The Butterfly Effect

[alienemerald]

Comments

[alienemerald]

Thank you! I tried to make the descriptions vivid, at least the physical ones, mostly because the entire piece was emotions and mental thoughts. And yes, I do agree with you, about that constrast. I think I tried to make it that way, but I realize now it wasn't the best idea :/

[moonlitxmelody]

The emotion here speaks out with such clarity it brought tears to my eyes. Oh, I would love to read her full story. Poor girl. This was wonderful. Won.der.ful.

[alienemerald]

I'm so glad! I would have liked to write her full story, too, but it would have been too long to put up :( Thanks so much!

[moonlitxmelody]

Well who knows! One day maybe you can!

[ladypoetess]

We were the perfect couple, one dominant and one dormant

I love this line.

[alienemerald]

Oo, I liked it too. I was lucky that I could use alliteration :)

[mister_troper]

Hi, I'm one of your editors

[alienemerald]

Thanks so much for the wonderful edit! I went back and corrected most of what you pointed out, including two pretty drastic changes. That helped a lot.

There's just one question I have, if you don't mind answering it. I was never really 'taught' how to write in school. I've only really been taught vocab and grammar and such (I'm only in 8th grade, it might come in the future), but I've always wondered the difference between showing and telling. Telling, I know, is describing everything...I think. But what's showing? I could use some clarification :)

[alienemerald]

Oh, that helps a lot actually. That makes a lot more sense... I just need to practice it now! Thanks so much!

[rephen]

A beautiful entry. I like a lot of your descriptions, they evoke very vivid images. The ending line was very powerful. I enjoyed this very much. Good luck at BF this week.