I agree that one person often likes the other first but I think there's a difference.
But flirting and wanting to hang out or doing (nice) things that might get someone to like you? How is that rape-y?
None of that is remotely creepy IF THE OTHER PERSON IS FLIRTING BACK. Or responding positively to wanting to hang out even if they can't do it immediately, say. But the thing about the persist-and-you'll-get-the-girl narrative is that often the woman SAYS NO REPEATEDLY and the guy keeps trying and then is rewarded. Ignoring a woman's no = victory! is rape-culture-y, to my mind.
There are plenty of ways to make friends and get to know people that don't involve one person saying no and the other person ignoring that no. For one thing, 'sorry can't hang out today' isn't necessarily a no forever, but if a person keeps saying no and you keep pushing? I've had guys text me and call me for days and weeks. In theory maybe that's nice but what it feels like is 'LEAVE ME ALONE please a soft no is still a no. I've given you no reason to keep
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No I get what you're saying and I've had guys be super annoying with texting and stuff too. I don't know if this came across in the post, maybe it didn't as it was late when I was writing it, but I wasn't talking about the situation where you're saying "stop" or ignoring him or sending some sort of very clear signal that you just want nothing to do with this person and they keep talking to you. That's what I call obnoxious. I was referring more to the "mixed-signals" or "hot-and-cold" sort of situation. Where she's like "I'd never date you! *gives really coy smile*" or "wow, you're such an asshole jeez *keeps talking to him/being friendly*." And "I don't want to date you" =/= "I don't want anything to do with you."
Like...I guess the line is different for everyone but I often feel like some part of fandom are so sensitive to the subject that any situation involving a "chase" comes off as rape-y to them.
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But flirting and wanting to hang out or doing (nice) things that might get someone to like you? How is that rape-y?
None of that is remotely creepy IF THE OTHER PERSON IS FLIRTING BACK. Or responding positively to wanting to hang out even if they can't do it immediately, say. But the thing about the persist-and-you'll-get-the-girl narrative is that often the woman SAYS NO REPEATEDLY and the guy keeps trying and then is rewarded. Ignoring a woman's no = victory! is rape-culture-y, to my mind.
There are plenty of ways to make friends and get to know people that don't involve one person saying no and the other person ignoring that no. For one thing, 'sorry can't hang out today' isn't necessarily a no forever, but if a person keeps saying no and you keep pushing? I've had guys text me and call me for days and weeks. In theory maybe that's nice but what it feels like is 'LEAVE ME ALONE please a soft no is still a no. I've given you no reason to keep ( ... )
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Like...I guess the line is different for everyone but I often feel like some part of fandom are so sensitive to the subject that any situation involving a "chase" comes off as rape-y to them.
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