I Walk a Fine Line (Between The Right And The Real)
Title: I Walk a Fine Line [5/20]
Author: 23a_j10
Beta: therapyrequired
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth + Jack Barakat.
Rating: R/NC-17: Overall.
Warnings: I wouldn't recommend reading this if you're subject to OCD in any form. Mental illness, and self-harm.
Summary: When the only thing Alex believes in is killing him and the only thing Jack believes in is love can the two save each other from their unhealthy and unrealistic lives.
Disclaimer: I don't know/own All Time Low.
P.O.V.: Third
Author's notes: HEY! Remember this? Yeah, gonna start updating it again, because CRDLS is all done :)
MASTERPOST
Jack threw himself onto his bed and let his mind run away into the darkest caverns that he’d forbid himself to explore for four months. How could he do this to himself? How could he give it all up on one irrational impulse? And on his arm! His fucking arm! He swore to himself, promised himself...
He didn’t cry, scream or smash his fist through anything. No. He just laid face down in the sheets and thought, because right now, his mind was the most dangerous thing to hand. His thoughts could cut him deeper than any blade. He tormented himself, the guilt and anguish riddled through the bindings of his mind, the fabric of his brain. He let it all happen; he let himself drown in the sea of misery, in which the anchors of depression tired him down to the rock bottom, of torment. Four mouths. Four months for nothing.
Entry #169
I’ve done something terrible. I don’t know... I. Jack. Jack, he’s real. He exists, he does. Don’t ask me how. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know! I DON’T KNOW. Everything I was so sure of. The only thing I’ve ever let myself believe in and now. Now. Jack. Jack has ruined it all. But I… I have ruined him. That… is much, much worse. He. I don’t understand how he’s real but I know he is. Why? Why did he shatter the walls I’ve fashioned to hide behind for too long? WHY? I just don’t understand. But I do understand that Jack, whoever he is and wherever he’s come from. He’s important. He’s special. Not only he is beautiful but he’s destroyed. A mess, just like me. I’d say... I think we’re. I mean, we were meant to meet each other. We shared the same implement of devastation. Our blood mixed. We’re bound. Bound together.
Alex sits back against his bedroom door, dropping the inky pen on the floor next his crossed legs. His head his tilted back, crown pressing into the wood slightly. His breathing is paced, chest shaking lightly. His eyes are closed and heart heavy. He wanted to see Jack but he had no idea where the other boy lived. He’d have to wait until school tomorrow.
In the meantime the caramel haired seventeen-year-old moved over to the window and pushed it open. Sliding his slim body out the gap and into the twilight air, he landed on the floor with ease and grace. He started to walk; it didn’t really matter where though, because it was all inside his head anyway. Right?
***
Morning couldn’t have come quick enough for either boys; their alarms unknowingly synced to 6AM. The younger of the two, Jack, welcomed the disturbance from his demonic nightmares. Whereas Alex threw this alarm clock against wall, having only drifted off forty minutes earlier. Their first lesson was English, they shared that too. Alex dressed in dark denim jeans and an oversized purple and black striped long sleeved jumper. Jack dressed in similar jeans, however somewhat more worn looking, a black t-shirt covered over with a Blink 182 hoodie. The youngest but tallest walked to school and the eldest drove. They both arrived at the school gates, to almost the same second; both pretending not to see each other as Alex drove past and Jack veered his course of walking slightly.
Despite being newly acquainted the two had seated themselves next to each other in every class they shared, all apart from Math’s where they were told where to sit. But really? They were all sixteen/seventeen years old; did they really need to be told where to sit? So when they walked to the classroom door from either side of the corridor and met face to face.
“I-”
“Yeah...”
“Jack I’m s-”
“Don’t, really. We’re good?”
“I... Yes, definitely.”
“Good” Jack smiled at the shorter boy who returned it. Taking their seats they sheepishly stole glances at each other, smilingly softly with a hint of a blush when their eyes crossed paths. When the teacher decided she couldn’t wait for her caffeine fix; Alex turned in his seat to the younger, shifting his weight around to sit more comfortably in the plastic chair.
“Would you find it incredibly creepy if I asked you to come hang at my house?”
“I. No. I-... Wouldn’t. I mean. I wouldn’t find it creepy. At all” Jack’s flustered response caused Alex to trip over his own smile.
“That’s cool cause I, I don’t know you’re just different to everyone else. There’s just something about you...”
“I. What do you mean, different?”
“Oh, I, uh, I mean it in a good way. Really. I just. Feel connected to you? Or something. That sounds pretty gay doesn’t it...”
“You are pretty gay Alex,” Jack giggled at Alex’s over dramatic put on gasp.
“I think you meant to say that I’m a pretty gay, actually.”
“Yes, yes that’s what I meant.” Jack laughs lightly and Alex grinned happily.
It’s crazy, how one person you’ve hardly known can change things, just like that. Alex pulls outs his precious notebook and writes down his address and phone number, sliding it across the table to Jack. The younger takes it and tears the unused bottom half away. He writes down his own address and phone number, you know, just in case one day Alex needs him for some reason.
“Thank you.” Alex takes the paper and tucks it safely away in his notebook.
“No, thank you.” Jack retorts with a stupid grin that Alex can’t get enough of.
Chapter Six
Author: 23a_j10
Beta: therapyrequired
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth + Jack Barakat.
Rating: R/NC-17: Overall.
Warnings: I wouldn't recommend reading this if you're subject to OCD in any form. Mental illness, and self-harm.
Summary: When the only thing Alex believes in is killing him and the only thing Jack believes in is love can the two save each other from their unhealthy and unrealistic lives.
Disclaimer: I don't know/own All Time Low.
P.O.V.: Third
Author's notes: HEY! Remember this? Yeah, gonna start updating it again, because CRDLS is all done :)
MASTERPOST
Jack threw himself onto his bed and let his mind run away into the darkest caverns that he’d forbid himself to explore for four months. How could he do this to himself? How could he give it all up on one irrational impulse? And on his arm! His fucking arm! He swore to himself, promised himself...
He didn’t cry, scream or smash his fist through anything. No. He just laid face down in the sheets and thought, because right now, his mind was the most dangerous thing to hand. His thoughts could cut him deeper than any blade. He tormented himself, the guilt and anguish riddled through the bindings of his mind, the fabric of his brain. He let it all happen; he let himself drown in the sea of misery, in which the anchors of depression tired him down to the rock bottom, of torment. Four mouths. Four months for nothing.
Entry #169
I’ve done something terrible. I don’t know... I. Jack. Jack, he’s real. He exists, he does. Don’t ask me how. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know! I DON’T KNOW. Everything I was so sure of. The only thing I’ve ever let myself believe in and now. Now. Jack. Jack has ruined it all. But I… I have ruined him. That… is much, much worse. He. I don’t understand how he’s real but I know he is. Why? Why did he shatter the walls I’ve fashioned to hide behind for too long? WHY? I just don’t understand. But I do understand that Jack, whoever he is and wherever he’s come from. He’s important. He’s special. Not only he is beautiful but he’s destroyed. A mess, just like me. I’d say... I think we’re. I mean, we were meant to meet each other. We shared the same implement of devastation. Our blood mixed. We’re bound. Bound together.
Alex sits back against his bedroom door, dropping the inky pen on the floor next his crossed legs. His head his tilted back, crown pressing into the wood slightly. His breathing is paced, chest shaking lightly. His eyes are closed and heart heavy. He wanted to see Jack but he had no idea where the other boy lived. He’d have to wait until school tomorrow.
In the meantime the caramel haired seventeen-year-old moved over to the window and pushed it open. Sliding his slim body out the gap and into the twilight air, he landed on the floor with ease and grace. He started to walk; it didn’t really matter where though, because it was all inside his head anyway. Right?
***
Morning couldn’t have come quick enough for either boys; their alarms unknowingly synced to 6AM. The younger of the two, Jack, welcomed the disturbance from his demonic nightmares. Whereas Alex threw this alarm clock against wall, having only drifted off forty minutes earlier. Their first lesson was English, they shared that too. Alex dressed in dark denim jeans and an oversized purple and black striped long sleeved jumper. Jack dressed in similar jeans, however somewhat more worn looking, a black t-shirt covered over with a Blink 182 hoodie. The youngest but tallest walked to school and the eldest drove. They both arrived at the school gates, to almost the same second; both pretending not to see each other as Alex drove past and Jack veered his course of walking slightly.
Despite being newly acquainted the two had seated themselves next to each other in every class they shared, all apart from Math’s where they were told where to sit. But really? They were all sixteen/seventeen years old; did they really need to be told where to sit? So when they walked to the classroom door from either side of the corridor and met face to face.
“I-”
“Yeah...”
“Jack I’m s-”
“Don’t, really. We’re good?”
“I... Yes, definitely.”
“Good” Jack smiled at the shorter boy who returned it. Taking their seats they sheepishly stole glances at each other, smilingly softly with a hint of a blush when their eyes crossed paths. When the teacher decided she couldn’t wait for her caffeine fix; Alex turned in his seat to the younger, shifting his weight around to sit more comfortably in the plastic chair.
“Would you find it incredibly creepy if I asked you to come hang at my house?”
“I. No. I-... Wouldn’t. I mean. I wouldn’t find it creepy. At all” Jack’s flustered response caused Alex to trip over his own smile.
“That’s cool cause I, I don’t know you’re just different to everyone else. There’s just something about you...”
“I. What do you mean, different?”
“Oh, I, uh, I mean it in a good way. Really. I just. Feel connected to you? Or something. That sounds pretty gay doesn’t it...”
“You are pretty gay Alex,” Jack giggled at Alex’s over dramatic put on gasp.
“I think you meant to say that I’m a pretty gay, actually.”
“Yes, yes that’s what I meant.” Jack laughs lightly and Alex grinned happily.
It’s crazy, how one person you’ve hardly known can change things, just like that. Alex pulls outs his precious notebook and writes down his address and phone number, sliding it across the table to Jack. The younger takes it and tears the unused bottom half away. He writes down his own address and phone number, you know, just in case one day Alex needs him for some reason.
“Thank you.” Alex takes the paper and tucks it safely away in his notebook.
“No, thank you.” Jack retorts with a stupid grin that Alex can’t get enough of.
Chapter Six