Urban Phenomena - # 3
Welcome once again to our encyclopedia - Interpretations of Urban Phenomenon. Join me - The Fantastic Mr Pink as we prepare to don the guise of common street people and discover what it is like....to live in our world.....
# 3 THE JAKEY # 3
The Jakey
:- An irritating breed of human found in or around bus stations
:- So named for their scrounging/living habits
:- Usually harmless unles unwittingly provoked, annoyed or reminded that they are, in fact, a "Jakey".
Most known for:
1. The complete cheek of their actions.
2. Their unyeilding resolve and persistence.
3. Their complete lack of imagination yet incomparable ability to lie without thought or conscience.
Most commonly one will find oneself waiting for use of any form of public transportation when, without warning, you are pounced upon by one or more incongruous individuals, that perhaps exude nervous or threatening behaviour.
In order to avoid such encounters one must be on guard at all times.
A victim will be asked, undoubtedly, for local currency - usually to fund some harmful addiction. The Jakey will continuously attempt to make the most profit at the lowest cost to the victim - not wishing to seem greedy.
The victim must guage the situation carefully; is this person desperate ebought to use force? Are they asking for an unreasonable sum? Can you stun them using confusing big words and dive for an escape pod without sounding patronising?
If one is in a situation to continue walking whilst politely declining, this is seen to be the best option.
The Jakey will most commonly ask for you to complete the "bus ticket hame" fund - a still, as of yet, untraceable charity - with an extra final 30 - 50 pence.
The Jakey will, amazingly, however proceed to have the gaul to ask the person in front of you to be similarly kind - even if you were kind enough to comply.
Such lies expand to even more ridiculous circumstances along the lines of needing 30 pence, "just for a cup of tea".
Our reaction to this is simply (in their native tongue): "Aye, awright pal, where you supposed to get a cup o fuckin tea for 30p!!!??? Take me wae ye, thats well brilliant, I could dae wae wan anawl !!!" **
** translation (Good lord, my good man, where in this dashed old world is one supposed to acquire a cup of tea for a measly 30 pence of the queens good sterling. I would gladly assist if you would be kind enough to escort me to such an establishment)
:- Other breeds of Jakey include the stoner single mother, using their children as a way to solicit funds - but mainly these will be found enquiring as to the whereabouts of the local "Hamish Allen" centre.
# 3 THE JAKEY # 3 Thank you gentle viewers.....please dont forget that one and all can submit their reviews and comments by clicking the link below
So long....#Mr Pink#