Time After Time- Chapter 15
Disclaimer: I own the story. Dick owns the characters...most of them.
Summary: Self-Discovery
A/N: So, first of all, it's been forever, sorry! Secondly, this was going to be longer but, I'm pretty happy with where I left it and hopefully I will feel motivated/my muse will come back soon and I'll write more. To my baby: You can stop screaming now about how I need to post something ;-) I love you forever and thanks for your help on this.
------
The room was dark still as Olivia lifted her arm to check the time on her wristwatch. Alex had fallen asleep about an hour ago and Olivia had sat there, listening to her breathing and thinking about everything they had been through. She titled her head to look down at the sleeping blonde in her arms and kissed the top of her head. At the first inhale of strawberries and crème shampoo, Olivia’s insides warmed. Alex stirred in her arms at the gesture, groaning in protest. Olivia smiled and rubbed her back, gently trying to rouse her from sleep. Alex buried her face in Olivia’s chest before looking up at Olivia through her eyelashes.
“Hey sleepyhead.” Olivia whispered, leaning forward and kissing Alex on the forehead.
Alex grunted and laid her head back down on Olivia’s chest. Olivia shifted slightly, running her fingers through Alex’s soft blonde hair.
“Baby, the AA meeting starts at 9 and it’s 8:20 now.” Olivia waited to see if she would respond.
“Ok, uh, let’s go?” Alex said quietly, unsure, slowly moving from Olivia’s embrace.
“We don’t have to go if you’re not ready.” Olivia watched her closely.
She knew Alex was nervous by the way her eyes flicked around the dark room and the way she smoothed her hands along the front of her pants as she sat up. Olivia swung her legs over the side of the couch once Alex had sat up. She could barely make out Alex’s features in the dark but she could see the worry and exhaustion on her face. She reached her hand out to stop Alex’s hands from nervously running along her clothed thighs. Alex looked at Olivia briefly in response to the gesture before looking straight ahead again.
“No, we can go. I…want…to go.” Alex nodded, almost as if she were trying to convince herself.
Olivia watched Alex slowly stand from the couch and make her way down the hallway. As she heard the bathroom door close, Olivia put her face in her hands. She knew how hard it was going to be, having dealt with it with her mom for years, and hoped that she was prepared to stick it out. She knew how much Alex needed her now and it broke her heart to see her this way. Olivia sighed and stood, walking over to the mirror hanging on the wall and using the little light coming through the window to run a hand through her messy hair to fix it. Truthfully, she didn’t even know if she had the energy to do this. With Joey’s case and all of this stuff with Alex lately, she felt like she was being pulled in too many directions at once. Olivia shook her head at her reflection before moving away to grab her coat, sliding it on.
Alex quietly closed the bathroom door, pausing to lean against it before walking toward the sink. She turned on the hot water and splashed it on her face, quickly grabbing a towel to dry it off. She placed her hands on each side of the sink, leaning in, her hips pressing into the porcelain as she looked at her reflection. Alex noticed her lifeless eyes, now a shade of grey instead of deep blue, and the dark bags that had taken up residence beneath them. She had known, for years, that she was walking a dangerous line and that one day she’d snap and lose control. Alex had told herself all those years ago that she could get through it without resorting to destructive means, and every time she drank she convinced herself that it wasn’t to forget or ease the pain, it was only to relax. She didn’t want to admit that her ‘relaxing’ was a bit out of control. Alex sighed, taking one last look at herself before opening the bathroom door and turning the light off. She plastered a smile on her face as she made her way down the hallway toward Olivia who was holding her coat out for her. Alex mumbled a thanks as Olivia helped her slip the coat on and held the door open for her to leave.
Alex shivered, her breath coming out in short spurts that she could see in the chilly night air. The community center was only two blocks away so walking was a better, albeit colder option. She felt Olivia drape an arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm and pulling her closer to her body heat. Her hands dug deeper into her pockets, clutching the silky lining tighter the closer they got to their destination. The feeling in the pit of her stomach was almost unbearable. Had she not been sure Olivia would leave her if she turned around and ran home, she definitely would. Alex didn’t want to admit she had a problem, she wasn’t ready, she still wasn’t sure if there was actually a problem. Alex glanced at Olivia and bit her lip. But she’d rather admit to a problem she wasn’t sure she had than lose someone she knew she couldn’t live without. There was already too much stress in her life at the moment, Olivia leaving would only exacerbate the situation. Olivia caught her gaze and offered a small smile, squeezing her tighter. She held her closely as they made their way up the steps to the open doors of the center. Olivia stepped back to let Alex go through the doorway before following her, taking Alex’s outstretched hand in her own. Alex seemed to be lost in thought as Olivia looked around for a sign that would point them in the right direction. Toward the end of the hall she saw a man standing in a doorway greeting people as they walked through and Olivia tugged on Alex’s hand, gently pulling her in his direction. The man offered them a cheery smile as they neared and Olivia responded, removing her hand from Alex’s and offering it to him.
He took her hand and nodded with a smile. “Good evening.”
“Evening.” Olivia responded before stepping aside to let him greet Alex.
Alex seemed unsure but stretched her hand outward anyway and offered him half of a smile. She felt Olivia’s hand on her elbow and let go of the man’s hand to follow her inside. Alex stood off to the side, taking in the scenery before her. The chairs, arranged in a circle like in the movies, the people, talking amongst themselves, and unfamiliar territory that surrounded her was overwhelming. The people here seemed to know each other fairly well and she honestly didn’t want anyone else knowing her problems. It was bad enough that Olivia was now in the middle of it, how was she supposed to open up to a room full of strangers? Okay, not a room full but…twelve. Twelve random people who she had never met before and probably wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the brunette standing next to her looking around the room with such hope. Alex didn’t have hope. All Alex had was a half a bottle of Absolut in the fridge that needed drinking. Olivia moved closer to her and she turned, looking back at the door that was slowly being closed by the man they had said ‘hello’ to minutes ago. Alex could feel the breath inside of her body dissipate as the fear rose into her chest. How was she supposed to do this when she had spent a good part of her adult life trying to suppress the memories using alcohol that she was going to vowel to abstain from? She must of looked ready to bolt because Olivia placed an encouraging hand on her back and leaned in close.
“It’s okay. I’m right here.” Olivia whispered near Alex’s ear.
Alex could feel Olivia’s breath on her neck as she spoke. Breath that she would no longer feel if she didn’t put one foot in front of the other and sit down in one of those vacant chairs. She reached for Olivia’s hand and took a breath before slowly walking toward the circle, a flush rising on her cheeks as a few people stared. Alex quickly sat down and let go of Olivia’s hand, placing both of her hands underneath her thighs and crossing her legs at her ankles. She kept her head bowed as she heard Olivia sit down next to her and the few whispers die down as the meeting came to order. She wondered in mild fascination about how long it must have taken to stitch her jeans and if they were hand-made or machine-made, she’d have to check the label later. Alex only half listened to the introductions people were making, so she wouldn’t miss her turn and look stupid. It’s not like she didn’t know what to say. And she didn’t even know if she’d be back again. Furthermore, it’s not like she was trying to be friends with any one of these people. It was bad enough she was even in the same room with them. Alex turned her head, lifting it, as the lady next to her spoke. She didn’t want to seem rude as she knew everyone would be paying attention to the lady and she would be in their line of vision too. The lady stopped speaking and turned her head to look at Alex. Alex’s heart pounded and she could feel the sweat building on her palms even though they were stuffed under her thighs.
She cleared her throat, hoping her voice wouldn’t crack too much and give away the fact that she felt like she was going to vomit. “My, uh, name is Alex. And, um, I’m…” She looked over at Olivia. “an alcoholic.”
Summary: Self-Discovery
A/N: So, first of all, it's been forever, sorry! Secondly, this was going to be longer but, I'm pretty happy with where I left it and hopefully I will feel motivated/my muse will come back soon and I'll write more. To my baby: You can stop screaming now about how I need to post something ;-) I love you forever and thanks for your help on this.
------
The room was dark still as Olivia lifted her arm to check the time on her wristwatch. Alex had fallen asleep about an hour ago and Olivia had sat there, listening to her breathing and thinking about everything they had been through. She titled her head to look down at the sleeping blonde in her arms and kissed the top of her head. At the first inhale of strawberries and crème shampoo, Olivia’s insides warmed. Alex stirred in her arms at the gesture, groaning in protest. Olivia smiled and rubbed her back, gently trying to rouse her from sleep. Alex buried her face in Olivia’s chest before looking up at Olivia through her eyelashes.
“Hey sleepyhead.” Olivia whispered, leaning forward and kissing Alex on the forehead.
Alex grunted and laid her head back down on Olivia’s chest. Olivia shifted slightly, running her fingers through Alex’s soft blonde hair.
“Baby, the AA meeting starts at 9 and it’s 8:20 now.” Olivia waited to see if she would respond.
“Ok, uh, let’s go?” Alex said quietly, unsure, slowly moving from Olivia’s embrace.
“We don’t have to go if you’re not ready.” Olivia watched her closely.
She knew Alex was nervous by the way her eyes flicked around the dark room and the way she smoothed her hands along the front of her pants as she sat up. Olivia swung her legs over the side of the couch once Alex had sat up. She could barely make out Alex’s features in the dark but she could see the worry and exhaustion on her face. She reached her hand out to stop Alex’s hands from nervously running along her clothed thighs. Alex looked at Olivia briefly in response to the gesture before looking straight ahead again.
“No, we can go. I…want…to go.” Alex nodded, almost as if she were trying to convince herself.
Olivia watched Alex slowly stand from the couch and make her way down the hallway. As she heard the bathroom door close, Olivia put her face in her hands. She knew how hard it was going to be, having dealt with it with her mom for years, and hoped that she was prepared to stick it out. She knew how much Alex needed her now and it broke her heart to see her this way. Olivia sighed and stood, walking over to the mirror hanging on the wall and using the little light coming through the window to run a hand through her messy hair to fix it. Truthfully, she didn’t even know if she had the energy to do this. With Joey’s case and all of this stuff with Alex lately, she felt like she was being pulled in too many directions at once. Olivia shook her head at her reflection before moving away to grab her coat, sliding it on.
Alex quietly closed the bathroom door, pausing to lean against it before walking toward the sink. She turned on the hot water and splashed it on her face, quickly grabbing a towel to dry it off. She placed her hands on each side of the sink, leaning in, her hips pressing into the porcelain as she looked at her reflection. Alex noticed her lifeless eyes, now a shade of grey instead of deep blue, and the dark bags that had taken up residence beneath them. She had known, for years, that she was walking a dangerous line and that one day she’d snap and lose control. Alex had told herself all those years ago that she could get through it without resorting to destructive means, and every time she drank she convinced herself that it wasn’t to forget or ease the pain, it was only to relax. She didn’t want to admit that her ‘relaxing’ was a bit out of control. Alex sighed, taking one last look at herself before opening the bathroom door and turning the light off. She plastered a smile on her face as she made her way down the hallway toward Olivia who was holding her coat out for her. Alex mumbled a thanks as Olivia helped her slip the coat on and held the door open for her to leave.
Alex shivered, her breath coming out in short spurts that she could see in the chilly night air. The community center was only two blocks away so walking was a better, albeit colder option. She felt Olivia drape an arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm and pulling her closer to her body heat. Her hands dug deeper into her pockets, clutching the silky lining tighter the closer they got to their destination. The feeling in the pit of her stomach was almost unbearable. Had she not been sure Olivia would leave her if she turned around and ran home, she definitely would. Alex didn’t want to admit she had a problem, she wasn’t ready, she still wasn’t sure if there was actually a problem. Alex glanced at Olivia and bit her lip. But she’d rather admit to a problem she wasn’t sure she had than lose someone she knew she couldn’t live without. There was already too much stress in her life at the moment, Olivia leaving would only exacerbate the situation. Olivia caught her gaze and offered a small smile, squeezing her tighter. She held her closely as they made their way up the steps to the open doors of the center. Olivia stepped back to let Alex go through the doorway before following her, taking Alex’s outstretched hand in her own. Alex seemed to be lost in thought as Olivia looked around for a sign that would point them in the right direction. Toward the end of the hall she saw a man standing in a doorway greeting people as they walked through and Olivia tugged on Alex’s hand, gently pulling her in his direction. The man offered them a cheery smile as they neared and Olivia responded, removing her hand from Alex’s and offering it to him.
He took her hand and nodded with a smile. “Good evening.”
“Evening.” Olivia responded before stepping aside to let him greet Alex.
Alex seemed unsure but stretched her hand outward anyway and offered him half of a smile. She felt Olivia’s hand on her elbow and let go of the man’s hand to follow her inside. Alex stood off to the side, taking in the scenery before her. The chairs, arranged in a circle like in the movies, the people, talking amongst themselves, and unfamiliar territory that surrounded her was overwhelming. The people here seemed to know each other fairly well and she honestly didn’t want anyone else knowing her problems. It was bad enough that Olivia was now in the middle of it, how was she supposed to open up to a room full of strangers? Okay, not a room full but…twelve. Twelve random people who she had never met before and probably wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the brunette standing next to her looking around the room with such hope. Alex didn’t have hope. All Alex had was a half a bottle of Absolut in the fridge that needed drinking. Olivia moved closer to her and she turned, looking back at the door that was slowly being closed by the man they had said ‘hello’ to minutes ago. Alex could feel the breath inside of her body dissipate as the fear rose into her chest. How was she supposed to do this when she had spent a good part of her adult life trying to suppress the memories using alcohol that she was going to vowel to abstain from? She must of looked ready to bolt because Olivia placed an encouraging hand on her back and leaned in close.
“It’s okay. I’m right here.” Olivia whispered near Alex’s ear.
Alex could feel Olivia’s breath on her neck as she spoke. Breath that she would no longer feel if she didn’t put one foot in front of the other and sit down in one of those vacant chairs. She reached for Olivia’s hand and took a breath before slowly walking toward the circle, a flush rising on her cheeks as a few people stared. Alex quickly sat down and let go of Olivia’s hand, placing both of her hands underneath her thighs and crossing her legs at her ankles. She kept her head bowed as she heard Olivia sit down next to her and the few whispers die down as the meeting came to order. She wondered in mild fascination about how long it must have taken to stitch her jeans and if they were hand-made or machine-made, she’d have to check the label later. Alex only half listened to the introductions people were making, so she wouldn’t miss her turn and look stupid. It’s not like she didn’t know what to say. And she didn’t even know if she’d be back again. Furthermore, it’s not like she was trying to be friends with any one of these people. It was bad enough she was even in the same room with them. Alex turned her head, lifting it, as the lady next to her spoke. She didn’t want to seem rude as she knew everyone would be paying attention to the lady and she would be in their line of vision too. The lady stopped speaking and turned her head to look at Alex. Alex’s heart pounded and she could feel the sweat building on her palms even though they were stuffed under her thighs.
She cleared her throat, hoping her voice wouldn’t crack too much and give away the fact that she felt like she was going to vomit. “My, uh, name is Alex. And, um, I’m…” She looked over at Olivia. “an alcoholic.”