Yomenai Kotoba 19/?? - AoiXRuki, ReitaXKai
Title: Yomenai Kotoba
Chapter: 19/??
Author: chuu ( akichuu)
Fandom: JRock, Gazette
Pairings: AoiXRuki. ReitaXKai
Overall Rating: NC-17
Genre: Smut. But it's sort of fluffy at some parts. Watch for some angst too.
Warnings: ManXMan sex scenes, language--just sometimes, over-exaggerated romance scenes. Un-beta-ed mistakes.
Summary: ... But those were Aoi's eyes when he looked up, that was Aoi's immense sadness he glowed out from within. This was Aoi's warmth all around him ...
Comments: I know, I know... I can't say I'm sorry enough to let you know just how sorry I am exactly for being absent for a while. I just hope this chapter could redeem my fault... (not so sure about that, though) *sweats*
- 19 -
He felt almost like a criminal who had to hide the proofs of his crime and guard it with his life otherwise he would risk his neck on the hanging. Every movement he had to plan carefully, every word he had to sort with extra attention. He didn't want to say or do anything that would suggest his sins and make them obvious. Being a runaway convict was a pain in the ass, now he figured out, but he had to go through it although he had not intended for things to become this way. The tension brought him to think about how scary it would be, if only Aoi knew how to read mind. If Aoi knew, Ruki would be completely screwed - as if things weren't already so screwed up.
It would be very, very wise if he would leave the fragile surface as peaceful as it was, leave it unstirred, and try not to create another quake. To let Aoi know that he had just visited Uruha... That would be something more severe than just stirring the fragile surface, that would be throwing one huge rock into the pool.
One thing was for sure: Ruki didn't want anything bad happening again. Last night should be the last of it.
Anyways, care not about himself, what about Reita? Reita was the one who had taken him to Uruha's place, the whole thing had been Reita's idea. Ruki would never want to jeopardize more than what he had already fucked up, and it was as sure as hell visiting Uruha's place at a time like this should be his latest choice. If Aoi had known about Reita and his brilliant idea, Ruki would be very lucky if the third world war didn't happen right in front of his eyes. He would be lucky not to have his lover and his best friend fighting for each other's blood. If it ever happened, then all sins were his to be suffered.
Despite what Uruha and Reita had told him - millions of times - that it wasn't just his fault, that everyone was suffering the same unbearable guilt, despite the very good feeling from what it seemed to be a reconciliation between him and Uruha, Ruki knew he was not off the hook yet. There was still Aoi. From the moment he stammered doubtful knocks on the door, to the moment Aoi opened the door, to the moment he met those eyes and to the moment a fragile kiss was shared... And until this very moment when he was lying alone in bed because Aoi told him he needed time to finish his work, he knew he still had so many things unsolved. He knew... He hadn't even started determining what to do in order to fix what there was between him and Aoi.
The darkness felt very comfortable against his sore eyes, and he had been staring at whatever the lack of light could provide him: nothing but black, stiff figures that would've been scary if he were a six years old boy having just watched one of the many series of 'Nightmare on Elm Street'. Shedding tears for hours, now he knew, had only given him nothing but the worst headache he had ever had... For months. He refused his own suggestion to take a pain killer; aspirin or some sorts, and he was kind of regretting it now. But stepping off the bed, now that it had grown too comfortable against his tired body, was not something he'd like to do at the moment. He knew if only he could sleep, the pain would go away. The fuzziness invading his senses promised him a good thing that he might as well get what he wanted: sleep.
Ruki was already seeing the crowds from the stage where he had just stepped up to, everybody made a shocked gasp in harmony and he immediately felt weird, and when he looked down on himself, he saw that he was wearing nothing. He was fully naked. And everybody was watching...
But he startled and woke up, back into the darkness of the room, away from the staring eyes, when he felt a touch - though very, very gentle - landing on his waist. He breathed nervously against the crook of his arm, knowing Aoi had just come to bed, right next to him. He tried not to give any sign that he was awake, though, he just laid still, although the urge to tremble was wrecking him deep inside. A sensation of warm, moist breath tickled when it touched his nape, and simply this could bring back the pain of the other night - heavy, destructive burden started crushing him, very, very slowly.
When it had only been the smallest, insignificant touch, now it was giving a huge impact on him.
The hand that was on his waist rested motionlessly, though. It just laid there, when Ruki thought about the worst things that could happen. It could've just gripped him hard, wake him and turn him around, slap him on the face and make him speak about where the hell he had been all afternoon. It could've just made him open all the secrets he meant to keep hidden - for the time being.
When the hand finally moved, his body almost betrayed his own oath not to react as a light shudder came out. He just hoped Aoi hadn't noticed... Soon, as the hand found its way to Ruki's stomach and paused there, he could feel Aoi's body attached on his back. He could sense his beating-heart - soft and muted against the surface of his back. Again, Ruki was almost caught in action as he gave another shudder when a soft, noiseless kiss was placed on his ear.
It didn't seem that Aoi noticed, though.
"Baby..." a soft, fractured voice shivered against his eardrum, but Ruki kept quiet, "Baby, I'm so sorry..."
Even so soon, Ruki's defence was close to crumbling apart when he heard a muffled sniff.
"I am such a fool..." Aoi whispered again. His voice stated that he was talking to empty air, not knowing the least that Ruki was awake and listening to every word he had to say. Aoi didn't continue from there, though - for a while he was just making soft, shivering breathing that was making Ruki weaker and weaker by every air blown against his neck.
"I am such a fool, a fool who falls so deeply in love with you..." Aoi finally continued, the end of that sentence went shaky - and so did Ruki. He was starting to lose all restraints and started to tremble. "I don't deserve you, but yet I had the nerves to ask you to love me. I am such an ignorant fool..." Aoi whispered, "After all those times of just watching you smiling, laughing from a distance, I defied the heavens when I pulled you down into my life. But now, when I finally have you here..." Another sniff, "You seem to be even further away from me, even though I'm holding you like this..."
With all his might, Ruki held down a choked breath from leaving his mouth.
"Have I made you suffer, Baby?" Aoi asked, and Ruki felt a sickeningly-familiar sensation flow up to his eyes and melted its way down to the pillow under his head, "Have I brought you nothing but sadness? Have I taken away your freedom? Have I become a restraint for you?" The hand on Ruki's stomach quivered, "Baby, I'm sorry..."
Even if Ruki struggled to stay as silent as he could, the tears just wouldn't stop flowing out. They had only flooded his eyes so severely, as if he hadn't had enough of crying.
"I'm so sorry... Because all I ever know what to do, ever since I've known you... Is to love you..." Aoi continued, and now the quiver in his voice was no longer unnoticed. These latter words were too much and Ruki couldn't restrain a sob escaping his mouth - and that was when Aoi finally noticed.
"Baby?"
Ruki sobbed again slightly. He had to bite his lip to not make it sound so severe.
"Baby, are you awake?"
Still, Ruki remained speechless. By now, Aoi should've known already that he was awake, just by the sound of his escalating whimper.
"Oh God... Baby..." Aoi moved his hands; the soft sounds of fabric against fabric led Ruki into the feeling of being grabbed inside Aoi's warmth, while Ruki was crying again, unrestrainedly. The once peaceful room was now full of his voice, Ruki choking in his breath as tears went crazy, flowing out and soaking the pillow wet. "Baby, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Aoi cried too, of course, and the fact wasn't really helping Ruki to calm down, not a bit. "I'm sorry..." Aoi, kissing his shoulder very softly, kept repeating his apology - while each and every word 'sorry' made Ruki's heart crumble bit by bit.
"Aoi..." Ruki spoke up - finally, feeling every syllable shaking its way through his already-painful vocal chord, "Aoi, stop this, please..."
Aoi startled, of course, and he thought he was told to let go, to not touch Ruki - he was just going to unstrap his grip around Ruki. But instead, Ruki reached for those hands and held them tightly in place.
"Aoi, I love you..." Ruki spoke again. He felt a surge of a huge mass running along his throat; it was suffocating, and he knew he had to let everything out before it exploded inside of him. "Aoi, I love you so much, why can't you just believe it when I told you that?!" his voice squeaky and tearful, that it would've been embarrasing if they were in a different situation, "It's just some stupid tab, Aoi!"
"I know, I'm sorry, Baby," Aoi replied, "I didn't mean to..."
"They're just some words that someone wrote, it's not something that's going to change my feelings. I've made my choice and it was you! It IS you, Aoi, it's ALWAYS you!" Ruki squealed, "I don't fucking care about anything else but you, God I swear that upon my life... I won't start planning about leaving you just because another person says he loves me. I don't give a fuck even if I was promised the world upon a silver plate, because I only want you..." Ruki sobbed again, "I only want you..."
Some things were better left unsaid, but these words, Ruki knew, he could not hold back anymore. This was what he thought of Aoi, this was his feelings, and Aoi should know about it; about all of it.
A sob broke out again and Ruki was already suffocating for breath, but he kept talking, "I don't back out from my words for anything. I said I'll stay with you, and that's what I'm going to do," Ruki shifted, so quickly that a pair of hands just stilled, frozen in surprise. He turned around to face Aoi, making sure Aoi could see him, even if it was so dark. "I love you! YOU, Aoi..." Ruki broke another syllable with a harsh intake of breath, "I only love you, for God's sakes... I love you, and I don't fucking care about freedom or any of that shit. Everything is fine for me as long as I can be with you..."
The tears in Aoi's eyes glimmered with the minimum light from the bed-side lamp shining upon them.
"You ARE a fool, Aoi," Ruki continued, his hands moved to Aoi's cheeks, "You are a fool if you think I don't love you, because I fucking do love you and I swear it upon anything that is precious in my life, I have never loved anyone else, like I love you."
Ruki didn't know what was the base of his actions, the urge that became his boost when he suddenly leaned forward to greedily kiss Aoi the way he was kissing him now. He didn't even know if there was any reason at all for this. He didn't think about his injured lip and how it throbbed in pain as he pressed it against Aoi's lips, feeling the edge of Aoi's lipring stabbing him there, right at the same place. It might even bleed again, but Ruki didn't really care about it. He didn't even think about the necessity to breathe and had completely forgotten about it. There seemed to be only the need to feel Aoi's lips against his, and for the moment, nothing else mattered. Oh no - nothing else had ever mattered, and nothing else would ever matter anymore. He knew his priority had been, was and would always be Aoi.
If only Aoi could just understand that...
When he slid out his tongue, he could taste the bitter, iron-like taste of blood, and he knew it was his own. His lip was bleeding again, and the taste came to attach to Aoi's lips, tongue, it came over everywhere in the kiss. Funny... Was this how his kiss tasted? Bitter? An irony in the kiss that he couldn't just shove aside bothered his mind; it was there, he had to accept it.
He was suddenly laying on top of Aoi; the process that had taken him there was hardly recorded in his mind. There were only feelings at work now, there was no mind. He had Aoi's hair in one hand, Aoi's heaving chest on another, and he held on tight as if he would never let go. Aoi seemed to struggle to slow down the pace, gesturing with a gentle lick on his lip, although the arms that held Ruki told him how Aoi was not letting go either. When his lungs rebelled, finally, Ruki shot his head back, inhaling air as deep as he could.
"Baby... It's bleeding," Aoi breathed, his eyes went straight at where he was pointing his remark: Ruki's lip. "Baby, I'm so sorry, last night I..." A hand found its way onto Ruki's lip, a trembling finger wiping away the blood that should've been streaming down to Ruki's chin.
But Ruki cut him off, "Treat me like that if you want to. Take me hard if that's what you need to convince yourself. If everything that I said is still not enough, do whatever you think is necessary."
Aoi's eyes widened quickly at the words Ruki had just said. A soft gasp was let out, before he gripped Ruki hard on both his arms. Ruki closed his eyes when he was turned by force, Aoi rolled his body along with Ruki's until Ruki's back was again laid on the surface of the bed.
If this is what you want, Aoi, I'll give it to you. I'll give you everything you want...
He was already expecting something harsh, a rude grope at least as a start, but instead he felt Aoi shifting up and off of him. He opened his eyes, finding Aoi glaring down at him. A sad, dejected nuance tinged his pair of dark eyes.
"No... Ruki, no..." he whispered, and there was something painful in his voice, "Do you think I can hurt you like that?"
A moment stretched tensely with the two of them just staring at each other; Ruki looked at Aoi with a huge amount of indecision, while Aoi looked at him with a remorseful gaze. But the moment was finally cut off when Aoi moved his hands... To his lips. Ruki didn't understand what he was doing at first, but when he saw the small, black ring being removed, he gasped in shock. Aoi had just taken off his lip ring and he placed it on the nearest edge of the night-stand. The lip was left nude without its accessory - funny but the sight was somehow scary, like Aoi was not Aoi anymore without his lip ring.
He stayed where he was, lying with his back on the mattress, eyeing Aoi's every movement until Aoi was leaning down on top of him. A soft kiss he placed on Ruki's lips, and immediately Ruki felt so weird. Without the lip ring, it felt like he was kissing someone else... But those were Aoi's eyes when he looked up, that was Aoi's immense sadness he glowed out from within. This was Aoi's warmth all around him...
"Baby... You're all that is precious for me," Aoi whispered, lingering his lips on Ruki's - as if trying to get Ruki used to the feeling of the lack of the accessory, "Whatever that has gotten into me last night, whatever it is that has made me... hurt you... I don't want to let it come again. I don't want to hurt you..."
Ruki let out a trembling breath when Aoi leaned in another soft, undemanding kiss. It was definitely different from any other kisses they had shared. No matter how gentle it was, it was actually the most emotional kiss Ruki had had to endure. It was filled with love, so full that it was spilling out. It was spilling out, but he knew there was still so much to be spilled.
The kisses brought relaxation to come over him thinly, like blankets from tissue, layer by layer; it was piling up, giving him assurance that nothing was going to be painful for him tonight.
Yes, Aoi would never, ever hurt him. Ever.
Very soon, his arms took their places around Aoi's neck, hooking him to lean even closer, to let his body fall upon Ruki. Aoi was then licking his bitterness away, gently, slowly - almost apprehensively. He dug deep into Ruki's mouth as if he was searching for more signs of Ruki's pain, and he was going to lick every one of it off. If Ruki could speak out, if Ruki knew the words, he would tell Aoi that there was still so much pain to be taken away.
His arms slipped off of Aoi's neck when Aoi slid lower; his lips drew careful, attentive trails all over Ruki's neck; his tongue slithered so gently, licking more and more pain from Ruki's skin. Ruki was starting to have trouble controlling his breathing, it came in and out unevenly, its rhythm ruined by the occasional gasp he would let out at some particular sensation led by Aoi's lips on his skin. There was no sign at all that the speed of the process was exceeding, and it was rather excruciating at some points, but this was exactly how the worst became the most glorious. The way the simplest touch lingered and slithered against his skin was overwhelming, and the duration that it took for one touch to shift into another was long; the feeling was growing to high intensity, bit by slowest bit, that Ruki could barely hold himself to burst before the foreplay was even close from finishing.
The moment Aoi's hand brushed accidentally across his nipple through the fabric of his shirt, Ruki hoped he could just zap all of his clothes away. But he had to suffer the effort, no magic was going to undress him; his hands gripping on the edges of his own shirt, scruffily pulling it up to his head. Aoi helped, as he realized what Ruki was doing, and soon the shirt was thrown out of the bed's perimeter. Ruki didn't stop, though, he wanted to expose everything - so that Aoi knew he needed more healing at every inch of his body. His heels shuffled against the bed while he was taking off his pants, and soon, Ruki was completely undressed under Aoi's eyes.
"Everything..." he whispered, "Every bit of me... Loves you, Aoi..."
A soft, restrained cry escaped his lips when Aoi's hands landed on his bare skin, and as Aoi slid those hands all over him, the cry turned into a series of moaning. Oh God, how he melted every time these hands touched him like this... It was everything and more that he needed now, and only Aoi could do this to him. Only Aoi could pull so much emotion out of him, and he was doing it with the gentlest care that it made Ruki wonder: how come the tragic world just morphed into painless heaven, right here in front of his very own eyes? This slow, unhurried pace that was only Aoi's; it was as if every single movement had its meaning, different with each of its own aspect, but all came down to a unison: He was only there - body and soul - to worship Ruki.
Ruki had only realized how he had been shutting his eyes closed when he had to shoot them back open, as a wet, caressing touch came to one of his nipples. He saw Aoi's black hair over his chest, he saw how Aoi moved but the tiniest bit. He moaned, clinging one hand to Aoi's hair, when Aoi started licking him there. The wet touch circled around one of his most sensitive areas; and then a slow, dragging movement drove Ruki's mental so close to instability. Aoi continued before too long, giving the other nipple his attention, while his hands traveled far and wide, as far and as wide Ruki's body stretched. A palm rubbed its way along Ruki's thigh, from the knee to his hips; fingers stroked slowly along the crease between his thigh and stomach, going closer and closer to the most tensed muscles in his body at present. And when those fingers did touch his cock, Ruki felt his pleasure escalate in such a dazzling speed, surprising him because for all he knew, it had been a slow, unhurried ride from the very beginning. Aoi might've been stroking him in such an easy, hesitating way, but Ruki's passion was no longer hesitant.
He asked wordlessly for frictions and for his lover's nudity with a gesture that should've been unmistakable: his hips shifted up, pressing against Aoi's. Apparently it was unmistakable indeed, because then Aoi moved away, leaving Ruki's hardened nipples just to work out on stripping off his clothes. All fabrics that had been clinging to Aoi's body were soon finding their nasty fate on the floor, joining Ruki's clothes. He took a moment to grab something from the night-stand's drawer, one of those lubricants which Ruki had been familiar with. When Aoi leaned back down a minute later, Ruki got almost all the frictions he had asked for, and he certainly got the nudity he had wanted.
"I love you..." again, as if it was even necessary in a time like this, Ruki whispered the three, sacred words into Aoi's ear. He didn't know just how much convincing did Aoi need, but he was willing to provide it all when he was asked to. Their lips connected again with a bound that seemed unbreakable through blizzard and heat; Ruki pulling this man - this individual human being he had asked God for in his lonely nights, a person he had dreamed of being his completion (for it had been a legend that a person would not be complete if he hadn't found his other half: his destined pair) - so deep into his hold.
Aoi settled between his legs - the most rightful place Ruki wouldn't have given away for anyone else, not from now until forever. Kisses were being shared endlessly and hands were doing what they do best: surfing through every inch of each other's skin. Ruki moaned his pleasure into Aoi's mouth while a pair of lubricated fingers danced inside of him, stretching him in the most knowing manner. Aoi stroked deep, excavating to the source of all pleasures, and Ruki broke off from the kiss, half-screaming his tension when Aoi nudged him there.
It was made clear that Aoi hadn't forgotten to reply, as he whispered so very close to Ruki's ear the very same three words: "I love you", before he pushed his erection very, very slowly through Ruki's entrance. The sensation that Ruki got at the exact moment was a composure of many, many emotions exploding at once; but the most obvious one just had to be love. There were also passion, lust, there was even sadness - for whatever reason Ruki didn't understand. But he'd like to savor the most obvious one, he only wanted to remember love.
The connection of their bodies processed in a long, slow but intense rhythm. Aoi made sure both of them could feel each other's frictions when he moved, elegantly, the tip of his length teased Ruki's sweet spot just too many times. Ruki moaned breathily when he shifted his hips, wanting to get more than just teasing, clinging his legs around Aoi's waist; and when Aoi thrusted into that position, he hit a bullseye. From what it had been of only a breathy moan, it was now a song with the word 'Aoi' as its lyric, coming out repeatedly from Ruki's mouth. The name slipped out his lips with excellent sweetness; Ruki hoping that Aoi would never get tired of him spelling out his name like this. He begged into Aoi's ear, he hoped Aoi could catch the desire his breath was filled with; he wanted Aoi to be able to hear and understand just how freaking much Ruki loved him.
He felt as if he was so desperate... So addicted to Aoi's love.
Oh no... He WAS desperate. He WAS addicted to Aoi's love.
Aoi mumbled more and more of those three words between his quick, wet kisses, as if it was the perfect pre-chorus to Ruki's song. Soon they would be making an ensemble, Ruki guessed, because he could feel that he was so darn close, and by the way Aoi was making shallower, quicker thrusts, he knew Aoi was close too. It was a deep, straight to the point sort of thrust that finally brought Ruki to orgasm, growling against Aoi's mouth - and it was only a few seconds away before Aoi came too. The intensity Aoi released inside him became another boost for his orgasm, and Ruki panted by the end of it, suddenly became self-conscious of the very minimum rest he had had so far, and yeah, to think about it again, he had been sleepy (was already asleep!) before Aoi came to bed.
Wouldn't it be so amazing if we can just love each other like this: without a doubt, with no fear of anything?
Aoi was just about to pull himself out, but - recognizing the feeling - Ruki kept him still, gripping on his sweaty back.
I don't want this to be just a dream... I don't want this to be another painful memory I have to live with, in the future. I don't want to regret ever feeling so deep for a person, in one moment of my life...
"Don't stop loving me, Aoi..." he begged, "Just don't stop loving me..."
I just want to love you, and to be loved by you.
===
Previous chapters and other titles --> here
Chapter: 19/??
Author: chuu ( akichuu)
Fandom: JRock, Gazette
Pairings: AoiXRuki. ReitaXKai
Overall Rating: NC-17
Genre: Smut. But it's sort of fluffy at some parts. Watch for some angst too.
Warnings: ManXMan sex scenes, language--just sometimes, over-exaggerated romance scenes. Un-beta-ed mistakes.
Summary: ... But those were Aoi's eyes when he looked up, that was Aoi's immense sadness he glowed out from within. This was Aoi's warmth all around him ...
Comments: I know, I know... I can't say I'm sorry enough to let you know just how sorry I am exactly for being absent for a while. I just hope this chapter could redeem my fault... (not so sure about that, though) *sweats*
- 19 -
He felt almost like a criminal who had to hide the proofs of his crime and guard it with his life otherwise he would risk his neck on the hanging. Every movement he had to plan carefully, every word he had to sort with extra attention. He didn't want to say or do anything that would suggest his sins and make them obvious. Being a runaway convict was a pain in the ass, now he figured out, but he had to go through it although he had not intended for things to become this way. The tension brought him to think about how scary it would be, if only Aoi knew how to read mind. If Aoi knew, Ruki would be completely screwed - as if things weren't already so screwed up.
It would be very, very wise if he would leave the fragile surface as peaceful as it was, leave it unstirred, and try not to create another quake. To let Aoi know that he had just visited Uruha... That would be something more severe than just stirring the fragile surface, that would be throwing one huge rock into the pool.
One thing was for sure: Ruki didn't want anything bad happening again. Last night should be the last of it.
Anyways, care not about himself, what about Reita? Reita was the one who had taken him to Uruha's place, the whole thing had been Reita's idea. Ruki would never want to jeopardize more than what he had already fucked up, and it was as sure as hell visiting Uruha's place at a time like this should be his latest choice. If Aoi had known about Reita and his brilliant idea, Ruki would be very lucky if the third world war didn't happen right in front of his eyes. He would be lucky not to have his lover and his best friend fighting for each other's blood. If it ever happened, then all sins were his to be suffered.
Despite what Uruha and Reita had told him - millions of times - that it wasn't just his fault, that everyone was suffering the same unbearable guilt, despite the very good feeling from what it seemed to be a reconciliation between him and Uruha, Ruki knew he was not off the hook yet. There was still Aoi. From the moment he stammered doubtful knocks on the door, to the moment Aoi opened the door, to the moment he met those eyes and to the moment a fragile kiss was shared... And until this very moment when he was lying alone in bed because Aoi told him he needed time to finish his work, he knew he still had so many things unsolved. He knew... He hadn't even started determining what to do in order to fix what there was between him and Aoi.
The darkness felt very comfortable against his sore eyes, and he had been staring at whatever the lack of light could provide him: nothing but black, stiff figures that would've been scary if he were a six years old boy having just watched one of the many series of 'Nightmare on Elm Street'. Shedding tears for hours, now he knew, had only given him nothing but the worst headache he had ever had... For months. He refused his own suggestion to take a pain killer; aspirin or some sorts, and he was kind of regretting it now. But stepping off the bed, now that it had grown too comfortable against his tired body, was not something he'd like to do at the moment. He knew if only he could sleep, the pain would go away. The fuzziness invading his senses promised him a good thing that he might as well get what he wanted: sleep.
Ruki was already seeing the crowds from the stage where he had just stepped up to, everybody made a shocked gasp in harmony and he immediately felt weird, and when he looked down on himself, he saw that he was wearing nothing. He was fully naked. And everybody was watching...
But he startled and woke up, back into the darkness of the room, away from the staring eyes, when he felt a touch - though very, very gentle - landing on his waist. He breathed nervously against the crook of his arm, knowing Aoi had just come to bed, right next to him. He tried not to give any sign that he was awake, though, he just laid still, although the urge to tremble was wrecking him deep inside. A sensation of warm, moist breath tickled when it touched his nape, and simply this could bring back the pain of the other night - heavy, destructive burden started crushing him, very, very slowly.
When it had only been the smallest, insignificant touch, now it was giving a huge impact on him.
The hand that was on his waist rested motionlessly, though. It just laid there, when Ruki thought about the worst things that could happen. It could've just gripped him hard, wake him and turn him around, slap him on the face and make him speak about where the hell he had been all afternoon. It could've just made him open all the secrets he meant to keep hidden - for the time being.
When the hand finally moved, his body almost betrayed his own oath not to react as a light shudder came out. He just hoped Aoi hadn't noticed... Soon, as the hand found its way to Ruki's stomach and paused there, he could feel Aoi's body attached on his back. He could sense his beating-heart - soft and muted against the surface of his back. Again, Ruki was almost caught in action as he gave another shudder when a soft, noiseless kiss was placed on his ear.
It didn't seem that Aoi noticed, though.
"Baby..." a soft, fractured voice shivered against his eardrum, but Ruki kept quiet, "Baby, I'm so sorry..."
Even so soon, Ruki's defence was close to crumbling apart when he heard a muffled sniff.
"I am such a fool..." Aoi whispered again. His voice stated that he was talking to empty air, not knowing the least that Ruki was awake and listening to every word he had to say. Aoi didn't continue from there, though - for a while he was just making soft, shivering breathing that was making Ruki weaker and weaker by every air blown against his neck.
"I am such a fool, a fool who falls so deeply in love with you..." Aoi finally continued, the end of that sentence went shaky - and so did Ruki. He was starting to lose all restraints and started to tremble. "I don't deserve you, but yet I had the nerves to ask you to love me. I am such an ignorant fool..." Aoi whispered, "After all those times of just watching you smiling, laughing from a distance, I defied the heavens when I pulled you down into my life. But now, when I finally have you here..." Another sniff, "You seem to be even further away from me, even though I'm holding you like this..."
With all his might, Ruki held down a choked breath from leaving his mouth.
"Have I made you suffer, Baby?" Aoi asked, and Ruki felt a sickeningly-familiar sensation flow up to his eyes and melted its way down to the pillow under his head, "Have I brought you nothing but sadness? Have I taken away your freedom? Have I become a restraint for you?" The hand on Ruki's stomach quivered, "Baby, I'm sorry..."
Even if Ruki struggled to stay as silent as he could, the tears just wouldn't stop flowing out. They had only flooded his eyes so severely, as if he hadn't had enough of crying.
"I'm so sorry... Because all I ever know what to do, ever since I've known you... Is to love you..." Aoi continued, and now the quiver in his voice was no longer unnoticed. These latter words were too much and Ruki couldn't restrain a sob escaping his mouth - and that was when Aoi finally noticed.
"Baby?"
Ruki sobbed again slightly. He had to bite his lip to not make it sound so severe.
"Baby, are you awake?"
Still, Ruki remained speechless. By now, Aoi should've known already that he was awake, just by the sound of his escalating whimper.
"Oh God... Baby..." Aoi moved his hands; the soft sounds of fabric against fabric led Ruki into the feeling of being grabbed inside Aoi's warmth, while Ruki was crying again, unrestrainedly. The once peaceful room was now full of his voice, Ruki choking in his breath as tears went crazy, flowing out and soaking the pillow wet. "Baby, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Aoi cried too, of course, and the fact wasn't really helping Ruki to calm down, not a bit. "I'm sorry..." Aoi, kissing his shoulder very softly, kept repeating his apology - while each and every word 'sorry' made Ruki's heart crumble bit by bit.
"Aoi..." Ruki spoke up - finally, feeling every syllable shaking its way through his already-painful vocal chord, "Aoi, stop this, please..."
Aoi startled, of course, and he thought he was told to let go, to not touch Ruki - he was just going to unstrap his grip around Ruki. But instead, Ruki reached for those hands and held them tightly in place.
"Aoi, I love you..." Ruki spoke again. He felt a surge of a huge mass running along his throat; it was suffocating, and he knew he had to let everything out before it exploded inside of him. "Aoi, I love you so much, why can't you just believe it when I told you that?!" his voice squeaky and tearful, that it would've been embarrasing if they were in a different situation, "It's just some stupid tab, Aoi!"
"I know, I'm sorry, Baby," Aoi replied, "I didn't mean to..."
"They're just some words that someone wrote, it's not something that's going to change my feelings. I've made my choice and it was you! It IS you, Aoi, it's ALWAYS you!" Ruki squealed, "I don't fucking care about anything else but you, God I swear that upon my life... I won't start planning about leaving you just because another person says he loves me. I don't give a fuck even if I was promised the world upon a silver plate, because I only want you..." Ruki sobbed again, "I only want you..."
Some things were better left unsaid, but these words, Ruki knew, he could not hold back anymore. This was what he thought of Aoi, this was his feelings, and Aoi should know about it; about all of it.
A sob broke out again and Ruki was already suffocating for breath, but he kept talking, "I don't back out from my words for anything. I said I'll stay with you, and that's what I'm going to do," Ruki shifted, so quickly that a pair of hands just stilled, frozen in surprise. He turned around to face Aoi, making sure Aoi could see him, even if it was so dark. "I love you! YOU, Aoi..." Ruki broke another syllable with a harsh intake of breath, "I only love you, for God's sakes... I love you, and I don't fucking care about freedom or any of that shit. Everything is fine for me as long as I can be with you..."
The tears in Aoi's eyes glimmered with the minimum light from the bed-side lamp shining upon them.
"You ARE a fool, Aoi," Ruki continued, his hands moved to Aoi's cheeks, "You are a fool if you think I don't love you, because I fucking do love you and I swear it upon anything that is precious in my life, I have never loved anyone else, like I love you."
Ruki didn't know what was the base of his actions, the urge that became his boost when he suddenly leaned forward to greedily kiss Aoi the way he was kissing him now. He didn't even know if there was any reason at all for this. He didn't think about his injured lip and how it throbbed in pain as he pressed it against Aoi's lips, feeling the edge of Aoi's lipring stabbing him there, right at the same place. It might even bleed again, but Ruki didn't really care about it. He didn't even think about the necessity to breathe and had completely forgotten about it. There seemed to be only the need to feel Aoi's lips against his, and for the moment, nothing else mattered. Oh no - nothing else had ever mattered, and nothing else would ever matter anymore. He knew his priority had been, was and would always be Aoi.
If only Aoi could just understand that...
When he slid out his tongue, he could taste the bitter, iron-like taste of blood, and he knew it was his own. His lip was bleeding again, and the taste came to attach to Aoi's lips, tongue, it came over everywhere in the kiss. Funny... Was this how his kiss tasted? Bitter? An irony in the kiss that he couldn't just shove aside bothered his mind; it was there, he had to accept it.
He was suddenly laying on top of Aoi; the process that had taken him there was hardly recorded in his mind. There were only feelings at work now, there was no mind. He had Aoi's hair in one hand, Aoi's heaving chest on another, and he held on tight as if he would never let go. Aoi seemed to struggle to slow down the pace, gesturing with a gentle lick on his lip, although the arms that held Ruki told him how Aoi was not letting go either. When his lungs rebelled, finally, Ruki shot his head back, inhaling air as deep as he could.
"Baby... It's bleeding," Aoi breathed, his eyes went straight at where he was pointing his remark: Ruki's lip. "Baby, I'm so sorry, last night I..." A hand found its way onto Ruki's lip, a trembling finger wiping away the blood that should've been streaming down to Ruki's chin.
But Ruki cut him off, "Treat me like that if you want to. Take me hard if that's what you need to convince yourself. If everything that I said is still not enough, do whatever you think is necessary."
Aoi's eyes widened quickly at the words Ruki had just said. A soft gasp was let out, before he gripped Ruki hard on both his arms. Ruki closed his eyes when he was turned by force, Aoi rolled his body along with Ruki's until Ruki's back was again laid on the surface of the bed.
If this is what you want, Aoi, I'll give it to you. I'll give you everything you want...
He was already expecting something harsh, a rude grope at least as a start, but instead he felt Aoi shifting up and off of him. He opened his eyes, finding Aoi glaring down at him. A sad, dejected nuance tinged his pair of dark eyes.
"No... Ruki, no..." he whispered, and there was something painful in his voice, "Do you think I can hurt you like that?"
A moment stretched tensely with the two of them just staring at each other; Ruki looked at Aoi with a huge amount of indecision, while Aoi looked at him with a remorseful gaze. But the moment was finally cut off when Aoi moved his hands... To his lips. Ruki didn't understand what he was doing at first, but when he saw the small, black ring being removed, he gasped in shock. Aoi had just taken off his lip ring and he placed it on the nearest edge of the night-stand. The lip was left nude without its accessory - funny but the sight was somehow scary, like Aoi was not Aoi anymore without his lip ring.
He stayed where he was, lying with his back on the mattress, eyeing Aoi's every movement until Aoi was leaning down on top of him. A soft kiss he placed on Ruki's lips, and immediately Ruki felt so weird. Without the lip ring, it felt like he was kissing someone else... But those were Aoi's eyes when he looked up, that was Aoi's immense sadness he glowed out from within. This was Aoi's warmth all around him...
"Baby... You're all that is precious for me," Aoi whispered, lingering his lips on Ruki's - as if trying to get Ruki used to the feeling of the lack of the accessory, "Whatever that has gotten into me last night, whatever it is that has made me... hurt you... I don't want to let it come again. I don't want to hurt you..."
Ruki let out a trembling breath when Aoi leaned in another soft, undemanding kiss. It was definitely different from any other kisses they had shared. No matter how gentle it was, it was actually the most emotional kiss Ruki had had to endure. It was filled with love, so full that it was spilling out. It was spilling out, but he knew there was still so much to be spilled.
The kisses brought relaxation to come over him thinly, like blankets from tissue, layer by layer; it was piling up, giving him assurance that nothing was going to be painful for him tonight.
Yes, Aoi would never, ever hurt him. Ever.
Very soon, his arms took their places around Aoi's neck, hooking him to lean even closer, to let his body fall upon Ruki. Aoi was then licking his bitterness away, gently, slowly - almost apprehensively. He dug deep into Ruki's mouth as if he was searching for more signs of Ruki's pain, and he was going to lick every one of it off. If Ruki could speak out, if Ruki knew the words, he would tell Aoi that there was still so much pain to be taken away.
His arms slipped off of Aoi's neck when Aoi slid lower; his lips drew careful, attentive trails all over Ruki's neck; his tongue slithered so gently, licking more and more pain from Ruki's skin. Ruki was starting to have trouble controlling his breathing, it came in and out unevenly, its rhythm ruined by the occasional gasp he would let out at some particular sensation led by Aoi's lips on his skin. There was no sign at all that the speed of the process was exceeding, and it was rather excruciating at some points, but this was exactly how the worst became the most glorious. The way the simplest touch lingered and slithered against his skin was overwhelming, and the duration that it took for one touch to shift into another was long; the feeling was growing to high intensity, bit by slowest bit, that Ruki could barely hold himself to burst before the foreplay was even close from finishing.
The moment Aoi's hand brushed accidentally across his nipple through the fabric of his shirt, Ruki hoped he could just zap all of his clothes away. But he had to suffer the effort, no magic was going to undress him; his hands gripping on the edges of his own shirt, scruffily pulling it up to his head. Aoi helped, as he realized what Ruki was doing, and soon the shirt was thrown out of the bed's perimeter. Ruki didn't stop, though, he wanted to expose everything - so that Aoi knew he needed more healing at every inch of his body. His heels shuffled against the bed while he was taking off his pants, and soon, Ruki was completely undressed under Aoi's eyes.
"Everything..." he whispered, "Every bit of me... Loves you, Aoi..."
A soft, restrained cry escaped his lips when Aoi's hands landed on his bare skin, and as Aoi slid those hands all over him, the cry turned into a series of moaning. Oh God, how he melted every time these hands touched him like this... It was everything and more that he needed now, and only Aoi could do this to him. Only Aoi could pull so much emotion out of him, and he was doing it with the gentlest care that it made Ruki wonder: how come the tragic world just morphed into painless heaven, right here in front of his very own eyes? This slow, unhurried pace that was only Aoi's; it was as if every single movement had its meaning, different with each of its own aspect, but all came down to a unison: He was only there - body and soul - to worship Ruki.
Ruki had only realized how he had been shutting his eyes closed when he had to shoot them back open, as a wet, caressing touch came to one of his nipples. He saw Aoi's black hair over his chest, he saw how Aoi moved but the tiniest bit. He moaned, clinging one hand to Aoi's hair, when Aoi started licking him there. The wet touch circled around one of his most sensitive areas; and then a slow, dragging movement drove Ruki's mental so close to instability. Aoi continued before too long, giving the other nipple his attention, while his hands traveled far and wide, as far and as wide Ruki's body stretched. A palm rubbed its way along Ruki's thigh, from the knee to his hips; fingers stroked slowly along the crease between his thigh and stomach, going closer and closer to the most tensed muscles in his body at present. And when those fingers did touch his cock, Ruki felt his pleasure escalate in such a dazzling speed, surprising him because for all he knew, it had been a slow, unhurried ride from the very beginning. Aoi might've been stroking him in such an easy, hesitating way, but Ruki's passion was no longer hesitant.
He asked wordlessly for frictions and for his lover's nudity with a gesture that should've been unmistakable: his hips shifted up, pressing against Aoi's. Apparently it was unmistakable indeed, because then Aoi moved away, leaving Ruki's hardened nipples just to work out on stripping off his clothes. All fabrics that had been clinging to Aoi's body were soon finding their nasty fate on the floor, joining Ruki's clothes. He took a moment to grab something from the night-stand's drawer, one of those lubricants which Ruki had been familiar with. When Aoi leaned back down a minute later, Ruki got almost all the frictions he had asked for, and he certainly got the nudity he had wanted.
"I love you..." again, as if it was even necessary in a time like this, Ruki whispered the three, sacred words into Aoi's ear. He didn't know just how much convincing did Aoi need, but he was willing to provide it all when he was asked to. Their lips connected again with a bound that seemed unbreakable through blizzard and heat; Ruki pulling this man - this individual human being he had asked God for in his lonely nights, a person he had dreamed of being his completion (for it had been a legend that a person would not be complete if he hadn't found his other half: his destined pair) - so deep into his hold.
Aoi settled between his legs - the most rightful place Ruki wouldn't have given away for anyone else, not from now until forever. Kisses were being shared endlessly and hands were doing what they do best: surfing through every inch of each other's skin. Ruki moaned his pleasure into Aoi's mouth while a pair of lubricated fingers danced inside of him, stretching him in the most knowing manner. Aoi stroked deep, excavating to the source of all pleasures, and Ruki broke off from the kiss, half-screaming his tension when Aoi nudged him there.
It was made clear that Aoi hadn't forgotten to reply, as he whispered so very close to Ruki's ear the very same three words: "I love you", before he pushed his erection very, very slowly through Ruki's entrance. The sensation that Ruki got at the exact moment was a composure of many, many emotions exploding at once; but the most obvious one just had to be love. There were also passion, lust, there was even sadness - for whatever reason Ruki didn't understand. But he'd like to savor the most obvious one, he only wanted to remember love.
The connection of their bodies processed in a long, slow but intense rhythm. Aoi made sure both of them could feel each other's frictions when he moved, elegantly, the tip of his length teased Ruki's sweet spot just too many times. Ruki moaned breathily when he shifted his hips, wanting to get more than just teasing, clinging his legs around Aoi's waist; and when Aoi thrusted into that position, he hit a bullseye. From what it had been of only a breathy moan, it was now a song with the word 'Aoi' as its lyric, coming out repeatedly from Ruki's mouth. The name slipped out his lips with excellent sweetness; Ruki hoping that Aoi would never get tired of him spelling out his name like this. He begged into Aoi's ear, he hoped Aoi could catch the desire his breath was filled with; he wanted Aoi to be able to hear and understand just how freaking much Ruki loved him.
He felt as if he was so desperate... So addicted to Aoi's love.
Oh no... He WAS desperate. He WAS addicted to Aoi's love.
Aoi mumbled more and more of those three words between his quick, wet kisses, as if it was the perfect pre-chorus to Ruki's song. Soon they would be making an ensemble, Ruki guessed, because he could feel that he was so darn close, and by the way Aoi was making shallower, quicker thrusts, he knew Aoi was close too. It was a deep, straight to the point sort of thrust that finally brought Ruki to orgasm, growling against Aoi's mouth - and it was only a few seconds away before Aoi came too. The intensity Aoi released inside him became another boost for his orgasm, and Ruki panted by the end of it, suddenly became self-conscious of the very minimum rest he had had so far, and yeah, to think about it again, he had been sleepy (was already asleep!) before Aoi came to bed.
Wouldn't it be so amazing if we can just love each other like this: without a doubt, with no fear of anything?
Aoi was just about to pull himself out, but - recognizing the feeling - Ruki kept him still, gripping on his sweaty back.
I don't want this to be just a dream... I don't want this to be another painful memory I have to live with, in the future. I don't want to regret ever feeling so deep for a person, in one moment of my life...
"Don't stop loving me, Aoi..." he begged, "Just don't stop loving me..."
I just want to love you, and to be loved by you.
===
Previous chapters and other titles --> here