I Walk a Fine Line (Between The Right and The Real)
Title: I Walk a Fine Line [12/20]
Author: 23a_j10
Beta: therapyrequired
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth + Jack Barakat.
Rating: R/NC-17: Overall.
Warnings: I wouldn't recommend reading this if you're subject to OCD in any form. Mental illness, and self-harm.
Summary: When the only thing Alex believes in is killing him and the only thing Jack believes in is love can the two save each other from their unhealthy and unrealistic lives.
Disclaimer: I don't know/own All Time Low.
POV: Third
Dedications: To my beta because she's a great writer.
Author's notes: Trying to change some stuff around, perhaps. Enjoy this anyhow, thank you ^.^
MASTERPOST
Alex and Jack are laid facing each other, curled up tightly in Alex’s bed, the curtains are closed and Jack made sure the door was locked. They were wrapped up; secure in their bubble under the cover of Alex’s sheet, but there was no oxygen gauge for Jack to measure the pressure.
“How did you stop?” Alex asks; pulling at the threads of his jumper he pulled on before burying himself in his bed. Jack watches his restless fingers.
“I focused every inch of my mind, every corner of my brain on the person I would be after I’d stopped.” Jack speaks remorsefully, his tone of voice is unequivocally sad.
“What do you mean?” Alex inquires further.
“I mean, just imagine the freedom Alex, no paranoia, no hiding, no secrets or cover-ups. No lies just short sleeved shirts and healed skin.” Jack speaks more to himself than Alex, as he remembers what it felt like before. Before he ruined everything.
“I’m sorry... “
“What for?” Jack looks up as Alex continues to pull at the cotton.
“It’s my fault you-”
“No Alex. No. Don’t even think about blaming yourself for my mistakes.” Jack’s voice is stern and Alex bites his lips.
“Have you... Since that day in school?” Jack knows what he’s asking and he knows the answer.
“Yes.” He replies quietly. All of Alex’s fears are instantly confirmed and before he can stop himself he’s shedding silent tears and moving himself like he’s attempting to physically hold himself together.
“Don’t cry-” Jack makes the sudden decision to make a fool of himself as he starts to sing, “No tears around me, don’t cry no tears around me. 'Cause when all the water's gone, the feeling lingers on. Old true love, ain't too hard to see.”
“What?” Alex smiles slightly through his teary ears.
“Neil Young?” Jack questions, “C’mon don’t your parents ever play that stuff?”
“No, not really...” Alex says as he sits up rubbing his eyes against his sleeves. “Do you believe in true love?” He asks, genuinely interested. Jack sits up grinning.
“I do actually, it’s like... I think about it all the time. That day when I’m gonna run into that person who makes my heart stop and set off the butterflies in my stomach when our eyes meet. And we’ll have these inside jokes and secret smiles and pass notes in class. We’ll have our own special hideaway and talk all night. We’ll write cheesy love letters and our families will be so close and-”
“Wow, you’ve thought this through, haven’t you?” Alex interrupts as he takes it all in.
“I... I just don’t think I’ll be happy until I find the one I love, you know?” Jack admits.
“Are you happy now?”
“Alex! Alex where are you?” Both boys jump at the sudden female voice shouting through the house.
“Mom? I’m in my room, what are you doing home?” Alex gets out of bed and opens his bedroom door.
“Alex, come down here please!” Mrs. Gaskarth sounds strict as she orders her son downstairs.
“Sorry Jack, wait here.” Jack nods and Alex leaves the room bouncing down the stairs.
“What are you doing home Mom, oh...” Alex’s face falls as he sees his Mother is not alone. “What are you doing here Lucy?”
“Alex, your Mom was worried and called me. Do you know why she’s worried?”
“What? No. I’m fine.” Alex shakes his head before he directs his next question to his Mom, “Why? I don’t understand Mom; I’m fine why is she here? Why are you doing this?”
“Alex, when I called you earlier you were speaking about someone called Jack…” Mrs. Gaskarth starts to explain but her son doesn’t let her.
“Yes, yes my friend Jack. He’s upstairs now. What does he have to do with her being here?” Alex is starting to panic; the sight of his old therapist was triggering all those memoires he’d locked away. There was no way he was going to let his secret get out, his Mom or Lucy couldn’t know about his relapse, he needs to cut, they couldn’t take that away from him.
“Alex, you don’t know anyone called Jack, I don’t know anyone called Jack, and your Father doesn’t know anyone called Jack. You never mentioned anyone called to Lucy.”
“I told you he moved here last week!” Alex was almost shouting now, his voice strained as his eyes darted from the two women standing, judging his every movement.
“Alex, I think that being left on your own gave your mind a reason to make up a friend. To keep you company, loneliness is a horrible thing to endure but, Jack isn’t real.” Lucy spoke to the seventeen year old who opened his mouth in sheer distress.
“No! NO! Jack is real he’s the only one who is!” Alex yelled, the tears reforming in his eyes as Lucy and his mother exchanged a look. Alex turned without a word and leapt up the stairs, throwing open is bedroom and collapsing into Jack’s lap.
“Hey, hey what’s the matter?” Jack wrapped his arms around the sobbing boy, holding him close. “I heard shouting, what did you Mom say to upset you?” Footsteps were soon heard rushing up the staircase, as Jack continues to comfort his friend. The door swings open and crashes into the wall, the two women stood there, mouths open in disbelief. The shorter of the two speaks first.
“W-who are you?”
“Jack... Are you Alex’s Mom?” Jack asks stroking Alex’s hair. “What did you say to him?” His voice is annoyed as he cradles her son.
“You’re Jack?” She repeats his name, staring at him blankly.
“Yes, what did you say to Alex?” He asks again, anger slipping through the cracks in his voice
“I... I’m sorry Lucy. I appear to have made a mistake” Mrs. Gaskarth turns to Lucy, who nods before saying,
“It’s quite alright. But I think you should make Alex an appointment to come and see me as soon as possible.”
“I will, I’m sorry again…” Mrs. Gaskarth apologizes as Lucy smiles politely and leaves the room to let herself out.
“Jack, could please go home me and Alex need to have a talk.”
Jack looks down at Alex who shakes his head at the request, his fingers gripping tighter in the younger’s shirt. “Jack, I’m sorry about his but please, I won’t ask you again.” She snaps and folds her arms around her middle.
“I don’t think Alex wants me to-”
“Don’t make him leave Mom, I want him to stay with me” Alex mumbles into Jack’s shirt.
“I need to talk to you alone, Jack has to leave.” His Mother repeats defiantly, “Please, this has nothing to do with you Jack. I’m sure you have a nice family please, just, go home to them for now.”
Jack squirms on the spot, glancing from the angry looking women to the distraught looking boy.
“If Jack goes I’m going too” Alex states simply, the bite in his voice catches his Mother off guard.
“What? Don’t be ridiculous; it’s time Jack went home. Doesn’t he have a family?”
“Yes! And his Mom is a much better Mom to him and me than you are!” Alex growls and pulls Jack to the window, ramming it open and slipping out of it easily. Jack follows suit without a second look back, both boys ignoring the outraged shouts from Mrs. Gaskarth.
Jack takes Alex’s hand into his and kisses his hair before they run. The sound of the front door opening was their cue to make their great get-a-way. Jack led the way, gripping tight onto his broken friend. They reached a park, and Jack slowed their pace. Alex had no idea where they were anymore but it didn’t matter. He was with Jack and that was all that mattered.
Jack took them over to the metal cylinder tunnel. It was big enough for both boys to sit in facing each other, next to each other. Knees touching and hands holding.
“S-She said you weren’t real...” Alex stutters and Jack holds his hand tighter.
“I am real Alex. I’m real and I’m here. I’ll always be here, I’ll never leave you alone again, nothing’s going to hurt you anymore. No one’s going to make those eyes cry or those lips frown. You’re beautiful and deserve happiness, you deserve freedom. That’s why we’re stopping this.“ Jack moves his other hand to touch his friend’s forearm through his jumper. “Nothing’s hurting you again Alex, not even yourself.”
Chapter Thirteen
Author: 23a_j10
Beta: therapyrequired
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth + Jack Barakat.
Rating: R/NC-17: Overall.
Warnings: I wouldn't recommend reading this if you're subject to OCD in any form. Mental illness, and self-harm.
Summary: When the only thing Alex believes in is killing him and the only thing Jack believes in is love can the two save each other from their unhealthy and unrealistic lives.
Disclaimer: I don't know/own All Time Low.
POV: Third
Dedications: To my beta because she's a great writer.
Author's notes: Trying to change some stuff around, perhaps. Enjoy this anyhow, thank you ^.^
MASTERPOST
Alex and Jack are laid facing each other, curled up tightly in Alex’s bed, the curtains are closed and Jack made sure the door was locked. They were wrapped up; secure in their bubble under the cover of Alex’s sheet, but there was no oxygen gauge for Jack to measure the pressure.
“How did you stop?” Alex asks; pulling at the threads of his jumper he pulled on before burying himself in his bed. Jack watches his restless fingers.
“I focused every inch of my mind, every corner of my brain on the person I would be after I’d stopped.” Jack speaks remorsefully, his tone of voice is unequivocally sad.
“What do you mean?” Alex inquires further.
“I mean, just imagine the freedom Alex, no paranoia, no hiding, no secrets or cover-ups. No lies just short sleeved shirts and healed skin.” Jack speaks more to himself than Alex, as he remembers what it felt like before. Before he ruined everything.
“I’m sorry... “
“What for?” Jack looks up as Alex continues to pull at the cotton.
“It’s my fault you-”
“No Alex. No. Don’t even think about blaming yourself for my mistakes.” Jack’s voice is stern and Alex bites his lips.
“Have you... Since that day in school?” Jack knows what he’s asking and he knows the answer.
“Yes.” He replies quietly. All of Alex’s fears are instantly confirmed and before he can stop himself he’s shedding silent tears and moving himself like he’s attempting to physically hold himself together.
“Don’t cry-” Jack makes the sudden decision to make a fool of himself as he starts to sing, “No tears around me, don’t cry no tears around me. 'Cause when all the water's gone, the feeling lingers on. Old true love, ain't too hard to see.”
“What?” Alex smiles slightly through his teary ears.
“Neil Young?” Jack questions, “C’mon don’t your parents ever play that stuff?”
“No, not really...” Alex says as he sits up rubbing his eyes against his sleeves. “Do you believe in true love?” He asks, genuinely interested. Jack sits up grinning.
“I do actually, it’s like... I think about it all the time. That day when I’m gonna run into that person who makes my heart stop and set off the butterflies in my stomach when our eyes meet. And we’ll have these inside jokes and secret smiles and pass notes in class. We’ll have our own special hideaway and talk all night. We’ll write cheesy love letters and our families will be so close and-”
“Wow, you’ve thought this through, haven’t you?” Alex interrupts as he takes it all in.
“I... I just don’t think I’ll be happy until I find the one I love, you know?” Jack admits.
“Are you happy now?”
“Alex! Alex where are you?” Both boys jump at the sudden female voice shouting through the house.
“Mom? I’m in my room, what are you doing home?” Alex gets out of bed and opens his bedroom door.
“Alex, come down here please!” Mrs. Gaskarth sounds strict as she orders her son downstairs.
“Sorry Jack, wait here.” Jack nods and Alex leaves the room bouncing down the stairs.
“What are you doing home Mom, oh...” Alex’s face falls as he sees his Mother is not alone. “What are you doing here Lucy?”
“Alex, your Mom was worried and called me. Do you know why she’s worried?”
“What? No. I’m fine.” Alex shakes his head before he directs his next question to his Mom, “Why? I don’t understand Mom; I’m fine why is she here? Why are you doing this?”
“Alex, when I called you earlier you were speaking about someone called Jack…” Mrs. Gaskarth starts to explain but her son doesn’t let her.
“Yes, yes my friend Jack. He’s upstairs now. What does he have to do with her being here?” Alex is starting to panic; the sight of his old therapist was triggering all those memoires he’d locked away. There was no way he was going to let his secret get out, his Mom or Lucy couldn’t know about his relapse, he needs to cut, they couldn’t take that away from him.
“Alex, you don’t know anyone called Jack, I don’t know anyone called Jack, and your Father doesn’t know anyone called Jack. You never mentioned anyone called to Lucy.”
“I told you he moved here last week!” Alex was almost shouting now, his voice strained as his eyes darted from the two women standing, judging his every movement.
“Alex, I think that being left on your own gave your mind a reason to make up a friend. To keep you company, loneliness is a horrible thing to endure but, Jack isn’t real.” Lucy spoke to the seventeen year old who opened his mouth in sheer distress.
“No! NO! Jack is real he’s the only one who is!” Alex yelled, the tears reforming in his eyes as Lucy and his mother exchanged a look. Alex turned without a word and leapt up the stairs, throwing open is bedroom and collapsing into Jack’s lap.
“Hey, hey what’s the matter?” Jack wrapped his arms around the sobbing boy, holding him close. “I heard shouting, what did you Mom say to upset you?” Footsteps were soon heard rushing up the staircase, as Jack continues to comfort his friend. The door swings open and crashes into the wall, the two women stood there, mouths open in disbelief. The shorter of the two speaks first.
“W-who are you?”
“Jack... Are you Alex’s Mom?” Jack asks stroking Alex’s hair. “What did you say to him?” His voice is annoyed as he cradles her son.
“You’re Jack?” She repeats his name, staring at him blankly.
“Yes, what did you say to Alex?” He asks again, anger slipping through the cracks in his voice
“I... I’m sorry Lucy. I appear to have made a mistake” Mrs. Gaskarth turns to Lucy, who nods before saying,
“It’s quite alright. But I think you should make Alex an appointment to come and see me as soon as possible.”
“I will, I’m sorry again…” Mrs. Gaskarth apologizes as Lucy smiles politely and leaves the room to let herself out.
“Jack, could please go home me and Alex need to have a talk.”
Jack looks down at Alex who shakes his head at the request, his fingers gripping tighter in the younger’s shirt. “Jack, I’m sorry about his but please, I won’t ask you again.” She snaps and folds her arms around her middle.
“I don’t think Alex wants me to-”
“Don’t make him leave Mom, I want him to stay with me” Alex mumbles into Jack’s shirt.
“I need to talk to you alone, Jack has to leave.” His Mother repeats defiantly, “Please, this has nothing to do with you Jack. I’m sure you have a nice family please, just, go home to them for now.”
Jack squirms on the spot, glancing from the angry looking women to the distraught looking boy.
“If Jack goes I’m going too” Alex states simply, the bite in his voice catches his Mother off guard.
“What? Don’t be ridiculous; it’s time Jack went home. Doesn’t he have a family?”
“Yes! And his Mom is a much better Mom to him and me than you are!” Alex growls and pulls Jack to the window, ramming it open and slipping out of it easily. Jack follows suit without a second look back, both boys ignoring the outraged shouts from Mrs. Gaskarth.
Jack takes Alex’s hand into his and kisses his hair before they run. The sound of the front door opening was their cue to make their great get-a-way. Jack led the way, gripping tight onto his broken friend. They reached a park, and Jack slowed their pace. Alex had no idea where they were anymore but it didn’t matter. He was with Jack and that was all that mattered.
Jack took them over to the metal cylinder tunnel. It was big enough for both boys to sit in facing each other, next to each other. Knees touching and hands holding.
“S-She said you weren’t real...” Alex stutters and Jack holds his hand tighter.
“I am real Alex. I’m real and I’m here. I’ll always be here, I’ll never leave you alone again, nothing’s going to hurt you anymore. No one’s going to make those eyes cry or those lips frown. You’re beautiful and deserve happiness, you deserve freedom. That’s why we’re stopping this.“ Jack moves his other hand to touch his friend’s forearm through his jumper. “Nothing’s hurting you again Alex, not even yourself.”
Chapter Thirteen