"I believe that I was a little bit in love with you."*

[alanajoli]

Since the royal wedding last week (and since finishing David Weber's By Schism Rent Asunder), I've been thinking about the phrase "falling in love." Usually we say the phrase in terms of a romantic relationship, but not always. After all, America can't fall in love with a new American Idol contestant or sports star romantically. (Individual viewers

Comments

[sartorias]

Part of the problem I think is that so many people mistake falling in lust with falling in love.

[alanajoli]

Oh, that's *very* true.

[ext_542836]

Very nice post! This is a great illustration of the way we as people build relationships with fiction. I myself am not a huge fan of the "heart" verb, mostly because I think it sounds silly, but you pointed out just the right role for it. Having recently read Pat Rothfuss' Kingkiller Chronicle (no spoilers, I promise), I heart Kvothe and Denna... and arguably had what you'd call a book-hangover after marathoning both books in the series in 3-4 days. So, very familiar feelings

Shock and Awe?

[alanajoli]

You know, I was thinking about that distance aspect before posting the main entry, but ended up cutting for time. I've been thinking about how often the intense relationships -- whether it's the relationship between a mentor and an apprentice, between two friends, or between romantic interests -- starts off with a great deal of awe. This is especially easy to see in the former and in the latter: it's very easy for an apprentice to idealize their mentor, or for a new lover to romanticize his partner. This happens less frequently with friendships, but it does happen: we meet someone new who strikes us as incredibly awesomeAs I've gotten older, the awe that sometimes strikes me when first forming a new relationship lasts a much shorter period of time. Perhaps I'm now wiser -- or just generally more disillusioned, and quicker to see the faults in others. I suspect it has something to do with experience, though -- the more experienced you get, the more you feel kinship with the mentor role rather than the apprentice role, and thus you find

Re: Shock and Awe?

[ext_542836]

Good points! I can definitely relate to the awe period I feel when forming a new relationship. For me, that period has gotten shorter over time as well. In my humble opinion, this has less to do with finding faults in others and more to do with an even-temperedness that grows with age. Over time, we become more adept at accepting people as people, neither better than nor worse than us. But perhaps I am being too abstract and high-minded. My apologies :)

I have not seen Middleman! Sounds like it's worth checking out, for the relationship factor alone.

Good luck with New Project!

[ext_542842]

I think even that is an oversimplification of the variety and complexity of relationships that people can have. You can have friends who to all appearances hate each other, people of vastly different genetic backgrounds who act like siblings without their "love" going beyond that of familial bonds, the <3 of hero worship or highschool crush, regular friendships, ardent love, lust, and more.

It gets even crazier when 2 or three or more of these emotions are all felt at the same time. Or even different times. Human interaction can sometimes be broken down into simple impulses and other times even the person acting doesn't really know what they are feeling.

When all's said, the only way to be sure is to lay it all out on the table and have the characters mention it one fashion or another, but then you may not wsh to be so accomodating.

[alanajoli]

You're absolutely right about those complications -- human interactions are mind-bogglingly complex. A mentor of mine talks about people as whole universes unto themselves, which means that the areas where those universes intersect can be like orbits barely passing, or like whole star systems colliding (to stretch a metaphor).

Thinking about that two or three or more emotions at the same time is really useful, and I hadn't considered that aspect. That'll be really good to keep in mind. It's also helpful that my narrator is sort of omniscient in the New Project, so I may be able to lay it out on the table without doing so in the dialog, cluing readers in on what's going on before the characters know. We'll see how it works out.

[ext_542842]

It's a lesson that can also carry over into everyday life. One of the many reasons people who refuse to communicate are so aggravating.