Comments | albion1919: Irritant

albion1919

Irritant

Jun 11, 2009 01:41

Title: Irritants
Characters/Pairing: Maya/Gabriel (onesided)
Rating: PG
Word count: 2,227
Disclaimer: Do not own.
Summery: Gabriel follows Maya because he wants to protect her.
Note: Creepy and angsty. Or maybe more sad then creepy...

( She has his undivided attention and doesn't even know it )

fic: irritant, maybriel, heroes

Comments 11

I R Lame sause razycrandomgirl June 11 2009, 06:37:32 UTC

FIRST!

and I'll be back to R&R.

niiiight!

Re: I R Lame sause albion1919 June 11 2009, 10:02:22 UTC

I hope you like it :)

Re: I R Lame sause razycrandomgirl June 12 2009, 02:46:54 UTC

Awww she scolded him like a puppy who messed the carpet.

But I'm glad that she didn't go too soft on her stalker. He was not going about it the right way.

But aww she doesn't want him to hurt himself! I guess he gives the impression that he will.

:D

ETA: I also like the bits where he shops for her and keeps the bits at his place like they live together or something.

If she ever went over to his place .... That's it!

Re: I R Lame sause albion1919 June 12 2009, 10:13:26 UTC

Towards the end she did. She's cautious rightly but I think he touched her compassion at the end there. He was harmless but still big 'ol no to following her.

I think he will hurt himself (in mah head he does and ends up in the hospital, she sends him a card and maybe visits him. Almost beats him up :P)

lol can you imagine how scary that would be, he's probably got a reliquary for her :x

Perfect icon btw ;)

Thread 6

force_oblique June 11 2009, 20:15:17 UTC

OMFG!!!!
I just adore all the metaphors and descriptions you have: like
But she wasn't some anaemic waif like nymph about to drown...no she was more like Circe or Morgana, dark and toned.

or
He swallows convulsively before he can speak, his deep emotions out of his tight grasp.

Lovely bb!

albion1919 June 11 2009, 20:26:00 UTC

Thank you!! Yup, and they're both witch-queens. Maya has him under her spell :P

*pats him on the head*

Thank you again! :D

razycrandomgirl June 12 2009, 02:48:52 UTC

He swallows convulsively before he can speak, his deep emotions out of his tight grasp.

yup that's the worst when you have to talk through your tears. *groan*

awww man. :/

anonymous June 11 2009, 22:50:43 UTC

Love your fic, but just a quick note and I'll go back to lurking: ir is the infinitive of go. You want the imperative, which is ve. Can't trust those online translations, you know? Also, your previous usage of coño is a little off; see here: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/co%C3%B1o. And this site is good for conjugation here: http://conjugator.reverso.net/conjugation-spanish.html.

I hope you won't be discouraged by this or anything, I love when you include the language. Even when you don't have the right word, you've got the right rhythm for it, like you know how much to use or when to code-switch without overkill. And you provide enough context that the definitions on the bottom aren't strictly necessary (except for the longer sentences, of course).

albion1919 June 11 2009, 23:10:03 UTC

lol thanks, always weird and nice to get lurkers coming out XD.

My grasp of Spanish is zilch really so I do rely on the net for translations, so there’s going to be mistakes (and I‘m too impatient for a translation beta lol). I wouldn’t use it because my grasp on it is shaky but I do want Maya to sound as authentic as possible, as it’s her mother tongue. If you pull me up again for mistakes I'm apologising in advance :\

I know cono is not a particularly strong cuss where Maya hails from, just like the word. Thanks for the advice anon :)