Chemical Moment (2/?)
Title: Chemical Moment
Author: crashqueen109
Pairing: A bit of Flykarth but mostly Jalex.
Rating: NC17 overall but some chapters will be pretty tame.
Summary: Alex's bad habits have got the best of him, but the last thing he expected was for them to bring him someone new.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Boo.
My Tumblr.
Masterpost
When Alex woke up, he was curled up on the bathroom floor, head pounding once again. It was the ache that reminded him sometimes that he was still alive, but most of the time that he was just a massive fuckup.
His phone was buzzing from where it was laying, still flipped open, next to the toilet. Alex groaned and reached for it, pressing the answer button and holding it to his ear.
"H-hello?" His voice sounded foreign, even to himself.
"Shit, Alex, don't scare me like that. I know you were drinking when I called, I could tell. You were slurring."
Alex whimpered and held the phone away from his face a little until he could find the volume button and turn it down a few notches.
"How'd I scare you...?"
Matt sighed in exasperation. "Um, I dunno. There was a crash and then you didn't answer me? And then you didn't even reply to my texts? What was I supposed to think happened? You were DRUNK. Fuck, you probably still are, right?"
"I... I dunno..." Alex shook his head, because he really didn't know. The days and nights blended together so seamlessly that he was never really sure of his sobriety, or lack thereof.
Matt sighed again, but this time he sounded less exasperated and more... well, more caring. "Are you okay, at least? I... I know I broke up with you. I'm not going back on that. But we were together for two years... I care about you, Alex. Still."
This was the last thing Alex wanted to hear. He managed to pull himself into a sitting position, back leaned against the bathtub. He squeezed his eyes shut as if that would stave off Matt's words. He didn't want Matt to still care about him. If anyone was going to break up with him, he wanted them to hate him afterward. He wanted them to completely cut him out, hate him, trash talk him, never give him the time of day ever again. It was easier that way. It made it so much simpler, instead of having to wonder if they still cared enough to maybe hook up again.
"I'm fine," Alex mumbled. He wondered if he were to look in the mirror, how many inches his nose would've grown from that massive lie.
The line was silent for a few moments, the only noise being Matt's breathing. It'd always been one of Alex's pet peeves that the older boy seemed to not know how NOT to breathe directly into the phone.
Matt's voice sounded foreign now too, when he spoke next. "If you're fine, I guess I'll go."
"Go?"
"Yeah... I mean, if you're... if you're fine, you don't need me anymore..."
Alex wanted nothing more than to yell, Of COURSE I still need you. I'm ALWAYS going to need you.
But he didn't. He just said "Okay."
"Take care, okay, Lex?" In addition to foreign, Matt's voice sounded sad and resigned. It made Alex want to cry.
"I'll try," he muttered, even though he knew he'd do just the opposite. But he really didn't want Matt to worry. He didn't fancy himself worth enough to worry about.
"Good. Thanks. Just... I'm sorry it had to end like this, Lex... it could've been so much better."
"I know."
"That's all I got... I... I'll let you go now."
"'Kay." Alex was holding the phone with white knuckles as if somehow that would stop Matt from actually going anywhere.
The call ended there, Alex's phone beeping a couple times to let him know Matt had hung up. That infuriated him, and he threw the phone at the wall. It just bounced off and fell to the floor, and Alex stared at it a few moments. He wondered why he hadn't done any damage to the phone, why he hadn't done any damage to the wall. Was he really that weak? Was his anger really that useless?
He sighed heavily, left the phone there, and headed back to his room. He was going out, though he didn't know where just yet. Somewhere to get his mind off everything. To get his mind off the fact that he'd just lost the only person he had left. No, correction: he'd just driven away the only person he had left.
As he slipped into a T-shirt that smelled halfway decent and squeezed into a pair of skinny jeans that made him realize he'd gained a few pounds, he ran over the day's events in his mind. He went backwards, starting from right now and going back to when he'd woken up.
And then he started to laugh. He was standing there with his shoe in his hand, and he started laughing.
If anyone had seen him right that second, they might have been tempted to call a psych ward and have Alex committed. It wasn't humorous laughing. It was... he wasn't quite sure what it was, but nothing was funny, that was for fucking sure. He just found it highly fucking ironic that he'd woken up and promised himself that today would be different. He'd meant it in a good way, when he'd said it to himself.
And look at him now. He was single for the first time in his life since he could remember, and his pores exuded alcohol, and he was starting to gain weight. Crime of all crimes.
Yeah, today sure was different. Alex just wished he'd never said it would be.
Author: crashqueen109
Pairing: A bit of Flykarth but mostly Jalex.
Rating: NC17 overall but some chapters will be pretty tame.
Summary: Alex's bad habits have got the best of him, but the last thing he expected was for them to bring him someone new.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Boo.
My Tumblr.
Masterpost
When Alex woke up, he was curled up on the bathroom floor, head pounding once again. It was the ache that reminded him sometimes that he was still alive, but most of the time that he was just a massive fuckup.
His phone was buzzing from where it was laying, still flipped open, next to the toilet. Alex groaned and reached for it, pressing the answer button and holding it to his ear.
"H-hello?" His voice sounded foreign, even to himself.
"Shit, Alex, don't scare me like that. I know you were drinking when I called, I could tell. You were slurring."
Alex whimpered and held the phone away from his face a little until he could find the volume button and turn it down a few notches.
"How'd I scare you...?"
Matt sighed in exasperation. "Um, I dunno. There was a crash and then you didn't answer me? And then you didn't even reply to my texts? What was I supposed to think happened? You were DRUNK. Fuck, you probably still are, right?"
"I... I dunno..." Alex shook his head, because he really didn't know. The days and nights blended together so seamlessly that he was never really sure of his sobriety, or lack thereof.
Matt sighed again, but this time he sounded less exasperated and more... well, more caring. "Are you okay, at least? I... I know I broke up with you. I'm not going back on that. But we were together for two years... I care about you, Alex. Still."
This was the last thing Alex wanted to hear. He managed to pull himself into a sitting position, back leaned against the bathtub. He squeezed his eyes shut as if that would stave off Matt's words. He didn't want Matt to still care about him. If anyone was going to break up with him, he wanted them to hate him afterward. He wanted them to completely cut him out, hate him, trash talk him, never give him the time of day ever again. It was easier that way. It made it so much simpler, instead of having to wonder if they still cared enough to maybe hook up again.
"I'm fine," Alex mumbled. He wondered if he were to look in the mirror, how many inches his nose would've grown from that massive lie.
The line was silent for a few moments, the only noise being Matt's breathing. It'd always been one of Alex's pet peeves that the older boy seemed to not know how NOT to breathe directly into the phone.
Matt's voice sounded foreign now too, when he spoke next. "If you're fine, I guess I'll go."
"Go?"
"Yeah... I mean, if you're... if you're fine, you don't need me anymore..."
Alex wanted nothing more than to yell, Of COURSE I still need you. I'm ALWAYS going to need you.
But he didn't. He just said "Okay."
"Take care, okay, Lex?" In addition to foreign, Matt's voice sounded sad and resigned. It made Alex want to cry.
"I'll try," he muttered, even though he knew he'd do just the opposite. But he really didn't want Matt to worry. He didn't fancy himself worth enough to worry about.
"Good. Thanks. Just... I'm sorry it had to end like this, Lex... it could've been so much better."
"I know."
"That's all I got... I... I'll let you go now."
"'Kay." Alex was holding the phone with white knuckles as if somehow that would stop Matt from actually going anywhere.
The call ended there, Alex's phone beeping a couple times to let him know Matt had hung up. That infuriated him, and he threw the phone at the wall. It just bounced off and fell to the floor, and Alex stared at it a few moments. He wondered why he hadn't done any damage to the phone, why he hadn't done any damage to the wall. Was he really that weak? Was his anger really that useless?
He sighed heavily, left the phone there, and headed back to his room. He was going out, though he didn't know where just yet. Somewhere to get his mind off everything. To get his mind off the fact that he'd just lost the only person he had left. No, correction: he'd just driven away the only person he had left.
As he slipped into a T-shirt that smelled halfway decent and squeezed into a pair of skinny jeans that made him realize he'd gained a few pounds, he ran over the day's events in his mind. He went backwards, starting from right now and going back to when he'd woken up.
And then he started to laugh. He was standing there with his shoe in his hand, and he started laughing.
If anyone had seen him right that second, they might have been tempted to call a psych ward and have Alex committed. It wasn't humorous laughing. It was... he wasn't quite sure what it was, but nothing was funny, that was for fucking sure. He just found it highly fucking ironic that he'd woken up and promised himself that today would be different. He'd meant it in a good way, when he'd said it to himself.
And look at him now. He was single for the first time in his life since he could remember, and his pores exuded alcohol, and he was starting to gain weight. Crime of all crimes.
Yeah, today sure was different. Alex just wished he'd never said it would be.