Disasterology (Chapter 4)
Title: Disasterology (4/?)
Author: badenoughforyou
Rating: Pg-13
Pairing: Jalex
Summary: Jack doesn't think anyone could love him until a stranger proves him wrong.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone and title cred goes to Pierce the Veil
A/N: I rather like this chapter.
Masterpost
Alex woke up, fear bubbling up inside of him, a sheet of cold sweat covering his whole body. He breathed heavily as his eyelids fluttered opened, his whole body shaking like crazy. He stopped when he saw Jack, sleeping soundly across from him. He felt the fear still, but he was now slightly distracted. He watched the gentle rise and fall of Jack's chest and listened to the small sounds he made every so often. He could have watched Jack sleep forever. He was such an angel, especially when he was in peaceful slumber. He extended his hand to brush his fingers over the younger boy's lips. He felt the terror begin to subside.
He never knew why he woke up like that. For as long as he could remember, every time he woke up, he felt unreal horror. But he never recalled a nightmare that had caused it. He didn't know why he felt so awful. It scared him more than anything to think he could feel like that; so afraid and alone and dismal. It was probably the worst feeling in the whole world.
But waking up next to Jack made it more bearable. It went away faster than it usually did. He felt his heart slow down and his shaking was now subdued to a slight tremble. He was silently thankful that Jack hadn't seen him in this state, though. He didn't want him to worry about him. That was the last thing he wanted. He wanted to help Jack, not the other way around. He knew how to deal with himself. He'd been forced to a long time ago.
He sat up slowly, making sure not to wake the angel across from him. He smiled down at him and went to the bathroom to wash up a little. He looked in the mirror and dabbed a cool washcloth to his forehead, washing the sweat away. He stopped and looked for a while. He looked so much different. Not physically really, but he looked as if he'd aged ten years. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked worn. He sighed, throwing the washcloth on the sink and walking back out to the living room where Jack was still sound asleep.
Alex situated himself back between the couch and Jack and pulled Jack against him. He sighed as he sucked in a breath. No, he was certain nothing could be more perfect than this very moment. He knew from the start Jack was special.
"My God, you're lovely... I hope you know that." Alex said softly, brushing Jack's hair aside and kissing his forehead gently. He let his hands travel across the sleeping boy and he took his hand in his, holding Jack's fingers to his lips. His sleeves scrunched up slightly and Alex's eyes were drawn to two crimson lines on Jack's wrist. He bit his lip, hard enough to taste blood. How did he let this happen? His sweet Jack...
"Jack, I know you're asleep... but please... let me help you... I... I" He couldn't seem to get those last words out. He jumped a little as Jack's eyes fluttered open, looking drowsy, yet content. His small smile turned to a frown and then to a look of extreme guilt as he looked at Alex's face.
"I'm sorry, Alex..." Jack said, feeling like he was about to cry. But he didn't. He had cried enough for fifty lifetimes. Besides, he didn't want Alex to pity him for doing what he told him not to. "I couldn't... I can't... I'm not strong enough." Jack said, his voice quivering.
"No, Jack. You're strong. You're so strong." Alex said desperately, taking Jack's face in his hands. "If I were you, I would have given up so long ago because I'm a coward, Jack. Never think for a second that you're weak. Please, Jack. Promise me you'll never hurt yourself again. Please.... I-I don't want to lose you." Alex said, a tear escaping from his perfect wide eyes. "Please..." He whispered, biting his lip to stop it from quivering so much.
Jack simply nodded. He wasn't sure how easy this promise was going to be to keep, but he did know that he was going to try so much harder now. There was just something in Alex's gaze that made him feel like he had a duty to keep that promise. Because if he didn't, he would be letting Alex down and the thought made him feel awful.
"I'll never do it again... I'll try." Jack admitted. He knew his limits. He knew he wouldn't cut too deep... purposefully. Alex smiled softly.
"Thank you, Jack." He said, pulling the boy into a hug. But inside, Alex was still fighting his own demons.
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"Alex! Get your ass back here!" His father bellowed, running down the hallway after him. Alex felt fear rising inside of him. His heart was on the verge of exploding. He stopped at the end. A dead end. He gulped and turned to face his father, red faced and huffing.
"I don't want to t-talk to you!" Alex yelled, trying to mask the fear. His father pushed him against the wall, squeezing the air from Alex's lungs.
"Don't you dare talk to me like that under my roof!" His father countered. Alex squeaked as he felt those hands pushing into him, making him choke for air. He really could have easily sucked in air, but he was too afraid to realize what he should do.
"Don't fucking touch me!" Alex cried, feeling weak. His dad was terrifying under normal circumstances, but he'd been drinking, which made him about ten times worse than normal. He never touched him unless he was hammered.
"I swear to God, boy! You think you run this house? You think that just because your mom is gone, you can call all the shots... You think you're my equal? Well, you're not! You'll never be anything but a useless... faggot." His father slurred near the end, but the words hit home all the same.
"Don't talk about mom like she was nothing..." Alex whimpered, feeling the energy drain from him.
"She was a stupid, useless whore! And you knew that. You never told me. You lied to me." Mr. Gaskarth growled, the words giving him more strength, if that was even possible.
"It's fairly fucking obvious why she left you... You're awful... Nobody could ever love you." Alex choked out. His father roared and practically tossed him to the floor. He felt his lungs fill back up with the stagnant air filled with hate and unresolved conflicts. He choked on their taste. He rolled over before his dad got to the chance to strike again. He crawled past him quickly, standing up and running to the door as fast as he possibly could.
"Never come back to this house!" He could hear his father's words ringing in his head long after he'd escaped. He felt broken. He never wanted to step foot in that house ever again. He just wanted to stay under this oak, the melted snow soaking into the minimal clothing he had. He shivered, hugging himself and crying. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried so hard. It was that kind of crying that left you breathless and gasping for air, but you could never catch your breath.
He sobbed silently as the demons underneath him reached for him, pulling on him with sharp claws and harsh words. He shook them off, refusing to be drug down. Then again, that sounded nice; to just sink into the ground and let the earth swallow him up so he could never see any wretched person ever again. He could deal with that.
He hesitantly lifted his shirt, already seeing the bruises forming on his chest. He was racked with another round of sobs, aching all the more. He looked up at the sky, yelling as hard as he could until his throat felt raw.
"What the fuck did I ever do to you? Why did you fuck my life up so much?" He cried, his voice raspy. He wasn't asking anyone in particular. He hoped that someone would just happen to walk by and know the answer to his questions. Maybe answers would make this all more bearable, but he highly doubted that.
There was only one thing in the world that could make this any better.
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Jack laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling, expressionless. It had been a great day. He couldn't deny that. But the ache of old wounds made him realize he would never escape from his past. He glanced at the healing cuts on his wrist. They wouldn't be scars. They weren't deep enough. He was almost wishing they would so they would remind him. The temptation would be unbearable without them there to warn him.
He jumped as he heard his name being called. He knew that voice by heart. But there was something so different about it this time.
He leapt out of bed and went to the window, looking down on the boy below. He was shaking from the cold and tears stained his beautiful face. His eyes swam with ghosts.
"J-Jack, can I c-come up?" Alex asked, trying to steady his voice enough to ask that simple question.
"Of course." Jack said, instantly running downstairs. He was silently grateful that his parents weren't home. They would surely question the fuck out of Alex. He answered the door and before he could even open it the whole way, a broken boy was in his arms, burying his face in the crook of his neck and hugging him as if he would be dragged away by demons nipping at his heels. But there was nobody chasing Alex; it was only him.
"Lex, what's wrong?" Jack asked, holding him, not daring to even move. Alex shook his head. What did that mean? "Shhh... it'll be alright. Let's get to my room, hm?" Jack said. Alex nodded, keeping a tight grip as Jack turned, his face buried into his back.
He was certain he never let go of Jack once that night. He held him as they sat on the edge of the bed silently. Jack wasn't about to force him to tell his obviously traumatic story. He couldn't even begin to imagine what had happened to him. Alex was a rock and he'd only ever seen him shed tears, not sob violently.
"My dad..." Alex whimpered finally, his face buried in Jack's chest. Jack nodded, running his hands through his hair and kissing the top of his head softly. "He... he kicked me out..." Alex said, starting to calm down.
"That's horrible, Lex." Jack said against his hair. "Did your mom try to stop him?" He asked. Alex shook his head.
"I need to... to t-tell you more. You wouldn't understand..." Alex said, finally looking up at Jack. His heart felt so heavy, like it would just drop right out of his chest. Jack nodded.
"She... left us." Alex said, breathing in deeply. "She left us." He said again. "My dad never quit beating me, Jack." Alex confessed. The truth was, he hadn't stopped beating Alex, but it wasn't as much. In fact, this was the first time in years that his father had laid a finger on him.
Jack felt his heart pound faster. He couldn't breathe for a second. The thought of anyone hurting Alex made him unreasonably enraged. His grip tightened unintentionally on Alex as he sat in silence. Alex looked up at him, slightly taken aback by the look on Jack's face.
"What did he do?" Jack asked slowly, trying to keep his tone under control. Drips of hate tainted his words though. There was no hiding it. Alex slipped his damp shirt over his head, gasping at the bruises now. They were much darker than the last time he'd checked. He didn't remember being pushed that hard. He wanted to cover himself and hide. He didn't want Jack to see him like this, but the damage had been done.
Jack laid his hand gently on the purple marks, making Alex inhale sharply. He pulled it away quickly.
"Did I hurt you?" Jack asked quickly, his eyes widening. Alex shook his head.
"No... no... not at all. It felt... good." Alex confessed. Jack touched him again, the skin warm under his fingers. He couldn't believe such a beaten and bruised boy could still be so unbearably gorgeous. It was like his battle wounds made him all the more real. And it made Jack realize that this wasn't all a dream because in a dream, Alex wouldn't have any scars or bruises.
"I'm... going to kill that man." Jack said, venom dripping off his words. He couldn't hold back those words.
"Don't do anything, Jack. He'll hurt you... and if he did..." Alex stopped, feeling himself start to shake again. "I wouldn't be able to live with that..." He said softly.
"Alex, I can't let him get away with this!" Jack said, a little louder than he'd planned. Alex flinched slightly and looked down. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to yell." Jack said, realizing his fingers were still tracing gently over Alex's tender skin. He felt his fingers make their way down to his hips, feeling the raised scars that graffitied him. Alex closed his eyes, loving the feel of Jack's hands on him.
"Don't ever let me go..." Alex said breathlessly. Something in his words made Jack's heart start to beat faster.
"I couldn't even bear to." Jack said, pressing his lips to Alex's collarbone, causing the older boy to shudder. He'd never been touched so gently and affectionately. Never had he felt such calculated movements. Never had he known anyone who cared as much as Jack.
Jack pushed him back onto the bed, laying beside him and tracing patterns over his stomach with burning fingertips. He didn't want to do anything would hurt Alex. He placed a hesitant kiss on his body body and listened for that content sigh.
"Jack..." Alex sighed softly, even giggling a little. Jack laid his head on the pillow next to Alex's. Alex pulled him closer by the hips and kissed his nose. "All of this kissing..." Alex said, glancing at Jack's parted lips. He wasn't one for being subtle, Jack had found out.
"Hmmm... I don't see what you're hinting at, Mr. Gaskarth..." Jack said, kissing his nose gently. "Like that?" He asked cheekily. Alex glared at him. Jack kissed the corner of his mouth, teasing him. So close... yet so far. "Or maybe that?" Jack asked. He lowered his lips to his neck and kissed it, trailing softly down.
Alex groaned. "Jack..." He whined. Finally, Jack pressed his lips to Alex's.