[fic] Heal Me - Sixth Cut ~Perpetual Confusion~
Title: Heal Me
Pairing: Jin x Kame
Rating: NC-17
Genre - Catch Me: AU, angst, romance, smut, drama, tragedy
Beta by: my cat. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary - Catch Me: A dramatic turn in his life throws Kame into Jin's college world. Almost immediately they notice an attraction, but they spend more time clashing than not.
Summary - Lose Me: Kame and Jin still have the occasional argument but mostly they live happily together. But when someone from Kame's past shows up, will the two be able to deal?
Summary - Find Me: Kame has been kidnapped. Will he and Jin ever be reunited?
Summary - Heal Me: The difficult task of readjusting to a normal life... will they make it through together?
Warning: While "Catch Me" part is more towards the fluffy end of the scale at times, the other three parts have such things as drugs and murder and rape and all the fun parts of a bad neighborhood in a big city. Oh, and character death(s).
On my journal: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_ Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the kattun_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
A/N: Sorry missed last night, stupid firefox making stupid livejournal stop working evil grr.
Heal Me
Sixth Cut ~Perpetual Confusion~
Sometime later, Kame decided it was time to get out of bed. He had no idea how long he’d lain there with his eyes closed, relaxing, all his worries far from mind. But gradually reality began to intrude once more and he grew too restless to stay there by himself.
Stretching, he hissed a bit at the pain he felt. Hmm, maybe next time he should be a bit more patient so he didn’t hurt again. Pain like that might be what he was used to these days but it occurred to him that it didn’t have to stay that way. Not anymore.
Honestly, Kame felt ashamed. He’d lied to his friends. He’d lied to Jin. And then he’d used Jin to enhance the pleasure he was feeling, without so much as a thought about what the other wanted. Just because Jin had a good time didn’t mean he hadn’t used him.
Great, now he had a headache.
Ryo was right; he really was a slut, wasn’t he…
Kame dressed and found his cell phone. Was it really that late already? He auto dialed Jin.
“Kame?”
“Yeah… where are you?”
“On my way to the conbini. Want me to wait for you? I’m not even halfway yet.”
“…okay.”
He really should apologize to Jin, both for the lies and for using him, but Kame just couldn’t bring himself to tell him about the drugs. He ne…. no, he wanted them and he was pretty sure Jin wouldn’t approve. Instead he just hung up and got dressed.
Kame was too sore to run comfortably, but he did it anyway. He deserved to hurt. He should be punished for using Jin like that.
+++
Jin was waiting for Kame and when the younger came into sight he was happy to see him up and out. He started to wait but then he noticed Kame was running a little… off. Kind of like he hurt. A lot. “Are you okay? Why are you moving like that? Did… did I hurt you earlier?” And Jin went to put a hand on Kame’s shoulder.
Kame flinched.
Kame flinched.
What was going on? Earlier they’d had sex and Kame had been eager, but now he was flinching, something he usually only did if Jin came up behind him to touch him. “Kame?”
“D-don’t touch me! I don’t like to be touched!” Kame said it loudly. He was practically hyperventilating.
Jin pulled his hand away as if he’d burned it. Something black and heavy descended on his heart, nearly bringing him to tears. His Kazu wouldn’t even let him touch him. What had he done wrong? Was… was it because he had hurt Kame earlier after all? But Kame had said it didn’t hurt…
“But Kazu… earlier…? Did I do something wrong? Did someone else?”
Kame closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. “No… I just… don’t want to be touched right now, okay? Let’s just go to the conbini.”
“Sure…”
+++
Kame kept Jin at a distance for the rest of the day and at the end of the day, he insisted they even sleep in separate beds. It was the first time since they started dating that they’d been in the same room for the night but different beds.
“What if you have a nightmare again tonight?”
“I’m fine.”
But Jin could tell he wasn’t fine. He was irritable; no, worse than that. He was downright closed off and hostile. When they did lay down for the night, Kame rolled on his side facing away from Jin.
It took all of Jin’s willpower not to cross the room and climb into Kame’s bed when he heard him softly crying. The sound just wound its way deep into the pit of his stomach, heavy and painful. But Kame had made himself quite clear. And he did eventually stop crying and then fell asleep.
As for himself, Jin couldn’t sleep. His mind was going over and over the events of the day. That morning, for a while, Kame had truly seemed… well, better. Like his walk had done him some good, helped him clear his head of some of the demons that hounded him. And then he wasn’t.
Kame started to toss and turn in his sleep, whimpering. Jin clenched his fists, nails biting into the flesh of his palms, in an attempt to keep him from crossing the room against Kame’s wishes. But the tossing and turning became more frenzied until he was thrashing wildly.
Jin sat up. He wanted to respect Kame’s wishes, but…
Suddenly, Kame’s back bowed and he let out a blood-curdling scream.
Jin was at his side in less than a second, shaking him. “Kazu! Kazu!!” he shouted as Kame screamed again. He’d never heard a scream like that before. So much pain and fear and hate and despair…
“Kazu!” Jin shook him again.
+++
“IYAAAAAAAAA!!” He could feel the knife digging into him as Ryo cut. He struggled as hard as he could while he screamed, but Ryo had tied him to the bed. All he could do was beg and scream…
“Kazu! Kazu!!” He barely heard Ryo shouting his name over the sound of his screams.
“Kazu!”
And then somehow Kame’s wrists and ankles were free and he lashed out at Ryo, hitting and clawing and cursing until his strength was all gone and he sank into despair. “It hurts so much… I’ll never try to escape again… Please, please just kill me… don’t do this…” he wept, clutching the man who held him.
Jin’s voice, so distant it seemed, “Kazuya…”
+++
Had Kame really just asked for someone to kill him?
Those screams would haunt him forever; Jin just knew it. Renewed rage and hatred for Ryo and what he’d done to Kame exploded in him. Right then, Jin was pretty sure he’d be fine with torturing Ryo first and only killing him when he too was finally begging and screaming to die. Ryo had gotten off too easily.
Kame’s arms were tightly wrapped around him now as he sobbed. “Are… are you real?”
“Shh…” Jin said in a soothing voice, “Yes, I’m real.” He hugged Kame harder. “See?”
“Why did you leave me all alone? Was… was it punishment? Did I do something bad?”
Jin blinked, confused, but he kept holding Kame. “You made me sleep in my own bed. You didn’t want me. Don’t you remember?”
“No, I don’t! Please don’t leave me all alone again!” And he just sobbed harder, tightening his already tight hold.
Jin sighed, resigning himself to perpetual confusion, and tried to calm Kame down. “It’s fine now, okay? I’m here. You’re not all alone. I’ll stay here with you for as long as you need.”
“Really?”
“Really. Scoot over a bit and let’s get some real sleep…”
+++
All through Sunday, Kame just felt drained. Not depressed, exactly. Just… nothing. His mind kept going back to the stuff hidden at the back of his desk drawer but every time, he pushed the urge back down. He still felt a deep sense of shame over having lied to his friends, for using Jin the way he had, and (though Jin said it much more kindly) being a complete jerk the rest of the day.
He made it until Monday afternoon during Jin’s last class of the day before he finally broke down and took some more. By the time Jin got back, he was feeling much better. He all but attacked Jin, pulling him down onto the bed, lips locked in a fiery kiss that left him dizzy.
Jin needed some persuasion but not much. In record time, Kame managed to strip them both.
Kame subtly guided Jin downward. As the older took his shaft in his mouth, Kame bucked his hips unconsciously. Moaning, he buried his fingers in Jin’s hair. But after a while he pulled Jin back up, crushing his lips with another passionate kiss, tongue darting expertly around the hot cavern of Jin’s mouth.
Kame’s eyes rolled back and his eyelids fluttered closed as he felt Jin’s finger slip inside him. “More…” he breathed. “Please…” And Jin added a second finger.
But Kame still wasn’t satisfied. “Oh, but don’t you have something much better?” he whispered in Jin’s ear, nipping playfully.
“You sure are in a hurry these days, Kazu…” Jin whined light-heartedly. But he slid the fingers out and replaced them with his erect member. “Is this what you’re after, Love?”
“Ooh, definitely…” He flicked his tongue across Jin’s collarbone, giggling at the shiver it sent throughout the older’s body.
In response, Jin started a maddeningly slow rhythm with his hips. Kame tried to grind against him in an attempt to increase the rhythm himself but Jin whispered to him, “See? So impatient…”
Jin was teasing him. That just wasn’t acceptable. He was in charge, not Jin! Kame licked his way down from Jin’s ear to the place where neck met shoulder and then bit down hard enough that he drew blood.
Jin let out a surprised shriek, his hand flying to his neck. “What the hell, Kazu?”
Growling, Kame replied, “I don’t need you to tease me, Jin; I need you to fuck me.”
Jin gave him an odd look… surprise and desire mixed with worry, maybe? But Kame rolled his hips again, eliciting another moan and (finally) a decently hard rhythm from him. “Better…” he murmured, licking the blood from the bite.
Their moans grew louder as the pace grew more fevered and Kame climaxed followed almost immediately by Jin.
Kame sort of lost interest in interacting with Jin after that. Instead he stretched out contentedly, closing his eyes. He didn’t see the strange look Jin was giving him, though even if he had, he probably wouldn’t have cared at the moment.
+++
Damn, he’d done it again. He had used Jin and then basically ignored him. What the hell was wrong with him?
But even that guilt didn’t keep him from doing the same thing the next day. Oh, he said he wasn’t going to take any. He said he didn’t need them. But then he gave in. He took them and then he seduced an even more reluctant Jin.
More guilt. Why was he doing this? All he was doing was proving again and again that Ryo was right about him all along…
The next day, Wednesday, he decided that the best way to keep it from happening again was to avoid Jin. After Jin left for class first thing that morning, Kame pulled open the drawer. Hmm, he was going through this a lot faster than he’d imagined…
After he took them, he laid low in his room but eventually the real world came rushing back and he got kind of edgy again. He was happy that he’d managed to successfully not use Jin like he had been but he was also ashamed of the weakness that led him to take the drugs in the first place.
So, he left the room, kind of wandered aimlessly for a while and ended up in the kitchen, which is where he found Junno. Junno started to say something to him but stopped, giving him a small smile. Finally, “It’s good to see you outside of your room. I was starting to worry…”
Kame nodded. He didn’t really care all that much about Junno’s opinion at the moment. He just wanted some water.
+++
“Tat-chan, I know that talking about this subject with you is inconsiderate but I really need to talk to someone about this and you’re the only one I can, really. I don’t know what to do…” Jin was sitting in one of the computer chairs in Ueda’s dorm room.
Ueda was in the other chair. “What subject?”
“Um…” Jin swallowed nervously. “Sex. Kame. I mean, both…”
Ueda’s eyes widened and he quickly asked, “Koki again?”
“No, not that. I don’t think.” Ueda waited patiently for Jin to continue. “Saturday, after he got back from his walk… he seemed okay. He was relaxed, smiling. We made love. Only when I saw him again later that day he was completely unglued. Didn’t want to be touched at all, not even by me, to the point he wouldn’t let me sleep in the same bed.
“Only then he had a nightmare and woke up screaming and begging for someone to kill him. And he asked me why I had left him alone. He thought… he thought I was punishing him, like he did something bad. He didn’t even remember telling me to sleep in my own bed.
“He was kind of grumpy all the next day but the day after that, when I got back from class, he was all hot and bothered and I wasn’t sure, considering what happened after the last time. But I gave in… and it was all normal for a while only then he bit me and told me not to tease him. He said I should fuck him, not tease. He said that, Tat-chan!”
Ueda titled his head slightly, “He’s cussing again?”
“Sometimes, yeah. In any event, when we were done, it was like he lost all interest in me. Wasn’t really even acknowledging I was on the bed, right next to him. He sort of…zoned out. It was like he got what he wanted from me and didn’t need me anymore. It just felt wrong. So I decided, no more for a while. I figured, maybe it would be better for him if we waited longer, regardless of what he thinks.”
Ueda nodded. “What did he say to that?”
Looking down at the floor, Jin answered, “He didn’t have to. The next day, even though I really meant to hold out, I just… he was so insistent and what he was doing felt so good. But when we were done… I don’t know, I just felt dirty somehow. It doesn’t feel like we’re making love anymore. It feels sort of like he’s using me. And I don’t know what to do about it…”
“Have you actually talked with him about this?” Ueda asked him.
“I tried a few times. But he’s either been so irritable that productive conversation isn’t really possible or he’s been closed off and quiet and it’s almost like he isn’t hearing anything anyone says. And that’s assuming he’s not freaking out about something.”
They both sat there for a moment. Finally, Ueda said, “He might be drinking and blacking out.”
“That what I was thinking too. Well, at first I thought at first maybe it was just psychological… you haven’t seen, have you? What Ryo did to him… or at least some of it…”
“Seen what?”
“Well, his back. It’s… it’s a mess. He hasn’t said so but it looks like he’s been beaten, more than once. And low on his stomach… Ryo… he…” and here Jin had to pause a bit to get his voice back, “He carved the word ‘slut’ on him. Looks like it was pretty deep…”
Ueda turned a little green. “He… You mean carved as in took a knife to him?” he asked, utter shock plain in his voice.
Unfortunately, that was exactly what he meant, so Jin nodded. “If he is drinking, how do we find out?”
“I think it depends on whether he’s doing it in your room or not.”
“There’s no evidence of alcohol in there.”
“I don’t know, then. Maybe we should get everyone together, brainstorm.”
“I don’t want them to know about the, you know, sex stuff…”
Waving his hand, Ueda said, “No, I don’t mean you have to tell them the whole deal. I just meant asking them about the drinking and see if they have ideas, too…”
This was why Jin usually came to Ueda for advice before anyone else. He was smart, he cared, and he kept his mouth shut. “Then let’s do that.”
+++
Thursday was a close call. Kame forgot to lock the bathroom door behind him and Jin almost barged in on him with the drugs. He had to stash them really fast in the cabinet under the sink. He acted like he was about to get in the shower and by the time Jin left it was all he could do to keep himself from shaking in fear of the thought that Jin had almost found out.
As he waited for that rush to hit him, he decided that was it. He had to find another place to take them.
So the next day, during Jin’s last class, Kame wrote him a note saying he was going for a walk and he’d be back eventually. He grabbed the last of the drugs from the drawer (had he really gone through them so quickly?) and headed out for one of the clubs his friends didn’t frequent.
He never would have imagined who he’d meet there.
Kame tried to casually leave even though he hadn’t made it to the bathroom to take the drugs yet, but she’d already spotted him and cut off his escape. So he found himself face to face with Nishikido Yuri, Ryo’s sister. His breath caught in his throat and the beginning of a full-blown panic began to seep in.
She looked furious. Hissing, she grabbed his wrist and dragged him to a booth in the corner. “Sit,” she insisted, pushing him towards the table.
Settling down opposite him, she glared and said, “Did you do it?”
“Did I do what?”
“I’m talking about Ryo’s death and the torching of the building, dammit!”
At least he could answer truthfully if somewhat misleadingly. “I didn’t kill him and I didn’t set the fire. Do… do we have to talk about him?” He started to rub his arm nervously.
“Yes. Yes we do. Or would you rather I got the cops and then came back?”
He still had the drugs in his pocket. Cops would not be a good thing for him. “No, no cops.” Nervously he asked, “But… if we’re going to talk about him… can I, um, take care of… something… first?”
“Oh, right. Your habit. You know, I really don’t feel like waiting for that. You’re an idiot for doing that stuff in the first place.”
“Please! I can’t… I need it; I can’t talk about him, not without…” Kame’s mind was reeling in a frenzied panic by this point and he started to rock back and forth.
“You don’t need it. You’re just addicted so you think you need it.” And before Kame could say anything else, she asked, “If you didn’t do it, I assume that meant you weren’t there or you’d have been killed too. Why weren’t you with him? You guys were dating, right?” She sounded like she disapproved even still.
Kame was practically hyperventilating, still rocking back and forth (at least, as much as the booth allowed). “No.”
“So you are a hooker, then. I knew he was…”
“No.”
“Then…”
“No… no no…” He stumbled away from the booth towards the closest door, which was the side door, and barely made it outside before he felt to his knees and vomited. Then he crawled to sit with his back against the wall, arms hugging his knees and head down. He was crying.
Of all the people to run across, why did it have to be her? He hugged himself even tighter.
She had followed him out. Her voice didn’t have quite as much of a hard edge as she asked, “Are you okay?”
That was it. That was the breaking point. Suddenly he wasn’t crying anymore. He was laughing, dark and bitter. “Am I okay? DO I LOOK OKAY?!” he screamed at her, rising to his feet.
Yuri took a step backwards. “What…?”
“YOUR BROTHER WAS A FUCKING MONSTER!” Kame took a step towards her and then another, one after another, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. Yuri started to back away until she hit the wall of the building next to the club. Kame stopped about halfway.
“Don’t come any closer!”
Turning around, he softly said, “Look at what he did to me…” and he slipped the shirt over his shoulders and let it fall to the ground.
“Oh my god… No. No, Ryo wouldn’t do something like that.”
“What about something like this?” Kame turned around.
Yuri looked sick.
“He kidnapped me. He beat me. He raped me again and again. He had me for two months, first in some dark warehouse and then after I tried to escape he took me to that place and kept me locked in the bedroom. When I tried to escape again, that’s when he did that…” indicating the word on his stomach. He sank to the ground, crying again.
“After that, I did everything he told me to. So he started letting me out of the bedroom on a leash for that last week. But I did finally manage to escape. It’s kind of hazy because I’d lost a lot of blood but I do know I was in the hospital when he was killed and the fire was set. And my boyfriend - my real boyfriend - was there with me.
“The nicest thing your brother ever did was give me drugs. I had never done them before, not until he started giving them to me. Did you know, he told me he killed his own father? He… I can’t. Please, I just can’t…” The surge of adrenaline the sudden rage had given him had worn off and he was nearing panic again.
Yuri had tears in her eyes since he’d started his story. “He… he killed our father?”
Kame had forgotten for a moment that they shared a father. A distant part of him felt guilty for telling her like that. But it was too late; the damage was done. “Can we please… just not? Let me take what I have on me and not remember for a while…” And Kame tried not to think about how it was the last of his supply and that he didn’t have any money to buy more. “My boyfriend nearly caught me with this stuff yesterday; that’s why I came here to do them.”
“You haven’t used in public before?”
Kame shook his head.
Sighing and wiping her eyes, Yuri said, “Take them and let’s go back inside. If you’re going to do them in public, at least for the first time someone should make sure you don’t do anything else that monumentally stupid.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Seventh Cut ~The Things You Can't Take Back~
A/N: Hmm well, at least he's out of drugs after this, right?
And good for Kame that Yuri seems to believe him when he says he didn't kill Ryo. Because I think that if he had (which he very nearly did) and admitted it, she'd have told the cops. Blood is blood, after all.
Pairing: Jin x Kame
Rating: NC-17
Genre - Catch Me: AU, angst, romance, smut, drama, tragedy
Beta by: my cat. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary - Catch Me: A dramatic turn in his life throws Kame into Jin's college world. Almost immediately they notice an attraction, but they spend more time clashing than not.
Summary - Lose Me: Kame and Jin still have the occasional argument but mostly they live happily together. But when someone from Kame's past shows up, will the two be able to deal?
Summary - Find Me: Kame has been kidnapped. Will he and Jin ever be reunited?
Summary - Heal Me: The difficult task of readjusting to a normal life... will they make it through together?
Warning: While "Catch Me" part is more towards the fluffy end of the scale at times, the other three parts have such things as drugs and murder and rape and all the fun parts of a bad neighborhood in a big city. Oh, and character death(s).
On my journal: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_ Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the kattun_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
A/N: Sorry missed last night, stupid firefox making stupid livejournal stop working evil grr.
Heal Me
Sixth Cut ~Perpetual Confusion~
Sometime later, Kame decided it was time to get out of bed. He had no idea how long he’d lain there with his eyes closed, relaxing, all his worries far from mind. But gradually reality began to intrude once more and he grew too restless to stay there by himself.
Stretching, he hissed a bit at the pain he felt. Hmm, maybe next time he should be a bit more patient so he didn’t hurt again. Pain like that might be what he was used to these days but it occurred to him that it didn’t have to stay that way. Not anymore.
Honestly, Kame felt ashamed. He’d lied to his friends. He’d lied to Jin. And then he’d used Jin to enhance the pleasure he was feeling, without so much as a thought about what the other wanted. Just because Jin had a good time didn’t mean he hadn’t used him.
Great, now he had a headache.
Ryo was right; he really was a slut, wasn’t he…
Kame dressed and found his cell phone. Was it really that late already? He auto dialed Jin.
“Kame?”
“Yeah… where are you?”
“On my way to the conbini. Want me to wait for you? I’m not even halfway yet.”
“…okay.”
He really should apologize to Jin, both for the lies and for using him, but Kame just couldn’t bring himself to tell him about the drugs. He ne…. no, he wanted them and he was pretty sure Jin wouldn’t approve. Instead he just hung up and got dressed.
Kame was too sore to run comfortably, but he did it anyway. He deserved to hurt. He should be punished for using Jin like that.
+++
Jin was waiting for Kame and when the younger came into sight he was happy to see him up and out. He started to wait but then he noticed Kame was running a little… off. Kind of like he hurt. A lot. “Are you okay? Why are you moving like that? Did… did I hurt you earlier?” And Jin went to put a hand on Kame’s shoulder.
Kame flinched.
Kame flinched.
What was going on? Earlier they’d had sex and Kame had been eager, but now he was flinching, something he usually only did if Jin came up behind him to touch him. “Kame?”
“D-don’t touch me! I don’t like to be touched!” Kame said it loudly. He was practically hyperventilating.
Jin pulled his hand away as if he’d burned it. Something black and heavy descended on his heart, nearly bringing him to tears. His Kazu wouldn’t even let him touch him. What had he done wrong? Was… was it because he had hurt Kame earlier after all? But Kame had said it didn’t hurt…
“But Kazu… earlier…? Did I do something wrong? Did someone else?”
Kame closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. “No… I just… don’t want to be touched right now, okay? Let’s just go to the conbini.”
“Sure…”
+++
Kame kept Jin at a distance for the rest of the day and at the end of the day, he insisted they even sleep in separate beds. It was the first time since they started dating that they’d been in the same room for the night but different beds.
“What if you have a nightmare again tonight?”
“I’m fine.”
But Jin could tell he wasn’t fine. He was irritable; no, worse than that. He was downright closed off and hostile. When they did lay down for the night, Kame rolled on his side facing away from Jin.
It took all of Jin’s willpower not to cross the room and climb into Kame’s bed when he heard him softly crying. The sound just wound its way deep into the pit of his stomach, heavy and painful. But Kame had made himself quite clear. And he did eventually stop crying and then fell asleep.
As for himself, Jin couldn’t sleep. His mind was going over and over the events of the day. That morning, for a while, Kame had truly seemed… well, better. Like his walk had done him some good, helped him clear his head of some of the demons that hounded him. And then he wasn’t.
Kame started to toss and turn in his sleep, whimpering. Jin clenched his fists, nails biting into the flesh of his palms, in an attempt to keep him from crossing the room against Kame’s wishes. But the tossing and turning became more frenzied until he was thrashing wildly.
Jin sat up. He wanted to respect Kame’s wishes, but…
Suddenly, Kame’s back bowed and he let out a blood-curdling scream.
Jin was at his side in less than a second, shaking him. “Kazu! Kazu!!” he shouted as Kame screamed again. He’d never heard a scream like that before. So much pain and fear and hate and despair…
“Kazu!” Jin shook him again.
+++
“IYAAAAAAAAA!!” He could feel the knife digging into him as Ryo cut. He struggled as hard as he could while he screamed, but Ryo had tied him to the bed. All he could do was beg and scream…
“Kazu! Kazu!!” He barely heard Ryo shouting his name over the sound of his screams.
“Kazu!”
And then somehow Kame’s wrists and ankles were free and he lashed out at Ryo, hitting and clawing and cursing until his strength was all gone and he sank into despair. “It hurts so much… I’ll never try to escape again… Please, please just kill me… don’t do this…” he wept, clutching the man who held him.
Jin’s voice, so distant it seemed, “Kazuya…”
+++
Had Kame really just asked for someone to kill him?
Those screams would haunt him forever; Jin just knew it. Renewed rage and hatred for Ryo and what he’d done to Kame exploded in him. Right then, Jin was pretty sure he’d be fine with torturing Ryo first and only killing him when he too was finally begging and screaming to die. Ryo had gotten off too easily.
Kame’s arms were tightly wrapped around him now as he sobbed. “Are… are you real?”
“Shh…” Jin said in a soothing voice, “Yes, I’m real.” He hugged Kame harder. “See?”
“Why did you leave me all alone? Was… was it punishment? Did I do something bad?”
Jin blinked, confused, but he kept holding Kame. “You made me sleep in my own bed. You didn’t want me. Don’t you remember?”
“No, I don’t! Please don’t leave me all alone again!” And he just sobbed harder, tightening his already tight hold.
Jin sighed, resigning himself to perpetual confusion, and tried to calm Kame down. “It’s fine now, okay? I’m here. You’re not all alone. I’ll stay here with you for as long as you need.”
“Really?”
“Really. Scoot over a bit and let’s get some real sleep…”
+++
All through Sunday, Kame just felt drained. Not depressed, exactly. Just… nothing. His mind kept going back to the stuff hidden at the back of his desk drawer but every time, he pushed the urge back down. He still felt a deep sense of shame over having lied to his friends, for using Jin the way he had, and (though Jin said it much more kindly) being a complete jerk the rest of the day.
He made it until Monday afternoon during Jin’s last class of the day before he finally broke down and took some more. By the time Jin got back, he was feeling much better. He all but attacked Jin, pulling him down onto the bed, lips locked in a fiery kiss that left him dizzy.
Jin needed some persuasion but not much. In record time, Kame managed to strip them both.
Kame subtly guided Jin downward. As the older took his shaft in his mouth, Kame bucked his hips unconsciously. Moaning, he buried his fingers in Jin’s hair. But after a while he pulled Jin back up, crushing his lips with another passionate kiss, tongue darting expertly around the hot cavern of Jin’s mouth.
Kame’s eyes rolled back and his eyelids fluttered closed as he felt Jin’s finger slip inside him. “More…” he breathed. “Please…” And Jin added a second finger.
But Kame still wasn’t satisfied. “Oh, but don’t you have something much better?” he whispered in Jin’s ear, nipping playfully.
“You sure are in a hurry these days, Kazu…” Jin whined light-heartedly. But he slid the fingers out and replaced them with his erect member. “Is this what you’re after, Love?”
“Ooh, definitely…” He flicked his tongue across Jin’s collarbone, giggling at the shiver it sent throughout the older’s body.
In response, Jin started a maddeningly slow rhythm with his hips. Kame tried to grind against him in an attempt to increase the rhythm himself but Jin whispered to him, “See? So impatient…”
Jin was teasing him. That just wasn’t acceptable. He was in charge, not Jin! Kame licked his way down from Jin’s ear to the place where neck met shoulder and then bit down hard enough that he drew blood.
Jin let out a surprised shriek, his hand flying to his neck. “What the hell, Kazu?”
Growling, Kame replied, “I don’t need you to tease me, Jin; I need you to fuck me.”
Jin gave him an odd look… surprise and desire mixed with worry, maybe? But Kame rolled his hips again, eliciting another moan and (finally) a decently hard rhythm from him. “Better…” he murmured, licking the blood from the bite.
Their moans grew louder as the pace grew more fevered and Kame climaxed followed almost immediately by Jin.
Kame sort of lost interest in interacting with Jin after that. Instead he stretched out contentedly, closing his eyes. He didn’t see the strange look Jin was giving him, though even if he had, he probably wouldn’t have cared at the moment.
+++
Damn, he’d done it again. He had used Jin and then basically ignored him. What the hell was wrong with him?
But even that guilt didn’t keep him from doing the same thing the next day. Oh, he said he wasn’t going to take any. He said he didn’t need them. But then he gave in. He took them and then he seduced an even more reluctant Jin.
More guilt. Why was he doing this? All he was doing was proving again and again that Ryo was right about him all along…
The next day, Wednesday, he decided that the best way to keep it from happening again was to avoid Jin. After Jin left for class first thing that morning, Kame pulled open the drawer. Hmm, he was going through this a lot faster than he’d imagined…
After he took them, he laid low in his room but eventually the real world came rushing back and he got kind of edgy again. He was happy that he’d managed to successfully not use Jin like he had been but he was also ashamed of the weakness that led him to take the drugs in the first place.
So, he left the room, kind of wandered aimlessly for a while and ended up in the kitchen, which is where he found Junno. Junno started to say something to him but stopped, giving him a small smile. Finally, “It’s good to see you outside of your room. I was starting to worry…”
Kame nodded. He didn’t really care all that much about Junno’s opinion at the moment. He just wanted some water.
+++
“Tat-chan, I know that talking about this subject with you is inconsiderate but I really need to talk to someone about this and you’re the only one I can, really. I don’t know what to do…” Jin was sitting in one of the computer chairs in Ueda’s dorm room.
Ueda was in the other chair. “What subject?”
“Um…” Jin swallowed nervously. “Sex. Kame. I mean, both…”
Ueda’s eyes widened and he quickly asked, “Koki again?”
“No, not that. I don’t think.” Ueda waited patiently for Jin to continue. “Saturday, after he got back from his walk… he seemed okay. He was relaxed, smiling. We made love. Only when I saw him again later that day he was completely unglued. Didn’t want to be touched at all, not even by me, to the point he wouldn’t let me sleep in the same bed.
“Only then he had a nightmare and woke up screaming and begging for someone to kill him. And he asked me why I had left him alone. He thought… he thought I was punishing him, like he did something bad. He didn’t even remember telling me to sleep in my own bed.
“He was kind of grumpy all the next day but the day after that, when I got back from class, he was all hot and bothered and I wasn’t sure, considering what happened after the last time. But I gave in… and it was all normal for a while only then he bit me and told me not to tease him. He said I should fuck him, not tease. He said that, Tat-chan!”
Ueda titled his head slightly, “He’s cussing again?”
“Sometimes, yeah. In any event, when we were done, it was like he lost all interest in me. Wasn’t really even acknowledging I was on the bed, right next to him. He sort of…zoned out. It was like he got what he wanted from me and didn’t need me anymore. It just felt wrong. So I decided, no more for a while. I figured, maybe it would be better for him if we waited longer, regardless of what he thinks.”
Ueda nodded. “What did he say to that?”
Looking down at the floor, Jin answered, “He didn’t have to. The next day, even though I really meant to hold out, I just… he was so insistent and what he was doing felt so good. But when we were done… I don’t know, I just felt dirty somehow. It doesn’t feel like we’re making love anymore. It feels sort of like he’s using me. And I don’t know what to do about it…”
“Have you actually talked with him about this?” Ueda asked him.
“I tried a few times. But he’s either been so irritable that productive conversation isn’t really possible or he’s been closed off and quiet and it’s almost like he isn’t hearing anything anyone says. And that’s assuming he’s not freaking out about something.”
They both sat there for a moment. Finally, Ueda said, “He might be drinking and blacking out.”
“That what I was thinking too. Well, at first I thought at first maybe it was just psychological… you haven’t seen, have you? What Ryo did to him… or at least some of it…”
“Seen what?”
“Well, his back. It’s… it’s a mess. He hasn’t said so but it looks like he’s been beaten, more than once. And low on his stomach… Ryo… he…” and here Jin had to pause a bit to get his voice back, “He carved the word ‘slut’ on him. Looks like it was pretty deep…”
Ueda turned a little green. “He… You mean carved as in took a knife to him?” he asked, utter shock plain in his voice.
Unfortunately, that was exactly what he meant, so Jin nodded. “If he is drinking, how do we find out?”
“I think it depends on whether he’s doing it in your room or not.”
“There’s no evidence of alcohol in there.”
“I don’t know, then. Maybe we should get everyone together, brainstorm.”
“I don’t want them to know about the, you know, sex stuff…”
Waving his hand, Ueda said, “No, I don’t mean you have to tell them the whole deal. I just meant asking them about the drinking and see if they have ideas, too…”
This was why Jin usually came to Ueda for advice before anyone else. He was smart, he cared, and he kept his mouth shut. “Then let’s do that.”
+++
Thursday was a close call. Kame forgot to lock the bathroom door behind him and Jin almost barged in on him with the drugs. He had to stash them really fast in the cabinet under the sink. He acted like he was about to get in the shower and by the time Jin left it was all he could do to keep himself from shaking in fear of the thought that Jin had almost found out.
As he waited for that rush to hit him, he decided that was it. He had to find another place to take them.
So the next day, during Jin’s last class, Kame wrote him a note saying he was going for a walk and he’d be back eventually. He grabbed the last of the drugs from the drawer (had he really gone through them so quickly?) and headed out for one of the clubs his friends didn’t frequent.
He never would have imagined who he’d meet there.
Kame tried to casually leave even though he hadn’t made it to the bathroom to take the drugs yet, but she’d already spotted him and cut off his escape. So he found himself face to face with Nishikido Yuri, Ryo’s sister. His breath caught in his throat and the beginning of a full-blown panic began to seep in.
She looked furious. Hissing, she grabbed his wrist and dragged him to a booth in the corner. “Sit,” she insisted, pushing him towards the table.
Settling down opposite him, she glared and said, “Did you do it?”
“Did I do what?”
“I’m talking about Ryo’s death and the torching of the building, dammit!”
At least he could answer truthfully if somewhat misleadingly. “I didn’t kill him and I didn’t set the fire. Do… do we have to talk about him?” He started to rub his arm nervously.
“Yes. Yes we do. Or would you rather I got the cops and then came back?”
He still had the drugs in his pocket. Cops would not be a good thing for him. “No, no cops.” Nervously he asked, “But… if we’re going to talk about him… can I, um, take care of… something… first?”
“Oh, right. Your habit. You know, I really don’t feel like waiting for that. You’re an idiot for doing that stuff in the first place.”
“Please! I can’t… I need it; I can’t talk about him, not without…” Kame’s mind was reeling in a frenzied panic by this point and he started to rock back and forth.
“You don’t need it. You’re just addicted so you think you need it.” And before Kame could say anything else, she asked, “If you didn’t do it, I assume that meant you weren’t there or you’d have been killed too. Why weren’t you with him? You guys were dating, right?” She sounded like she disapproved even still.
Kame was practically hyperventilating, still rocking back and forth (at least, as much as the booth allowed). “No.”
“So you are a hooker, then. I knew he was…”
“No.”
“Then…”
“No… no no…” He stumbled away from the booth towards the closest door, which was the side door, and barely made it outside before he felt to his knees and vomited. Then he crawled to sit with his back against the wall, arms hugging his knees and head down. He was crying.
Of all the people to run across, why did it have to be her? He hugged himself even tighter.
She had followed him out. Her voice didn’t have quite as much of a hard edge as she asked, “Are you okay?”
That was it. That was the breaking point. Suddenly he wasn’t crying anymore. He was laughing, dark and bitter. “Am I okay? DO I LOOK OKAY?!” he screamed at her, rising to his feet.
Yuri took a step backwards. “What…?”
“YOUR BROTHER WAS A FUCKING MONSTER!” Kame took a step towards her and then another, one after another, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. Yuri started to back away until she hit the wall of the building next to the club. Kame stopped about halfway.
“Don’t come any closer!”
Turning around, he softly said, “Look at what he did to me…” and he slipped the shirt over his shoulders and let it fall to the ground.
“Oh my god… No. No, Ryo wouldn’t do something like that.”
“What about something like this?” Kame turned around.
Yuri looked sick.
“He kidnapped me. He beat me. He raped me again and again. He had me for two months, first in some dark warehouse and then after I tried to escape he took me to that place and kept me locked in the bedroom. When I tried to escape again, that’s when he did that…” indicating the word on his stomach. He sank to the ground, crying again.
“After that, I did everything he told me to. So he started letting me out of the bedroom on a leash for that last week. But I did finally manage to escape. It’s kind of hazy because I’d lost a lot of blood but I do know I was in the hospital when he was killed and the fire was set. And my boyfriend - my real boyfriend - was there with me.
“The nicest thing your brother ever did was give me drugs. I had never done them before, not until he started giving them to me. Did you know, he told me he killed his own father? He… I can’t. Please, I just can’t…” The surge of adrenaline the sudden rage had given him had worn off and he was nearing panic again.
Yuri had tears in her eyes since he’d started his story. “He… he killed our father?”
Kame had forgotten for a moment that they shared a father. A distant part of him felt guilty for telling her like that. But it was too late; the damage was done. “Can we please… just not? Let me take what I have on me and not remember for a while…” And Kame tried not to think about how it was the last of his supply and that he didn’t have any money to buy more. “My boyfriend nearly caught me with this stuff yesterday; that’s why I came here to do them.”
“You haven’t used in public before?”
Kame shook his head.
Sighing and wiping her eyes, Yuri said, “Take them and let’s go back inside. If you’re going to do them in public, at least for the first time someone should make sure you don’t do anything else that monumentally stupid.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Seventh Cut ~The Things You Can't Take Back~
A/N: Hmm well, at least he's out of drugs after this, right?
And good for Kame that Yuri seems to believe him when he says he didn't kill Ryo. Because I think that if he had (which he very nearly did) and admitted it, she'd have told the cops. Blood is blood, after all.