I wonder if something's wrong with me.

[akimiahoshino]

I'm finding myself doing this same internal dance too often of late. The same steps, the same thoughts, returning to them again and again. Looking for meaning. For motivation, for some kind of goal, or something that feels worthwhile. It's a true example of luxury, to be able to think of such things, and not just have to worry about doing what it

Comments

[zels_hoseki]

*hugs tight*

I shall talk to you on MSN obviously <3 and 42 is always the answer!

[marika_ikeda]

If you're joining the circus, I'll probably see you there cos I'm about ready to drop out right now.

[aaron_kun]

Man, this is the first time I've checked LJ since the last time I commented to an entry from you

[akimiahoshino]

Hey you, was glad to see the comment. ^ ^ I'm doing better now, as I always am after lj-spillage. I abuse this journal for that, but hey, who doesn't? Hasn't been a whole lot going on since this last post, hence no new ones, but eh. XD

Mm, I never really wanted to pursue writing as anything more than a hobby, and I think having to do it as the means to my livelihood would suck what enjoyment I do take in it out faster than anything. XD

Live to work, or work to live...everyone has to find the right balance there that works for them. Yours is as you wrote, but for me, I feel, knowing myself, that it will have to be something closer to the opposite, or else I won't be much of an employee, and that won't get me anywhere. Well, these are the things I'm working on figuring out.

I hope you're having/had a good time at Tekko, and hey, we still have to make a play date for Fatal Frame sometime, hey? ^ ^

[melodicrevival]

I don't think I've responded to one of your journal posts like, ever. Aaron mentioned it so I came over to read it

[akimiahoshino]

Good to hear from you! Yes, we're more or less on the same page. My moments of "WTH AM I DOING ASDDFHJSAFKKF *FREAK OUT*" don't come too often, but when they do, they hit like a truck. XD

I do have many things that make me happy, and I'm grateful for that. For me, it's mostly a matter of pinning down types of work that I could enjoy doing for as long as it's there to be done. My motivation has always been lacking, and as much as I have heard friends and the people around me complain of dragging themselves every day to a job they hate, or that exhausts them completely, it's a situation I want to avoid, if I possibly can. I think I'd have a breakdown.

I hope you're having/had a profitable con! And hopefully we'll see some more of each other sometime. ^ ^