Hmmm. My writing teacher is always accusing me of "too much consciousness" and "not enough event", and, frankly, I never believe him. :-) But, here . . . I think I kind of see what he means.
I like this writing, but . . . I"m not sure I found it as vivid as your recent stuff. To be honest, I think I got a better feel for the guy on the other end of the phone -- who got very little focus -- than on the girl in whose POV the narrator sits.
It's weird, because while the narrative *feels* psychically close, the MC is referred to in the third person, which belies that. Maybe that contributed to my inability to really get involved.
Or maybe it was just that there was just so much less subtext in this one. Yeah, that could be it. Normally, your writing is so rich in subtext. And I love that about it. But here, almost all of the subtext is reserved for the guy on the other end of the phone. Perhaps that is what I'm noticing.
No problem. You know I always appreciate your feedback. Even as I was writing this, I didn't know if I'd keep it. And by keep it, I mean post it. Because I keep most of what I write, just for reference.
I like it, in a way, but you're right. It's uncomfortably similar to how I felt about Crime and Punishment: "get out of your head and go DO something."
I like the guy on the phone though. A rather lot. I find him much more interesting than her.
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I like this writing, but . . . I"m not sure I found it as vivid as your recent stuff. To be honest, I think I got a better feel for the guy on the other end of the phone -- who got very little focus -- than on the girl in whose POV the narrator sits.
It's weird, because while the narrative *feels* psychically close, the MC is referred to in the third person, which belies that. Maybe that contributed to my inability to really get involved.
Or maybe it was just that there was just so much less subtext in this one. Yeah, that could be it. Normally, your writing is so rich in subtext. And I love that about it. But here, almost all of the subtext is reserved for the guy on the other end of the phone. Perhaps that is what I'm noticing.
Sorry I couldn't be more clear. :-)
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I like it, in a way, but you're right. It's uncomfortably similar to how I felt about Crime and Punishment: "get out of your head and go DO something."
I like the guy on the phone though. A rather lot. I find him much more interesting than her.
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