Comments | aisling87: Brigits Flame Week 4

aisling87

Brigits Flame Week 4

Jan 29, 2009 23:41

This might get tweaked if I have time -- which means it probably won't get tweaked.

Prompt: Mortals

"Cherries"

It was a Tuesday, and she ate cherries for breakfast.

They were sour, and they were starting to get mushy, but they were cherries.

She ate them slowly, nibbling at their cherry flesh until only the pit remained in her mouth; then, she sucked ( Read more... )

Comments 15

desert_rose January 31 2009, 02:17:59 UTC

A very nice take on this topic! I agree, cherries for breakfast would be heavenly!

Good luck this week- I'm very impressed with your writing each week!

aisling87 February 6 2009, 13:50:58 UTC

:) Thank you so much. You are far too kind. I always appreciate hearing from you.

cedarwolfsinger January 31 2009, 04:25:53 UTC

Wow! The juxtaposition of the almost carnal experience of the eating of the cherries and the fact of her death is phenomenal. Good luck.

aisling87 February 6 2009, 13:51:33 UTC

Thank you! I like playing with juxtapositioning, apparently ;)

plastrickland23 January 31 2009, 05:45:19 UTC

I like the detail here regarding how it is to savor cherries down to the seed. You give great imagery in very few words. Nice work! P.

aisling87 February 6 2009, 13:52:03 UTC

:) Thank you very much. Imagery is very important to me, so I'm glad you liked it.

innana88 January 31 2009, 07:59:37 UTC

My mind totally got punched in the head because the description of eating the cherries is quite erotic and then...what? Dead body! Emergency gear shift! Emergency gear shift!

Please don't ever mess with me like that again. :)

I've been wracking my brain trying to find some sort of mythical connection between cherries and a bird. Is there one? Nicely done. I'd only change the last sentence to, "For she had eaten cherries for breakfast." It flows better in my head.

aisling87 February 6 2009, 13:53:57 UTC

*laughs* Yes, it is rather abrupt. *promises never to mess with your head again...* *crosses fingers behind back*

There's no mythical connection between birds and cherries that I'm aware of, but I was imagining the narrator to be an angel -- an angel incredibly jealous of someone able to experience carnal pleasures, even if it means that person could also experience horrible bodily harm.

innana88 February 6 2009, 22:30:07 UTC

That makes soooo much more sense! Pardon me, it must have been the knock to the head. :)

hwango February 2 2009, 15:40:50 UTC

Ooh, spooky. = )

aisling87 February 6 2009, 13:54:11 UTC

Thank you. :)