The Tomorrow Series Fanfiction: Who Will Lead Us? - Chapter 1

[alien_writings]

This is the first chapter in a fanfiction of The Tomorrow Series by theun4givables. This chapter is NSFW.

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“Christ, that was a long day,” Savin muttered as Jazz opened the door to his apartment.

Comments

[theun4givables]

AHHHHH FANFICTION THAT IS GOING TO BE EPIC I CAN'T CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT.

Dude, the turning things around on the grudge!sex scene with Jazz giving Savin head as Savin stood Mari up? Fucking brilliant. And hot. Oh god, just knowing Savin has that much control over his voice is hot. Poor Jazz, though. He probably wanted to be fucked but they really didn't have a whole lot of time, did they?

The scene with Savin trying to pleasure Mari is neat -- because I'm intending to do something similar in canon after the ONS. ;)

The Council Meeting is spot fucking on. Spot. On. Mitchel's reaction. Savin's dread. Jazz's guilt/panic afterwards. Just. Awesome.

[alien_writings]

As I wrote that part, I was like "this is way hotter than it has any right to be because it's SO WRONG." It was quite the contrast with the Savin/Mari scene, wasn't it? That one? Not so hot. I might have gone a bit sledgehammer on the contrast, haha.

Glad you thought the Council meeting worked. :) That scene, it made my heart fucking hammer, dude. And I was the one writing it!

[n3m3sis43]

First things first: People who do not vote for themselves bring back crazy Idol flashbacks for me. WHO DOES THAT?!! Actually, I know at least one very nice, very talented Idoler who usually does not vote for herself but that's not the point. Jazz, come on now. :-)

Now for the rest of the fic. This is fucking epic! You're doing great with it in third person and I really think you should write in third more often. You seem to have a real knack for it.

The scene with Jazz giving Savin head while he was on the phone with Mari cracked me up. I'm sure I'm supposed to feel bad for her but it just made me think of the one from the canon back when Mari was still "Remmy" and I had to LOL a little at that.

Very nice job overall.

[alien_writings]

Ah, Remmy, I don't miss you. Mari became infinitely more likable simply from the name change. And then she kind of grew on me. Which is obviously why I've planned for her to meet a bad end in this fic.

Jazz, yeah, it's...kind of totally unreasonable NOT to vote for yourself in that situation. Seriously, dude. WTF?!

I haven't experimented very often with third, so it's surprising (not in a bad way) you say I seem to have a knack for it. I usually consider myself more skilled/having-a-knack-ish with 1st lol.

[winters_queen]

He shiveedr as Jazz ...

Mispelled shivered.

*sits forward.* I know I'm late to the game but holy leaving it to the end of the chapter. And dammit, it's time for bed or I'd read chapter two. :)

MItchel already sounds like a total jackass.

[alien_writings]

Thank you for your comment! ^_^

Mitchel is quite the jackass, as you'll see if you read future chapters.