Comments | alex_conrad: The Telepathic Transference Complication

alex_conrad

The Telepathic Transference Complication

Mar 04, 2011 00:14

Title: The Telepathic Transference Complication
Author: alex_conrad
Rating: PG (maybe PG-13 later on)
Spoilers: Written right after The Toast Derivation
Word Count: 3,229
Summary: A lab experiment leaves Sheldon with the ability to read minds. Is this a gift or a curse?

Author's Note: This is my first Penny/Sheldon fic, so I'd really love to have some feedback.If ( Read more... )

penny, sheldon, shelly, the big bang theory

Comments 9

sunday_luncheon March 4 2011, 07:31:58 UTC

Ha ha! Love this. Can't wait to see where it goes, there's lot's of potential here. Favorite line:

"Either Leonard did not have a single thought in his head (which, Sheldon considered, could be possible) or the universe had not given him the power to read anyone’s thoughts, no, it had limited him to reading women’s thoughts."

SO funny. I could hear Sheldon saying something like that, honestly.

jandjsalmon March 4 2011, 19:02:32 UTC

*giggles* That was my favourite quote too.

inalittletown March 4 2011, 09:44:32 UTC

I really like this! It's a great start so far. Penny's inner-thoughts monologue was hilarious, as well as the way it freaked Sheldon out :)

Two (small) things, though - Raj's sisters name is Priya, not Pria, and some of your dialogue tags were messed up. (If a tag follows a period, the period should be a comma instead “Goodbye Penny, thank you for the ride,” he said as he stalked off., and if the first word after the quotation mark is not a name, it shouldn't be capitalized.) Sometimes you did it correctly, other times you didn't, so I just wanted to make sure you knew! :)

The second to last line was absolutely perfect, as well. Oh Sheldon, yes, Leonard does have thoughts, lol. Looking forward to more!

Thanks! alex_conrad March 5 2011, 04:03:15 UTC

Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it. Will look over it more carefully from now on. :)

notalwaysweak March 4 2011, 19:33:15 UTC

I especially liked Penny's train of thought; the shifting topics were very real (and very her).

marijka1105 March 4 2011, 20:14:22 UTC

Great story!

I hate to be overly critical but you definitely need to find a different beta. The story is riddled with punctuation and grammatical errors (and the dialogue tag issues someone else mentioned) that a good beta read should have caught. Paradox has a post of authors that are willing to beta read. All of them would make great betas. I urge to you take advantage of them.

bensferarcadia March 5 2011, 06:47:13 UTC

oh gosh. CONTINUE THIS! xD