Fic: Different (6/?)
10. Fools Rush In
Alex checked her watch as she walked up the steps of the precinct house, making sure she still had time after this stop to head home and change before meeting Garret. It has been months since her last date and she was feeling the jitters. Despite that unwritten 'no coworkers' rule and despite that dreadful evening with Sorenson from the Trial Bureau she agreed to have dinner with Garret Young the first time he asked.
As a detective investigator in the DA's office, Garret's paths crossed Alex's from time to time, especially in the earlier days before she was assigned to the special victims bureau. Secretly, he was her favorite among the group of investigators. Professionally, she liked him because he was unassuming with his work and never had a chip on his shoulder like some of the others who wished they were carrying a gold shield instead of the DA's Investigator badge. And Garret Young had an easy manner about him that made him very attractive to the opposite sex. Once, on her way to the copy machine Alex had overheard some female paralegals speculating on why none of them has ever been asked out by the handsome blond-haired investigator.
Alex suddenly realized, a little belatedly, that if they learned about this dinner date it'd be fodder for the water fountain gossips for days. It was bad enough last year during her month long suspension; everyone from the ADAs down in the office food chain had secretly referred to the episode as the Cabot Maneuver. Then getting herself thrown in jail less than a month after her return and still managing to keep her job made her the stuff of legends. For the next month or so, the office and courthouse had held their collective breaths every time Cabot drew Lena Petrovsky as trial judge. Alex figured if she could survive that, she could certainly deal with a few mouths jawing about her going to dinner with Garret.
The other reason Alex said yes to Garret was to attempt to put behind her the faux pas with Olivia that has played quiet havoc with her feelings since new years. Some days, she was convinced that it was one of those incidents you laugh off and blame the alcohol. It was a mistake that didn't need to be brought up and over analyzed. On other days, especially the days when Olivia would smile just a little wider, or held Alex's gaze a moment too long, she could not quit thinking about what ifs. What if she hadn't pulled away before Olivia could react? How would Olivia react?
That line of thinking would lead her to stand closer to the detective when they were going over case files or she would place a hand on the detective's arm when pointing out a detail in a report. Behind her business as usual veneer Alex observed Olivia during these interactions and tried to gauge the other woman's reactions but she saw nothing beyond the usual geniality Olivia displayed at work with everyone.
Alex concluded that Olivia had clearly forgotten about the incident. She decided it would be juvenile to continue to fret aimlessly about a drunken peck on the lips. So she forcefully buried the emotions underlying the kiss, not only because they were the culprit to this unending circle she has been wandering in but they were feelings she did not have words for. That, more than anything else, irked the lawyer.
Alex slowly exhaled through her mouth as she rode the elevator up. She brought her mind back to the work she had to do here - brief Cragen and let Munch and Tutuola know how unhappy she was that they were about to be called on by defense counsel as corroborating witnesses.
"At least give us his name!" Alex heard one of her SVU detectives shout from the end of the corridor as she stepped out of the elevator on the fourth floor.
From the same direction of the voice came Olivia rounding the corner of the hallway, shrugging on her coat and smiling to herself. How did the simple, unconscious act of walking with confidence become so attractive with this woman, Alex absentmindedly thought.
"Hey," said Olivia when she saw Alex approaching.
"Hey."
"Did you need me?"
Yes. "No," the lawyer replied. She shifted her grip on the strap of her attaché case slung over her shoulder and nodded towards the direction of the bullpen. "What was that about?" she asked the cop.
Olivia slipped her hands in her pockets and said, "Munch and Elliot. They're giving me the third degree because I'm leaving on time. Those fine detective minds put together that I was going to meet someone, which led to an endless round of 'Who is he' and 'What does he do'."
Alex smiled. She would have probably asked the same questions too if she didn't already know who the detective was meeting. Alex commiserated, "It's like having older brothers you've always never wanted."
Olivia gave Alex a lopsided smile. "I let them carry on with the over protective big brother act. It's good for their egos when they think they're looking out for me."
"It's never crossed my mind that you couldn't take care of yourself."
"And it's never crossed my mind that you would allow incompetent detectives to work for you."
They both shared a smile at the reminder of the lawyer's uncharacteristic outburst during the Cavanaugh case. Too many things went wrong during the investigation but the good that came out of Alex's suspension was that it had brought her and Olivia closer. Her and all her SVU detectives closer, she corrected herself.
The silence was threatening to become awkward as the two women stood in the hallway, each needing to go their own way but neither seemed to want to make the first move to depart.
Alex noticed that the bruise on Olivia's cheek was already well on the mend. When she came in yesterday at the crack of dawn, Alex had entered the squad room to find the detective sitting at her desk with a can of soda pressed up against her face. Her right sleeve had been rolled up to reveal a bandage on her forearm. The ADA had to prevent herself from asking what had happened knowing that she would be briefed in full when everyone was gathered. When she left Cragen's office, Alex's determination to not be overtly concerned had dissolved but Olivia was nowhere in sight.
As she looked at faint mark now she thought to ask Olivia about her arm but instead what came out was, "I spoke with Jack McCoy's office today. Aggravated assault against a police officer is firmly tacked to the long list of charges being brought up against Ms. Grozny."
Olivia looked impressed and Alex was pleased. The lawyer left out the part of her conversation with McCoy's assistant where she sternly assured the other ADA that if they did not have the wherewithal to bump up the assault charge and argue that Sophia Grozny's teeth would constitute a 'dangerous instrument' then the Sex Crimes Bureau would be more than happy, and able, to take the case back from them. She was certain that there would be hell to pay when Elizabeth Donnelly received word of her posturing, but she was also pretty sure that the seasoned bureau chief had been none too pleased about Branch's decision to hand the cases over to another department either.
"So where are you going with Grant tonight?"
"It's Garret."
Olivia's eyes widened, and she looked slightly abashed at her gaffe but Alex moved the subject along as though she didn't care.
"We haven't decided," Alex said. "I'm meeting him as soon as I'm done here."
The elevator behind them dinged its arrival.
"So, uh…" Olivia gestured, "Guess I should be going now."
The lawyer nodded. "Have… have a good night," Alex uncharacteristically stumbled over her words.
The pair said their goodbyes and Olivia made haste for the elevator.
Alex, however, remained rooted at the spot. She took a moment to close her eyes and gathered her wits before she walked into the squad room, not realizing that a pair of eyes had followed her until the elevator doors shut close.
* * *
Laney was already at the restaurant and waiting at the bar when Olivia arrived. Olivia walked over to the smiling woman who was dressed in a chic, understated blouse and a damask skirt. They embraced.
"You look great," Laney said after stepping back to admire Olivia's dark slacks, red blouse and black leather coat. Her sharp eyes examined the fading bruise on Olivia's cheek shrewdly. She made no comment but seemed to find Olivia's quick healing reassuring.
Olivia flashed her a smile. "Thanks. Ready to go eat?"
After they ordered, Olivia tore into the basket of bread as politely as possible. She had given up her lunch hour to spend it filling out her DD5s for the day. It was the best way to get off work at a reasonable hour. She was now ravenous; two half-stale granola bars and a bag of Doritos stolen from Elliot's stash did not make a lunch.
Olivia enjoyed the conversation as they easily slid from one topic to the next. Laney, who was originally from the tiny town of Bremen, Indiana was a huge Notre Dame fan though the only sport she enjoyed watching was skeet shooting.
That led to the topic of guns and hunting. Olivia had never gone hunting except for miscreants on the streets of Manhattan. Laney had shot her first squirrel at the age of twelve. Her older brother got a good laugh when the recoil from the shotgun had knocked her on her ass. Olivia was amused by the thought of 'outdoor Laney' and told her so.
"Yes, yes. When they make my action figure it will come with a shot gun and my thesis," Laney joked.
"Or a library card," Olivia replied remembering Laney's voracious reading habits.
"Yours would be a badge, Glock and a pair of cuffs, naturally."
"A girl needs her accessories," Olivia stated after a slight hesitation.
"What would your action figure do to relax?" Laney asked.
Olivia smirked inwardly at Laney's roundabout way of probing and nearly said something about whirlpools, massages and Laney's left hand. Instead she waved her hand over the table and said, "She'd eat!"
After running through the topic of food the conversation turned to travel. Laney was contemplating her plans for spring break when Olivia said, "I can't remember the last time I could plan ahead for an extended vacation."
"It's one of the nicer perks of tenure," Laney told her.
Olivia was about to reply when she felt her phone buzz. She dabbed her lips with the napkin as she checked the message. It was from Alex. All it said was "SOS" followed by an address somewhere in midtown. Olivia's face was inscrutable.
"Something wrong?" Laney asked.
"It's the ADA."
"You're getting called in?"
Olivia looked at the message again and felt the conflict building in her. It would be bad form to abandon date and the pleasant evening she was having but she'd made a promise to Alex and she was going to keep it. So she said, "Yes. I'm sorry about this, Laney."
"It's alright, we were about to move on to dessert. This just means I won't have to do an extra mile at the gym tomorrow as penance." Laney smiled at her.
Olivia searched the professor's face but found no hint of annoyance behind those words. Her understanding made Olivia feel an even bigger twinge of guilt to leave under false pretenses. They said their goodbyes five minutes later outside of the restaurant. "I'll call you," Olivia promised Laney as she opened the door to the cab for the professor.
"Take care of yourself," Laney said. She leaned in to place a kiss on Olivia's cheek and got into the taxi.
Olivia shut the door and watched the cab join the busy evening traffic. Then she headed towards the subway station and by the time she was in a train riding towards 50th and 8th, her thoughts were no longer on her ruined evening but on Alex.
As she walked the block and a half from the subway station to the address Alex had texted her, Olivia ran through the lines she was going to use to spring Alex from her miserable loser of a date. She chastised herself for that petty thought and entered the nondescript brownstone that housed the Italian fusion restaurant.
Before the maitre d' could fuss over her, Olivia spotted Alex... and her handsome date. A handsome miserable loser of a date, she amended. Olivia recognized him as a quasi investigator from the DA's office. Having worked with him before she wondered why Alex had agreed to go out with him. Personally Olivia had found him as exciting as stale bread. She pointed at Alex's general direction to the maitre d'; the host gave her a disapproving scowl and let her pass. Olivia put on her cop face and approached the target.
"Ah... Ms. Cabot."
Alex looked up to see a grave Olivia Benson standing by her table. She pretended to look surprised to see the detective. "I really hope that you're here enjoying the fine cuisine and you've just come over to say hello, Detective Benson," she said.
The stunning looking blonde stared at Olivia with cold, blue eyes. Olivia instinctively bristled at the intense glare.
Oh, she's good.
Olivia looked over apologetically at Alex's date and turned back to the ADA. "Sorry to do this to you but Captain Cragen needs you to be present for the Haskell interrogation. We think he's willing to deal and we couldn't reach you on your cell. Called your office and Macy told me you'd be here."
"Remind me to thank my assistant for her helpfulness to the SVU. And this interrogation cannot happen tomorrow morning because?" Alex's question dripped with disdain.
Dammit, Alex. Quit playing and let's go already, Olivia thought.
"The ah... time sensitive nature of the case," Olivia said as she looked sideways at Garret again. "And Efren Ruiz is gonna skip town soon as he hears we're holding his buddy Haskell."
Alex seemed to give this some consideration and turned towards Garret who was patiently observing the exchange. "Garret, I'm very sorry..." Alex said. She started to rise from the table and Garret was quickly on his feet, moving over to help Alex with her coat.
The awkwardness of the situation felt by Olivia was only surpassed by a sudden desire to smack Garret's hands away and help Alex herself. She gave herself another strong reprimand about these covetous and even territorial feelings that had been building since the train ride. She stood mutely while she waited for Alex to pave the way with Garret for a gracious exit.
"I've worked with enough ADAs to know that the SVU assignment demands a certain flexibility in one's off-duty time," Olivia heard Garret say. Another considerate date, Olivia mused.
After declining an offer by Garret to drive them to the station, the two left the restaurant and by tacit agreement started walking towards the general direction of Alex's apartment.
They passed several blocks in silence before Olivia's curiosity bested her.
"So, he a momma's boy too?"
Alex smiled at that. "No."
They fell into silence again. The evening was mild and the walk was pleasant. They kept bumping into each other's sides while dodging other pedestrians. More than once, heads that passed turned back to check out the two tall, attractive figures.
"Lousy conversationalist?" The brunette prodded.
"Olivia..." the sides of Alex's mouth turned up even as her tone implored Olivia for mercy. But Olivia pressed on, emboldened by the green-eyed monster that had managed to escape and was making itself heard ever since she left dinner with Laney.
"I can't imagine that it's because he's some brutish pig. He about tipped the table over trying to help you with your jacket."
"He mentioned tonight that he's a fan of Dostoevsky," Alex said, surprising herself.
"Ah, so he's literate too. Geez, Alex, I dunno." Olivia started counting off Garret's virtues with her fingers. "Polite, smart, dresses well and plenty good looking..."
"That last one is hardly his fault now, is it?" the blonde quipped. "But I find Dostoevsky to be tediously boring."
"That's snobbery, Alex."
Alex didn't respond to the accusation right away. When she finally spoke she said, "You know… we're going to need an alibi."
"Hmm?" Olivia decided to not call Alex out on her attempt at changing the subject.
"Macy had no way of knowing where Garrett and I were," Alex pointed out.
Olivia gave Alex another glimpse of that damn crooked smile and shrugged slightly. "I don't think he's a good enough investigator to figure it out."
They stopped at a crosswalk and Alex inhaled the aroma wafting out of the bakery across the street. She took in another deep breath and smelled perfume. She looked sideways at Olivia's profile and noted that the leather jacket was one she'd never seen on Olivia before.
"You know, I was craving italian tonight."
Olivia looked at her. "What was that place?"
Alex thought for a moment, trying to come up with words to describe the molecular gastronomy cuisine and the post-modern interior decorating. "I was thinking more rustic and less..."
"Less of a butt clenching ambience?" Olivia supplied.
"If by that you mean an unduly avant garde approach to fine dining, then yes."
The two women crossed the street and as they passed the boulangerie the blonde looked longingly at the croissants through the window.
Alex turned away from the tempting pastries and continued her train of thought from earlier. "That trattoria at Park Slope we heard about from Desk Sergeant Minetti? I suggested to Garret we go there tonight. He seemed to think it was too far to go for good italian."
They were two blocks from the apartment building. Olivia's detective mind put together everything Alex had said during the entire walk but couldn't place a finger on the missing element. Her quiet pensiveness was not lost on Alex.
"Olivia?" Alex asked as the silence began to grow heavier.
"Hmm? Sorry. I was just... thinking," Olivia said as she dodged a typical hurried New Yorker at a corner. Even at this time of day, someone is always in a hurry to get somewhere.
"About what?" Alex asked hoping that it wasn't Laney.
"That our dates were both understanding about everything," Olivia answered in truth, if not the whole truth. "I need to call Laney tomorrow," she thought aloud to herself.
Alex had been so pleased to have Olivia show up that she almost forgot about the shenanigans she'd pulled. A slight pang of remorse immediately hit her.
"I realized... that is, I'm sorry I ruined your evening. I should have just--" Alex hesitated but Olivia cut her off.
"I make few promises and I like to keep the ones that I do make. It's fine, Alex."
The prick of guilt grew and Alex was caught up with conflicting thoughts on the whats and whys of the evening. She slowed her gait and Olivia matched her step. Alex had run out of excuses. She knew that the reasons she'd proffered were exceedingly feeble and would've been thrown out of any court. Just can't stop thinking like a prosecutor, she chided herself.
Just ask me, Olivia, Alex begged in her head. Ask me why I really called on you tonight.
"What?" Apparently she'd missed something Olivia said.
"I said, you've got quite a list going there... about Garret."
The duo slowed to a stop, a stone's throw from Alex's building and looked at each other. As though she'd read the lawyer's mind, Olivia said, "Which one's the real reason for the ditch?"
Alex looked down for a moment and closed her eyes, searching deep within for an ounce of courage to tell the truth. She lifted her gaze and studied the woman in front of her.
Instead of words Alex stepped closer to Olivia and in one bold move showed the cop why Garret would not be on her dance card again.
If she were ever asked, Olivia Benson would swear on any holy book that she was surprised but at that instant shock wasn't the sensation that registered in her head. After a second she even gave in and kissed Alex back. Their lips brushed against each other with a familiarity that belied the fact that this was only the second time they'd kissed. The first time didn't really count anyway, Olivia thought hazily as she put her hands on Alex's hip and pulled the other woman closer.
There was no urgency in this kiss as Alex allowed herself to be drawn into the embrace. Her palms rested on Olivia's shoulders but then she moved one hand to Olivia's neck where her thumb lightly stroked the other woman's skin behind her ear. Olivia may have let out a noise, she wasn't sure.
They pulled apart when they needed air more than they needed each other. Olivia could still taste Alex's tongue and her ears felt really warm. Alex was breathing hard but Olivia looked to be more shaken of the two. The brunette blinked repeatedly as she stared, wide-eyed, at the woman who had once again rendered her completely dumbfounded with a kiss.
"That's the real reason," Alex said softly. Olivia had to shake herself to figure out what Alex was talking about. Oh, Garret. Garret and Laney. Christ.
"That's not fair, Alex," Olivia protested in a whisper.
"I know." Alex sighed. "I'm sorry. I just keep thinking about New Years and--"
"If I hadn't been out with Laney," Olivia cut her off a little harsher than she had intended, "would you have sent the SOS?"
"I..." Alex could not bring herself to admit that but her silence became an indictment. She watched Olivia, looking for a clear sign of anger or any indication that she, Alex, might have completely crossed the line. The angled streetlight cast a relief on Olivia's face and gave her clenched jaw the definition of chiseled stone. Alex thought about it but quelled the urge to reach out and touch the detective again.
Olivia stood there, as silent as the blonde. She was partly angry with Alex and partly afraid that the four hundred and seventy six different thoughts running through her head would come out all at once if she didn't keep her mouth shut. No words seemed appropriate to follow that sensational kiss. So she said the first thing that came to mind.
"Why'd you kiss me?" Olivia felt an odd sense of déjà vu with those words.
Alex looked at her friend and realized she didn't have a good answer. I think I like you? It should've been you going out to Brooklyn with me tonight for rustic Italian? I don't have an answer that doesn't make me sound like I'm back in junior high?
Instead, she settled for, "I don't know?"
"Is that a question? You don't know?" Olivia demanded.
"I wanted to know if… if it felt the same when I'm not shit faced drunk," Alex stammered out.
Olivia didn't seem to notice Alex's surprising choice of words. She only nodded, accepting the answer that acknowledged the incident that they had both been dancing around for a better part of the last three months. Yet part of her remained either unconvinced or did not want to be. She waited for Alex to continue. When she didn't Olivia asked, "So how did it feel?"
"It's..." Alex inhaled and let out a breath, "different. The same but different."
It was Olivia's turn to close her eyes to sort out what she was going to say next. She placed a hand on Alex's back and led her to the entrance of the building. They stopped again and Olivia faced Alex with a steely expression.
"I like you, Alex..." Olivia's voice wavered but she caught herself. "I mean I really do. And I know you don't share those feelings and... the things you're doing are confusing the hell out of me."
Alexandra Cabot stared at the detective evenly. "Did you ever consider that you're not the only one who's confused?"
Shaking her head Olivia said, "I can't... I won't be the one to add to your confusion. And when you decide this isn't what you really wanted anyway..." she trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid.
Olivia reached out and took Alex's hand. "Let me know when you figure it out?" She gave the hand a squeeze and let go. "Good night, Alex."
Olivia stuffed her hands in her coat, turned and walked away.
* * *
End Act II