The Voice of God

[all_knowing]

Where does one start? I thought now would be a good time to start writing in this thing as I've handed the position of Supreme Ruler of the World over to Gabriel for a few weeks. See if he still thinks a blind monkey could do it after he's had to deal with Reg the nutty priest from Ohio, shall we

Comments

[jamie2109]

Oh God...ooops... start again.

Oh dear, that is so funny...

And Lucifer wasn't banished for trying to steal my throne, he was just kept cheating at Poker and pissing everyone off.

BAHAHAHA!!! That Lucifer, hes a cheeky little devil isn't he?

Ok, so I have a question... but I guess I'll have to ask Gabriel now won't I?

*says goodbye chuckling*

[all_knowing]

Leave a message on his answer phone. Apparently that's going to make things easier around the office...?!

[jamie2109]

Righto, will do...

Bringing heaven into the 21st century huh?

[deathly_white]

I've actually thought a bit about our relationship. I predate you, you know. The only gods who should have any power whatsoever over me are the old gods of Rome. No wonder your symbols harm me not.

[all_knowing]

There is and has always only ever been one God. I have gone by many names and have been believed to many different Gods, of different shapes and sizes. Mortals.... and some vampires, it seems, have a very vague knowledge of what I am. I created the earth, the galaxy, the universe and everything beyond it.

But by all means, believe what you wish. I'm quite happy with my Harley at the moment.

Tootles.

[tipgardner]

Well, it very clearly states in Your Holy Bible, that in the beginning you threw down Tiamat. So, um, where'd she come from if she was there at your start?

[all_knowing]

Don't get me started on the Bible. Do you know how much of that was media spin? Think Tabloid Newspapers and you're half way there.

[rommely]

Hi God,

When I realized You had discovered the internet, I immediately knew this was it--this was the way to get my prayer finally heard. The question was though, what was I going to ask You? There were a lot of options.

But I think I'd really love a few million dollars. You can leave it contained within an inconspicuous pillow bag or briefcase--whichever you have at hand--under the steps of our current apartment. Or, if you don't like the hassle of handling paper bills, you can give me a set of winning lottery numbers for our local Ohio megamillion super lotto.

In return, I promise not to bother you for the rest of my mortal existence. Who needs God when they have a ridiculous amount of money, is what I like to say.

Sincerely,

rommely

P.S. As a bonus, I will donate some of my newly acquired money and power to start a new church in the location and size of your choice, if you send a thunderbolt down on George W. Bush. Or something. Just take him to the otherside. Thanks.

[all_knowing]

What do you think I am, a bank? If I had that kind of money do you really think I'd still be wearing this bloody toga?

If you want money I suggest you go out and earn it... or steal it from someone, whatever you prefer, but I'm not about to do your dirty work for you.

God

P.S. You think we want Bush over this side? Not likely. You're stuck with him for as long as humanly possible, I'm afraid.

[rommely]

Of course you're not a bank. And besides, a bank doesn't give me money. It only gives back the money I already have. But you, you're supposed to be creator of the universe or something. You're sure you can't even create a bunch of fancy green paper? Or conjure up some expensive designer clothes from Earth to replace that toga of yours?

If you can't give me heaps of money, then what kind of prayers can you grant? Please let me not fail that math test on Friday? Please, Lord, give me strength? I really want to be a better person, so brainwash me to be Philanthropist of the Century?

In fact, I'd really like to know what your job exactly entails.

[all_knowing]

I don't conjure, I create. I creature nature, and money, even though it comes from trees, is man made. So, sorry, but I'm afraid I can't help you there.

And I can't tell you what my job entails either. That would be like me telling you the meaning of life. It just wouldn't be nearly as profound as you'd be expecting. I promise it's not as glamorous as the Bible makes it out to be, though.

Pity.

[danbi]

Poor Jesus. Don't you love him anymore? Or is he too self-righteous? And what's with his hair, anyway?

Cheating at poker? THE NERVE! Banish him to Guam. Trust me - he'll care.

Gabriel seems uppity. I think you should bitchslap him - just once. It'll work, I just know it.

[all_knowing]

Jesus...? Don't get me started. It was a party, I'd had a lot ot drink, Mary looked really good in that shawl... One thing lead to another and, well... you know the rest.

[danbi]

I had no idea You found shawls sexy - I thought it was only me!

Mary. Rowr.

[soberloki]

Well, holy... er.

Nice to see you've got an LJ. Finally. Were you waiting until codes weren't required any more? I'm sure they'd have given you an invite code if you'd only commanded it.

Silly god. XD