Uhm. Can I ask why you wrote for chainedsiren? I wrote for her & posted it ages ago.
Aside from that, I really like this story :) Avery knew Alyssa. They had introduced themselves once, playing in the sand. He demanded she spell her name for him in the sand, and he spelled his. is really cute
Thank you! It's my first time, and you were my first post, so you have no idea how thrilled I am to hear it!
I was assigned chainedsiren, in an email. Did they double up, maybe? I hadn't been checking, I've only now just started going back and reading them - I can't wait to read yours and see what you did with it.
Well I feel extremely lucky to have not one but two fantastic stories written for me! Thanks so much for putting in all the time and effort, both of you!
On a quick aesthetic note, the pictures look really nice with your journal layout.
But onto the story now.
I love how you used the dinosaur as a key player. I initially chose it as a bit of a challenge for whoever received my wishlist, and I think you incorporated it into the story marvelously.
The entire tone of it, actually was pretty marvelous. I love how you use your words.
The opening was really well done, and I'd italicize the whole thing, but it would be kind of redundant. It definitely frames a question in the reader's mind: what's pulling Alyssa back to Dinosaur Park? Which is what you were probably aiming for.
The part about the dinosaurs ignoring each other was one of my favourites, especially, Playing nice was the general rule, and they’d managed longer than most. It was just really well written.
In Avery’s mind, the subtle balance of sameness was key. I really
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Aside from that, I really like this story :)
Avery knew Alyssa. They had introduced themselves once, playing in the sand. He demanded she spell her name for him in the sand, and he spelled his. is really cute
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I was assigned chainedsiren, in an email. Did they double up, maybe? I hadn't been checking, I've only now just started going back and reading them - I can't wait to read yours and see what you did with it.
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On a quick aesthetic note, the pictures look really nice with your journal layout.
But onto the story now.
I love how you used the dinosaur as a key player. I initially chose it as a bit of a challenge for whoever received my wishlist, and I think you incorporated it into the story marvelously.
The entire tone of it, actually was pretty marvelous. I love how you use your words.
The opening was really well done, and I'd italicize the whole thing, but it would be kind of redundant. It definitely frames a question in the reader's mind: what's pulling Alyssa back to Dinosaur Park? Which is what you were probably aiming for.
The part about the dinosaurs ignoring each other was one of my favourites, especially, Playing nice was the general rule, and they’d managed longer than most. It was just really well written.
In Avery’s mind, the subtle balance of sameness was key. I really ( ... )
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so so so so glad you liked it!! Thanks for all the feedback!
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