Fanfic: Love the Way You Lie
Title: Love the Way You Lie
Author: all4cyanide
Pairing: Sakumiya
Rating: R for domestic violence
Genre: Angst, drama
Disclaimer: Song is not mine. Characters are not mine. What a sad life I lead.
Author's note:This fic was inspired by Eminem and Rihanna's song "Love the Way You Lie" (Lyrics found here). This fic is centered around domestic violence and if that bothers you in any way, then I wouldn't read it. Written for
the melody lingers on
AN ARASHI FICTION QUEST
Love the Way You Lie
It had been about two weeks since Sho moved into his tiny apartment. It was good enough for a guy like him; a new accountant for a law firm who was single didn’t need much space. Therefore, he decided to be economical and rent a small one room apartment in the almost shady side of town. He called it “almost shady” because it wasn’t as run down as some other places in the city, but still had some riff raff that hung about. Sho knew he’d be okay as long as he kept to himself and didn’t loiter about late at night.
However, something he did not know until he moved in was that the walls were paper thin. He had a corner room at the end of the second floor of the building so he only had one neighbor. They had not formally met just yet, but Sho felt like he knew his neighbor. Intimately. Why? Because he could hear the young man, presumably from the sounds, and his boyfriend having sex next door quite frequently. Sometimes it was low pants and a few moans, but there have been occasions when loud screams, thumps, and crashes could be heard. Sho cringed at the reminder of those times because it sounded painful, but maybe his neighbor liked it that way.
Sho just shrugged the noises off as they never really affected him too much. That is until one day the noises sounded a lot different than usual. No moans, no screams, just sounds of things shattering on the floor followed by a very loud crash against his wall. Sho jumped and scooted away as if he were in the room next to his. His heart beat faster as he heard some muffled talking and the door slam shut, leaving both apartments in silence. Sho moved slowly to the door and could hear the footfalls of someone quickly moving down the metal stairs. He was about to move away when he heard the door next to his open and shut softly. Thinking he should leave his neighbor to his privacy, Sho thought about going back to watching the evening news, but instead found himself cracking his door open.
There stood against the railing a small man, almost as pale as the moonlight, with baggy clothes on, smoking a cigarette. He was staring up at the starless sky and blew smoke softly into the slight breeze. His neighbor must have heard his door creak open because he turned to look in Sho’s direction, a knowing smirk on his lips. Sho’s eyes met the most definitely younger man’s and his breath caught in awe as guilt also travelled up into his chest at the sight before him. The eyes staring unblinkingly back into his nearly glowed from the streetlights, but the growing purple around his right eye was so glaringly obvious that Sho wanted to look away. He couldn’t. Those eyes dared him to say something, anything.
Opening the door a bit wider and stepping out, Sho did the only thing he could think of at that moment. He bowed his head, looking at the ground. “I’m Sakurai Sho. Your new neighbor.”
The silence that followed his statement was deafening, but the laughter that broke it pierced his heart.
****
His name was Ninomiya Kazunari, Sho found out in the coming days. He played the piano and the guitar at a club uptown and made just enough to pay rent, eat, and smoke. Sho had learned all this by spending a few minutes every evening in front of their apartments with Nino (as he liked to be called) while the younger man had his evening smoke.
Sho never brought up the night they met and Nino never mentioned it. He hadn’t seen or heard anyone in Nino’s apartment in the few days since it happened and the black eye seemed to be dissipating. They talked about nonsense. Sho usually talked about his boring life as an accountant and Nino usually just listened and nodded his head as he smoked. If Nino was having a hard time with a video game he was playing, he would sometimes vent his frustrations out with Sho. They were both just two lonely people who needed companionship for a few minutes a day.
They had been meeting and chatting every night for a week. Careful not to linger for longer than Nino’s one cigarette. Once that was done, they’d go back into their apartments and back to their own lives. One night at the usual time, Sho stepped out of his apartment and leaned against the railing. He looked up at the sky and it was still just as starless as it was the evening he met Nino. Sho yawned and stretched, but after several minutes, his neighbor did not emerge from his apartment. Frowning, he moved the few steps it took to get to Nino’s door and stared. Knocking on it would be strange, he decided. Especially since neither of them were really friends, just strangers that conversed every night.
Deciding that Nino was probably out, Sho went back to his apartment and lay down, falling asleep almost immediately. However, that sleep was interrupted by the sound of a muffled scream and soft thumping from the room next door. Sho glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly three am. He frowned into his pillow and tried to block the sex noises from entering his mind. Now that he knew what Nino looked like, Sho did not want his imagination running wild on him.
But what if… Sho thought as he untangled himself from his covers and listened carefully. The moans had stopped when he stood up and silence took over both rooms. This silence was not comforting. In fact, it gave Sho chills. Something isn’t right…
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” A voice boomed into the quiet, making Sho jump and stare wide eyed at the wall. He could hear a muffled voice responding, but apparently that did not please the speaker as soon as it ended something went flying into Sho’s shared wall and shattered.
He could hear the struggle occurring in the apartment, but what could he do? It wasn’t any of his business. It still bothered him, eating away at his conscience, making him shake with a need to do something. Just as he thought he would burst, the commotion next door stopped and he heard the door slam shut. He sat there in the middle of his room, afraid to breath for fear that something else may happen. His mind was blank and the stillness around him was suffocating.
Sho moved to the window and opened it, leaning his head on the frame as the cool night air met his face, allowing him to breathe again. The smell of smoke invaded his nose and he glanced over at his neighboring window to see a small hand and the glow of a cigarette.
“Ne, Sho-chan,” Nino’s voice called into the night air. “You ever love someone so much you can’t breath?”
Sho didn’t know how to respond or if Nino was even looking for a response. He merely kept Nino company in their respective window frames, both watching the sky, lost in their own thoughts. He watched as the other man tossed his cigarette out onto the street below and glanced over at the other window.
Nino withdrew his hand and Sho knew their little time together was over now. Just as Sho reached up to close his window he heard Nino say, “I wonder how long before it suffocates me.”
****
They met each other at the convenience store down the street from their apartment one day before nightfall. Sho was buying a bento box for dinner and Nino was getting a pack of cigarettes. He followed Nino silently into a nearby park, his plastic bag swinging between the two of them. Nino chose to sit at an empty swing set. Sho placed his bag on the sand and got behind Nino, pushing him. The younger man wore a scarf around his neck and a long sleeved shirt, but Sho could see the bruises on Nino’s wrists and neck whenever he swung closer to him.
“You know, he found me the job that I have now?” Sho could hear the smile in Nino’s voice. “I was basically living on the streets with just my guitar and making enough to get a shower at the public bath once a week and a hot meal every three days.”
Sho pushed him wordlessly as Nino continued, “We met in the park. I was playing my guitar and people were tossing change in. I played for 3 hours straight that day and many people passed by, but only one stayed there listening the whole time. It was him. Standing there in his business suit the entire time under the hot sun. He looked ridiculous,” Nino chuckled to himself at the memory. “His hair was sticking to his face and he was so flushed. That was the beginning.”
His tone changed then, but Sho kept on pushing, the breeze from the swing lifting Nino’s bangs as he moved forward. “I can’t say when it first happened, because I honestly don’t know. I just know one night I left the club to meet him at his place and I was being thrown against the wall the moment I walked in the door.”
Sho must have pushed a little too roughly because Nino gave a short laugh. “Don’t be angry, Sho-chan. I’m just as bad as he is. Don’t think I don’t pick fights just as he does. Sometimes I feel like a sadomasochist, I like to give it as much as I get it. Although,” Nino paused and for a long moment Sho thought he wasn’t going to finish.
“What?” Sho asked quietly, encouraging Nino to continue.
Nino dug his feet into the sand, stopping the swing abruptly. “Lately, it seems as if I’ve been getting it a lot more than giving it,” he whispered wistfully.
Sho reached up and grabbed the swing’s chains in either hand. “Then why do you stay? Can’t you see that he has problems?”
“And who doesn’t?” Nino bowed his head and looked down at his hands. Sho’s grip on the swing tightened. “We all get angry. He just shows his anger differently than most people. He loves me and he always apologizes afterwa-“
“How can you believe those lies?” Sho interrupted harshly and let go of the swing, fists at his sides. “Anyone who is truly sorry would make sure it would never happen again and anyone who claimed to love you wouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
Nino stood up then and looked towards the setting sun, hands in his pockets. After a moment, he looked towards Sho, his eyes glowing again just as they did the night they met. His smile was sad as he said, “What if I love the lies?” With that Nino walked away, leaving Sho to his own frustrations.
****
It had been one of those days at work and Sho was feeling the tension in the back of his neck from slaving over a stack of numbers all day. He wanted nothing more than a hot bath and his bed. As he slowly walked up the stairs to his apartment, he heard a low rumble of laughter and a familiar giggle. Looking up, he saw Nino smiling up at a taller man in a suit as he unlocked the door of his apartment. Sho didn’t get a good look at the man as he followed Nino in and shut the door, the lock sliding into place immediately.
The two neighbors had not spoken since that afternoon in the park. One could say Sho had been avoiding him because it was pretty much true. Whenever he thought of their conversation, he would feel rage and unhappiness building up within him. He couldn’t understand Nino’s way of thinking nor could he accept it. Why he cared so much, Sho did not know that either. Something within him wanted to protect the other man, but how could he do that when Nino didn’t feel like he was in danger?
He could feel a headache settling in and the idea of listening to Nino and his so-called lover have sex all night was highly unappealing. Sho opened his medicine cabinet and located the sleep medicine. He didn’t have a cold, but he knew it would knock him out for the night and that’s what he needed. As he lay down for the evening, he spared one last thought for Nino and sent up a silent prayer for the man’s safety as he drifted to sleep.
The next morning as Sho was drowsily waiting at the bus stop, a well dressed man came and stood next to him. Ordinarily, Sho wouldn’t have stared, but he recognized him as Nino’s lover and his heart stopped. This was the man who caused those awful bruises and black eyes on Nino’s body. The man smiled and nodded when their gaze’s met; Sho felt sick. He could see how his neighbor could be charmed by this person before him, but Sho was not fooled. He continued to unabashedly examine the man beside him. His face was well-defined and he was tall and thin. Sho noticed the wedding ring that graced the man’s finger, but he also noticed the raw redness of his knuckles and the scratch marks on his jaw. The other man must have felt Sho’s gaze as he cleared his throat and moved away from him, motioning for a taxi instead.
Sho had never known he could feel such hatred for someone he didn’t even know.
****
Every night for a week, Sho would sit by his front door and try to fight the urge to leave. He would hear Nino step outside at the same time every evening, but Sho couldn’t bring himself to face him. Every time he encountered his neighbor, Sho would feel frustrated and helpless. Two feelings he knew added up to a feeling of something else, but he chose to ignore that particular feeling because then it’d be a truly hopeless situation.
His avoidance of Nino came to an end when he came home late from work one night and not noting the time ran into Nino on his ritual smoke break outside of their apartments. Sho’s first thought was to turn and walk in the opposite direction, which he started to do, but halfway down the stairs he felt small fingers grasp his shoulder and he stopped dead at the touch.
“Sho,” Nino breathed out softly, just barely audible. “Please stop avoiding me.”
Sho spun around and grabbed Nino’s arm roughly, pulling him towards his apartment. Once inside Sho slammed the door shut and shoved Nino against the door, his arms braced on either side of the shorter man’s head. Nino looked up at him, his eyes resigned and the anger he felt melted away. He wasn’t angry really, he was frustrated and the source of that frustration was right here. In front of him. Right at that moment. He dropped his arms and leaned back, reaching up to rub a thumb over Nino’s cheek lightly. The other man closed his eyes at the caress and Sho leaned in, gently touching his lips to Nino’s.
At first he just pressed his lips to the other’s, but when Nino placed his hands on Sho’s shoulders and pulled him closer, he deepened the kiss. Sho coaxed Nino’s mouth open and their tongues met, each stroking the other. The kiss wasn’t hurried or needy in any way. Sho was simply giving to Nino.
However, the embrace did not last long. A salty taste entered Sho’s mouth and as he pulled back, his eyes widened. Nino was crying. Tears streaming down his face as he dropped his arms and fumbled with the doorknob behind him.
“Nino…” Sho began, reaching out to him.
The younger man smacked his hand away. “I’m sorry, Sho.” With that Nino opened the door and left. Retreating quickly into his own apartment, leaving Sho in an even messier situation than he was in before. He knew it. Sho was in love.
****
He had spent the entire day at work thinking about what happened the night before and as a result Sho had to stay even later at work. As he was exiting the station, still preoccupied, he bumped into somebody, dropping his briefcase in the process. He and the stranger stooped down to pick it up. Sho was mumbling apologies, but the final “excuse me” got caught in his throat when his eyes met the stranger’s.
Nino’s lover.
He was surprised to bump into him of all people, but what surprised Sho more was the recognition in the man’s eyes and the smirk that appeared on his lips.
“It’s you,” the man said coldly, a tone that sent chills down Sho’s spine, more out of foreboding than in fear. Sho was not afraid of this man.
“Excuse me?” Sho responded in a similar tone.
“Nothing. I just know about you. I’ve seen you with Kazunari.”
Sho’s brows creased. “What of it?”
The man smiled again and held out a book of matches to Sho, who took them and looked at him questioningly. “Something to remember him by.” With that, the other man walked to the platform and caught the waiting train.
Sho couldn’t move from where he stood, trying to decipher Nino’s lover’s words. His thought process was broken by the loud howls of a passing fire truck and ambulance. They whirred by in haste as they turned the corner near the station and that’s when Sho’s thoughts clicked into place, looking down at the matches and seeing one missing.
And he ran. Sho ran faster than he ever had before, hoping he wasn’t too late.
There was a large crowd around his complex when Sho turned the corner. The whole building wasn’t ablaze, but was quickly dying with the firefighters’ steady wash of water over the flames. Nino and Sho’s apartments were burned, but not too terribly. Nino’s apartment taking the brunt of it; obviously that was where the fire had originated. More than worrying over his possessions, Sho fought his way through the crowd to find Nino. Spying the ambulance ahead, Sho could see over the heads of the crowd a small, pale figure lying on the gurney, an oxygen mask attached to his smoke stained face. Sho fought harder through the crowd and ducked quickly beneath the police line.
“Nino!” Sho called nearing the ambulance, only to be grabbed by the arm by a police officer.
“Sir! Please go back behind the line.” The police officer ordered, but Sho struggled in the officer’s grasp, trying to get to Nino.
“Let me go,” Sho gasped out, frustrated tears escaping his eyes. “I need to be with him!” He pulled his arms away from the officer roughly and stumbled towards the ambulance, getting in right after they placed Nino inside.
“Are you related to him, sir?” asked the EMT beside him as the other EMT hooked Nino’s arm to an IV. Sho merely nodded and took Nino’s hand, squeezing it tightly. The ambulance sped away from the burning building, sirens blaring, and Sho’s grip on Nino growing stronger.
****
Nino did not wake up for five days.
Within those five days, many events occurred like a blur for Sho. When they arrived at the hospital, they immediately took Nino into surgery to stitch up the large gash at the back of his head and to fix his collapsed lung due to a broken rib. The trauma to Nino’s head, as reported to Sho by the doctor, came from being slammed into the corner of a table and his broken rib came from being kicked repeatedly in the chest. A neighbor had found Nino unconscious and tied to his bed with rope in a pool of blood. Fortunately, none of Nino’s body suffered any burns due to the fire having been started in the bathroom using manga and newspaper, kerosene, and a single match. Sho had given the matchbook to the detective in charge the next day and gave testimony to what Nino’s lover had told him and what he looked like.
He was found dead in his home the same day Nino woke up.
Sho was tidying up Nino’s bedside table, placing a new vase with yellow flowers in it on the table, when he heard a raspy yet familiar voice.
“You’re such a mother hen, Sho-chan,” coughed Nino as Sho jumped in surprise beside him.
Tears fell from Sho’s eyes as he stared back into the tired eyes looking up at him. Eyes he had feared he would never see again. Sho hugged the smaller man gently and cried into his chest, careful not to put too much weight onto his body. Nino’s hand found its way into Sho’s hair and caressed him weakly.
“Sorry,” Nino whispered weakly and Sho just shook his head and looked up at him, smiling through his tears.
Sho released Nino. “I’ll go tell the nurse you’re awake, okay?”
As Sho moved to leave, Nino reached up and grabbed his hand. He looked down at their joined hands and then up at Nino’s face. “Please…” Nino all, but breathed out. Sho understood and clasped his hand tightly on the other’s as he sat down and watched the younger man drift off to sleep.
****
Sho couldn’t be with Nino all day like he wanted to, but he’d stop in almost every single evening and keep the other man company as he recovered. Nino would excitedly regale him with stories about the other patients in the hospital and his interactions with them. He even befriended a little boy on the pediatrics’ floor when he went in search of video games one day.
“He’s so damned good at Mario Kart, Sho-chan!” Nino exclaimed as he stuffed another spoonful of the pudding Sho had brought to him that night into his mouth. Sho merely smiled and watched as Nino ate. He was nervous about the topic he was about to bring up, but gulped and went for it.
“You know I moved, right?” Sho began. Nino nodded and nibbled his spoon, giving Sho his full attention. Sho decided to finish this conversation quickly as he couldn’t take that stare for very long. “I had to get a bigger place than before since I couldn’t find any place like my old one and since our old building is shut down until it can be fixed, what’s left of your belongings have been placed in my care as well and I was wondering what I should do with it as it isn’t my stuff, it’s yours, and there isn’t much of it so I can keep it until you find another place to live or I can place it in storage, but then again that might be inconvenient as well in case you needed me to bring you something and it was in storage and-“
“Sho-chan!” Nino yelled.
Sho was gasping for breath as he looked up bashfully at Nino’s smirking face. “Yes?”
“I’ll live with you. Sure.” Nino smiled, the first genuine smile he’d seen in almost a month. Sho collapsed in relief in his chair as Nino laughed at some silly variety show on TV as if nothing happened.
Nino was scheduled for release a week later and Sho went in to visit him the day before his release in order to help pack his things up. Sho ordered Nino to stay in bed, despite the other man’s protests that he was fully capable of packing his own underwear, but Sho wanted him to continue to rest. Nino pretended to be upset at being treated like a child, but Sho would catch him out of the corner of his eye smiling to himself as he acted like he was watching the news.
Sho was stuffing the large tower of handheld games on Nino’s bedside table into a bag when his elbow bumped into the vase of flowers causing it to fall to the floor and shatter.
“Crap,” Sho muttered to himself as he bent to clean up the larger bits of glass, but stopped when he heard gasping behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Nino, doubled over in bed, his hands clutching his chest, eyes screwed shut, and struggling to breathe. “Nino?!” Sho moved to grab his shoulders, but was shoved away violently as Nino let out a piercing scream and covered his ears.
“Nino!” Sho moved again to grab him and Nino lashed out at him, slapping him across the face, his nail scraping Sho’s cheek, drawing blood.
Sho stumbled back, frozen in his spot, merely watching as Nino fought the nurses and doctor who came rushing in to calm him. He didn’t know what to do and for the first time in his life, he felt hopeless.
“Sakurai-san,” a nurse shook his arm. He didn’t move, just continued to watch as Nino threw a nurse away from him. “Sakurai-san!” The nurse shook him more urgently. He finally looked down to her. “Please, wait out in the hall. One of the nurses will clean your wound as well.”
Nino’s screams and violence increased as he knocked another nurse away into a side table, knocking one more glass to the floor and breaking. The doctor shouted for a tranquilizer and the nurse who was talking with Sho rushed out of the room.
Seeing the pure terror on Nino’s face from whatever had snapped in his mind brought Sho back to his senses. He shoved past the doctor and the nurses and threw himself onto Nino’s struggling body. The younger man kicked and tried to shove Sho away, but Sho wouldn’t let go. He’d never let go. “Nino,” Sho murmured into his ear as he screamed. “Stop. It’s alright. I’m here. Nino, please,” he pleaded.
“NO! LET ME GO!” Nino yelled and writhed about in his hold. Sho could see the doctor moving out of the corner of his eye and injecting the tranquilizer into Nino’s arm. The prick caused Nino to shriek out even more. “No! No, stop!” His struggles slowly became less powerful and Sho continued to hold on. Sho could feel his body becoming more relaxed beneath him, tears falling from Nino’s eyes as he clutched at Sho’s back. Sho sat up a bit, brushed the hair from Nino’s face and made soothing noises as Nino’s eyes finally closed, entering into a deep slumber. He kissed his forehead, not caring about the audience he had, and got up from Nino’s bed, adjusting the covers around the small man.
“Sakurai-san, do you have a moment?” the doctor asked, bringing Sho back to the reality of the situation. He could only nod as he mutely followed the doctor out of Nino’s room, sliding the door shut quietly behind him.
He followed the doctor to his office down the hall and sat opposite him at the table. The doctor handed him a towel and when Sho looked at him questioningly the doctor replied, “For your cheek. It’s bleeding, but not too terribly.” Sho mumbled a thanks and pressed the towel to his cheek. He hadn’t even noticed the pain until that moment. His entire body ached, Nino was slight, but the man had strength. “Sakurai-san, I would like to discuss Ninomiya-san’s condition.”
“His condition?” Sho asked softly.
“Yes, Ninomiya-san’s physical condition is stable and while we hoped he would be fine, it seems that mentally and emotionally he is not yet ready to live normally.” The doctor paused in case Sho had something to interject, but continued when he noticed the man just staring at him. “We know you aren’t his family, Sakurai-san, and therefore I really should not be telling you any of this, but what Ninomiya-san has gone through these past few years has most likely left severe mental and emotional damage. We think…”
After that, Sho nodded along mindlessly while the doctor continued to talk about things like “clinics” and “facilities,” but all that didn’t matter to Sho. He just wanted Nino to feel better and safe again. Whatever it took for that to happen, Sho would do it.
****
Sho’s new found resolve to help Nino in any way possible was nearly broken when he dropped by the hospital the day after Nino’s “episode” only to find that the other man was refusing visitors. He demanded to know why he wasn’t allowed to see Nino from the nurse, but she merely shook her head and told him sternly that he was not taking visitors at this time. Sho found the same to be true the next day and the day after that and the day after that. After a week of futile attempts to see Nino, Sho finally decided that he would leave it alone. He believed Nino had his reasons and would wait patiently for him to get through whatever he had to.
Patiently, huh? Sho chuckled to himself as he bent over his keyboard. When had he become such a lovesick puppy? How had that small ball of sarcasm captured him? Sho merely smiled and continued with his work.
Sho became so engrossed with his work in the next week that he almost forgot that the one he cared about most in this world refused to see him. Almost. In the quiet moments between starting a new project and the ride home and the moments before going to sleep, Sho would think of Nino and what all of this meant. He sometimes wondered if all of this could have been prevented earlier. If he had made Nino talk about what had happened the night of the fire, would he have been better able to adjust? If he had stolen Nino away before that mad man did that to him, would he and Nino be laughing happily in his apartment right now? So many ifs were circling about in Sho’s head and he knew those types of thoughts were futile, but it kept him from going crazy waiting somehow.
As if Nino felt his growing discontent, one day at work when he came back from lunch, Sho found a message on his desk.
Come see me tomorrow at noon was written boldly on a yellow post-it stuck to his monitor. It didn’t say who the message was from, but he knew and his heart began to beat quickly as if it hadn’t beaten for weeks.
The next day, Sho took a deep breath before sliding Nino’s door open. He was determined to be strong for his friend and smiled brightly as he walked in, only to be greeted with Nino sitting at the window, his back to him, smoking a cigarette.
“Hey, you know you can’t have that in here,” Sho chided gently as he stood next to Nino, looking out at the hospital garden below. He was needlessly nervous, but owed it to the fact that he hadn’t seen Nino in so long.
Nino smirked and flicked the cigarette out into the air and the pair watched as it fell to the ground several stories down. The silence that followed was uncomfortable for Sho. Silence between the both of them had never been uncomfortable.
Sho looked Nino over out of the corner of his eye. He looked smaller and skinnier than before if that were possible. His hair was slightly disheveled and his clothes untidier than usual. However, Sho noted, his eyes were different. As if a small spark had entered them. They looked determined. Determined for what Sho didn’t know. He now stared openly at Nino’s appearance, deep in thought when Nino spoke.
“Sho-chan,” Nino interrupted his thoughts. He continued to lean his head on the window sill and stare off into the distance as he spoke to him and Sho knew whatever came out of Nino’s mouth next would change his world.
“Yes?” Sho stammered out, watching Nino’s profile.
“Do you know why I cried that night? The night we kissed?”
Sho’s eyes widened in confusion and he tilted his head to the side in thought. He never understood why, but he always figured it was because Nino felt guilty about kissing him when he had a lover or because he didn’t like Sho. He decided to just shake his head, afraid for an answer even worse than what he was thinking.
“I was scared,” Nino revealed so simply. It was said as normally as if he was talking about grass growing.
“Scared?”
Nino nodded and finally turned his face to look up at Sho, his eyes glowing from the afternoon sun’s reflection. “Your feelings, Sho-chan. My feelings for you. I never thought I’d be able to feel that again. When you kissed me, all of those feelings I thought had been killed within me came rushing back and I didn’t know what to do. I was so afraid, Sho. Me. A man who was allowing another man to treat him like a dog and actually somehow enjoying it in some sick way…” Nino broke off, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Sho moved to comfort him, but Nino held up a hand. “No, I’m fine. Let me finish.” Sho nodded and stepped back, waiting. After several minutes, Nino began again. “I wasn’t deserving of your kindness or your love. I’m still not deserving of it,” He laughed bitterly as he stared back out the window. “Yesterday proved that.”
“Nino, I do lo-“
“No!” Nino shouted, standing from his chair abruptly. “Don’t say it, Sho. Don’t.” He took Sho’s hands in his and smiled softly up at him. “Not yet.” Sho looked into Nino’s eyes and nodded. Nino caressed his cheek where he had scraped it with his nail that day. “I’m glad it didn’t leave a mark.” Sho smiled making an affirmative noise in his throat and leaning forward…
Their moment was broken when the door slid open to reveal a small nurse peeking through; Nino dropped Sho’s hand and smiled at her. She nodded back and stepped into the room. “Ninomiya-san, the car is here for you. It’s waiting downstairs. Do you need help with your luggage?”
“No, thank you,” Nino grinned at her, causing her to blush. Sho chuckled lightly at the sight. Still a cheeky little brat, he thought. The nurse nodded and left the room. Nino picked up his bags and slung his guitar case over his shoulder. “I’m going to the country for a bit. To a place they say will help me,” he stated, trying to sound casual, but that wasn’t fooling Sho. Nino began fiddling with the strap of his bag, looking down at the floor. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, but-“
This time it was Sho’s turn to interrupt Nino, but not with words. He lifted the other man’s face to his and pressed a swift kiss to his lips. He smiled proudly as he saw the dumbfounded expression on Nino’s face. “I’ll be here when you get back. I’ll be waiting at home for you,” Sho spoke softly as he placed another kiss on Nino’s forehead before setting him away from him. He felt like he’s waited his entire life for Nino, he would wait forever if he had to.
“Home…” Nino muttered softly to himself before smiling and turning for the door, Sho following.
The pair walked outside in silence, their fingers lightly tangled together. Comfortable this time and when Sho opened the door of the waiting car so Nino could slide in he could only smile at the slighter man who was nervously fidgeting with his jacket. Before closing the door, Sho made one last jibe at Nino’s expense. “You better get well again, Ninomiya-san, or your video games will remain my hostages for the rest of your life.”
“Oi!” Nino exclaimed as Sho slammed the door shut in his face and waved the car goodbye, the hope in his heart restored.
****
Six months had passed since Nino left. Sho continued to wait and he didn’t mind waiting. Sometimes he would walk by the park and sit in the swing Nino had sat in that one day. He had visited their old building to check to see how the repairs were coming along. A family lived in Nino’s old room he figured as he saw a small little boy dash from the door when he passed by. He sometimes sat down and played the video games he kept for the other man, understanding the difficulties Nino sometimes complained about all the while wondering why he even recalled those inane grievances. It was most likely because it was Nino. Okay, it was because it was Nino.
Sho had been promoted at work and now supervised all of the accountants in his department. The pay was better, but the hours were longer. Today was particularly long as his firm acquired a new account and this required a lot of grunt work. He was exhausted when he climbed the stairs of his building. The night sky was clear and Sho noticed the stars were particularly bright tonight. Still no moon to be seen, but he didn’t care too much. He was used to not seeing the moon.
As he turned the corner, he saw him. A slight figure in oversized clothes, leaning against the railing, and smoking a cigarette. His eyes met Sho’s, glowing in the darkness from the streetlights, a knowing smirk on his lips, daring the other man to speak.
Sho smiled. “I’m home.”
Nino flicked his cigarette away and turned to Sho, tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips. The most beautiful smile he had ever seen. “Me too.”
-FIN-
Comments? Complaints? Smiles? Sad faces?
Note:If you or anyone you know is a victim of any sort of abuse, please contact a help line or someone who will help you. I worked on this fic for the last 5 months on and off and I'm finally happy about how it has turned out. I'd like to thank haruchaan and theproudpenguin for listening to my frustrations and continuously reading every draft I've written.
Author: all4cyanide
Pairing: Sakumiya
Rating: R for domestic violence
Genre: Angst, drama
Disclaimer: Song is not mine. Characters are not mine. What a sad life I lead.
Author's note:This fic was inspired by Eminem and Rihanna's song "Love the Way You Lie" (Lyrics found here). This fic is centered around domestic violence and if that bothers you in any way, then I wouldn't read it. Written for
the melody lingers on
AN ARASHI FICTION QUEST
Love the Way You Lie
It had been about two weeks since Sho moved into his tiny apartment. It was good enough for a guy like him; a new accountant for a law firm who was single didn’t need much space. Therefore, he decided to be economical and rent a small one room apartment in the almost shady side of town. He called it “almost shady” because it wasn’t as run down as some other places in the city, but still had some riff raff that hung about. Sho knew he’d be okay as long as he kept to himself and didn’t loiter about late at night.
However, something he did not know until he moved in was that the walls were paper thin. He had a corner room at the end of the second floor of the building so he only had one neighbor. They had not formally met just yet, but Sho felt like he knew his neighbor. Intimately. Why? Because he could hear the young man, presumably from the sounds, and his boyfriend having sex next door quite frequently. Sometimes it was low pants and a few moans, but there have been occasions when loud screams, thumps, and crashes could be heard. Sho cringed at the reminder of those times because it sounded painful, but maybe his neighbor liked it that way.
Sho just shrugged the noises off as they never really affected him too much. That is until one day the noises sounded a lot different than usual. No moans, no screams, just sounds of things shattering on the floor followed by a very loud crash against his wall. Sho jumped and scooted away as if he were in the room next to his. His heart beat faster as he heard some muffled talking and the door slam shut, leaving both apartments in silence. Sho moved slowly to the door and could hear the footfalls of someone quickly moving down the metal stairs. He was about to move away when he heard the door next to his open and shut softly. Thinking he should leave his neighbor to his privacy, Sho thought about going back to watching the evening news, but instead found himself cracking his door open.
There stood against the railing a small man, almost as pale as the moonlight, with baggy clothes on, smoking a cigarette. He was staring up at the starless sky and blew smoke softly into the slight breeze. His neighbor must have heard his door creak open because he turned to look in Sho’s direction, a knowing smirk on his lips. Sho’s eyes met the most definitely younger man’s and his breath caught in awe as guilt also travelled up into his chest at the sight before him. The eyes staring unblinkingly back into his nearly glowed from the streetlights, but the growing purple around his right eye was so glaringly obvious that Sho wanted to look away. He couldn’t. Those eyes dared him to say something, anything.
Opening the door a bit wider and stepping out, Sho did the only thing he could think of at that moment. He bowed his head, looking at the ground. “I’m Sakurai Sho. Your new neighbor.”
The silence that followed his statement was deafening, but the laughter that broke it pierced his heart.
****
His name was Ninomiya Kazunari, Sho found out in the coming days. He played the piano and the guitar at a club uptown and made just enough to pay rent, eat, and smoke. Sho had learned all this by spending a few minutes every evening in front of their apartments with Nino (as he liked to be called) while the younger man had his evening smoke.
Sho never brought up the night they met and Nino never mentioned it. He hadn’t seen or heard anyone in Nino’s apartment in the few days since it happened and the black eye seemed to be dissipating. They talked about nonsense. Sho usually talked about his boring life as an accountant and Nino usually just listened and nodded his head as he smoked. If Nino was having a hard time with a video game he was playing, he would sometimes vent his frustrations out with Sho. They were both just two lonely people who needed companionship for a few minutes a day.
They had been meeting and chatting every night for a week. Careful not to linger for longer than Nino’s one cigarette. Once that was done, they’d go back into their apartments and back to their own lives. One night at the usual time, Sho stepped out of his apartment and leaned against the railing. He looked up at the sky and it was still just as starless as it was the evening he met Nino. Sho yawned and stretched, but after several minutes, his neighbor did not emerge from his apartment. Frowning, he moved the few steps it took to get to Nino’s door and stared. Knocking on it would be strange, he decided. Especially since neither of them were really friends, just strangers that conversed every night.
Deciding that Nino was probably out, Sho went back to his apartment and lay down, falling asleep almost immediately. However, that sleep was interrupted by the sound of a muffled scream and soft thumping from the room next door. Sho glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly three am. He frowned into his pillow and tried to block the sex noises from entering his mind. Now that he knew what Nino looked like, Sho did not want his imagination running wild on him.
But what if… Sho thought as he untangled himself from his covers and listened carefully. The moans had stopped when he stood up and silence took over both rooms. This silence was not comforting. In fact, it gave Sho chills. Something isn’t right…
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” A voice boomed into the quiet, making Sho jump and stare wide eyed at the wall. He could hear a muffled voice responding, but apparently that did not please the speaker as soon as it ended something went flying into Sho’s shared wall and shattered.
He could hear the struggle occurring in the apartment, but what could he do? It wasn’t any of his business. It still bothered him, eating away at his conscience, making him shake with a need to do something. Just as he thought he would burst, the commotion next door stopped and he heard the door slam shut. He sat there in the middle of his room, afraid to breath for fear that something else may happen. His mind was blank and the stillness around him was suffocating.
Sho moved to the window and opened it, leaning his head on the frame as the cool night air met his face, allowing him to breathe again. The smell of smoke invaded his nose and he glanced over at his neighboring window to see a small hand and the glow of a cigarette.
“Ne, Sho-chan,” Nino’s voice called into the night air. “You ever love someone so much you can’t breath?”
Sho didn’t know how to respond or if Nino was even looking for a response. He merely kept Nino company in their respective window frames, both watching the sky, lost in their own thoughts. He watched as the other man tossed his cigarette out onto the street below and glanced over at the other window.
Nino withdrew his hand and Sho knew their little time together was over now. Just as Sho reached up to close his window he heard Nino say, “I wonder how long before it suffocates me.”
****
They met each other at the convenience store down the street from their apartment one day before nightfall. Sho was buying a bento box for dinner and Nino was getting a pack of cigarettes. He followed Nino silently into a nearby park, his plastic bag swinging between the two of them. Nino chose to sit at an empty swing set. Sho placed his bag on the sand and got behind Nino, pushing him. The younger man wore a scarf around his neck and a long sleeved shirt, but Sho could see the bruises on Nino’s wrists and neck whenever he swung closer to him.
“You know, he found me the job that I have now?” Sho could hear the smile in Nino’s voice. “I was basically living on the streets with just my guitar and making enough to get a shower at the public bath once a week and a hot meal every three days.”
Sho pushed him wordlessly as Nino continued, “We met in the park. I was playing my guitar and people were tossing change in. I played for 3 hours straight that day and many people passed by, but only one stayed there listening the whole time. It was him. Standing there in his business suit the entire time under the hot sun. He looked ridiculous,” Nino chuckled to himself at the memory. “His hair was sticking to his face and he was so flushed. That was the beginning.”
His tone changed then, but Sho kept on pushing, the breeze from the swing lifting Nino’s bangs as he moved forward. “I can’t say when it first happened, because I honestly don’t know. I just know one night I left the club to meet him at his place and I was being thrown against the wall the moment I walked in the door.”
Sho must have pushed a little too roughly because Nino gave a short laugh. “Don’t be angry, Sho-chan. I’m just as bad as he is. Don’t think I don’t pick fights just as he does. Sometimes I feel like a sadomasochist, I like to give it as much as I get it. Although,” Nino paused and for a long moment Sho thought he wasn’t going to finish.
“What?” Sho asked quietly, encouraging Nino to continue.
Nino dug his feet into the sand, stopping the swing abruptly. “Lately, it seems as if I’ve been getting it a lot more than giving it,” he whispered wistfully.
Sho reached up and grabbed the swing’s chains in either hand. “Then why do you stay? Can’t you see that he has problems?”
“And who doesn’t?” Nino bowed his head and looked down at his hands. Sho’s grip on the swing tightened. “We all get angry. He just shows his anger differently than most people. He loves me and he always apologizes afterwa-“
“How can you believe those lies?” Sho interrupted harshly and let go of the swing, fists at his sides. “Anyone who is truly sorry would make sure it would never happen again and anyone who claimed to love you wouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
Nino stood up then and looked towards the setting sun, hands in his pockets. After a moment, he looked towards Sho, his eyes glowing again just as they did the night they met. His smile was sad as he said, “What if I love the lies?” With that Nino walked away, leaving Sho to his own frustrations.
****
It had been one of those days at work and Sho was feeling the tension in the back of his neck from slaving over a stack of numbers all day. He wanted nothing more than a hot bath and his bed. As he slowly walked up the stairs to his apartment, he heard a low rumble of laughter and a familiar giggle. Looking up, he saw Nino smiling up at a taller man in a suit as he unlocked the door of his apartment. Sho didn’t get a good look at the man as he followed Nino in and shut the door, the lock sliding into place immediately.
The two neighbors had not spoken since that afternoon in the park. One could say Sho had been avoiding him because it was pretty much true. Whenever he thought of their conversation, he would feel rage and unhappiness building up within him. He couldn’t understand Nino’s way of thinking nor could he accept it. Why he cared so much, Sho did not know that either. Something within him wanted to protect the other man, but how could he do that when Nino didn’t feel like he was in danger?
He could feel a headache settling in and the idea of listening to Nino and his so-called lover have sex all night was highly unappealing. Sho opened his medicine cabinet and located the sleep medicine. He didn’t have a cold, but he knew it would knock him out for the night and that’s what he needed. As he lay down for the evening, he spared one last thought for Nino and sent up a silent prayer for the man’s safety as he drifted to sleep.
The next morning as Sho was drowsily waiting at the bus stop, a well dressed man came and stood next to him. Ordinarily, Sho wouldn’t have stared, but he recognized him as Nino’s lover and his heart stopped. This was the man who caused those awful bruises and black eyes on Nino’s body. The man smiled and nodded when their gaze’s met; Sho felt sick. He could see how his neighbor could be charmed by this person before him, but Sho was not fooled. He continued to unabashedly examine the man beside him. His face was well-defined and he was tall and thin. Sho noticed the wedding ring that graced the man’s finger, but he also noticed the raw redness of his knuckles and the scratch marks on his jaw. The other man must have felt Sho’s gaze as he cleared his throat and moved away from him, motioning for a taxi instead.
Sho had never known he could feel such hatred for someone he didn’t even know.
****
Every night for a week, Sho would sit by his front door and try to fight the urge to leave. He would hear Nino step outside at the same time every evening, but Sho couldn’t bring himself to face him. Every time he encountered his neighbor, Sho would feel frustrated and helpless. Two feelings he knew added up to a feeling of something else, but he chose to ignore that particular feeling because then it’d be a truly hopeless situation.
His avoidance of Nino came to an end when he came home late from work one night and not noting the time ran into Nino on his ritual smoke break outside of their apartments. Sho’s first thought was to turn and walk in the opposite direction, which he started to do, but halfway down the stairs he felt small fingers grasp his shoulder and he stopped dead at the touch.
“Sho,” Nino breathed out softly, just barely audible. “Please stop avoiding me.”
Sho spun around and grabbed Nino’s arm roughly, pulling him towards his apartment. Once inside Sho slammed the door shut and shoved Nino against the door, his arms braced on either side of the shorter man’s head. Nino looked up at him, his eyes resigned and the anger he felt melted away. He wasn’t angry really, he was frustrated and the source of that frustration was right here. In front of him. Right at that moment. He dropped his arms and leaned back, reaching up to rub a thumb over Nino’s cheek lightly. The other man closed his eyes at the caress and Sho leaned in, gently touching his lips to Nino’s.
At first he just pressed his lips to the other’s, but when Nino placed his hands on Sho’s shoulders and pulled him closer, he deepened the kiss. Sho coaxed Nino’s mouth open and their tongues met, each stroking the other. The kiss wasn’t hurried or needy in any way. Sho was simply giving to Nino.
However, the embrace did not last long. A salty taste entered Sho’s mouth and as he pulled back, his eyes widened. Nino was crying. Tears streaming down his face as he dropped his arms and fumbled with the doorknob behind him.
“Nino…” Sho began, reaching out to him.
The younger man smacked his hand away. “I’m sorry, Sho.” With that Nino opened the door and left. Retreating quickly into his own apartment, leaving Sho in an even messier situation than he was in before. He knew it. Sho was in love.
****
He had spent the entire day at work thinking about what happened the night before and as a result Sho had to stay even later at work. As he was exiting the station, still preoccupied, he bumped into somebody, dropping his briefcase in the process. He and the stranger stooped down to pick it up. Sho was mumbling apologies, but the final “excuse me” got caught in his throat when his eyes met the stranger’s.
Nino’s lover.
He was surprised to bump into him of all people, but what surprised Sho more was the recognition in the man’s eyes and the smirk that appeared on his lips.
“It’s you,” the man said coldly, a tone that sent chills down Sho’s spine, more out of foreboding than in fear. Sho was not afraid of this man.
“Excuse me?” Sho responded in a similar tone.
“Nothing. I just know about you. I’ve seen you with Kazunari.”
Sho’s brows creased. “What of it?”
The man smiled again and held out a book of matches to Sho, who took them and looked at him questioningly. “Something to remember him by.” With that, the other man walked to the platform and caught the waiting train.
Sho couldn’t move from where he stood, trying to decipher Nino’s lover’s words. His thought process was broken by the loud howls of a passing fire truck and ambulance. They whirred by in haste as they turned the corner near the station and that’s when Sho’s thoughts clicked into place, looking down at the matches and seeing one missing.
And he ran. Sho ran faster than he ever had before, hoping he wasn’t too late.
There was a large crowd around his complex when Sho turned the corner. The whole building wasn’t ablaze, but was quickly dying with the firefighters’ steady wash of water over the flames. Nino and Sho’s apartments were burned, but not too terribly. Nino’s apartment taking the brunt of it; obviously that was where the fire had originated. More than worrying over his possessions, Sho fought his way through the crowd to find Nino. Spying the ambulance ahead, Sho could see over the heads of the crowd a small, pale figure lying on the gurney, an oxygen mask attached to his smoke stained face. Sho fought harder through the crowd and ducked quickly beneath the police line.
“Nino!” Sho called nearing the ambulance, only to be grabbed by the arm by a police officer.
“Sir! Please go back behind the line.” The police officer ordered, but Sho struggled in the officer’s grasp, trying to get to Nino.
“Let me go,” Sho gasped out, frustrated tears escaping his eyes. “I need to be with him!” He pulled his arms away from the officer roughly and stumbled towards the ambulance, getting in right after they placed Nino inside.
“Are you related to him, sir?” asked the EMT beside him as the other EMT hooked Nino’s arm to an IV. Sho merely nodded and took Nino’s hand, squeezing it tightly. The ambulance sped away from the burning building, sirens blaring, and Sho’s grip on Nino growing stronger.
****
Nino did not wake up for five days.
Within those five days, many events occurred like a blur for Sho. When they arrived at the hospital, they immediately took Nino into surgery to stitch up the large gash at the back of his head and to fix his collapsed lung due to a broken rib. The trauma to Nino’s head, as reported to Sho by the doctor, came from being slammed into the corner of a table and his broken rib came from being kicked repeatedly in the chest. A neighbor had found Nino unconscious and tied to his bed with rope in a pool of blood. Fortunately, none of Nino’s body suffered any burns due to the fire having been started in the bathroom using manga and newspaper, kerosene, and a single match. Sho had given the matchbook to the detective in charge the next day and gave testimony to what Nino’s lover had told him and what he looked like.
He was found dead in his home the same day Nino woke up.
Sho was tidying up Nino’s bedside table, placing a new vase with yellow flowers in it on the table, when he heard a raspy yet familiar voice.
“You’re such a mother hen, Sho-chan,” coughed Nino as Sho jumped in surprise beside him.
Tears fell from Sho’s eyes as he stared back into the tired eyes looking up at him. Eyes he had feared he would never see again. Sho hugged the smaller man gently and cried into his chest, careful not to put too much weight onto his body. Nino’s hand found its way into Sho’s hair and caressed him weakly.
“Sorry,” Nino whispered weakly and Sho just shook his head and looked up at him, smiling through his tears.
Sho released Nino. “I’ll go tell the nurse you’re awake, okay?”
As Sho moved to leave, Nino reached up and grabbed his hand. He looked down at their joined hands and then up at Nino’s face. “Please…” Nino all, but breathed out. Sho understood and clasped his hand tightly on the other’s as he sat down and watched the younger man drift off to sleep.
****
Sho couldn’t be with Nino all day like he wanted to, but he’d stop in almost every single evening and keep the other man company as he recovered. Nino would excitedly regale him with stories about the other patients in the hospital and his interactions with them. He even befriended a little boy on the pediatrics’ floor when he went in search of video games one day.
“He’s so damned good at Mario Kart, Sho-chan!” Nino exclaimed as he stuffed another spoonful of the pudding Sho had brought to him that night into his mouth. Sho merely smiled and watched as Nino ate. He was nervous about the topic he was about to bring up, but gulped and went for it.
“You know I moved, right?” Sho began. Nino nodded and nibbled his spoon, giving Sho his full attention. Sho decided to finish this conversation quickly as he couldn’t take that stare for very long. “I had to get a bigger place than before since I couldn’t find any place like my old one and since our old building is shut down until it can be fixed, what’s left of your belongings have been placed in my care as well and I was wondering what I should do with it as it isn’t my stuff, it’s yours, and there isn’t much of it so I can keep it until you find another place to live or I can place it in storage, but then again that might be inconvenient as well in case you needed me to bring you something and it was in storage and-“
“Sho-chan!” Nino yelled.
Sho was gasping for breath as he looked up bashfully at Nino’s smirking face. “Yes?”
“I’ll live with you. Sure.” Nino smiled, the first genuine smile he’d seen in almost a month. Sho collapsed in relief in his chair as Nino laughed at some silly variety show on TV as if nothing happened.
Nino was scheduled for release a week later and Sho went in to visit him the day before his release in order to help pack his things up. Sho ordered Nino to stay in bed, despite the other man’s protests that he was fully capable of packing his own underwear, but Sho wanted him to continue to rest. Nino pretended to be upset at being treated like a child, but Sho would catch him out of the corner of his eye smiling to himself as he acted like he was watching the news.
Sho was stuffing the large tower of handheld games on Nino’s bedside table into a bag when his elbow bumped into the vase of flowers causing it to fall to the floor and shatter.
“Crap,” Sho muttered to himself as he bent to clean up the larger bits of glass, but stopped when he heard gasping behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Nino, doubled over in bed, his hands clutching his chest, eyes screwed shut, and struggling to breathe. “Nino?!” Sho moved to grab his shoulders, but was shoved away violently as Nino let out a piercing scream and covered his ears.
“Nino!” Sho moved again to grab him and Nino lashed out at him, slapping him across the face, his nail scraping Sho’s cheek, drawing blood.
Sho stumbled back, frozen in his spot, merely watching as Nino fought the nurses and doctor who came rushing in to calm him. He didn’t know what to do and for the first time in his life, he felt hopeless.
“Sakurai-san,” a nurse shook his arm. He didn’t move, just continued to watch as Nino threw a nurse away from him. “Sakurai-san!” The nurse shook him more urgently. He finally looked down to her. “Please, wait out in the hall. One of the nurses will clean your wound as well.”
Nino’s screams and violence increased as he knocked another nurse away into a side table, knocking one more glass to the floor and breaking. The doctor shouted for a tranquilizer and the nurse who was talking with Sho rushed out of the room.
Seeing the pure terror on Nino’s face from whatever had snapped in his mind brought Sho back to his senses. He shoved past the doctor and the nurses and threw himself onto Nino’s struggling body. The younger man kicked and tried to shove Sho away, but Sho wouldn’t let go. He’d never let go. “Nino,” Sho murmured into his ear as he screamed. “Stop. It’s alright. I’m here. Nino, please,” he pleaded.
“NO! LET ME GO!” Nino yelled and writhed about in his hold. Sho could see the doctor moving out of the corner of his eye and injecting the tranquilizer into Nino’s arm. The prick caused Nino to shriek out even more. “No! No, stop!” His struggles slowly became less powerful and Sho continued to hold on. Sho could feel his body becoming more relaxed beneath him, tears falling from Nino’s eyes as he clutched at Sho’s back. Sho sat up a bit, brushed the hair from Nino’s face and made soothing noises as Nino’s eyes finally closed, entering into a deep slumber. He kissed his forehead, not caring about the audience he had, and got up from Nino’s bed, adjusting the covers around the small man.
“Sakurai-san, do you have a moment?” the doctor asked, bringing Sho back to the reality of the situation. He could only nod as he mutely followed the doctor out of Nino’s room, sliding the door shut quietly behind him.
He followed the doctor to his office down the hall and sat opposite him at the table. The doctor handed him a towel and when Sho looked at him questioningly the doctor replied, “For your cheek. It’s bleeding, but not too terribly.” Sho mumbled a thanks and pressed the towel to his cheek. He hadn’t even noticed the pain until that moment. His entire body ached, Nino was slight, but the man had strength. “Sakurai-san, I would like to discuss Ninomiya-san’s condition.”
“His condition?” Sho asked softly.
“Yes, Ninomiya-san’s physical condition is stable and while we hoped he would be fine, it seems that mentally and emotionally he is not yet ready to live normally.” The doctor paused in case Sho had something to interject, but continued when he noticed the man just staring at him. “We know you aren’t his family, Sakurai-san, and therefore I really should not be telling you any of this, but what Ninomiya-san has gone through these past few years has most likely left severe mental and emotional damage. We think…”
After that, Sho nodded along mindlessly while the doctor continued to talk about things like “clinics” and “facilities,” but all that didn’t matter to Sho. He just wanted Nino to feel better and safe again. Whatever it took for that to happen, Sho would do it.
****
Sho’s new found resolve to help Nino in any way possible was nearly broken when he dropped by the hospital the day after Nino’s “episode” only to find that the other man was refusing visitors. He demanded to know why he wasn’t allowed to see Nino from the nurse, but she merely shook her head and told him sternly that he was not taking visitors at this time. Sho found the same to be true the next day and the day after that and the day after that. After a week of futile attempts to see Nino, Sho finally decided that he would leave it alone. He believed Nino had his reasons and would wait patiently for him to get through whatever he had to.
Patiently, huh? Sho chuckled to himself as he bent over his keyboard. When had he become such a lovesick puppy? How had that small ball of sarcasm captured him? Sho merely smiled and continued with his work.
Sho became so engrossed with his work in the next week that he almost forgot that the one he cared about most in this world refused to see him. Almost. In the quiet moments between starting a new project and the ride home and the moments before going to sleep, Sho would think of Nino and what all of this meant. He sometimes wondered if all of this could have been prevented earlier. If he had made Nino talk about what had happened the night of the fire, would he have been better able to adjust? If he had stolen Nino away before that mad man did that to him, would he and Nino be laughing happily in his apartment right now? So many ifs were circling about in Sho’s head and he knew those types of thoughts were futile, but it kept him from going crazy waiting somehow.
As if Nino felt his growing discontent, one day at work when he came back from lunch, Sho found a message on his desk.
Come see me tomorrow at noon was written boldly on a yellow post-it stuck to his monitor. It didn’t say who the message was from, but he knew and his heart began to beat quickly as if it hadn’t beaten for weeks.
The next day, Sho took a deep breath before sliding Nino’s door open. He was determined to be strong for his friend and smiled brightly as he walked in, only to be greeted with Nino sitting at the window, his back to him, smoking a cigarette.
“Hey, you know you can’t have that in here,” Sho chided gently as he stood next to Nino, looking out at the hospital garden below. He was needlessly nervous, but owed it to the fact that he hadn’t seen Nino in so long.
Nino smirked and flicked the cigarette out into the air and the pair watched as it fell to the ground several stories down. The silence that followed was uncomfortable for Sho. Silence between the both of them had never been uncomfortable.
Sho looked Nino over out of the corner of his eye. He looked smaller and skinnier than before if that were possible. His hair was slightly disheveled and his clothes untidier than usual. However, Sho noted, his eyes were different. As if a small spark had entered them. They looked determined. Determined for what Sho didn’t know. He now stared openly at Nino’s appearance, deep in thought when Nino spoke.
“Sho-chan,” Nino interrupted his thoughts. He continued to lean his head on the window sill and stare off into the distance as he spoke to him and Sho knew whatever came out of Nino’s mouth next would change his world.
“Yes?” Sho stammered out, watching Nino’s profile.
“Do you know why I cried that night? The night we kissed?”
Sho’s eyes widened in confusion and he tilted his head to the side in thought. He never understood why, but he always figured it was because Nino felt guilty about kissing him when he had a lover or because he didn’t like Sho. He decided to just shake his head, afraid for an answer even worse than what he was thinking.
“I was scared,” Nino revealed so simply. It was said as normally as if he was talking about grass growing.
“Scared?”
Nino nodded and finally turned his face to look up at Sho, his eyes glowing from the afternoon sun’s reflection. “Your feelings, Sho-chan. My feelings for you. I never thought I’d be able to feel that again. When you kissed me, all of those feelings I thought had been killed within me came rushing back and I didn’t know what to do. I was so afraid, Sho. Me. A man who was allowing another man to treat him like a dog and actually somehow enjoying it in some sick way…” Nino broke off, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Sho moved to comfort him, but Nino held up a hand. “No, I’m fine. Let me finish.” Sho nodded and stepped back, waiting. After several minutes, Nino began again. “I wasn’t deserving of your kindness or your love. I’m still not deserving of it,” He laughed bitterly as he stared back out the window. “Yesterday proved that.”
“Nino, I do lo-“
“No!” Nino shouted, standing from his chair abruptly. “Don’t say it, Sho. Don’t.” He took Sho’s hands in his and smiled softly up at him. “Not yet.” Sho looked into Nino’s eyes and nodded. Nino caressed his cheek where he had scraped it with his nail that day. “I’m glad it didn’t leave a mark.” Sho smiled making an affirmative noise in his throat and leaning forward…
Their moment was broken when the door slid open to reveal a small nurse peeking through; Nino dropped Sho’s hand and smiled at her. She nodded back and stepped into the room. “Ninomiya-san, the car is here for you. It’s waiting downstairs. Do you need help with your luggage?”
“No, thank you,” Nino grinned at her, causing her to blush. Sho chuckled lightly at the sight. Still a cheeky little brat, he thought. The nurse nodded and left the room. Nino picked up his bags and slung his guitar case over his shoulder. “I’m going to the country for a bit. To a place they say will help me,” he stated, trying to sound casual, but that wasn’t fooling Sho. Nino began fiddling with the strap of his bag, looking down at the floor. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, but-“
This time it was Sho’s turn to interrupt Nino, but not with words. He lifted the other man’s face to his and pressed a swift kiss to his lips. He smiled proudly as he saw the dumbfounded expression on Nino’s face. “I’ll be here when you get back. I’ll be waiting at home for you,” Sho spoke softly as he placed another kiss on Nino’s forehead before setting him away from him. He felt like he’s waited his entire life for Nino, he would wait forever if he had to.
“Home…” Nino muttered softly to himself before smiling and turning for the door, Sho following.
The pair walked outside in silence, their fingers lightly tangled together. Comfortable this time and when Sho opened the door of the waiting car so Nino could slide in he could only smile at the slighter man who was nervously fidgeting with his jacket. Before closing the door, Sho made one last jibe at Nino’s expense. “You better get well again, Ninomiya-san, or your video games will remain my hostages for the rest of your life.”
“Oi!” Nino exclaimed as Sho slammed the door shut in his face and waved the car goodbye, the hope in his heart restored.
****
Six months had passed since Nino left. Sho continued to wait and he didn’t mind waiting. Sometimes he would walk by the park and sit in the swing Nino had sat in that one day. He had visited their old building to check to see how the repairs were coming along. A family lived in Nino’s old room he figured as he saw a small little boy dash from the door when he passed by. He sometimes sat down and played the video games he kept for the other man, understanding the difficulties Nino sometimes complained about all the while wondering why he even recalled those inane grievances. It was most likely because it was Nino. Okay, it was because it was Nino.
Sho had been promoted at work and now supervised all of the accountants in his department. The pay was better, but the hours were longer. Today was particularly long as his firm acquired a new account and this required a lot of grunt work. He was exhausted when he climbed the stairs of his building. The night sky was clear and Sho noticed the stars were particularly bright tonight. Still no moon to be seen, but he didn’t care too much. He was used to not seeing the moon.
As he turned the corner, he saw him. A slight figure in oversized clothes, leaning against the railing, and smoking a cigarette. His eyes met Sho’s, glowing in the darkness from the streetlights, a knowing smirk on his lips, daring the other man to speak.
Sho smiled. “I’m home.”
Nino flicked his cigarette away and turned to Sho, tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips. The most beautiful smile he had ever seen. “Me too.”
-FIN-
Comments? Complaints? Smiles? Sad faces?
Note:If you or anyone you know is a victim of any sort of abuse, please contact a help line or someone who will help you. I worked on this fic for the last 5 months on and off and I'm finally happy about how it has turned out. I'd like to thank haruchaan and theproudpenguin for listening to my frustrations and continuously reading every draft I've written.