Excellent. When you can, tell me what you liked/didn't like/where, if ever, the story seemed to slow down for you/anything you thought was missing. To make this good I need opinions other than my own applied to this. Since this is relatively short I want to make it good, because a lot of short story contests want something that is 4k or 5k words or less, and my pride-and-joy story is more than 7000.
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