown.
“Huh? I don’t know where they put your clothes, sorry.” Zack says honestly, and Alex scrunches his eyebrows together and purses his lips looking desperate to say something without opening his mouth. Zack reaches into his own pocket and takes out his phone; he opens a blank text and holds it out. Alex looks at the device for three seconds before gingerly talking it and tapping the keys. He hands it back carefully and it reads “Alex Barakat, please call my brother Jack” followed with a cell phone number and an address. Zack hesitates,
“You know I have to tell someone here, right?”
Alex nods but stares quite urgently at the phone.
“Do you want me to ring your brother first, before I tell them who you are?”
Alex starts nodding before he gets to the end of the sentence so Zack heads outside and calls the number.
“Hello?” A miserable teenage boy answers with a despondent tone
“Hi, is this Jack Barakat?”
“Who are you?” The boy’s voice edges with something sharp that Zack can’t decipher
“I called an ambulance for your brother Alex las-”
“Alex? Why? Is he okay?” He sounds stricken even by phone, and Zack guesses this really is Alex’s brother.
“He’s okay, he asked me to call you before I told the hospital where you lived, he hasn’t told them anything”
“Oh, yeah, I… Um. Tell him that I’ll be there soon, and um, our Mom”
Zack tells him which ward to look for and heads back inside, rubbing his face and wondering what he’s gotten himself into now. Part of him wants to go back to his college dorm and forget his ever happened but he feels like he has a purpose to stay, and he really does want to know that Alex’s family are coming to look after him and not someone else, a stranger like himself.
He doesn’t have to wait very long before someone is yanking back the curtain. Zack looks up and there’s a boy of Alex’s age with a similar haircut and bone structure, he puts the varied hair colour down to dying and he figures the height difference must come down to an age different and decides they look enough like family to convince him. There’s an awkward few moments of silence and Zack stands up makes a vague gesture which he hopes conveys “excuse me” and leaves, making a beeline for the coffee machine.
-----
Jack stands at the end of the hospital bed and stares Alex, unable to hold back tears. He’s angry and hurt, and upset, but more than anything he just wants to hug the boy he feels so much for. Alex doesn’t tell him it’s okay, or offer any comfort, he just fidgets awkwardly and looks conflicted. Jack swallows the lump constricting his throat and sniffs,
“My Mom said she couldn’t lie for you to the hospital, so I guess they’ll be calling your parents now. Sorry…”
Alex leans back against the pillows and makes an unhappy sound from the back of his throat. Jack bites the inside of his mouth and shifts his weight uncomfortably before saying,
“I was so scared when I woke up and you weren’t there. It felt like part of me had been crushed and I couldn’t even breathe properly…”
Alex sits up again and reaches out his hand; Jack moves to the side of the bed and lets Alex spell out words by tracing letters on his palm. Jack has to concentrate hard to figure out where one word ends and another begins, but once the movements on his hand stop he looks to up to see Alex’s eyes pleading something to his own. Jack doesn’t know what he’s asking for, and he sure as hell doesn’t know what’s going to happen now. He’s scared because he’s hurt his Mom; he’s brought back some painful memories for himself and her. He’s scared because he doesn’t know why Alex is here, even though he looks okay, he’s scared because Alex made the decision to leave so easily. He’s scared because he doesn’t know the boy who rang his number, and he doesn’t know what Alex’s Mom is going to do or say once she gets here. And he can deal with all of that uncertainty, and long conversations complete with hard looks. But what he’s really scared of is losing Alex, because that’s the one thing he can’t deal with, and he doesn’t know if he’s going to have to try.
Chapter Sixteen