[Fic] Replacement (3/3)
Title: Replacement
Pairing: KameDa (Kamenashi / Ueda)
Rating: PG
Genre: AU - Vampires; Angst, Fluff
Summary: Sometimes, waiting for an eternity doesn't guarantee happiness.
Disclaimer: I don’t own anybody.
Author’s Note: I checked my last update and it has been exactly two months T__T I’m sorry for the delay.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Replacement (3/3) - The Familiar Scent of Vanilla
When Kamenashi alights at Osaka, he looks around for his new 'sire'. After all, Nishikido has promised to pick him up at the train station. Sniffing for another of his kind, Kamenashi stares at the person his nose has identified for him.
Surrounded by three ladies, Nishikido seems to be enjoying himself greatly, hugging two and kissing one. In fact, Nishikido seems so engrossed that he fails to notice the presence of an additional vampire. Maybe being alone with Ueda has turned him selfish person but Kamenashi can't help but feel disgusted. Moreover, since the women are all human, Kamenashi knows that Nishikido is probably just playing around.
Kamenashi doesn't think he wants a sire who takes relationships lightly.
I'll take depressed over fickle any day.
However, when Kamenashi reaches out for the buttons on the ticketing machine, he hesitates. Is going back to Tokyo really a solution?
It is time to be realistic, Kamenashi decides. Grabbing his luggage, Kamenashi walks out of the station, determined to find his own happiness elsewhere.
I will be fine.
***
Kamenashi strolls down the unfamiliar streets of Osaka.
It is uplifting being alone, Kamenashi convinces himself. Freedom is enjoyable. Not everyone can have this luxury.
However while staring at his reflection, Kamenashi feels indignant and his thoughts absentmindedly fleet to Ueda. He is fine looking, rich, talented in his field of work and capable of cooking and cleaning. He makes a pretty good catch, so why wouldn’t Ueda just accept him? He has reassured Ueda countless of times that age isn’t an issue but nothing seems to work. Ueda just wouldn’t profess his love, going as far as to send him away.
Kazuya oh Kazuya, why are you so useless? Why can’t you find the answer?
Taking a few more steps, Kamenashi shakes his head to clear his mind. He should be enjoying himself now, lavishing himself with gifts that no one has bothered to purchase for him; why can’t he stop thinking about Ueda?
Wake up from your foolish illusions! Maybe you’re just not meant for anyone.
***
“Have this coat custom-make in the following measurements and send it to this address,” Kamenashi instructs the sales assistant working at the branded high-end shop. The sceptical expression on her face slowly fades when Kamenashi pays the full cost in cash (Kamenashi is slightly offended when she checks for signs of counterfeit initially).
Money truly makes the world go round. No one will question your choice of ordering a coat in summer.
Wouldn’t Ueda be surprised to receive a gift?
Kamenashi slaps himself lightly on the face. He entered the shop with the full intention of buying a coat for himself, so how did it end as a present for the older vampire?
Kazuya, you’re stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
***
Checking himself into a random hotel, Kamenashi stares blankly at the mirror. He has all the time in the world (an eternity to be exact, if he doesn’t lose his sanity) so why isn’t he doing anything with it? Kindly reminding himself that he doesn’t have any friends, Kamenashi flops on the bed and spends the entire night inspecting the ceiling.
When daybreak arrives, Kamenashi does a quick scan on his phone. Nishikido didn’t even call.
Kamenashi knows that his decision to leave the train station is right.
***
Kamenashi frowns as he rips another page off his calendar. It has been six months and everyday is like a senseless routine - sleeping in the day, checking the stocks at necessary timings, finding a source of blood - Kamenashi is getting sick of this life. He does help out at an orphanage occasionally but finds himself extremely unpopular; the children seem wary of him. Kamenashi doesn’t blame them for children are known for heightened senses (thankfully human lose this trait as they age and get bogged down by other mindless stuff).
Taking a deep breath, Kamenashi braces himself and visits Sunshine Orphanage after breakfast (he has turned to raw steak as a quick solution for his hunger). As usual, the children are jittery and uncomfortable around him. Some even go as far as to shun him but Kamenashi never gives up and always returns. Although it may be a small rundown place with incomplete facilities and crumbling infrastructure, Kamenashi feels that it puts more meaning into his rather bleak life.
"Scary Kame-ojisan is here again!" someone shrieks and all the little kids dash away. Although everyone hides behind a pillar, Kamenashi notices a little girl standing out from the crowd and giving him a rather shy wave.
Looks like my vampire charm is slowly working, Kamenashi smirks to himself. It’s a matter of time before they all open up to me. And from there on, things will definitely improve!
"Ah, Kamenashi-san! How nice of you to drop by again!"
Kamenashi bows politely at Koyama, the headmaster of the orphanage.
"At your service," Kamenashi smiles in response. "What can I help you with today?"
"We sure need an additional hand for food preparations today! We're having a cooking class later in the afternoon for the younger bunch. When the older children return from school, we can play a friendly match of baseball…"
Kamenashi chuckles and nods with great enthusiasm. Nothing in the world can make him turn down baseball. Nothing except for… When Kamenashi's mind wanders to a certain older vampire, he pinches himself for being such a weak-willed soul. Reminding himself that he will find acceptance elsewhere apart from Ueda, he hurriedly follows Koyama who has been throwing him questioning looks (Kamenashi later realises that no sane human or vampire pinches himself in public randomly).
***
"We're making burger today so I'll be washing the essential kitchen tools. Are you fine handling the ingredients and mincing the beef? The mixer is store at the shelf above."
Kamenashi nods as usual and begins working on his tasks. Expertly slicing the pickles and tomatoes (Kamenashi has fifty years to practice cooking for Ueda though his skills has yet to be put to the test - Ueda rejects both human food which is obviously eaten for pleasure and the essential blood meal), Kamenashi moves on to preparing the lettuce and other ingredients for the sauce. Just when he is about done, the blades of the mixer cut his hand and Kamenashi curses. Pretty damn loudly.
The commotion catches Koyama’s attention and the man freaks out at the sight of blood. As Koyama rushes for a first-aid kit, Kamenashi panics about the explanation for his accelerated healing. He tries to clean the blood off the table but it’s a futile attempt. Koyama returns way too quickly for all evidence to be destroyed.
"Kamenashi-san, I'm so sorry that you got hurt! The bandages are here so…"
Koyama's sentence trails off when his vision rests on Kamenashi's perfectly normal hand with no sign of injury in sight. Koyama squints and searches harder for the wound. Eventually, he just lets out an astonished gasp.
"I saw blood!" Koyama exclaims. "The towel is stained red! How did your cut disappear?"
Kamenashi bites his lips. The orphanage children are just warming up and the staff are friendly; Kamenashi selfishly doesn't want to leave this haven yet.
"I…"
Kamenashi stutters and tries to string a coherent excuse but nothing comes to his mind. Praying that Koyama is one of those 'understanding humans', Kamenashi spills the truth.
"I'm not human. I'm a vampire."
There's a moment of silence before Koyama freaks out and points accusingly that Kamenashi is just here to leech the children off their blood. He grabs some garlic by the basket and begins pelting them at Kamenashi. Although garlic is just a myth, Kamenashi backs away dejectedly. However, just when Kamenashi is about to leave the kitchen, something in him snaps and he feels a surge of anger. He has been nothing but kind to the orphanage so why are the humans judging him in the most unflattering way? He might be from a different race but he means no harm!
"Why are you treating me like this? I didn’t hurt anyone!" Kamenashi questions angrily, his fangs growing uncontrollably. His vision turns red and Kamenashi doesn't have any recollection of the next few minutes.
***
When his consciousness returns, Kamenashi rubs his temples wearily and wonders what has just happened to him. When the sight of an unconscious Koyama greets him, Kamenashi turns into a flustering mess and fleeing the scene becomes the only option in his mind. Knowing that no amount of explanation can help reverse the situation (Kamenashi reckons his sudden aggressive nature must have scared the living lights out of Koyama), he mentally crosses the orphanage from the list of places he can visit.
When he reaches the gates, Kamenashi hears a tiny whisper from a girl hiding by the big tree.
"Oniisan, come back soon," the little girl stammers before running back to her group of friends. Kamenashi recognises her as the girl that always makes an effort to give tiny waves when he arrives at the orphanage.
Kamenashi feels a stabbing pain in his hear and withholds his tears. Muttering 'I'm sorry' under his breath, Kamenashi leaves the orphanage. Not daring to sneak one last peek behind, Kamenashi grits his teeth and breaks out into a run.
***
Kamenashi tries not to recall about the incident at the orphanage; he doesn’t know what has occurred which made him lose all his rationality in front of Koyama. There’s no use crying over spilt milk either so Kamenashi attempts to find other things to distract himself with. However, all the extra time he has to himself now merely gives his mind more excuses to think of Ueda.
Periodically, Kamenashi considers calling Ueda and asking about the older vampire but cowardice and a fear of rejection always prevents him from doing so.
***
It’s not even full moon and Kamenashi is frustrated at his increasing need for fresh blood. He still has some control about the amount he takes from a normal human but it is getting progressively difficult. Kamenashi worries if those are the symptoms for insanity in vampires (the incident with Koyama doesn’t ease his worries either). He doesn’t want to end up as a monster devoid of feelings, leeching blood from defenceless people. Most importantly, in the possibility that they will meet again, Kamenashi doesn’t want Ueda to cast him that disdainful glare Ueda shows to unruly strays.
Kamenashi is frightened at the prospects of losing control to his vampire self.
***
Kamenashi knows that something is terribly wrong when he is quaking with excitement on a full moon. He desperately tries to restrain himself but it’s a futile effort; there’s someone stronger controlling his every movements. Kamenashi feels like a puppet on strings yet when he passes the mirror, all he could see is a reflection of a himself. A demon with bedraggled hair, jagged fangs and blood red eyes which are menacing, flickering with a lust for blood.
That isn’t me!
The conscious part of him watches in abject horror as ‘Kamenashi’ leaps from the window and expertly manoeuvres himself into an alley. When a normal human walks by, he sees his own hands grabbing a young lady into the back street. The lady screams and struggles feebly but no help arrives for it is past midnight and the roads are quiet.
“Just your luck,” he can hear himself hissing, his voice raspy and thick with want. Dragging the girl deeper into the darkness, Kamenashi can hear himself cackling with delight when the lady begs and pleads for her life. It sounds horrible, demented and Kamenashi doesn’t think he has ever hated himself that much before.
When Kamenashi feels hopeless in winning the fight for control and has begun praying for a slayer to vanquish him instead (he really doesn’t want to hurt the innocent), he catches a whiff of vanilla, jasmine and bitter almond. A familiar presence follows and Kamenashi knows that everything will be fine. Ueda is here.
***
The older vampire swiftly closes the distance between them and the next few moments went by in a blur. Kamenashi vaguely remembers shrill screams, claws, fangs, the terrifying expression Ueda wore and the overwhelming force which turned his vision foggy.
***
Kamenashi hisses as the first ray of sunlight seeps through the cracks in his curtain. Squinting his eyes, he feebly crawls over to adjust the curtain before lying back onto the bed lazily. He hates dealing with a throbbing headache.
“What exactly happened last night?” Kamenashi mumbles to himself as he tosses to the other side of the bed. Burying his face in the pillow beside him, he catches a familiar scent and the memories slowly begin to return.
“Ueda!”
Jumping into frenzy, Kamenashi turns the hotel room upside down in search for Ueda but not a single trace of the older vampire could be found. The only thing that remains in the room is the lingering scent of vanilla and that drives Kamenashi crazy. Although Kamenashi is good in suppressing his emotions, it has been half a year since he last saw Ueda. After the brief encounter yesterday night, he could no longer ignore how badly he missed the other. He needed to see Ueda again.
Gathering his belongings, Kamenashi boards the first train back to Tokyo.
***
After alighting at Tokyo, Kamenashi flags for a taxi hastily. Not only is he eager to meet Ueda, he has a million question that needed answers. Why was Ueda in Osaka the night before? Had Ueda been following him all this while or did Ueda sense that he was losing control? Despite everything that Ueda said, does the older vampire still like him? Kamenashi wants to hear everything from the older vampire himself.
***
The sight that greets Kamenashi at the mansion isn’t inviting. In fact, it looks like a horrible wreck. What exactly happened? Things are definitely wrong when he smells a mixture of vampire blood and human blood in the air (strangely, his thirst of blood isn’t aroused).
Kamenashi finds the door unlocked and the hall in a mess. His brain starts to concoct strange explanations for this situation and he finds himself running aimlessly through the mansion. Every corner of the house is rummaged and Ueda is nowhere to be seen. Kamenashi doesn’t run to Taguchi’s for help as he has a strong gut feeling that Ueda is near the vicinity; it’s the first time his instincts are helping him and Kamenashi doesn’t know why but to trust it.
Calm down Kazuya, Kamenashi takes a deep breath and tries to analyse the situation calmly. Where would I find Ueda in the mansion?
***
Although it’s unusual, Kamenashi discovers Ueda sleeping by the stairway to the cellar, hands firmly cupping onto his neck. The older vampire looks exhausted, lips pale and dark circles rimming under his eyes. Ueda doesn’t even flinch when Kamenashi approaches him to help him up.
That’s strange… Ueda never lets his guard down. What could possibly tire him that much? Moreover, it was full moon the night before...
Out of curiosity, Kamenashi attempts to move Ueda’s hands away but Ueda’s fingers remain stubborn. When Kamenashi decides to assert greater force to pry them away, Ueda finally stirs and Kamenashi backs away immediately. Even though Ueda seems furious, his red eyes aren’t as intense as they were before.
“Why are you back?” Ueda starts aggressively. “I thought I told you I didn’t want to see your face again, ever.”
“You came to look for me yesterday night. I…”
“You were imagining things,” Ueda denies promptly, hands still placed protectively around his neck. “I never left Tokyo.”
“My sense of smell isn’t that bad. I could recognise your scent no matter how delirious I was.”
When Ueda remains still and silent, Kamenashi inquires the happenings of the house.
“Why is the mansion in such a state?”
“Freaking thieves,” Ueda snarls, bitterness lacing his words.
“You should be more than capable to handle them. They were only mere humans.”
“I was…”
Ueda doesn’t continue his sentence. Instead, he struggles to stand and Kamenashi seizes the opportunity to tackle Ueda and remove the hand covering his neck. Kamenashi lets out a gasp when he discovers teeth mark etched deeply into Ueda’s skin.
“Did I bite you the night before…?” Kamenashi couldn't conceal his surprise. Taguchi mentioned that vampires will weaken after going through the entire process of changing a human into a vampire. If he has bitten Ueda, the entire transformation process would have been completed. Is Ueda’s fatigue and power drain the reason why he couldn’t even handle human thieves?
Ueda frowns but says nothing.
“I’ll take that as… a yes?”
“I’m tired,” Ueda changes the topic swiftly and attempts to get up. “I’m going back to my room.”
“I’ll help you,” Kamenashi beams delightedly. It might have taken fifty years before Ueda decides to accept him (Kamenashi is sure that Ueda could have overpowered him the night before if Ueda truly sets his mind to it; Ueda’s willingness to be bitten speaks volume) but fifty years is an incredibly short time for a vampire. It can even be counted as ‘insignificant’ since Kamenashi is pretty sure he wouldn’t be losing his sanity any time soon.
“I don’t need you.”
“You got defeated by humans,” Kamenashi argues and stresses the word ‘humans’. “What were you doing near the cellar. Hiding?”
“Are you mocking me?” Ueda snaps menacingly. “You imbecile, get lost!”
“You don’t mean what you say,” Kamenashi retorts and proceeds to carry Ueda back to his room (Kamenashi feels a lot stronger today). “Just admit that you became my sire because you were afraid I would be reduced to a stray. Were you frightened of the fact that you might lose me forever?”
“What are you even talking about?” Ueda barks unappreciatively. “Let me go this instance!”
“Is that a command or a request?”
Kamenashi chuckles when Ueda clams his mouth and refuses to reply.
***
Even with constant feeding (Kamenashi keeps how much he is paying Taguchi to steal from the blood bank a secret), it takes Ueda ten full days to recover his strength.
“We’re going out today,” Ueda instructs coldly the moment he feels strong enough to withstand the sunlight. Wrapping himself with a thick coat (Kamenashi notes pleasantly that it was the one he ordered in Osaka), Ueda glares at Kamenashi when Kamenashi takes his time to prepare.
“I need to look good on our first date,” Kamenashi argues when Ueda begins to tap impatiently. He couldn’t afford to look sloppy after fifty years of waiting. “Don’t hurry me.”
“We are merely going out. This is not a date.”
“Oh, don’t bother denying.”
Kamenashi laughs when he catches a glimpse of Ueda sighing in exasperation. Staring back at the mirror, Kamenashi wonders who that stranger is - radiant smiles and eyes twinkling with glee.
How long has it been since I felt… happy?
***
Kamenashi is astonished when they wound up at Nakamaru’s flower shop.
“Nakamaru Yuichi,” Ueda begins when he steps into the florist shop. “I’ve came to retrieve my emblem.”
Nakamaru looks frantic for a moment but regains his composure quickly and nods politely. Congratulating Kamenashi, Nakamaru disappears into the storeroom of the shop. Kamenashi is left dumbfounded and clueless.
“Am I missing anything?” Kamenashi asks his sire. “And aren’t you getting me a bouquet?”
“Why do you think there aren’t strays in our neighbourhood?” Ueda’s reply is icy as usual. “Why do you think Nakamaru has a friend like Koki? I have an eternity to buy you bouquets of flowers so don’t worry about it.”
“Nakamaru… is a slayer?” Kamenashi gaps in disbelief. All this time he has been buying flowers from the bespectacled and clumsy florist… How could he have failed to realise such a thing?
“I don’t blame you for being unable to figure it out. He conceals his aura well, doesn’t he? I only ascertained his identity when I met him in person during our visit to the shop with Koki. But the Nakamaru family is a lineage of slayers so you ought to be working on your history, Kamenashi Kazuya.”
“Don’t call me by my full name! It sounds impersonal.”
Ueda rolls his eyes and Kamenashi guesses that it would take a long while before their relationship will be as chummy as Taguchi and his younger vampires.
Nakamaru prevents their squabble from escalating by returning with a silver ring protected by a tiny glass case. The ring is laced with three diamonds and intricate carvings by the side. The butterfly symbol decorating the setting of the middle gem catches his attention immediately. Such elaborate designs are bound to cost a fortune. Since Nakamaru doesn’t seem like the kind who keeps expensive jewellery, Kamenashi’s interest is piqued.
“It looks like we neither had to slay Kamenashi nor destroy your emblem,” Nakamaru smiles.
“That pretty little thing is your emblem?” Kamenashi questions Ueda as he inspects the ring. “It looks so different from Taguchi’s. And why would Nakamaru be keeping it?”
"My father deemed you a stray and wanted to rid you but Ueda intervened and made a pact instead. Ueda staked his emblem and guaranteed that you wouldn’t lose your sanity,” Nakamaru reveals calmly. “The emblem is a vampire's symbol of power and honour yet he gave us the authority to destroy it if he lost the bet. You must have been really precious to Ueda; no vampire lord would take such a gamble.”
“Was the ring your reason for coming to Osaka?”
“Have more faith in your sire,” Nakamaru snickers. “He left the moment you sent him the coat. And from sources, he practically tore Nishikido's mansion apart when he couldn't find you.”
“Stop watching me, Nakamaru Yuichi. Count this as an official warning,” Ueda scowls before snatching the ring and pulling Kamenashi out of the shop.
***
It’s strange when Ueda returns one day smelling like earth and death. There’s only one place that Ueda could possibly have gone and Kamenashi wonders as to why Ueda would make a trip there. After all, vampires aren’t buried in cemeteries, contrary to popular belief. They simply disintegrate at death.
“I went to visit your mother,” Ueda mutters as though he could read Kamenashi’s mind (actually, since Ueda is his sire, Kamenashi is pretty sure the older vampire is fully capable of doing so). “I’ve broken too many promises so I thought I might as well pay her a visit and apologize.”
“Promises?”
“I failed her on so many accounts.”
“Explain.”
Ueda stares at Kamenashi intently for a moment before proceeding to ignore his query.
***
"I will make up for it."
Kamenashi's ears prick up when he hears that familiar phrase coming from Ueda. A tear forms at the corners of his eyes instinctively and Kamenashi wonders if this will be yet another lie coming from the older vampire.
"Don't make empty promises if you can't keep them," Kamenashi whispers. "You may be my sire but if you aren't ready for it, I'll wait. You know patience is my virtue."
"You called me a jerk and said I didn't try. Now... I'm trying but..."
Ueda’s expression remains glum when he continues his sentence.
“I still see your mother when I look at you. Maybe this isn’t the right time after all.”
Although Ueda didn’t mention the direct word, the term “replacement” echoes in Kamenashi’s mind. It’s heart wrenching just thinking about it but Kamenashi decides that love wouldn’t be attainable without some pain along the way. Kamenashi convinces that this is all essential. And he will pull through it.
There's a long period of silence, neither of them wishing to voice their thoughts but Kamenashi can hear the confusion running through Ueda's mind all too clearly. It's a mash of uncertainties - being burdened by the weaknesses that all relationship carries and bearing his soul to be able to feel hurt and possibly be betrayed or forsaken again. Kamenashi wants to console the older vampire, to tell him that it is okay to take the risk but choosing the right words proved to be difficult.
When Ueda turns to leave, choosing to abandon the chance of fixing their estranged relationship, Kamenashi tugs at Ueda's sleeves and spins him around. He doesn't know how Ueda will react and this could potentially be their last chance of interaction but he decides to take the gamble. He leans over and kisses the older vampire, bracing for any form of violent retaliation yet nothing happens. Ueda doesn't push him away. Instead, he reciprocates, holding Kamenashi in his arms and deepening their kiss.
Although Kamenashi wants to continue giving everything he ever possesses to Ueda, he doesn't want to rush through things either. Settling contently in Ueda's embrace, he listens as the older vampire finally releases the chains to his past and lets Kamenashi into his story - one of love and promised happiness, blurred by abandonment, anger and bitterness.
***
When Kamenashi wakes up in the evening, he spots a lovely bouquet of flowers (obviously plastic, they would have wilted otherwise) lying by the bed stand. There’s a pretty card next to it and Kamenashi smiles appreciatively at Ueda’s sweet gestures.
To: Kazuya
I don't ever want to walk the path your mother chose.
From: Ueda
***
Although Ueda doesn’t declare his love openly or use romantic lines like “I can’t make up for your past miseries but we can look forward to the future together” or “I’ll never let you go again”, his small actions are sufficient enough to slowly heal the wounds Kamenashi has accumulated throughout the years. Ueda’s genuine smiles are priceless too.
~ The End ~
Author’s Note (again): I’m sorry for readers who have been waiting for an update! I wanted to post this in September but I was so dissatisfied with certain parts that I chose to re-write the entire thing, thrice. There were other endings but this was the one that I eventually chose. I’ve also worked on other portions for more than nine times so I’m a little shock at myself since I don’t think I’ve ever been that picky/critical about my own writing before.
So yeah, this story has finally come to an end and I hope you’ll like it! The recent photoshoot has increased my liking for KameDa (Wink Up Dec 2012) by a lot so I foresee myself churning out more works revolving around this pairing pretty soon.
Pairing: KameDa (Kamenashi / Ueda)
Rating: PG
Genre: AU - Vampires; Angst, Fluff
Summary: Sometimes, waiting for an eternity doesn't guarantee happiness.
Disclaimer: I don’t own anybody.
Author’s Note: I checked my last update and it has been exactly two months T__T I’m sorry for the delay.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Replacement (3/3) - The Familiar Scent of Vanilla
When Kamenashi alights at Osaka, he looks around for his new 'sire'. After all, Nishikido has promised to pick him up at the train station. Sniffing for another of his kind, Kamenashi stares at the person his nose has identified for him.
Surrounded by three ladies, Nishikido seems to be enjoying himself greatly, hugging two and kissing one. In fact, Nishikido seems so engrossed that he fails to notice the presence of an additional vampire. Maybe being alone with Ueda has turned him selfish person but Kamenashi can't help but feel disgusted. Moreover, since the women are all human, Kamenashi knows that Nishikido is probably just playing around.
Kamenashi doesn't think he wants a sire who takes relationships lightly.
I'll take depressed over fickle any day.
However, when Kamenashi reaches out for the buttons on the ticketing machine, he hesitates. Is going back to Tokyo really a solution?
It is time to be realistic, Kamenashi decides. Grabbing his luggage, Kamenashi walks out of the station, determined to find his own happiness elsewhere.
I will be fine.
***
Kamenashi strolls down the unfamiliar streets of Osaka.
It is uplifting being alone, Kamenashi convinces himself. Freedom is enjoyable. Not everyone can have this luxury.
However while staring at his reflection, Kamenashi feels indignant and his thoughts absentmindedly fleet to Ueda. He is fine looking, rich, talented in his field of work and capable of cooking and cleaning. He makes a pretty good catch, so why wouldn’t Ueda just accept him? He has reassured Ueda countless of times that age isn’t an issue but nothing seems to work. Ueda just wouldn’t profess his love, going as far as to send him away.
Kazuya oh Kazuya, why are you so useless? Why can’t you find the answer?
Taking a few more steps, Kamenashi shakes his head to clear his mind. He should be enjoying himself now, lavishing himself with gifts that no one has bothered to purchase for him; why can’t he stop thinking about Ueda?
Wake up from your foolish illusions! Maybe you’re just not meant for anyone.
***
“Have this coat custom-make in the following measurements and send it to this address,” Kamenashi instructs the sales assistant working at the branded high-end shop. The sceptical expression on her face slowly fades when Kamenashi pays the full cost in cash (Kamenashi is slightly offended when she checks for signs of counterfeit initially).
Money truly makes the world go round. No one will question your choice of ordering a coat in summer.
Wouldn’t Ueda be surprised to receive a gift?
Kamenashi slaps himself lightly on the face. He entered the shop with the full intention of buying a coat for himself, so how did it end as a present for the older vampire?
Kazuya, you’re stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
***
Checking himself into a random hotel, Kamenashi stares blankly at the mirror. He has all the time in the world (an eternity to be exact, if he doesn’t lose his sanity) so why isn’t he doing anything with it? Kindly reminding himself that he doesn’t have any friends, Kamenashi flops on the bed and spends the entire night inspecting the ceiling.
When daybreak arrives, Kamenashi does a quick scan on his phone. Nishikido didn’t even call.
Kamenashi knows that his decision to leave the train station is right.
***
Kamenashi frowns as he rips another page off his calendar. It has been six months and everyday is like a senseless routine - sleeping in the day, checking the stocks at necessary timings, finding a source of blood - Kamenashi is getting sick of this life. He does help out at an orphanage occasionally but finds himself extremely unpopular; the children seem wary of him. Kamenashi doesn’t blame them for children are known for heightened senses (thankfully human lose this trait as they age and get bogged down by other mindless stuff).
Taking a deep breath, Kamenashi braces himself and visits Sunshine Orphanage after breakfast (he has turned to raw steak as a quick solution for his hunger). As usual, the children are jittery and uncomfortable around him. Some even go as far as to shun him but Kamenashi never gives up and always returns. Although it may be a small rundown place with incomplete facilities and crumbling infrastructure, Kamenashi feels that it puts more meaning into his rather bleak life.
"Scary Kame-ojisan is here again!" someone shrieks and all the little kids dash away. Although everyone hides behind a pillar, Kamenashi notices a little girl standing out from the crowd and giving him a rather shy wave.
Looks like my vampire charm is slowly working, Kamenashi smirks to himself. It’s a matter of time before they all open up to me. And from there on, things will definitely improve!
"Ah, Kamenashi-san! How nice of you to drop by again!"
Kamenashi bows politely at Koyama, the headmaster of the orphanage.
"At your service," Kamenashi smiles in response. "What can I help you with today?"
"We sure need an additional hand for food preparations today! We're having a cooking class later in the afternoon for the younger bunch. When the older children return from school, we can play a friendly match of baseball…"
Kamenashi chuckles and nods with great enthusiasm. Nothing in the world can make him turn down baseball. Nothing except for… When Kamenashi's mind wanders to a certain older vampire, he pinches himself for being such a weak-willed soul. Reminding himself that he will find acceptance elsewhere apart from Ueda, he hurriedly follows Koyama who has been throwing him questioning looks (Kamenashi later realises that no sane human or vampire pinches himself in public randomly).
***
"We're making burger today so I'll be washing the essential kitchen tools. Are you fine handling the ingredients and mincing the beef? The mixer is store at the shelf above."
Kamenashi nods as usual and begins working on his tasks. Expertly slicing the pickles and tomatoes (Kamenashi has fifty years to practice cooking for Ueda though his skills has yet to be put to the test - Ueda rejects both human food which is obviously eaten for pleasure and the essential blood meal), Kamenashi moves on to preparing the lettuce and other ingredients for the sauce. Just when he is about done, the blades of the mixer cut his hand and Kamenashi curses. Pretty damn loudly.
The commotion catches Koyama’s attention and the man freaks out at the sight of blood. As Koyama rushes for a first-aid kit, Kamenashi panics about the explanation for his accelerated healing. He tries to clean the blood off the table but it’s a futile attempt. Koyama returns way too quickly for all evidence to be destroyed.
"Kamenashi-san, I'm so sorry that you got hurt! The bandages are here so…"
Koyama's sentence trails off when his vision rests on Kamenashi's perfectly normal hand with no sign of injury in sight. Koyama squints and searches harder for the wound. Eventually, he just lets out an astonished gasp.
"I saw blood!" Koyama exclaims. "The towel is stained red! How did your cut disappear?"
Kamenashi bites his lips. The orphanage children are just warming up and the staff are friendly; Kamenashi selfishly doesn't want to leave this haven yet.
"I…"
Kamenashi stutters and tries to string a coherent excuse but nothing comes to his mind. Praying that Koyama is one of those 'understanding humans', Kamenashi spills the truth.
"I'm not human. I'm a vampire."
There's a moment of silence before Koyama freaks out and points accusingly that Kamenashi is just here to leech the children off their blood. He grabs some garlic by the basket and begins pelting them at Kamenashi. Although garlic is just a myth, Kamenashi backs away dejectedly. However, just when Kamenashi is about to leave the kitchen, something in him snaps and he feels a surge of anger. He has been nothing but kind to the orphanage so why are the humans judging him in the most unflattering way? He might be from a different race but he means no harm!
"Why are you treating me like this? I didn’t hurt anyone!" Kamenashi questions angrily, his fangs growing uncontrollably. His vision turns red and Kamenashi doesn't have any recollection of the next few minutes.
***
When his consciousness returns, Kamenashi rubs his temples wearily and wonders what has just happened to him. When the sight of an unconscious Koyama greets him, Kamenashi turns into a flustering mess and fleeing the scene becomes the only option in his mind. Knowing that no amount of explanation can help reverse the situation (Kamenashi reckons his sudden aggressive nature must have scared the living lights out of Koyama), he mentally crosses the orphanage from the list of places he can visit.
When he reaches the gates, Kamenashi hears a tiny whisper from a girl hiding by the big tree.
"Oniisan, come back soon," the little girl stammers before running back to her group of friends. Kamenashi recognises her as the girl that always makes an effort to give tiny waves when he arrives at the orphanage.
Kamenashi feels a stabbing pain in his hear and withholds his tears. Muttering 'I'm sorry' under his breath, Kamenashi leaves the orphanage. Not daring to sneak one last peek behind, Kamenashi grits his teeth and breaks out into a run.
***
Kamenashi tries not to recall about the incident at the orphanage; he doesn’t know what has occurred which made him lose all his rationality in front of Koyama. There’s no use crying over spilt milk either so Kamenashi attempts to find other things to distract himself with. However, all the extra time he has to himself now merely gives his mind more excuses to think of Ueda.
Periodically, Kamenashi considers calling Ueda and asking about the older vampire but cowardice and a fear of rejection always prevents him from doing so.
***
It’s not even full moon and Kamenashi is frustrated at his increasing need for fresh blood. He still has some control about the amount he takes from a normal human but it is getting progressively difficult. Kamenashi worries if those are the symptoms for insanity in vampires (the incident with Koyama doesn’t ease his worries either). He doesn’t want to end up as a monster devoid of feelings, leeching blood from defenceless people. Most importantly, in the possibility that they will meet again, Kamenashi doesn’t want Ueda to cast him that disdainful glare Ueda shows to unruly strays.
Kamenashi is frightened at the prospects of losing control to his vampire self.
***
Kamenashi knows that something is terribly wrong when he is quaking with excitement on a full moon. He desperately tries to restrain himself but it’s a futile effort; there’s someone stronger controlling his every movements. Kamenashi feels like a puppet on strings yet when he passes the mirror, all he could see is a reflection of a himself. A demon with bedraggled hair, jagged fangs and blood red eyes which are menacing, flickering with a lust for blood.
That isn’t me!
The conscious part of him watches in abject horror as ‘Kamenashi’ leaps from the window and expertly manoeuvres himself into an alley. When a normal human walks by, he sees his own hands grabbing a young lady into the back street. The lady screams and struggles feebly but no help arrives for it is past midnight and the roads are quiet.
“Just your luck,” he can hear himself hissing, his voice raspy and thick with want. Dragging the girl deeper into the darkness, Kamenashi can hear himself cackling with delight when the lady begs and pleads for her life. It sounds horrible, demented and Kamenashi doesn’t think he has ever hated himself that much before.
When Kamenashi feels hopeless in winning the fight for control and has begun praying for a slayer to vanquish him instead (he really doesn’t want to hurt the innocent), he catches a whiff of vanilla, jasmine and bitter almond. A familiar presence follows and Kamenashi knows that everything will be fine. Ueda is here.
***
The older vampire swiftly closes the distance between them and the next few moments went by in a blur. Kamenashi vaguely remembers shrill screams, claws, fangs, the terrifying expression Ueda wore and the overwhelming force which turned his vision foggy.
***
Kamenashi hisses as the first ray of sunlight seeps through the cracks in his curtain. Squinting his eyes, he feebly crawls over to adjust the curtain before lying back onto the bed lazily. He hates dealing with a throbbing headache.
“What exactly happened last night?” Kamenashi mumbles to himself as he tosses to the other side of the bed. Burying his face in the pillow beside him, he catches a familiar scent and the memories slowly begin to return.
“Ueda!”
Jumping into frenzy, Kamenashi turns the hotel room upside down in search for Ueda but not a single trace of the older vampire could be found. The only thing that remains in the room is the lingering scent of vanilla and that drives Kamenashi crazy. Although Kamenashi is good in suppressing his emotions, it has been half a year since he last saw Ueda. After the brief encounter yesterday night, he could no longer ignore how badly he missed the other. He needed to see Ueda again.
Gathering his belongings, Kamenashi boards the first train back to Tokyo.
***
After alighting at Tokyo, Kamenashi flags for a taxi hastily. Not only is he eager to meet Ueda, he has a million question that needed answers. Why was Ueda in Osaka the night before? Had Ueda been following him all this while or did Ueda sense that he was losing control? Despite everything that Ueda said, does the older vampire still like him? Kamenashi wants to hear everything from the older vampire himself.
***
The sight that greets Kamenashi at the mansion isn’t inviting. In fact, it looks like a horrible wreck. What exactly happened? Things are definitely wrong when he smells a mixture of vampire blood and human blood in the air (strangely, his thirst of blood isn’t aroused).
Kamenashi finds the door unlocked and the hall in a mess. His brain starts to concoct strange explanations for this situation and he finds himself running aimlessly through the mansion. Every corner of the house is rummaged and Ueda is nowhere to be seen. Kamenashi doesn’t run to Taguchi’s for help as he has a strong gut feeling that Ueda is near the vicinity; it’s the first time his instincts are helping him and Kamenashi doesn’t know why but to trust it.
Calm down Kazuya, Kamenashi takes a deep breath and tries to analyse the situation calmly. Where would I find Ueda in the mansion?
***
Although it’s unusual, Kamenashi discovers Ueda sleeping by the stairway to the cellar, hands firmly cupping onto his neck. The older vampire looks exhausted, lips pale and dark circles rimming under his eyes. Ueda doesn’t even flinch when Kamenashi approaches him to help him up.
That’s strange… Ueda never lets his guard down. What could possibly tire him that much? Moreover, it was full moon the night before...
Out of curiosity, Kamenashi attempts to move Ueda’s hands away but Ueda’s fingers remain stubborn. When Kamenashi decides to assert greater force to pry them away, Ueda finally stirs and Kamenashi backs away immediately. Even though Ueda seems furious, his red eyes aren’t as intense as they were before.
“Why are you back?” Ueda starts aggressively. “I thought I told you I didn’t want to see your face again, ever.”
“You came to look for me yesterday night. I…”
“You were imagining things,” Ueda denies promptly, hands still placed protectively around his neck. “I never left Tokyo.”
“My sense of smell isn’t that bad. I could recognise your scent no matter how delirious I was.”
When Ueda remains still and silent, Kamenashi inquires the happenings of the house.
“Why is the mansion in such a state?”
“Freaking thieves,” Ueda snarls, bitterness lacing his words.
“You should be more than capable to handle them. They were only mere humans.”
“I was…”
Ueda doesn’t continue his sentence. Instead, he struggles to stand and Kamenashi seizes the opportunity to tackle Ueda and remove the hand covering his neck. Kamenashi lets out a gasp when he discovers teeth mark etched deeply into Ueda’s skin.
“Did I bite you the night before…?” Kamenashi couldn't conceal his surprise. Taguchi mentioned that vampires will weaken after going through the entire process of changing a human into a vampire. If he has bitten Ueda, the entire transformation process would have been completed. Is Ueda’s fatigue and power drain the reason why he couldn’t even handle human thieves?
Ueda frowns but says nothing.
“I’ll take that as… a yes?”
“I’m tired,” Ueda changes the topic swiftly and attempts to get up. “I’m going back to my room.”
“I’ll help you,” Kamenashi beams delightedly. It might have taken fifty years before Ueda decides to accept him (Kamenashi is sure that Ueda could have overpowered him the night before if Ueda truly sets his mind to it; Ueda’s willingness to be bitten speaks volume) but fifty years is an incredibly short time for a vampire. It can even be counted as ‘insignificant’ since Kamenashi is pretty sure he wouldn’t be losing his sanity any time soon.
“I don’t need you.”
“You got defeated by humans,” Kamenashi argues and stresses the word ‘humans’. “What were you doing near the cellar. Hiding?”
“Are you mocking me?” Ueda snaps menacingly. “You imbecile, get lost!”
“You don’t mean what you say,” Kamenashi retorts and proceeds to carry Ueda back to his room (Kamenashi feels a lot stronger today). “Just admit that you became my sire because you were afraid I would be reduced to a stray. Were you frightened of the fact that you might lose me forever?”
“What are you even talking about?” Ueda barks unappreciatively. “Let me go this instance!”
“Is that a command or a request?”
Kamenashi chuckles when Ueda clams his mouth and refuses to reply.
***
Even with constant feeding (Kamenashi keeps how much he is paying Taguchi to steal from the blood bank a secret), it takes Ueda ten full days to recover his strength.
“We’re going out today,” Ueda instructs coldly the moment he feels strong enough to withstand the sunlight. Wrapping himself with a thick coat (Kamenashi notes pleasantly that it was the one he ordered in Osaka), Ueda glares at Kamenashi when Kamenashi takes his time to prepare.
“I need to look good on our first date,” Kamenashi argues when Ueda begins to tap impatiently. He couldn’t afford to look sloppy after fifty years of waiting. “Don’t hurry me.”
“We are merely going out. This is not a date.”
“Oh, don’t bother denying.”
Kamenashi laughs when he catches a glimpse of Ueda sighing in exasperation. Staring back at the mirror, Kamenashi wonders who that stranger is - radiant smiles and eyes twinkling with glee.
How long has it been since I felt… happy?
***
Kamenashi is astonished when they wound up at Nakamaru’s flower shop.
“Nakamaru Yuichi,” Ueda begins when he steps into the florist shop. “I’ve came to retrieve my emblem.”
Nakamaru looks frantic for a moment but regains his composure quickly and nods politely. Congratulating Kamenashi, Nakamaru disappears into the storeroom of the shop. Kamenashi is left dumbfounded and clueless.
“Am I missing anything?” Kamenashi asks his sire. “And aren’t you getting me a bouquet?”
“Why do you think there aren’t strays in our neighbourhood?” Ueda’s reply is icy as usual. “Why do you think Nakamaru has a friend like Koki? I have an eternity to buy you bouquets of flowers so don’t worry about it.”
“Nakamaru… is a slayer?” Kamenashi gaps in disbelief. All this time he has been buying flowers from the bespectacled and clumsy florist… How could he have failed to realise such a thing?
“I don’t blame you for being unable to figure it out. He conceals his aura well, doesn’t he? I only ascertained his identity when I met him in person during our visit to the shop with Koki. But the Nakamaru family is a lineage of slayers so you ought to be working on your history, Kamenashi Kazuya.”
“Don’t call me by my full name! It sounds impersonal.”
Ueda rolls his eyes and Kamenashi guesses that it would take a long while before their relationship will be as chummy as Taguchi and his younger vampires.
Nakamaru prevents their squabble from escalating by returning with a silver ring protected by a tiny glass case. The ring is laced with three diamonds and intricate carvings by the side. The butterfly symbol decorating the setting of the middle gem catches his attention immediately. Such elaborate designs are bound to cost a fortune. Since Nakamaru doesn’t seem like the kind who keeps expensive jewellery, Kamenashi’s interest is piqued.
“It looks like we neither had to slay Kamenashi nor destroy your emblem,” Nakamaru smiles.
“That pretty little thing is your emblem?” Kamenashi questions Ueda as he inspects the ring. “It looks so different from Taguchi’s. And why would Nakamaru be keeping it?”
"My father deemed you a stray and wanted to rid you but Ueda intervened and made a pact instead. Ueda staked his emblem and guaranteed that you wouldn’t lose your sanity,” Nakamaru reveals calmly. “The emblem is a vampire's symbol of power and honour yet he gave us the authority to destroy it if he lost the bet. You must have been really precious to Ueda; no vampire lord would take such a gamble.”
“Was the ring your reason for coming to Osaka?”
“Have more faith in your sire,” Nakamaru snickers. “He left the moment you sent him the coat. And from sources, he practically tore Nishikido's mansion apart when he couldn't find you.”
“Stop watching me, Nakamaru Yuichi. Count this as an official warning,” Ueda scowls before snatching the ring and pulling Kamenashi out of the shop.
***
It’s strange when Ueda returns one day smelling like earth and death. There’s only one place that Ueda could possibly have gone and Kamenashi wonders as to why Ueda would make a trip there. After all, vampires aren’t buried in cemeteries, contrary to popular belief. They simply disintegrate at death.
“I went to visit your mother,” Ueda mutters as though he could read Kamenashi’s mind (actually, since Ueda is his sire, Kamenashi is pretty sure the older vampire is fully capable of doing so). “I’ve broken too many promises so I thought I might as well pay her a visit and apologize.”
“Promises?”
“I failed her on so many accounts.”
“Explain.”
Ueda stares at Kamenashi intently for a moment before proceeding to ignore his query.
***
"I will make up for it."
Kamenashi's ears prick up when he hears that familiar phrase coming from Ueda. A tear forms at the corners of his eyes instinctively and Kamenashi wonders if this will be yet another lie coming from the older vampire.
"Don't make empty promises if you can't keep them," Kamenashi whispers. "You may be my sire but if you aren't ready for it, I'll wait. You know patience is my virtue."
"You called me a jerk and said I didn't try. Now... I'm trying but..."
Ueda’s expression remains glum when he continues his sentence.
“I still see your mother when I look at you. Maybe this isn’t the right time after all.”
Although Ueda didn’t mention the direct word, the term “replacement” echoes in Kamenashi’s mind. It’s heart wrenching just thinking about it but Kamenashi decides that love wouldn’t be attainable without some pain along the way. Kamenashi convinces that this is all essential. And he will pull through it.
There's a long period of silence, neither of them wishing to voice their thoughts but Kamenashi can hear the confusion running through Ueda's mind all too clearly. It's a mash of uncertainties - being burdened by the weaknesses that all relationship carries and bearing his soul to be able to feel hurt and possibly be betrayed or forsaken again. Kamenashi wants to console the older vampire, to tell him that it is okay to take the risk but choosing the right words proved to be difficult.
When Ueda turns to leave, choosing to abandon the chance of fixing their estranged relationship, Kamenashi tugs at Ueda's sleeves and spins him around. He doesn't know how Ueda will react and this could potentially be their last chance of interaction but he decides to take the gamble. He leans over and kisses the older vampire, bracing for any form of violent retaliation yet nothing happens. Ueda doesn't push him away. Instead, he reciprocates, holding Kamenashi in his arms and deepening their kiss.
Although Kamenashi wants to continue giving everything he ever possesses to Ueda, he doesn't want to rush through things either. Settling contently in Ueda's embrace, he listens as the older vampire finally releases the chains to his past and lets Kamenashi into his story - one of love and promised happiness, blurred by abandonment, anger and bitterness.
***
When Kamenashi wakes up in the evening, he spots a lovely bouquet of flowers (obviously plastic, they would have wilted otherwise) lying by the bed stand. There’s a pretty card next to it and Kamenashi smiles appreciatively at Ueda’s sweet gestures.
To: Kazuya
I don't ever want to walk the path your mother chose.
From: Ueda
***
Although Ueda doesn’t declare his love openly or use romantic lines like “I can’t make up for your past miseries but we can look forward to the future together” or “I’ll never let you go again”, his small actions are sufficient enough to slowly heal the wounds Kamenashi has accumulated throughout the years. Ueda’s genuine smiles are priceless too.
~ The End ~
Author’s Note (again): I’m sorry for readers who have been waiting for an update! I wanted to post this in September but I was so dissatisfied with certain parts that I chose to re-write the entire thing, thrice. There were other endings but this was the one that I eventually chose. I’ve also worked on other portions for more than nine times so I’m a little shock at myself since I don’t think I’ve ever been that picky/critical about my own writing before.
So yeah, this story has finally come to an end and I hope you’ll like it! The recent photoshoot has increased my liking for KameDa (Wink Up Dec 2012) by a lot so I foresee myself churning out more works revolving around this pairing pretty soon.