Disasterology (Chapter 7)
Title: Disasterology (7/?)
Author: badenoughforyou
Paring: Jalex
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jack honestly never thought he could be loved until a stranger proves him wrong.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack or Alex. The title cred goes to Pierce the Veil.
A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a fuck ton of time. I've been so unmotivated lately. But I really just needed to write.
Masterpost
"Breathe in, Jack... Now... Back out out. Yeah you have to let it back out. It was only a nightmare."
Jack could feel his heart pounding violently in his chest. A layer of sweat covered his body and he felt as if he'd been shoved under ice water, gasping for air. Everything hurt, but not physically. He clawed at the air until he felt skin under his fingertips. Alex wrapped his arms around the horrified boy, whispering reassurance into his ear.
By the time Jack had finally gulped in enough air to resume breathing somewhat normally, the sheets on the motel bed were all over the floor. He gripped Alex, feeling his heart thumping against his.
He wasn't exactly sure what had happened. Sure, Jack had the occasional nightmare, but never had he experienced one so severe that it caused him to thrash and gasp for air like a fish out of water.
"Jack... are you okay?" Alex asked finally. He already knew the answer, but he had to ask anyway. Jack didn't respond, his face in the crook of Alex's neck, breathing in the familiar smell of his skin, trying to comfort himself.
It had been a rough first few days. Jack had realized just how unwanted he was. His mom never called to find out where he was. Nobody had come looking for them. He felt hollow. He'd always known he wasn't a favorable person in his household, but the reality of actually not being loved even a little bit was far too much for him to grasp in such a short span of time.
Regardless of the time, it's still hard to swallow the fact that your own parents would rather you disappear.
Jack peeled himself away from Alex. He couldn't help the torrent of emotions raging within him. He felt so miserable as he stood there, shaking and looking at the boy sitting silently on the bed.
"You know this is your fault." Jack said, breaking the silence like a baseball bat to a car window. The shattered pieces settled at Jack's feet, unable to be repaired. Alex opened his mouth slightly, then quickly shut it, his eyes wide and shiny.
"If we had just stayed home... if you could have just forgotten about me and left me alone..." Jack said, his words no longer making sense to even himself. He wanted Alex so bad. Alex was the reason he was still alive.
"You should have just let me cut too deep, Alex! If you cared about me, you would have! You would have let me bleed out and just fade away... What a relief it would be... to do just that." Jack said, his mouth dry as he processed those words, watching Alex's anguished expression.
"No..." Alex said, barely audible. He began to stand, but Jack was quick. He ran to the bathroom, locking it behind him. He sunk to the floor, covering his ears to block out Alex's cries of panic.
"Jack, please! Don't do anything! Please, don't! I wouldn't be able to live with myself!" Alex sobbed, pressing his forehead to the door.
"Don't Alex... Don't stop because of me..." Jack croaked, feeling the energy drain out of him. He reached into his pocket, feeling that shard of metal. He squeezed it in his hand until his palm was soaked. The pain felt good. It was what he wanted.
"Jack! Jack, please come out! Please!" Alex cried shrilly, gritting his teeth so hard he expected them to shatter.
Jack looked at the door. He could see Alex. He knew what his face looked like. He knew that he was crying. That his fists were clenched against the door. He knew how his eyes got so wide when he was scared. He knew that he was terrified. And most of all, he knew he was killing him with every second spent in that bathroom.
He was surprised to feel tear drops fall onto his hands as he looked down at them. He hadn't even realized he was crying.
"Jack... Just hear me out. Please." Alex begged. He was sitting on the ground, leaning against the door, shaking like a leaf. He was so scared. He was terrified of losing the one true friend he'd ever had. "I know it looks like the only option right now, but it's not... I always thought it was. I tried. I tried so many times. But every time they found me. They stitched me up and sent me on my way. Maybe it's because I never had the courage to give myself a fatal wound..." Alex choked on the last words. "But... But that made me see that I still had that instinct... that will to live and go on."
Silence.
"I didn't want to die young, Jack." Alex cried, pushing his hair back with both hands. "It's not the answer." He choked out.
More silence.
"And I know you're in a lot of pain... I know. I don't know what it feels like to be physically beaten up on a daily basis, but I know what psychological warfare is. I know... I know how it feels to be isolated and seen as an outsider. The names... the threats... A ten year old can only take s-so... much." Alex continued.
All the while, Jack sat on the other side, letting the blood dry on his hands, eyes wide, letting the gentle boy's words sink in.
"And Jack... I know you hate me right now... I know you just probably want to go home... but..." Alex started, feeling his heart pound harder than ever. "But I love you and you're my best friend..." Alex said softly.
That simple phrase was enough to make Jack lose it. He felt the tears coming faster and harder. It was hard to catch his breath. He felt as if the world had been lifted off his shoulders.
"I l-love you." Jack sobbed, reaching for the doorknob, but failing at opening it the first few tries. He tugged at it, opening the door to see Alex, biting his lip. He crawled onto the older boy's lap and sobbed harder than he ever had in his whole entire life. He cried for every time he had taken a hit. For every time he'd been called names. For every time his parents had told him he was worthless and a failure. He cried for every time he had ever doubted Alex.
And it made sense to cry for once. It made sense that they were in a motel hundreds of miles away from home.
It made sense that he was here with Alex.
Author: badenoughforyou
Paring: Jalex
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jack honestly never thought he could be loved until a stranger proves him wrong.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack or Alex. The title cred goes to Pierce the Veil.
A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a fuck ton of time. I've been so unmotivated lately. But I really just needed to write.
Masterpost
"Breathe in, Jack... Now... Back out out. Yeah you have to let it back out. It was only a nightmare."
Jack could feel his heart pounding violently in his chest. A layer of sweat covered his body and he felt as if he'd been shoved under ice water, gasping for air. Everything hurt, but not physically. He clawed at the air until he felt skin under his fingertips. Alex wrapped his arms around the horrified boy, whispering reassurance into his ear.
By the time Jack had finally gulped in enough air to resume breathing somewhat normally, the sheets on the motel bed were all over the floor. He gripped Alex, feeling his heart thumping against his.
He wasn't exactly sure what had happened. Sure, Jack had the occasional nightmare, but never had he experienced one so severe that it caused him to thrash and gasp for air like a fish out of water.
"Jack... are you okay?" Alex asked finally. He already knew the answer, but he had to ask anyway. Jack didn't respond, his face in the crook of Alex's neck, breathing in the familiar smell of his skin, trying to comfort himself.
It had been a rough first few days. Jack had realized just how unwanted he was. His mom never called to find out where he was. Nobody had come looking for them. He felt hollow. He'd always known he wasn't a favorable person in his household, but the reality of actually not being loved even a little bit was far too much for him to grasp in such a short span of time.
Regardless of the time, it's still hard to swallow the fact that your own parents would rather you disappear.
Jack peeled himself away from Alex. He couldn't help the torrent of emotions raging within him. He felt so miserable as he stood there, shaking and looking at the boy sitting silently on the bed.
"You know this is your fault." Jack said, breaking the silence like a baseball bat to a car window. The shattered pieces settled at Jack's feet, unable to be repaired. Alex opened his mouth slightly, then quickly shut it, his eyes wide and shiny.
"If we had just stayed home... if you could have just forgotten about me and left me alone..." Jack said, his words no longer making sense to even himself. He wanted Alex so bad. Alex was the reason he was still alive.
"You should have just let me cut too deep, Alex! If you cared about me, you would have! You would have let me bleed out and just fade away... What a relief it would be... to do just that." Jack said, his mouth dry as he processed those words, watching Alex's anguished expression.
"No..." Alex said, barely audible. He began to stand, but Jack was quick. He ran to the bathroom, locking it behind him. He sunk to the floor, covering his ears to block out Alex's cries of panic.
"Jack, please! Don't do anything! Please, don't! I wouldn't be able to live with myself!" Alex sobbed, pressing his forehead to the door.
"Don't Alex... Don't stop because of me..." Jack croaked, feeling the energy drain out of him. He reached into his pocket, feeling that shard of metal. He squeezed it in his hand until his palm was soaked. The pain felt good. It was what he wanted.
"Jack! Jack, please come out! Please!" Alex cried shrilly, gritting his teeth so hard he expected them to shatter.
Jack looked at the door. He could see Alex. He knew what his face looked like. He knew that he was crying. That his fists were clenched against the door. He knew how his eyes got so wide when he was scared. He knew that he was terrified. And most of all, he knew he was killing him with every second spent in that bathroom.
He was surprised to feel tear drops fall onto his hands as he looked down at them. He hadn't even realized he was crying.
"Jack... Just hear me out. Please." Alex begged. He was sitting on the ground, leaning against the door, shaking like a leaf. He was so scared. He was terrified of losing the one true friend he'd ever had. "I know it looks like the only option right now, but it's not... I always thought it was. I tried. I tried so many times. But every time they found me. They stitched me up and sent me on my way. Maybe it's because I never had the courage to give myself a fatal wound..." Alex choked on the last words. "But... But that made me see that I still had that instinct... that will to live and go on."
Silence.
"I didn't want to die young, Jack." Alex cried, pushing his hair back with both hands. "It's not the answer." He choked out.
More silence.
"And I know you're in a lot of pain... I know. I don't know what it feels like to be physically beaten up on a daily basis, but I know what psychological warfare is. I know... I know how it feels to be isolated and seen as an outsider. The names... the threats... A ten year old can only take s-so... much." Alex continued.
All the while, Jack sat on the other side, letting the blood dry on his hands, eyes wide, letting the gentle boy's words sink in.
"And Jack... I know you hate me right now... I know you just probably want to go home... but..." Alex started, feeling his heart pound harder than ever. "But I love you and you're my best friend..." Alex said softly.
That simple phrase was enough to make Jack lose it. He felt the tears coming faster and harder. It was hard to catch his breath. He felt as if the world had been lifted off his shoulders.
"I l-love you." Jack sobbed, reaching for the doorknob, but failing at opening it the first few tries. He tugged at it, opening the door to see Alex, biting his lip. He crawled onto the older boy's lap and sobbed harder than he ever had in his whole entire life. He cried for every time he had taken a hit. For every time he'd been called names. For every time his parents had told him he was worthless and a failure. He cried for every time he had ever doubted Alex.
And it made sense to cry for once. It made sense that they were in a motel hundreds of miles away from home.
It made sense that he was here with Alex.