Fic: Monster (Chapter 10)
Title: Monster (Chapter 10)
Author: Georgia_v_g
Notes: Not mine, thanks to Amanda. A short one again...
Whoever said time can mend a broken heart had no idea what they were talking about. Olivia missed Alex more and more each day. Sometimes she couldn’t breathe when the pain over comes her, ripping her apart in the middle of the night. She had tried everything to stop it. Alcohol either left her feeling too much or wasted and both didn’t help. After taking sleeping pills, she could focus even less than usual at work. Keeping it all in and trying to suppress it led to a meltdown and letting it all out exhausted her, but not enough to be back to square one the next day.
Her unfurnished apartment looked like a mess; clothes were scattered all over the floor, some fresh, some worn. When she had a good day, meaning when she had no more fresh clothes to wear, she went downstairs to the laundry room to do her laundry.
Life did go on; it was not just worth living. Seconds, hours, days and weeks passed and there was nothing out there for Olivia. She was lonel, she was lost. Without Alex nothing made sense. Liv simply didn’t function without the blonde woman.
She woke up every morning with a freight-train running through her head. What was left of her life was nothing but a joke. She got up in the morning and went to bed late at night, even when most of her nights didn’t lead her to sleep. When she couldn’t close her eyes she went to the bar around the corner. She hated the place because it was dark, smoky and mostly crowded, but she also found solace sitting there, watching the bar men pouring drinks.
AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO
-June, 25th-
“Freeze,” Elliot shouted at the aimed rapist and murderer in front of him. It was pretty dark in the warehouse, the only source of light was the open door, casting a few rays of sun into the building but they were too far away from it to reach them.
He had his gun pointed at Harold Altman who was encircled by Fin and Olivia as well. All three detectives had their guns pointed at the thirty-four year old that had a preference for little boys. They had found his last victim, little Benjamin Brewer, three days ago raped and maimed.
Olivia held her gun, her hands shaking. Her forehead was covered in beads of sweat. She pressed her eyes shut for a second, trying to focus, to will away the fatigue. She shouldn’t have drunk last night; she should have stayed home to face her demons one damn time.
“Drop the gun,” Elliot yelled at the perpetrator.
“And if I don’t?” She could hear the amused tone of the asshole; saw the smile on his face. He was mocking them and she would love to blow off his head. It was tempting. Wait, did he point his gun at her the whole time?
Focus, Olivia, focus for two fucking minutes.
“If you don’t I’m going to blow your fucking head off,” Olivia shouted, which caused Altman to laugh.
“You seem to be tied up in knots, sweetheart.”
She blinked her eyes, trying to stop her hands from shaking. He wouldn’t drop his gun. She knew he wouldn’t. If they didn’t kill him, he would be a perfect suspect for Alex to try. She would take him to court and make sure he’d rot at Riker’s until they’d stick a needle into his damn arm.
Stop thinking of HER!
“Shut the hell up and drop your gun,” Elliot yelled again. What was Olivia waiting for; she could have taken him out already. “Olivia, shoot him!” He would like to do it himself but as long as Altman had his gun pointed at Olivia he didn’t want to take the risk. He couldn’t see Altman’s finger on the trigger, had no idea if he was ready to pull.
“You have a little boy Olivia,” Altman asked sweetly.
“You promised.”
She pulled the trigger with trembling hands, a loud bang ringing through their ears. Before she knew it Elliot stumbled backwards, tumbling to the ground. She felt a sharp pain rip her stomach before she went down as well and everything turned black. She heard three more shots being fired before she was out cold.
AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO
She woke up in a hospital bed, feeling comfortably numb due to pain killers. Elliot sat next to her on a stool, looking at her. He had been waiting for the last two hours for her to wake up after her surgery, relieved to learn that no organs had been injured.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” she mumbled. “What happened?”
“Took your bullet,” he told her. “And I have no idea how you could blast that shot.”
She pressed her eyes shut and remembered him tumbling over.
“El, I’m sorry. I don’t know…” she started to explain but stopped when she felt his hand on her own.
“It’s okay, I’ll live.”
“It’s not okay, Elliot. I’ve fucked up. I shot you. It was a sure shot, I don’t what happened.”
“Liv, listen to me. I don’t care about the bullet I took but I do care about you. You have to get your act together. Cragen asked me if you were distracted, which you were. You were no longer in control of yourself. Now, I lied to Cragen and said you couldn’t take a clear shot which Fin agreed with. I won’t ever cover up for you again, if I have to do it because you couldn’t do your job, are we clear?”
She nodded. “Crystal.”
“Good,” he said.
“Is Altman dead?”
“Yes, Fin took him out after he shot you.”
“Right,” she whispered and looked down at herself. “He hit me in the stomach, right?”
Elliot nodded. “Nothing major, didn’t hit any organs. They removed the bullet and stitched you up.”
Her gaze drifted to Elliot’s bandaged upper arm and she felt awfully sorry for shooting him. She had no idea how something like that could happen. She targeted on Altman, she knew she did.
“Liv, listen… we have to get you back on track. You can’t go on like this.”
A sigh broke from her lips and she couldn’t stand to feel his eyes on her. She stared at the ceiling for long seconds.
“I know,” she whispered. She had risked El’s life because she no longer took care of herself, because she’d rather have a few drinks at the bar instead of staying at home to face her demons, to face the fact that she had lost Alex forever. She wanted to function, she tried so hard but there was always a setback.
“Now this is what we’ll do. You will eat properly. Two meals a day - minimum,” he started, looking at her intently. “No more late night drinking and don’t even deny it I know that you were hung over at least five times in the last several weeks, I also know that you were today.”
She nodded. “I’ll eat and I won’t drink,” she agreed.
“I know that you love your job and I know you’re trying but you will just have to try harder, Olivia. You can’t risk getting fired because of this.”
“I know. I’ll work on it. I’ll start take care of myself.” She meant it, she really did.
“Good. And now try to sleep a little. They’ll keep you here for one or two days and after that we’ll both be on desk duty anyway, thanks to you.” He flashed her smile, letting her know that he was not mad at her for the mishap.
“At least I can’t shoot you then,” she fired back, making him laugh as he rose from his chair.
“You’re one hard piece of work, Benson.”
AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO
After the two days spent at the hospital they discharged Olivia, telling her not to do any heavy lifting and to rest. She was free to go on a sick note but of course she was at the 1-6 the next day, begging her Captain to at least let her do some paperwork. She didn’t want to be alone at home. In the end Cragen agreed and let her stay. She had started to eat mostly, not much but at least something. Elliot was relieved to see that she took his advice.
After a week she looked much better. She had gained back some of her lost weight, drank water instead of too much coffee and it seemed to him she was a little more relaxed, no longer distracted.
Her gunshot wound healed quickly and she soon didn’t feel any more pain when she sat down, got up or made a wrong move. She was still sad but she finally had learned to deal.
Alex was still on her mind and she still missed her like hell, but the tears had stopped falling for the most part. She had learned to carry the burden of pain. There were days where she wanted to talk to Alex again. To honestly apologize for what she had done to her, for all the lies and all the times she’d crawled into Moss’ bed. She wanted to tell her that she was sorry for all the things she had never said and for all the things she couldn’t be.
She accepted that Alex didn’t want to see her again, accepted the pain that came along with it. She had survived for three months, had survived the torture she put onto herself, had fought to not lose her mind. She was not happy and she was not fine, but she was getting better.
Olivia started to pay attention to how she dressed again, put on make-up and started conversations with Elliot, Munch and Fin that didn’t have to do with their job. She cleaned out her apartment and even bought new furniture. A table, a small couch and a TV-set, which helped her to take her mind off things. Three months, and she was almost ready to let Alex Cabot go.
Author: Georgia_v_g
Notes: Not mine, thanks to Amanda. A short one again...
Whoever said time can mend a broken heart had no idea what they were talking about. Olivia missed Alex more and more each day. Sometimes she couldn’t breathe when the pain over comes her, ripping her apart in the middle of the night. She had tried everything to stop it. Alcohol either left her feeling too much or wasted and both didn’t help. After taking sleeping pills, she could focus even less than usual at work. Keeping it all in and trying to suppress it led to a meltdown and letting it all out exhausted her, but not enough to be back to square one the next day.
Her unfurnished apartment looked like a mess; clothes were scattered all over the floor, some fresh, some worn. When she had a good day, meaning when she had no more fresh clothes to wear, she went downstairs to the laundry room to do her laundry.
Life did go on; it was not just worth living. Seconds, hours, days and weeks passed and there was nothing out there for Olivia. She was lonel, she was lost. Without Alex nothing made sense. Liv simply didn’t function without the blonde woman.
She woke up every morning with a freight-train running through her head. What was left of her life was nothing but a joke. She got up in the morning and went to bed late at night, even when most of her nights didn’t lead her to sleep. When she couldn’t close her eyes she went to the bar around the corner. She hated the place because it was dark, smoky and mostly crowded, but she also found solace sitting there, watching the bar men pouring drinks.
AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO
-June, 25th-
“Freeze,” Elliot shouted at the aimed rapist and murderer in front of him. It was pretty dark in the warehouse, the only source of light was the open door, casting a few rays of sun into the building but they were too far away from it to reach them.
He had his gun pointed at Harold Altman who was encircled by Fin and Olivia as well. All three detectives had their guns pointed at the thirty-four year old that had a preference for little boys. They had found his last victim, little Benjamin Brewer, three days ago raped and maimed.
Olivia held her gun, her hands shaking. Her forehead was covered in beads of sweat. She pressed her eyes shut for a second, trying to focus, to will away the fatigue. She shouldn’t have drunk last night; she should have stayed home to face her demons one damn time.
“Drop the gun,” Elliot yelled at the perpetrator.
“And if I don’t?” She could hear the amused tone of the asshole; saw the smile on his face. He was mocking them and she would love to blow off his head. It was tempting. Wait, did he point his gun at her the whole time?
Focus, Olivia, focus for two fucking minutes.
“If you don’t I’m going to blow your fucking head off,” Olivia shouted, which caused Altman to laugh.
“You seem to be tied up in knots, sweetheart.”
She blinked her eyes, trying to stop her hands from shaking. He wouldn’t drop his gun. She knew he wouldn’t. If they didn’t kill him, he would be a perfect suspect for Alex to try. She would take him to court and make sure he’d rot at Riker’s until they’d stick a needle into his damn arm.
Stop thinking of HER!
“Shut the hell up and drop your gun,” Elliot yelled again. What was Olivia waiting for; she could have taken him out already. “Olivia, shoot him!” He would like to do it himself but as long as Altman had his gun pointed at Olivia he didn’t want to take the risk. He couldn’t see Altman’s finger on the trigger, had no idea if he was ready to pull.
“You have a little boy Olivia,” Altman asked sweetly.
“You promised.”
She pulled the trigger with trembling hands, a loud bang ringing through their ears. Before she knew it Elliot stumbled backwards, tumbling to the ground. She felt a sharp pain rip her stomach before she went down as well and everything turned black. She heard three more shots being fired before she was out cold.
AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO
She woke up in a hospital bed, feeling comfortably numb due to pain killers. Elliot sat next to her on a stool, looking at her. He had been waiting for the last two hours for her to wake up after her surgery, relieved to learn that no organs had been injured.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” she mumbled. “What happened?”
“Took your bullet,” he told her. “And I have no idea how you could blast that shot.”
She pressed her eyes shut and remembered him tumbling over.
“El, I’m sorry. I don’t know…” she started to explain but stopped when she felt his hand on her own.
“It’s okay, I’ll live.”
“It’s not okay, Elliot. I’ve fucked up. I shot you. It was a sure shot, I don’t what happened.”
“Liv, listen to me. I don’t care about the bullet I took but I do care about you. You have to get your act together. Cragen asked me if you were distracted, which you were. You were no longer in control of yourself. Now, I lied to Cragen and said you couldn’t take a clear shot which Fin agreed with. I won’t ever cover up for you again, if I have to do it because you couldn’t do your job, are we clear?”
She nodded. “Crystal.”
“Good,” he said.
“Is Altman dead?”
“Yes, Fin took him out after he shot you.”
“Right,” she whispered and looked down at herself. “He hit me in the stomach, right?”
Elliot nodded. “Nothing major, didn’t hit any organs. They removed the bullet and stitched you up.”
Her gaze drifted to Elliot’s bandaged upper arm and she felt awfully sorry for shooting him. She had no idea how something like that could happen. She targeted on Altman, she knew she did.
“Liv, listen… we have to get you back on track. You can’t go on like this.”
A sigh broke from her lips and she couldn’t stand to feel his eyes on her. She stared at the ceiling for long seconds.
“I know,” she whispered. She had risked El’s life because she no longer took care of herself, because she’d rather have a few drinks at the bar instead of staying at home to face her demons, to face the fact that she had lost Alex forever. She wanted to function, she tried so hard but there was always a setback.
“Now this is what we’ll do. You will eat properly. Two meals a day - minimum,” he started, looking at her intently. “No more late night drinking and don’t even deny it I know that you were hung over at least five times in the last several weeks, I also know that you were today.”
She nodded. “I’ll eat and I won’t drink,” she agreed.
“I know that you love your job and I know you’re trying but you will just have to try harder, Olivia. You can’t risk getting fired because of this.”
“I know. I’ll work on it. I’ll start take care of myself.” She meant it, she really did.
“Good. And now try to sleep a little. They’ll keep you here for one or two days and after that we’ll both be on desk duty anyway, thanks to you.” He flashed her smile, letting her know that he was not mad at her for the mishap.
“At least I can’t shoot you then,” she fired back, making him laugh as he rose from his chair.
“You’re one hard piece of work, Benson.”
AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO
After the two days spent at the hospital they discharged Olivia, telling her not to do any heavy lifting and to rest. She was free to go on a sick note but of course she was at the 1-6 the next day, begging her Captain to at least let her do some paperwork. She didn’t want to be alone at home. In the end Cragen agreed and let her stay. She had started to eat mostly, not much but at least something. Elliot was relieved to see that she took his advice.
After a week she looked much better. She had gained back some of her lost weight, drank water instead of too much coffee and it seemed to him she was a little more relaxed, no longer distracted.
Her gunshot wound healed quickly and she soon didn’t feel any more pain when she sat down, got up or made a wrong move. She was still sad but she finally had learned to deal.
Alex was still on her mind and she still missed her like hell, but the tears had stopped falling for the most part. She had learned to carry the burden of pain. There were days where she wanted to talk to Alex again. To honestly apologize for what she had done to her, for all the lies and all the times she’d crawled into Moss’ bed. She wanted to tell her that she was sorry for all the things she had never said and for all the things she couldn’t be.
She accepted that Alex didn’t want to see her again, accepted the pain that came along with it. She had survived for three months, had survived the torture she put onto herself, had fought to not lose her mind. She was not happy and she was not fine, but she was getting better.
Olivia started to pay attention to how she dressed again, put on make-up and started conversations with Elliot, Munch and Fin that didn’t have to do with their job. She cleaned out her apartment and even bought new furniture. A table, a small couch and a TV-set, which helped her to take her mind off things. Three months, and she was almost ready to let Alex Cabot go.