Yomenai Kotoba 10/?? - AoiXRuki, ReitaXKai
Title: Yomenai Kotoba
Chapter: 10/??
Author: chuu ( akichuu)
Fandom: JRock, Gazette
Pairings: AoiXRuki. ReitaXKai
Overall Rating: NC-17
Genre: Smut. But it's sort of fluffy at some parts.
Warnings: ManXMan sex scenes, language--just sometimes, over-exaggerated romance scenes. Err... Bad grammars and all that?
Summary: ... The next person who walked into the room broke Reita's daydream into a pile of dust, Reita's eyes drawn straightly to him and he couldn't help staring... Here came Uruha...
Comments: And now I'm making the priviledge to warn you: an un-beta-ed chapter, and I'm thinking to be beta-less for a while. These two fics (Hanabi & Yomenai Kotoba) might be a burden even more to betas than to myself as the writer. So I'm adding up some warning: watch out for awful grammar, structures, etc etc... Yeah you know those stuffs...
- 10 -
He felt like being caught red handed in the middle of a crime when the door suddenly swung open revealing Ruki and, off course, Aoi. It wouldn't have been so awkward if only Kai's hand wasn't on his shoulder, rubbing him, the exact time when Ruki walked in. Those eyes fell right on the scenery and Reita knew immediately he had just added more questions into Ruki's curious mind. He was thankful though, neither did Ruki nor Aoi say anything, Ruki just pulled a chair and sat quietly, and Aoi followed right after. Well... Aoi might've not placed any attention but at his precious little Ruki, keeping his hand on Ruki like he was stopping Ruki from going any further than a step away from him, but Ruki... Reita knew that gaze that Ruki was still keeping at him, he knew that Ruki was now trying to unravel some puzzles inside his mind. Some puzzles that involved Reita.
Kai's hand slipped away from his shoulder and Reita breathed in reality into his senses. It wasn't like... They were doing anything out of the line here. For God's sakes, it's the band's meeting room. Even if Reita was thinking about kissing Kai or doing something alike, he would've chosen a whole lot better spot to do it than here. This room was almost sacred, it was the place where the band had been nurtured from what they were beneath the eggshell to break out and be what it was today. This room was a shrine of a pact they had made years ago as a band... Reita couldn't stain something that important.
And he wasn't thinking about kissing Kai. Honestly.
Well... Not so badly, at least.
There were too many things in his head right now that had pushed that urge aside, even if the memories of that night that hadn't passed too long ago was haunting him endlessly. The feeling of Kai's gentle touches on his face was nothing he had ever felt before in his life... He could barely able to shove it out of his mind, the distinct memories of Kai's soft and tentative kisses... Hold it right there! Reita clenched his eyes shut for a while, trying to will those images away just as they started to swarm his brain again. This wasn't the right time and place to be thinking about that, even if Kai was sitting right next to him at the moment, and just a while ago was giving him consolation.
Just a moment ago, before Ruki and Aoi entered the room, he was just talking with Kai (again) about that night when he had had that short but quite memorable conversation with Ruki.
Funny how things went from bad to sickeningly worse in just a few days... Or it wasn't funny at all, since there was nothing laughable about this situation. Just when he thought the last couple of months were already hell enough... Unavoidably, his eyes shifted, peering up towards Ruki only to find how the vocalist was leaning back against Aoi and his lips were stretching that small and content smile, having Aoi whispering something into his ear. At this sight, Reita turned his gaze away immediately. He wasn't sure if those two would inappropriately start kissing each other in this room, but even if they didn't go that far, this vision of them was quite enough to tell Reita that they were in their own world and almost nothing could disturb them. That split of second of watching Ruki with Aoi stirred up some discomfort inside Reita, the same discomfort that he felt when Ruki had picked up his phone back then. He wasn't expecting that their conversation would lead to Reita blaming Ruki. It would be the last thing in the world that Reita wanted to happen, but it had happened. Everything just slipped out of his mouth without him being able to stop one goddamned word.
Ruki was so desperate to be blamed. And Reita was giving him that priviledge.
No. No. God, it shouldn't be like that. Reita loved Ruki in a term even deeper than siblings. Ruki was a brother he had never had, and God only forbid him to hurt Ruki or to even say anything harsh to Ruki. But that night, listening to Ruki's self-depricating words... And after everything that had happened between the five of them...
Reita had only understood how this wound had swollen so ugly and dripping blood, and it felt so painful that he hadn't had the chance to think of what's right and what's wrong anymore.
He had heard it clearly when Kai tried telling him for the hundredth time already that it was okay, and Ruki wouldn't have been deprived from him and this relationship he had with Ruki wouldn't have been marred even a bit. But Reita knew how impossible it was, he could almost see it with his own eyes that there was already that giant gap between the both of them, Ruki was probably thinking about the same thing and was battling with his own discomfort as to meet Reita face to face. But somehow, Kai's method of calming him did give hope, although very faint.
The next person who walked into the room broke Reita's daydream into a pile of dust, Reita's eyes drawn straightly to him and he couldn't help staring... Here came Uruha. Neat and fresh. An easy smile stretched on his lips. Why was Reita so surprised at this sight? What exactly was he expecting? Uruha to show up looking miserable and pathetic and half-drunk? God. Reita mentally smacked himself hard, and forced out a small smile at the man who had turned to face him. "Morning," Uruha smiled back and greeted casually, and Reita could immediately conclude that he wasn't the smallest bit drunk, or even having a hangover. Uruha walked across the room, eyes straight forward (Reita believed he was trying not to look at the couple at one side of the room as he passed them by), and pulled one chair close to Reita.
This might be a good day afterall, Reita thought, watching Uruha's bright face like he hadn't seen him for years. His heart beat quick thinking of the possibility. Maybe it was a start of something really really good, because when Manager-san along with some people from the company came in to the room by the next minute, the rest of the band pretty quickly gathered closer around the rectangle table and somehow they were able to look as a whole band again.
Maybe it was too quick to be so optimistic, but Reita couldn't help to wish that it would be as easy as this, in a blink of an eye, they were back being good friends again...
---
Reita held both cups of coffee firmly in his hands, he knew that making the same mistake twice was idiotic, remembering what he had done to his pants at Kai's place a few days ago, and he really didn't want to walk around the place with wet and sticky pants for the rest of the day since no one was here to offer him a change of clothes. His effort almost fell apart though, when someone patted his shoulder. Reita was so deep in his thoughts that he barely held himself from jumping off his shoes. "Uruha," he half-snarled at the man who had just patted his shoulder, thanking the Gods he didn't drop any of the cups he was holding.
"Hey, sorry, man, I didn't know I'd surprise you that much..." Uruha grinned. The kind of grin everybody would love, that dorky kind of grin, and Reita was very soon forgetting his grudge. "For me?" Uruha nodded towards the cups of coffee.
"Sorry, but... No," Reita shook his head regretfully, "If I have one more hand I'll get one for you too, though."
The taller man laughed lightly. "Okay, then, I'll go get my own... You with three arms... That'll give me a heart attack, Reita." And as Uruha faced the vending machine and put in a coin, Reita waited by his side, couldn't help being curious at what he's seeing.
Uruha looked so... Happy. And bright, like he had noticed the second his friend walked in the meeting room. He didn't look bothered by Ruki or Aoi's existence, if not just slightly. He didn't look drunk nor being bitchy, and that was quite a miracle, recalling how he had been when he was still staying at Reita's. But then again, if it were a facade, Reita wouldn't know. Uruha had some kind of a god given ability to put up an expressionless face in some situations, he'd plaster a smile upon his lips to fool many people, and rarely (when Uruha wasn't drunk) could Reita determine when his friend was upset or sad. Extreme conditions were an exception, though. Uruha was a human and he did have emotions, and they could go severe, as far as Reita had learnt.
Watching this kind of Uruha was somehow scaring Reita...
"So, um..." Reita mumbled, "How's the apartment?"
Uruha turned, picking up his own cup of coffee--with a good amount of creme. Uruha had never liked it black. "It was..." he sighed, "Horribly dirty."
Reita chuckled. "You're exaggerating. And why didn't you call me to ask for help?" He started walking along side with Uruha.
"I just thought it would be nice to do it alone, the cleaning up and stuff. After a long day's work, at night I would watch how far I had progressed, and I felt pretty proud of myself... I mean, looking at how messy it was in the first place, and looking at it after I cleaned the whole thing up... It gave me a very good feeling," Uruha answered, but in a split second his smile faded, "Anyway... There were some... Things... That I'd rather have them sortered out by myself."
Reita could feel a pinch in his heart. He knew what Uruha was trying to say even without him mentioning it out loud. The things that Ruki had left there in his apartment, the things that remained when Ruki had flown away from Uruha's life, the things that had become untouched when Uruha abandoned his apartment for a while to stay with Reita. There must've been a lot of them: the mementos of what Uruha had had with Ruki that would've been scattered at every inch of that place. The traces of the past... Reita could just imagine how Uruha would be like, breaking part by painful little part of him along while throwing one by one of those things away. "Yeah... Well..." Reita breathed, forcing a change of topic, "I'd like to see how it turned out."
Uruha smiled again, almost magically, brightened up his whole face. "You're always welcome anytime, Reita, you know that," he took a sip of his coffee, "And don't expect too much, in just three days, what kind of miracle do you think I'm capable of, all by myself?"
"So you're gonna re-decorate the whole place?" Reita suddenly remembered that night when he visited Kai, and how he was pretty amazed by the change Kai had done to his place. This had brought him the thought that maybe re-decorating one's living area would be an effective remedy for one's broken heart, remembering just how Kai had progressed pretty well from his wounds, and now maybe even Uruha.
"I don't know, maybe," Uruha shrugged, "It hasn't changed much, so far."
Reita wanted to ask just why exactly did Uruha leave his apartment so suddenly, had it been Reita's fault? Had Reita been so ignorant? Was Uruha angry? But he knew it was only fair if he kept it all to himself at the moment, seeing how Uruha was quite content about his achievement so far as to live alone in his own apartment. And yeah, for Uruha, cleaning up the place all by himself was something spectacular, that even Reita felt the need to clap his hands for him.
"Reita..." Uruha stopped suddenly, halting his steps.
Reita stopped too. "What's wrong?"
"Um..." he hummed, averting gaze shortly, but then turned to Reita again, "My song..."
"What about your song?" Reita remembered that new song Uruha showed him.
"Well... Well, since we're supposed to... Record it in the next couple of days, I just..." Uruha bit his lower lip, "Well I still don't know if... If Ruki had..."
"Ah..." Reita nodded understandingly. He saw how Uruha had handed Ruki the tabs for the new song that day in studio, he knew Uruha had asked Ruki to write the lyrics as how they would normally do whenever they finished a song. In their band, Ruki was the mastermind in lyrics, and it was some sort of a routine to hand in all composed materials to him so he could write the lyrics. He had been wondering too, actually, just what kind of lyrics Ruki would write to Uruha's song. "You want me to ask him if he had finished it?" Reita offered, smiling generously.
"Yeah, well..." Uruha looked down, but his face was still somewhat expressionless, considering that it was Ruki that they're talking about at the moment. "It's not like I won't get killed if I dare to move any closer to Ruki than 5 feet radius." True, Reita thought. There should be Aoi, ready to cut Uruha to tiny little pieces (with his nails, probably) if Uruha even dared calling Ruki's name around him. After that incident back then, how he had seen it with his own pair of eyes Aoi strangling Uruha and almost choke him to death, he knew Uruha's life was seriously endangered if he went too close to Ruki or Aoi. He watched as Uruha lifted his gaze again. "But if you'd do that... I'd be really thankful..." Uruha mumbled, eyes straight at Reita. It wasn't the kind of gaze that was pleading, but more like saying, 'this is the most acceptable way to do it'. And Reita had no other choice but to agree, "Okay, I'll go talk to him."
He needed a conversation with Ruki anyways... A face to face, man to man conversation, unlike the one he had done on the phone back then--that had only succesfully become a malicious talk. He wanted to know how Ruki felt, how Ruki was moving on after Uruha, and hopefully by figuring out about it, Reita would have a clue as to how to deal with Uruha. And maybe... By doing so, Reita would also figure out just where exactly he was standing at this moment, which side should he be taking, or simply: what he was supposed to do.
=====
If you would --> list goes here
Chapter: 10/??
Author: chuu ( akichuu)
Fandom: JRock, Gazette
Pairings: AoiXRuki. ReitaXKai
Overall Rating: NC-17
Genre: Smut. But it's sort of fluffy at some parts.
Warnings: ManXMan sex scenes, language--just sometimes, over-exaggerated romance scenes. Err... Bad grammars and all that?
Summary: ... The next person who walked into the room broke Reita's daydream into a pile of dust, Reita's eyes drawn straightly to him and he couldn't help staring... Here came Uruha...
Comments: And now I'm making the priviledge to warn you: an un-beta-ed chapter, and I'm thinking to be beta-less for a while. These two fics (Hanabi & Yomenai Kotoba) might be a burden even more to betas than to myself as the writer. So I'm adding up some warning: watch out for awful grammar, structures, etc etc... Yeah you know those stuffs...
- 10 -
He felt like being caught red handed in the middle of a crime when the door suddenly swung open revealing Ruki and, off course, Aoi. It wouldn't have been so awkward if only Kai's hand wasn't on his shoulder, rubbing him, the exact time when Ruki walked in. Those eyes fell right on the scenery and Reita knew immediately he had just added more questions into Ruki's curious mind. He was thankful though, neither did Ruki nor Aoi say anything, Ruki just pulled a chair and sat quietly, and Aoi followed right after. Well... Aoi might've not placed any attention but at his precious little Ruki, keeping his hand on Ruki like he was stopping Ruki from going any further than a step away from him, but Ruki... Reita knew that gaze that Ruki was still keeping at him, he knew that Ruki was now trying to unravel some puzzles inside his mind. Some puzzles that involved Reita.
Kai's hand slipped away from his shoulder and Reita breathed in reality into his senses. It wasn't like... They were doing anything out of the line here. For God's sakes, it's the band's meeting room. Even if Reita was thinking about kissing Kai or doing something alike, he would've chosen a whole lot better spot to do it than here. This room was almost sacred, it was the place where the band had been nurtured from what they were beneath the eggshell to break out and be what it was today. This room was a shrine of a pact they had made years ago as a band... Reita couldn't stain something that important.
And he wasn't thinking about kissing Kai. Honestly.
Well... Not so badly, at least.
There were too many things in his head right now that had pushed that urge aside, even if the memories of that night that hadn't passed too long ago was haunting him endlessly. The feeling of Kai's gentle touches on his face was nothing he had ever felt before in his life... He could barely able to shove it out of his mind, the distinct memories of Kai's soft and tentative kisses... Hold it right there! Reita clenched his eyes shut for a while, trying to will those images away just as they started to swarm his brain again. This wasn't the right time and place to be thinking about that, even if Kai was sitting right next to him at the moment, and just a while ago was giving him consolation.
Just a moment ago, before Ruki and Aoi entered the room, he was just talking with Kai (again) about that night when he had had that short but quite memorable conversation with Ruki.
Funny how things went from bad to sickeningly worse in just a few days... Or it wasn't funny at all, since there was nothing laughable about this situation. Just when he thought the last couple of months were already hell enough... Unavoidably, his eyes shifted, peering up towards Ruki only to find how the vocalist was leaning back against Aoi and his lips were stretching that small and content smile, having Aoi whispering something into his ear. At this sight, Reita turned his gaze away immediately. He wasn't sure if those two would inappropriately start kissing each other in this room, but even if they didn't go that far, this vision of them was quite enough to tell Reita that they were in their own world and almost nothing could disturb them. That split of second of watching Ruki with Aoi stirred up some discomfort inside Reita, the same discomfort that he felt when Ruki had picked up his phone back then. He wasn't expecting that their conversation would lead to Reita blaming Ruki. It would be the last thing in the world that Reita wanted to happen, but it had happened. Everything just slipped out of his mouth without him being able to stop one goddamned word.
Ruki was so desperate to be blamed. And Reita was giving him that priviledge.
No. No. God, it shouldn't be like that. Reita loved Ruki in a term even deeper than siblings. Ruki was a brother he had never had, and God only forbid him to hurt Ruki or to even say anything harsh to Ruki. But that night, listening to Ruki's self-depricating words... And after everything that had happened between the five of them...
Reita had only understood how this wound had swollen so ugly and dripping blood, and it felt so painful that he hadn't had the chance to think of what's right and what's wrong anymore.
He had heard it clearly when Kai tried telling him for the hundredth time already that it was okay, and Ruki wouldn't have been deprived from him and this relationship he had with Ruki wouldn't have been marred even a bit. But Reita knew how impossible it was, he could almost see it with his own eyes that there was already that giant gap between the both of them, Ruki was probably thinking about the same thing and was battling with his own discomfort as to meet Reita face to face. But somehow, Kai's method of calming him did give hope, although very faint.
The next person who walked into the room broke Reita's daydream into a pile of dust, Reita's eyes drawn straightly to him and he couldn't help staring... Here came Uruha. Neat and fresh. An easy smile stretched on his lips. Why was Reita so surprised at this sight? What exactly was he expecting? Uruha to show up looking miserable and pathetic and half-drunk? God. Reita mentally smacked himself hard, and forced out a small smile at the man who had turned to face him. "Morning," Uruha smiled back and greeted casually, and Reita could immediately conclude that he wasn't the smallest bit drunk, or even having a hangover. Uruha walked across the room, eyes straight forward (Reita believed he was trying not to look at the couple at one side of the room as he passed them by), and pulled one chair close to Reita.
This might be a good day afterall, Reita thought, watching Uruha's bright face like he hadn't seen him for years. His heart beat quick thinking of the possibility. Maybe it was a start of something really really good, because when Manager-san along with some people from the company came in to the room by the next minute, the rest of the band pretty quickly gathered closer around the rectangle table and somehow they were able to look as a whole band again.
Maybe it was too quick to be so optimistic, but Reita couldn't help to wish that it would be as easy as this, in a blink of an eye, they were back being good friends again...
---
Reita held both cups of coffee firmly in his hands, he knew that making the same mistake twice was idiotic, remembering what he had done to his pants at Kai's place a few days ago, and he really didn't want to walk around the place with wet and sticky pants for the rest of the day since no one was here to offer him a change of clothes. His effort almost fell apart though, when someone patted his shoulder. Reita was so deep in his thoughts that he barely held himself from jumping off his shoes. "Uruha," he half-snarled at the man who had just patted his shoulder, thanking the Gods he didn't drop any of the cups he was holding.
"Hey, sorry, man, I didn't know I'd surprise you that much..." Uruha grinned. The kind of grin everybody would love, that dorky kind of grin, and Reita was very soon forgetting his grudge. "For me?" Uruha nodded towards the cups of coffee.
"Sorry, but... No," Reita shook his head regretfully, "If I have one more hand I'll get one for you too, though."
The taller man laughed lightly. "Okay, then, I'll go get my own... You with three arms... That'll give me a heart attack, Reita." And as Uruha faced the vending machine and put in a coin, Reita waited by his side, couldn't help being curious at what he's seeing.
Uruha looked so... Happy. And bright, like he had noticed the second his friend walked in the meeting room. He didn't look bothered by Ruki or Aoi's existence, if not just slightly. He didn't look drunk nor being bitchy, and that was quite a miracle, recalling how he had been when he was still staying at Reita's. But then again, if it were a facade, Reita wouldn't know. Uruha had some kind of a god given ability to put up an expressionless face in some situations, he'd plaster a smile upon his lips to fool many people, and rarely (when Uruha wasn't drunk) could Reita determine when his friend was upset or sad. Extreme conditions were an exception, though. Uruha was a human and he did have emotions, and they could go severe, as far as Reita had learnt.
Watching this kind of Uruha was somehow scaring Reita...
"So, um..." Reita mumbled, "How's the apartment?"
Uruha turned, picking up his own cup of coffee--with a good amount of creme. Uruha had never liked it black. "It was..." he sighed, "Horribly dirty."
Reita chuckled. "You're exaggerating. And why didn't you call me to ask for help?" He started walking along side with Uruha.
"I just thought it would be nice to do it alone, the cleaning up and stuff. After a long day's work, at night I would watch how far I had progressed, and I felt pretty proud of myself... I mean, looking at how messy it was in the first place, and looking at it after I cleaned the whole thing up... It gave me a very good feeling," Uruha answered, but in a split second his smile faded, "Anyway... There were some... Things... That I'd rather have them sortered out by myself."
Reita could feel a pinch in his heart. He knew what Uruha was trying to say even without him mentioning it out loud. The things that Ruki had left there in his apartment, the things that remained when Ruki had flown away from Uruha's life, the things that had become untouched when Uruha abandoned his apartment for a while to stay with Reita. There must've been a lot of them: the mementos of what Uruha had had with Ruki that would've been scattered at every inch of that place. The traces of the past... Reita could just imagine how Uruha would be like, breaking part by painful little part of him along while throwing one by one of those things away. "Yeah... Well..." Reita breathed, forcing a change of topic, "I'd like to see how it turned out."
Uruha smiled again, almost magically, brightened up his whole face. "You're always welcome anytime, Reita, you know that," he took a sip of his coffee, "And don't expect too much, in just three days, what kind of miracle do you think I'm capable of, all by myself?"
"So you're gonna re-decorate the whole place?" Reita suddenly remembered that night when he visited Kai, and how he was pretty amazed by the change Kai had done to his place. This had brought him the thought that maybe re-decorating one's living area would be an effective remedy for one's broken heart, remembering just how Kai had progressed pretty well from his wounds, and now maybe even Uruha.
"I don't know, maybe," Uruha shrugged, "It hasn't changed much, so far."
Reita wanted to ask just why exactly did Uruha leave his apartment so suddenly, had it been Reita's fault? Had Reita been so ignorant? Was Uruha angry? But he knew it was only fair if he kept it all to himself at the moment, seeing how Uruha was quite content about his achievement so far as to live alone in his own apartment. And yeah, for Uruha, cleaning up the place all by himself was something spectacular, that even Reita felt the need to clap his hands for him.
"Reita..." Uruha stopped suddenly, halting his steps.
Reita stopped too. "What's wrong?"
"Um..." he hummed, averting gaze shortly, but then turned to Reita again, "My song..."
"What about your song?" Reita remembered that new song Uruha showed him.
"Well... Well, since we're supposed to... Record it in the next couple of days, I just..." Uruha bit his lower lip, "Well I still don't know if... If Ruki had..."
"Ah..." Reita nodded understandingly. He saw how Uruha had handed Ruki the tabs for the new song that day in studio, he knew Uruha had asked Ruki to write the lyrics as how they would normally do whenever they finished a song. In their band, Ruki was the mastermind in lyrics, and it was some sort of a routine to hand in all composed materials to him so he could write the lyrics. He had been wondering too, actually, just what kind of lyrics Ruki would write to Uruha's song. "You want me to ask him if he had finished it?" Reita offered, smiling generously.
"Yeah, well..." Uruha looked down, but his face was still somewhat expressionless, considering that it was Ruki that they're talking about at the moment. "It's not like I won't get killed if I dare to move any closer to Ruki than 5 feet radius." True, Reita thought. There should be Aoi, ready to cut Uruha to tiny little pieces (with his nails, probably) if Uruha even dared calling Ruki's name around him. After that incident back then, how he had seen it with his own pair of eyes Aoi strangling Uruha and almost choke him to death, he knew Uruha's life was seriously endangered if he went too close to Ruki or Aoi. He watched as Uruha lifted his gaze again. "But if you'd do that... I'd be really thankful..." Uruha mumbled, eyes straight at Reita. It wasn't the kind of gaze that was pleading, but more like saying, 'this is the most acceptable way to do it'. And Reita had no other choice but to agree, "Okay, I'll go talk to him."
He needed a conversation with Ruki anyways... A face to face, man to man conversation, unlike the one he had done on the phone back then--that had only succesfully become a malicious talk. He wanted to know how Ruki felt, how Ruki was moving on after Uruha, and hopefully by figuring out about it, Reita would have a clue as to how to deal with Uruha. And maybe... By doing so, Reita would also figure out just where exactly he was standing at this moment, which side should he be taking, or simply: what he was supposed to do.
=====
If you would --> list goes here