Brigits Flame Sept Week 1

[aisling87]

I basically had two ideas for this prompt.  One was dark and scary and one was lighthearted.  Going a bit against my norm, I decided to go with lighthearted.  I actually have a secret love of children's books -- I love the honest language and imagination.  So that is basically how I wrote this -- I had thought that perhaps if I had time, I would

Comments

[attentionhoard]

Awwwh! This is endlessly entertaining! Nice work this week- I love the take on the prompt, the rhymes are well-placed and endearing and the whole piece is very, very fun.

Good luck!

[attentionhoard]

:) Thanks! I'm glad you liked it -- I know the rhymes are forced in places but I didn't have enough time to worry about them overmuch.

*sigh* I'm so bad. I haven't read yours yet, but this weekend I'm planning to have a whole day of reading and I look forward to it! :)

[aisling87]

Oops. That was me. Forgot to log in.

[drippedonpaper]

I can see this becoming a book, you ought to send it in somewhere:)

I love the ending sentence a lot. Great way to tie in the prompt!

I really like this line too:
"We sped on down that river until rain and starlight fell." I like that you were able say they were both falling at once. I can't really explain it but I just like it.

I just have one suggestion (and you may not like the idea), for this line:

Our heels pounded down on the muddy ground, for something had overcome our feet.

How about "for his song had overcome our feet"? Or another word instead of something?

If you just want to leave it, that's fine too:)

I would love to see the pictures to go with it, if you ever post them.

Seriously, try to get it published!

[aisling87]

Wow! Thank you for your wonderful comments! It's a huge complement to say that I should try to publish this. *blush* we'll see.

I love your suggestion. I'm always a fan of specificity over ambiguity. When you pointed it out it clicked in my head. I'm going to change that line right now.

The pictures will probably take more time than I have to spend on them, but if I ever finish them I'll be sure to post and let you know. :)

Thanks again for commenting!

[insolentscrawl]

Fantastic job this week. I loved how easy this story read, and how much fun it was to follow it.

Good luck this week.

[aisling87]

Thank you! I really appreciate your reading and commenting! I'm glad you found it fun. :)

[dreamy_idealist]

Oh! that is great, I could hear people singing this, with the rhymes rhythm. Lovely and very original. Lighthearted suits you well, apparently.

Good luck!

[aisling87]

:) Thank you. Usually my first ideas for the prompts have a darker tone. I used to write like this a lot more, so it was fun to do. I'm glad you liked it.

[augustday1]

Whimsical and magical. I loved the rolling rhythm of these piece...I feel like I'm right along side you-- being taken into the fantasy world with you. Love this bit

Quite exceptional.

A book with illustrations sounds like a wonderful concept! I hope you consider it.

[aisling87]

Wow, thank you! It was drippedonpaper's feedback that led to that line, and I like it a lot better now. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for reading and your kind comments! :)