Bleach fanfic - Renjipunzel
Title: Renjipunzel
Author: Akuni
Universe: Bleach
Genre: Humour/Romance (pre-slashy)
Rating: PG (with these two, rough language is a given)
Pairing: Ichigo/Renji
Spoilers: minor for SS arc
Word Count: 634
Summary: Renji's dreams are extremely bizarre, but maybe his subconscious is trying to tell him something.
A/N: This is so totally silly.
sekra made me do it. A year ago. We were discussing ideas she could use for crack comics, and we came up with some fun 'Bleach Fairtytales'. Alas, her muses refused to make this one happen, so it fell to me to write it out instead. I don't remember why I didn't post it then, but I guess it's just as well that I have a couple small things in reserve - I can post them when I need a dose of love while I work on longer projects! :)
Also, thanks to
moshesque for the eyeball and kicking my ass to post this instead of leaving it to collect dust. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.
Distribution: Crossposted eventually to
ren_x_ichi,
kurosaki_clinic, and
bleach_yaoi. Please ask if you want to share it. :)
(For those keeping track, I'm no longer posting RenIchi to
asterisk_plus. It's not a rare pair anymore, and I think it's fair to say that I had a hand in helping to change that. ^_^)
Dedication: To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it’s impossible, we know it’s silly, and we know it’s damned hot!
Renjipunzel
“Renjipunzel, Renjipunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the fiery stair!”
A tall, lean figure in a frilly pink dress with bright red bows leaned out of the small window in the stone turret. “At last,” he cried, flinging his long red braid down to the brave knight below. “Help me escape Byakuya’s clutches, Prince Ichigo!”
The valiant Prince Ichigo dismounted from his pale steed and ran swiftly despite his shining black armour to stand below the window of Renjipunzel’s prison. “I’ll make sure that vile witch never hurts you again!” vowed Ichigo as he caught hold of the silky braid and climbed quickly up the side of the tower.
When at last Ichigo reached the top, Renjipunzel helped him inside. “I thought I’d be stuck here forever!”
Prince Ichigo smiled, and something odd fluttered in Renjipunzel’s belly. “I’d never leave a friend in the lurch, you know that!” Prince Ichigo said. Renjipunzel nodded.
The prince leaned closer. “I believe it’s customary to offer your rescuer a reward…” His hand was warm on Renjipunzel’s cheek, his breath sweet as their lips brushed…
“AHHH!” Renji jerked awake and toppled out of his chair. “What the fuck was that?!” he spluttered aloud. He attempted to stand, but his shaking limbs wouldn’t cooperate, so he settled for sitting on the floor beside his desk as he attempted to block out the cloying nightmare.
The door to his office banged open. “Yo, Renji?” Ichigo’s voice sent a jolt of nervous guilt straight to Renji’s gut. “I’m here to rescue you!”
Renji choked. “What?!”
Ichigo stared down at him. “What’re you doin’ on the floor?”
“Uh…” Renji gave himself a mental slap and stood hastily, brushing himself off. “Nothin’, fell off my chair.”
Ichigo frowned. “Aren’t you done yet?”
“No, and I probably won’t be for hours yet.” Renji was amazed at how normal his voice sounded. “Paperwork piled up while I was in the living world, and Kuchiki-taichou can’t do it all himself.”
Ichigo peered at the stacks of files on Renji’s desk. “Byakuya’s an evil bastard for makin’ ya do it when you weren’t even here,” the substitute shinigami grumbled. “But it’s Friday, and it’s quittin’ time, and I’m hungry, so you’re gonna show me where to get good food around here and buy me something to eat.”
“I’m what?” Renji glared, nerves forgotten in the face of this demand.
“Gonna buy me dinner,” Ichigo repeated calmly. “It’s your fault I’m stuck here, so it’s your job to feed me.”
Renji rolled his eyes. “Fine, but don’t expect five stars - lieutenant’s salary, ya know.”
Ichigo gave him a grin. “That’s ok, I’m a cheap date.”
Renji covered his startled twitch with a laugh, and gestured to the files on his desk. “I have to lock these up before we go, though.”
“Here, I’ll help.” Ichigo leaned over him and took a stack of finished reports. “Where do these go?” he asked, breath ghosting across Renji’s cheek. Renji caught a whiff of something sweet, and found he’d licked his lips.
He swallowed heavily. “In the cabinet over there.” Renji pointed, keeping his finger from shaking by sheer force of will.
The job was done easily with the two of them working. When he’d filed the last, Renji turned to check the desk one last time and collided with Ichigo. They both swore as they clutched each other around the waist to keep from falling.
Renji felt the flush spreading up his neck, and quickly let go. “Sorry, I-”
“Hey, I said I was a cheap date - I didn’t say I was easy.” Ichigo grinned at him again and headed out of the office. “You’ll have to work for that,” he tossed over his shoulder.
Something oddly familiar fluttered in Renji’s stomach as he followed.
END
*
And now, for your amusement, the IM convo - and the concept sketch Sekra helpfully provided via MSN's handwriting tool - which, incidentally, also allowed her to send stickfigure pr0n to help keep me sane at work.
Sekra says (3:34 PM):
hmn. entertainmeeeee
Akuni says (3:34 PM):
um...lesse...
Akuni says (3:34 PM):
Once upon a time.. no wait I already used that one...
Sekra says (3:34 PM):
uhm.... uhm... There once lived a...
Sekra says (3:35 PM):
pretty, young man called Renji, with hair as long as.. as... the tower he lived in. They called him RENJIPUNZEL...
Sekra says (3:35 PM):
*kills self*
Akuni says (3:35 PM):
hahahahahahahahaha
Akuni says (3:35 PM):
omfg fairy tales - Bleach style
Akuni says (3:35 PM):
that's another project we need to do
Akuni says (3:36 PM):
Renji = Rapunzel XDD
Sekra says (3:36 PM):
I could imagine it... "Renjipunzel, Renjipunzel! Let down your hair!"
"Oh ow OW. What are you doing? GET OFF"
Akuni says (3:36 PM):
Rukia = Red Riding Hood *snickers madly*
Akuni says (3:36 PM):
HAHAHA
Akuni says (3:36 PM):
Of course, Ichigo's the rescuing prince right *laughs*
Akuni says (3:37 PM):
"Oh no, there's NO WAY I'm gettin rescued by YOU!"
Sekra says (3:37 PM):
it only works coz of Renji's hair
Sekra says (3:37 PM):
"Shut up, who said anything about rescuing? I just wanna... uhmhavehotmansexwithyou"
Akuni says (3:37 PM):
"...oh, okay."
Sekra says (3:38 PM):
Climb away, Prince Ichigo!
Akuni says (3:38 PM):
XDDDDDDDDDDd
Akuni says (3:38 PM):
That's a good comic waiting to happen, cmon!
Akuni says (3:38 PM):
Picture it
Akuni says (3:38 PM):
The tower. Renji leaning out the window, long red hair down the side
Akuni says (3:38 PM):
His face is all twisted in pain
Akuni says (3:38 PM):
Ichigo's clambering up it... and his trusty steed (Hichi) is waiting below
Sekra says (3:38 PM):
...... wait. Who would be the evil witch? Byakuya? Urahara?
Akuni says (3:38 PM):
Evil witch...hmm.
Akuni says (3:39 PM):
Byakuya
Sekra says (3:39 PM):
Byakuya would be pretty....
Sekra says (3:39 PM):
imprisoned Renjipunzel to do all his nefarious paperwork
Akuni says (3:39 PM):
I picture it as a dream-bubble over Renji's head, sleeping on his desk piled high with paperwork
Akuni says (3:39 PM):
omg GMTA
Sekra says (3:39 PM):
GMTA?
Akuni says (3:39 PM):
Great Minds Think Alike
Sekra says (3:39 PM):
XD
Akuni says (3:39 PM):
There. Go draw now! *waves a hand*
Sekra says (3:40 PM):
D: but that would require getting up and leaving you
Akuni says (3:40 PM):
Byakuya-witch has to be in an evil witch costume. And Renjipunzel has to be in a princess dress
Akuni says (3:40 PM):
(ok maybe not)
Sekra says (3:41 PM):
not pink though, that would just clash horribleeee- wait. Renji and clash are like..... it'd be pink with huge red bows.
Akuni says (3:41 PM):
mmhmmm
Sekra says (3:41 PM):
that kills my brain XD
Akuni says (3:43 PM):
*wins*
Sekra says (3:43 PM):
*throws quarter-confetti around you* WINAR.
Akuni says (3:43 PM):
hahaha XD
Akuni says (3:43 PM):
Ahh we're brilliant, we really are.
Sekra says (3:44 PM):
brilliant in a really quite twisted way
Akuni says (3:44 PM):
the only way to be man
Sekra says (3:45 PM):
har
My favourite part is the teeeeny tiny Ichigo at the bottom. Click for full view, heheheheh!
Edit June 18/08: Heehee, there's fanart for this ficlet now, courtesy of
evilchick2007. See it here on her dA, or here on her y!Gal. Thank you!