Hanabi 30/?? - ReitaXRuki
Title: Hanabi
Chapter: 30/??
Author: chuu ( akichuu)
Fandom: JRock, Gazette
Pairings: ReitaXRuki. Some other pairings in the background that you might find later on...
Overall Rating: PG
Genre: Drop dead fluffy.
Warnings: n/a. Un-beta-ed mistakes.
Summary: He's here... After all this time, he was here. But he wasn't supposed to be here. But well... he was here. And now that he's here, Reita had no idea what to do or what to say...
Comments: I know you hated the cliffhanger I left you with... Here you go.
Hanabi : 30
His sister's face and his mother's were next, but Reita barely noticed them when they came following the little blonde who had made his entrance so shockingly into the room. The feeling that instant was almost like he was being somewhere between half shocked, half catatonic state, as he saw who had come. He could say nothing, do nothing but only stared with eyes wide open, struggling to keep his mouth safely shut, at the new visitor. He made no further reactions at all when the next second he heard the stuffs on the nightstand rattle and were probably being knocked down as the blonde bumped on the edge of the small desk, recklessly making his way closer to Reita's bed. By far, only Reita's eyeballs moved as he saw the blonde pushing Baa-chan aside as if he was a blockage standing on the way and soon... even Reita's heart seemed to have stopped beating when the boy reached the bed side.
Reita could see his whole face and figure.
It was Ruki.
He believed he was really, really dreaming now. Now that he had given it a thought, it wasn't completely impossible that those nurses had drugged him with something illegal, because hallucination wasn't a normal thing that went along with a prescripted sedative - or at least that's what he understood. Or maybe his brain was damaged after all. Should he be calling the doctor now? He could use some checking... If he started to see Ruki everywhere he was, even on a hospital bed where he was lying helpless covered with bruises as he was now, then there must have been something seriously wrong with his brain. They should do a CAT-SCAN on him or something, just to make sure...
He might be having a serious delusional case and he needed immediate help on it because there was no way Ruki would come and see him, not to mention be worried of him, after all that Reita had said and done. It was only logical if Ruki just stayed away from him until Reita was safely buried six feet under, and that would be like... what? Fifty? Fourty years again? It shouldn't be anytime sooner than that. That is... If Ruki would even care about attending his funeral...
Now that was a sad thought.
"Reita..." the blonde repeated, and Reita had to blink his eyes, screwing them shut before opening them again, forgetting whatever depressive thoughts he had been thinking for that one short moment.
Ruki didn't disappear... he's still there, although Reita was half-expecting him to disappear as soon as he re-opened his eyes. It was just like in dreams, right? You just blink your eyes and whatever you wished to disappear would simply disappear. But Ruki was still there... right there, right next to Reita's bed. His voice was real, Reita hadn't just imagined it. It had been Ruki's voice. Ruki had just called his name.
Ruki. Here. In front of Reita. He was standing there, cladded in his slightly-oversized school uniform, his blonde hair looking as messy as ever... It was Ruki.
Is this real?? Ruki's here?
Before Reita could swallow the whole truth about who was standing by his bed side, before Reita could decide what was better to do (to act cool or to start a hysteria - he felt like doing the latter, though), the blonde did another thing that was even harder to comprehend. It happened in a flash of second while Reita was still in his position, frozen with his eyes wide open. And at the next second, the room seemed to explode or worse when his sister and Baa-chan suddenly started yelling and shouting in the same time, added by the bed's noises as it creaked loudly, threatening to break and fall apart right underneath Reita.
What happened?
When his brain finally registered what had just taken place, Reita gasped in even more shock, staring in complete disbelieve at where the blonde was now.
Wait... Did he just jump up to bed?
And jump up to bed Ruki had done. Although it seemed to be logically unaccepteble and very much improbable, look at where the boy was now: he laid nesting - practically sprawling like a kitten would do on a carpet - on top of Reita, burying his face on Reita's uninjured shoulder. Call Reita lucky and maybe he was that Ruki had chosen that spot to land his blonde head, if he had chosen the other one... Oh my. Reita didn't want to think about how it might feel or what hazard it might bring... He could be permanently crippled or maybe worse...
The situation became very chaotic in a split of second, and Reita's still fuzzy-from-drugs mind made it even worse for him, seeing so many things going on around him in one precisely same moment. At the corner of Reita's eyes, barely visible through Ruki's messy blonde locks, was Kai-Baa-chan, trying to pull the brat off the bed, off of Reita's body. Nee-chan on the other side was busy pushing Ruki's back, screaming something like "Ruki! You're breaking Reita's bones! Get off!!" and "Watch his shoulder! Ruki, don't be stupid! Move!!" and so on. With a voice like hers, it was noisier than how it was probably allowed in hospitals - Reita supposed it was only normal to fear that the doctor would appear at the door anytime at all now, bringing a pack of security officers behind him. His mother, in the mean time, was just there, pleading for Ruki to get off the bed otherwise he was going to make Reita's injuries worse. She sounded frail while his sister's voice drowned everything else with her inhuman amplitude, added with Baa-chan's high-pitched squeaking...
It was just hell. A rioutous hell. But Ruki wouldn't move, not even an inch - and that was some achievement! To look at how rough Baa-chan were pulling and how careless Nee-chan were pushing him...
The noises went on and on and Reita thought his head was going to explode and God, did he wish for the doctors or the nurses or anyone at all to come and rescue him...
"Ruki, let go of him!" Baa-chan pulled one more time, trying to yank Ruki's arm and get the boy off the bed.
"No!" Ruki replied, and oh dear... More than just surprised to hear Ruki's rough voice, Reita felt a pinch in his heart as he noticed that stubborness that was just Ruki's in his straight-to-the-point protest. How long since the last time Reita had heard it? The whining and the demands, the complains and the objections... "I don't want to..." Ruki continued, "I don't want to let go..."
Keeping his persistence and his face on Reita's pyjama covered chest, the boy blindly slapped Kai-Baa-chan's hand away and then clung onto Reita's arms, clutching on the pyjama clothe tightly enough that Reita feared he was going to rip it.
"But you're going to hurt Akira if you're..."
His sister silenced in mid-sentence as Reita lifted a hand to her, asking wordlessly for her and the rest of the crowd in the room to leave the boy be. And to be silent, of course, because their voices were starting to make him feel like they were cruelly smashing his head with hammers - one for each of them. It hurt, of course, to have Ruki's full weight crushing him and his ribs felt like cracking to pieces. But he knew better than to tell the boy to get off of him too - because Reita didn't want Ruki to let go, not ever, and he wished so with all his heart and mind.
"Ruki...?" Reita remembered gritting his teeth as he whispered the blonde's name, was still somewhat torn between what was real and what was just his imagination. Was this really Ruki here that he had clinging onto him? Was this really Ruki he was listening to, sobbing oh-so-very lightly, vainly trying to muffle his own voice by drowning his face in Reita's chest? After all this time, after what had happened... was this really, really Ruki?
Ruki lifted his head, apparently only wanting to answer to Reita's call, and that was when Reita could finally see those eyes, wet as they were, sparkling with tears. Tears that had also wettened his pair of plump, ever-soft cheeks, and oh dear... Call Reita mushy or cheesy or whatever, but he could swear he had never seen anyone who could look so endearing with such messy hair and tear-stained face. Almost unconsciously, Reita shifted his hand to those blonde locks, feeling like ages since he had last touched Ruki's hair, felt it slide between his fingers.
"You're here..." Reita whispered again, feeling the words circle inside his consience. More than just trying to state what was already clear, it was as if inside Reita was spelling out a mantra, a prayer that Ruki would stay here. If it were only a dream, so be it, let it be a dream. As long as the dream had Ruki in it; Ruki who wasn't angry at him anymore, Ruki who would hold him again thoughtlessly, Ruki who would talk to him again.
Reita heard some noises, foot shifting by his side. He looked aside and saw his mother smiling her sweet, soothing smile at him.
"Come on," she patted his sister's shoulder, "Let's leave them..."
Nee-chan gave one, long, hesitant look on Reita, as if she was unwilling to leave Reita in the ruthless hands of a blonde who could care less if Reita broke another shoulder. But she followed Reita's mother's steps anyways, not forgetting to give a knowing smile to Reita. It was rather odd to see his mother urging everyone to leave Reita and Ruki alone, because a while ago, Baa-chan had struggled his best to convince her that it was okay to leave Reita at his care; she had been so unwilling to let Reita out of her sight. But there she was now, walking out of the room, her daughter by her side, and finally, Baa-chan, although looking a bit confused, followed them leaving the two inside the room.
Reita stared until the door was closed behind Baa-chan. A nervous breath left his mouth shakily as he realized he was left alone with Ruki... Hadn't it been for all the things that had happened and was now re-playing in Reita's mind like a movie that he memorized with bits of details, it would've been less awkward. The hanabi-night, the kiss, the love confession, the heart-break... All of that and more, everything was coming back to Reita like rain of meteorites. He couldn't dodge any of it.
So what should he do now? Probably say hi. Well, it wasn't exactly necessary to see the situation that they were already in. But Reita supposed it would be nice, thinking that neither of them had actually greeted one another properly... for days. Yeah, that would be fitting, greet him and then ask him just what on earth he is doing here... Because Reita was sure as hell he wanted to know.
But then Reita was saved from any troubles of straining his already strained jaw to say 'hello' or 'hi' or maybe 'how are you?', because the kitten on his chest moved. Seeing Ruki shift up from his previous position, Reita became terribly afraid that Ruki was going to step off the bed, walk out of the room, saying nothing to Reita, leaving Reita thinking that it had been a dream after all. It would suck, Reita knew, and even though he knew that it was only fair that Ruki treated him like that, it still would hurt so bad. But no, beyond his expectations, Ruki didn't move any further than that - there Ruki sat, still on top of Reita, propping himself with one hand against the bed, legs bent on his knees and dangled from the bed's edge, his eyes peering straight down on Reita's face. The glare was sharp, but there was something in it that made Reita feel strangely comforted. If anything, it definitely wasn't anger that he found there, and there's a huge relief in knowing that.
"I thought you were dead," he said, suddenly, shortly, as if it was supposed to be a formal report. Reita was pretty sure that Ruki's voice had just sounded shaky, that it wasn't just his imagination how Ruki seemed almost depressed.
"I'm not," Reita gritted his teeth again. Well, hello? Silly. Shouldn't it be obvious already? Just like Baa-chan had noted, he should've been in the morgue if he was already dead. It would've been a whole lot of a different story if he had ended up in the morgue... Reita shivered at the thought.
"They said all those scary stuffs," Ruki said again, eyes travelling all over Reita's body underneath him in an almost investigating manner, "They said you'd been killed."
"I'm not," answered Reita again, feeling rather stupid for repeating the same words. But he wasn't dead, nor killed, and by the look in Ruki's eyes, he seemed to need the convincing. He looked as if he was watching Reita in a zombie form.
Ruki's hand followed the course of his sight, tracking over Reita's bandaged shoulder, the tips of his fingers sliding carefully on the margin of the bandage streak against Reita's skin. "Are they going to amputate you?" he asked, eyes focused on the bandage, his voice was nearly delirious as he spoke.
Reita smiled a thin smile - stretching his lips as far as his swollen jaw let him to. "No," Reita answered, "They're not going to amputate me. My head is fine, I'm not going to be paralyzed for life - I hope, or at least that's what the doctor told me. The face, this jaw you're seeing... It's just dislocated, and I've been told that it's gonna be okay in a week or so. And my shoulder, well it's been fractured, but just as long as I don't move it for two months, maybe longer, I won't be crippled for life."
Okay so Reita strained his jaw a bit for that explanation, but it was worth the while because he got to see how Ruki pouted almost in a slow motion, and along with the change of his expression, there was fresh-red blush blooming slowly on his cheeks.
And he remembered it in an instant all of the reasons why he loved this boy so much.
Ruki looked like he was taking Reita's explanation a bit hardly, digesting it slowly in his thoughts. Well it's not everyday you get to see me all bandaged up and swollen to the last inch, isn't it? Whatever it was Ruki was thinking, Reita didn't really care, he just enjoyed that look Ruki was making as he kept his close observation on Reita's wounds. The blush on his cheeks was getting clearer and Reita was having difficulties to hold back not to raise up a hand and touch him.
"Stupid Reita," mumbled Ruki suddenly, and Reita almost laughed if his jaw didn't just warn him with a sting of pain. The need to laugh died in an instant, though, as Reita looked up and had Ruki's eyes locking on his own. "You made me worried sick," Ruki continued, his voice was breaking bit by bit, "What were you thinking? Trying to get yourself killed? You idiot... Facing five seniors all by yourself. Who do you think you are? Superman...?!"
Ruki silenced although it seemed that there was more, nothing else came out as he sealed his mouth with his lower lip bitten fiercely between his teeth, trembling clearly to Reita's eyes, being in the distance as he was. The look on Ruki's face was enough to make anyone break their hearts, but the most painful sight for Reita was those eyes... Once again they glimmered with tears that unabashedly flowed down to Ruki's cheeks.
More of the reasons Reita had fallen so deeply for him... it was the desire to protect Ruki. To keep him from crying these tears. To keep him from getting hurt, from being troubled. This time Reita had failed.
Unable to hold himself back anymore, Reita shifted his hand (which extended from his healthy shoulder) and pulled Ruki down on his arm, couldn't care less although he heard the protesting gasp the blonde let out. Reita also couldn't care less how his rib throbbed again as Ruki's chin accidentally bumped on him. Reita didn't let go even if Ruki squirmed a little in his hold, didn't consider much about how it might make his injuries worse. He held on, he didn't want to let go, because the last time he had let go of Ruki, he went through hell because of it. Nothing was ever right or comfortable without Ruki, nothing was good enough to be said or done without Ruki. He knew already, Ruki had been the reasons of everything that he did, the foundation of what he was, everything that 'Reita' was made of.
Hey. He was even named by Ruki, how bizarre was that? 'Reita'. Yeah, Ruki gave him that name. He was nothing else but 'Reita', the 'Reita' who had been born the day Ruki shook his hand and made friends with him, back then, eleven or twelve years ago. The 'Reita' who stood by Ruki and was always there for Ruki ever since. The 'Reita' who couldn't help himself from looking out the window of his class to check if Ruki was down there, shining brightly under the sun like he always was. The 'Reita' who couldn't eat without thinking whether Ruki had eaten properly, the 'Reita' who couldn't stop being worried about Ruki when he was with his family and being far away from reach.
So Reita knew - based on all of those reasons and even many more, too many to be listed - that if he let go again, he would loose everything. Absolutely everything. Because Ruki was his everything.
Ruki stopped squirming and protesting after a minute or so, finally giving up at Reita's insistent grip on his back, and laid there quietly on top of Reita once again like a cat back onto its favorite carpet. Reita could hear the faint quiver in Ruki's breath. Obviously the blonde was having a hard time holding up the pretense of being a tough guy, now that he was practically wetting Reita's hospital pyjama with his tears.
"I'm still angry at you, you know," Ruki stated as-a-matter-of-fact-ly, sobbing softly along his words.
"I don't care," said Reita. Well. No. That was one big fat lie. Of course Reita cared if Ruki was still angry at him, but in a way, he was already receptive after the rough week he had lived with the guilt. It was just like stating what was already obvious and he was hardly surprised anymore.
Ruki paused, sniffing against Reita's chest. "I hate you."
Reita snickered. That? Like he hadn't known that already?
"I don't care," Reita replied, gripping tighter on the blonde's back.
"I seriously hate you."
"I don't care."
"I really hate you."
"I really don't care."
Ruki paused. Reita could bet he was pouting.
"I really, really, really hate you, Reita."
"I really, really, really don't care, Ruki."
"Oh yes you care."
"Yeah you're right, I care. So what?"
"Idiot."
"Stupid."
Ruki sniffed again. "I hate you."
Reita took one deep breath, closing his eyes while he smoothed his hand softly against Ruki's uniform covered back. "I love you."
~
previous chapters, other titles
Chapter: 30/??
Author: chuu ( akichuu)
Fandom: JRock, Gazette
Pairings: ReitaXRuki. Some other pairings in the background that you might find later on...
Overall Rating: PG
Genre: Drop dead fluffy.
Warnings: n/a. Un-beta-ed mistakes.
Summary: He's here... After all this time, he was here. But he wasn't supposed to be here. But well... he was here. And now that he's here, Reita had no idea what to do or what to say...
Comments: I know you hated the cliffhanger I left you with... Here you go.
Hanabi : 30
His sister's face and his mother's were next, but Reita barely noticed them when they came following the little blonde who had made his entrance so shockingly into the room. The feeling that instant was almost like he was being somewhere between half shocked, half catatonic state, as he saw who had come. He could say nothing, do nothing but only stared with eyes wide open, struggling to keep his mouth safely shut, at the new visitor. He made no further reactions at all when the next second he heard the stuffs on the nightstand rattle and were probably being knocked down as the blonde bumped on the edge of the small desk, recklessly making his way closer to Reita's bed. By far, only Reita's eyeballs moved as he saw the blonde pushing Baa-chan aside as if he was a blockage standing on the way and soon... even Reita's heart seemed to have stopped beating when the boy reached the bed side.
Reita could see his whole face and figure.
It was Ruki.
He believed he was really, really dreaming now. Now that he had given it a thought, it wasn't completely impossible that those nurses had drugged him with something illegal, because hallucination wasn't a normal thing that went along with a prescripted sedative - or at least that's what he understood. Or maybe his brain was damaged after all. Should he be calling the doctor now? He could use some checking... If he started to see Ruki everywhere he was, even on a hospital bed where he was lying helpless covered with bruises as he was now, then there must have been something seriously wrong with his brain. They should do a CAT-SCAN on him or something, just to make sure...
He might be having a serious delusional case and he needed immediate help on it because there was no way Ruki would come and see him, not to mention be worried of him, after all that Reita had said and done. It was only logical if Ruki just stayed away from him until Reita was safely buried six feet under, and that would be like... what? Fifty? Fourty years again? It shouldn't be anytime sooner than that. That is... If Ruki would even care about attending his funeral...
Now that was a sad thought.
"Reita..." the blonde repeated, and Reita had to blink his eyes, screwing them shut before opening them again, forgetting whatever depressive thoughts he had been thinking for that one short moment.
Ruki didn't disappear... he's still there, although Reita was half-expecting him to disappear as soon as he re-opened his eyes. It was just like in dreams, right? You just blink your eyes and whatever you wished to disappear would simply disappear. But Ruki was still there... right there, right next to Reita's bed. His voice was real, Reita hadn't just imagined it. It had been Ruki's voice. Ruki had just called his name.
Ruki. Here. In front of Reita. He was standing there, cladded in his slightly-oversized school uniform, his blonde hair looking as messy as ever... It was Ruki.
Is this real?? Ruki's here?
Before Reita could swallow the whole truth about who was standing by his bed side, before Reita could decide what was better to do (to act cool or to start a hysteria - he felt like doing the latter, though), the blonde did another thing that was even harder to comprehend. It happened in a flash of second while Reita was still in his position, frozen with his eyes wide open. And at the next second, the room seemed to explode or worse when his sister and Baa-chan suddenly started yelling and shouting in the same time, added by the bed's noises as it creaked loudly, threatening to break and fall apart right underneath Reita.
What happened?
When his brain finally registered what had just taken place, Reita gasped in even more shock, staring in complete disbelieve at where the blonde was now.
Wait... Did he just jump up to bed?
And jump up to bed Ruki had done. Although it seemed to be logically unaccepteble and very much improbable, look at where the boy was now: he laid nesting - practically sprawling like a kitten would do on a carpet - on top of Reita, burying his face on Reita's uninjured shoulder. Call Reita lucky and maybe he was that Ruki had chosen that spot to land his blonde head, if he had chosen the other one... Oh my. Reita didn't want to think about how it might feel or what hazard it might bring... He could be permanently crippled or maybe worse...
The situation became very chaotic in a split of second, and Reita's still fuzzy-from-drugs mind made it even worse for him, seeing so many things going on around him in one precisely same moment. At the corner of Reita's eyes, barely visible through Ruki's messy blonde locks, was Kai-Baa-chan, trying to pull the brat off the bed, off of Reita's body. Nee-chan on the other side was busy pushing Ruki's back, screaming something like "Ruki! You're breaking Reita's bones! Get off!!" and "Watch his shoulder! Ruki, don't be stupid! Move!!" and so on. With a voice like hers, it was noisier than how it was probably allowed in hospitals - Reita supposed it was only normal to fear that the doctor would appear at the door anytime at all now, bringing a pack of security officers behind him. His mother, in the mean time, was just there, pleading for Ruki to get off the bed otherwise he was going to make Reita's injuries worse. She sounded frail while his sister's voice drowned everything else with her inhuman amplitude, added with Baa-chan's high-pitched squeaking...
It was just hell. A rioutous hell. But Ruki wouldn't move, not even an inch - and that was some achievement! To look at how rough Baa-chan were pulling and how careless Nee-chan were pushing him...
The noises went on and on and Reita thought his head was going to explode and God, did he wish for the doctors or the nurses or anyone at all to come and rescue him...
"Ruki, let go of him!" Baa-chan pulled one more time, trying to yank Ruki's arm and get the boy off the bed.
"No!" Ruki replied, and oh dear... More than just surprised to hear Ruki's rough voice, Reita felt a pinch in his heart as he noticed that stubborness that was just Ruki's in his straight-to-the-point protest. How long since the last time Reita had heard it? The whining and the demands, the complains and the objections... "I don't want to..." Ruki continued, "I don't want to let go..."
Keeping his persistence and his face on Reita's pyjama covered chest, the boy blindly slapped Kai-Baa-chan's hand away and then clung onto Reita's arms, clutching on the pyjama clothe tightly enough that Reita feared he was going to rip it.
"But you're going to hurt Akira if you're..."
His sister silenced in mid-sentence as Reita lifted a hand to her, asking wordlessly for her and the rest of the crowd in the room to leave the boy be. And to be silent, of course, because their voices were starting to make him feel like they were cruelly smashing his head with hammers - one for each of them. It hurt, of course, to have Ruki's full weight crushing him and his ribs felt like cracking to pieces. But he knew better than to tell the boy to get off of him too - because Reita didn't want Ruki to let go, not ever, and he wished so with all his heart and mind.
"Ruki...?" Reita remembered gritting his teeth as he whispered the blonde's name, was still somewhat torn between what was real and what was just his imagination. Was this really Ruki here that he had clinging onto him? Was this really Ruki he was listening to, sobbing oh-so-very lightly, vainly trying to muffle his own voice by drowning his face in Reita's chest? After all this time, after what had happened... was this really, really Ruki?
Ruki lifted his head, apparently only wanting to answer to Reita's call, and that was when Reita could finally see those eyes, wet as they were, sparkling with tears. Tears that had also wettened his pair of plump, ever-soft cheeks, and oh dear... Call Reita mushy or cheesy or whatever, but he could swear he had never seen anyone who could look so endearing with such messy hair and tear-stained face. Almost unconsciously, Reita shifted his hand to those blonde locks, feeling like ages since he had last touched Ruki's hair, felt it slide between his fingers.
"You're here..." Reita whispered again, feeling the words circle inside his consience. More than just trying to state what was already clear, it was as if inside Reita was spelling out a mantra, a prayer that Ruki would stay here. If it were only a dream, so be it, let it be a dream. As long as the dream had Ruki in it; Ruki who wasn't angry at him anymore, Ruki who would hold him again thoughtlessly, Ruki who would talk to him again.
Reita heard some noises, foot shifting by his side. He looked aside and saw his mother smiling her sweet, soothing smile at him.
"Come on," she patted his sister's shoulder, "Let's leave them..."
Nee-chan gave one, long, hesitant look on Reita, as if she was unwilling to leave Reita in the ruthless hands of a blonde who could care less if Reita broke another shoulder. But she followed Reita's mother's steps anyways, not forgetting to give a knowing smile to Reita. It was rather odd to see his mother urging everyone to leave Reita and Ruki alone, because a while ago, Baa-chan had struggled his best to convince her that it was okay to leave Reita at his care; she had been so unwilling to let Reita out of her sight. But there she was now, walking out of the room, her daughter by her side, and finally, Baa-chan, although looking a bit confused, followed them leaving the two inside the room.
Reita stared until the door was closed behind Baa-chan. A nervous breath left his mouth shakily as he realized he was left alone with Ruki... Hadn't it been for all the things that had happened and was now re-playing in Reita's mind like a movie that he memorized with bits of details, it would've been less awkward. The hanabi-night, the kiss, the love confession, the heart-break... All of that and more, everything was coming back to Reita like rain of meteorites. He couldn't dodge any of it.
So what should he do now? Probably say hi. Well, it wasn't exactly necessary to see the situation that they were already in. But Reita supposed it would be nice, thinking that neither of them had actually greeted one another properly... for days. Yeah, that would be fitting, greet him and then ask him just what on earth he is doing here... Because Reita was sure as hell he wanted to know.
But then Reita was saved from any troubles of straining his already strained jaw to say 'hello' or 'hi' or maybe 'how are you?', because the kitten on his chest moved. Seeing Ruki shift up from his previous position, Reita became terribly afraid that Ruki was going to step off the bed, walk out of the room, saying nothing to Reita, leaving Reita thinking that it had been a dream after all. It would suck, Reita knew, and even though he knew that it was only fair that Ruki treated him like that, it still would hurt so bad. But no, beyond his expectations, Ruki didn't move any further than that - there Ruki sat, still on top of Reita, propping himself with one hand against the bed, legs bent on his knees and dangled from the bed's edge, his eyes peering straight down on Reita's face. The glare was sharp, but there was something in it that made Reita feel strangely comforted. If anything, it definitely wasn't anger that he found there, and there's a huge relief in knowing that.
"I thought you were dead," he said, suddenly, shortly, as if it was supposed to be a formal report. Reita was pretty sure that Ruki's voice had just sounded shaky, that it wasn't just his imagination how Ruki seemed almost depressed.
"I'm not," Reita gritted his teeth again. Well, hello? Silly. Shouldn't it be obvious already? Just like Baa-chan had noted, he should've been in the morgue if he was already dead. It would've been a whole lot of a different story if he had ended up in the morgue... Reita shivered at the thought.
"They said all those scary stuffs," Ruki said again, eyes travelling all over Reita's body underneath him in an almost investigating manner, "They said you'd been killed."
"I'm not," answered Reita again, feeling rather stupid for repeating the same words. But he wasn't dead, nor killed, and by the look in Ruki's eyes, he seemed to need the convincing. He looked as if he was watching Reita in a zombie form.
Ruki's hand followed the course of his sight, tracking over Reita's bandaged shoulder, the tips of his fingers sliding carefully on the margin of the bandage streak against Reita's skin. "Are they going to amputate you?" he asked, eyes focused on the bandage, his voice was nearly delirious as he spoke.
Reita smiled a thin smile - stretching his lips as far as his swollen jaw let him to. "No," Reita answered, "They're not going to amputate me. My head is fine, I'm not going to be paralyzed for life - I hope, or at least that's what the doctor told me. The face, this jaw you're seeing... It's just dislocated, and I've been told that it's gonna be okay in a week or so. And my shoulder, well it's been fractured, but just as long as I don't move it for two months, maybe longer, I won't be crippled for life."
Okay so Reita strained his jaw a bit for that explanation, but it was worth the while because he got to see how Ruki pouted almost in a slow motion, and along with the change of his expression, there was fresh-red blush blooming slowly on his cheeks.
And he remembered it in an instant all of the reasons why he loved this boy so much.
Ruki looked like he was taking Reita's explanation a bit hardly, digesting it slowly in his thoughts. Well it's not everyday you get to see me all bandaged up and swollen to the last inch, isn't it? Whatever it was Ruki was thinking, Reita didn't really care, he just enjoyed that look Ruki was making as he kept his close observation on Reita's wounds. The blush on his cheeks was getting clearer and Reita was having difficulties to hold back not to raise up a hand and touch him.
"Stupid Reita," mumbled Ruki suddenly, and Reita almost laughed if his jaw didn't just warn him with a sting of pain. The need to laugh died in an instant, though, as Reita looked up and had Ruki's eyes locking on his own. "You made me worried sick," Ruki continued, his voice was breaking bit by bit, "What were you thinking? Trying to get yourself killed? You idiot... Facing five seniors all by yourself. Who do you think you are? Superman...?!"
Ruki silenced although it seemed that there was more, nothing else came out as he sealed his mouth with his lower lip bitten fiercely between his teeth, trembling clearly to Reita's eyes, being in the distance as he was. The look on Ruki's face was enough to make anyone break their hearts, but the most painful sight for Reita was those eyes... Once again they glimmered with tears that unabashedly flowed down to Ruki's cheeks.
More of the reasons Reita had fallen so deeply for him... it was the desire to protect Ruki. To keep him from crying these tears. To keep him from getting hurt, from being troubled. This time Reita had failed.
Unable to hold himself back anymore, Reita shifted his hand (which extended from his healthy shoulder) and pulled Ruki down on his arm, couldn't care less although he heard the protesting gasp the blonde let out. Reita also couldn't care less how his rib throbbed again as Ruki's chin accidentally bumped on him. Reita didn't let go even if Ruki squirmed a little in his hold, didn't consider much about how it might make his injuries worse. He held on, he didn't want to let go, because the last time he had let go of Ruki, he went through hell because of it. Nothing was ever right or comfortable without Ruki, nothing was good enough to be said or done without Ruki. He knew already, Ruki had been the reasons of everything that he did, the foundation of what he was, everything that 'Reita' was made of.
Hey. He was even named by Ruki, how bizarre was that? 'Reita'. Yeah, Ruki gave him that name. He was nothing else but 'Reita', the 'Reita' who had been born the day Ruki shook his hand and made friends with him, back then, eleven or twelve years ago. The 'Reita' who stood by Ruki and was always there for Ruki ever since. The 'Reita' who couldn't help himself from looking out the window of his class to check if Ruki was down there, shining brightly under the sun like he always was. The 'Reita' who couldn't eat without thinking whether Ruki had eaten properly, the 'Reita' who couldn't stop being worried about Ruki when he was with his family and being far away from reach.
So Reita knew - based on all of those reasons and even many more, too many to be listed - that if he let go again, he would loose everything. Absolutely everything. Because Ruki was his everything.
Ruki stopped squirming and protesting after a minute or so, finally giving up at Reita's insistent grip on his back, and laid there quietly on top of Reita once again like a cat back onto its favorite carpet. Reita could hear the faint quiver in Ruki's breath. Obviously the blonde was having a hard time holding up the pretense of being a tough guy, now that he was practically wetting Reita's hospital pyjama with his tears.
"I'm still angry at you, you know," Ruki stated as-a-matter-of-fact-ly, sobbing softly along his words.
"I don't care," said Reita. Well. No. That was one big fat lie. Of course Reita cared if Ruki was still angry at him, but in a way, he was already receptive after the rough week he had lived with the guilt. It was just like stating what was already obvious and he was hardly surprised anymore.
Ruki paused, sniffing against Reita's chest. "I hate you."
Reita snickered. That? Like he hadn't known that already?
"I don't care," Reita replied, gripping tighter on the blonde's back.
"I seriously hate you."
"I don't care."
"I really hate you."
"I really don't care."
Ruki paused. Reita could bet he was pouting.
"I really, really, really hate you, Reita."
"I really, really, really don't care, Ruki."
"Oh yes you care."
"Yeah you're right, I care. So what?"
"Idiot."
"Stupid."
Ruki sniffed again. "I hate you."
Reita took one deep breath, closing his eyes while he smoothed his hand softly against Ruki's uniform covered back. "I love you."
~
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