"Midnight Reflections" (Yugioh, YamixYugi, #33)
Title: Midnight Reflections
Author: Chey
Pairing: YamixYugi
Fandom: Yugioh
Rating: PG-15 for discussion of sexual content. xD;
Theme: #33 “Right now I can’t remember yesterday, and I don’t care about tomorrow. This moment is all that matters.”
Summary: Yugi stays up to watch Yami sleep and reflects on himself, Yami's past, their love, and everything they've shared.
Extra info: I read this most awesome Puzzleshippy one-shot the other day, (I believe it was called Fire and Ice, though I'm not positive) and I really loved the style the author used. So I decided to try and see if I could emulate the style. Thus, this is in first person. Yugi's POV. I also have one I did from Yami's POV, it'll be posted later. Be afraid, for I am in ur intarwebz, stealin ur fanfic stylz. 8D; *smacked very hard for that one* And I don't know why I decided I had to do the middle in italics. It just seemed appropriate.
I sit up in bed, moving very carefully as to not jostle the person beside me. It’s a bit of a challenge since we’re only in a twin-size bed.
It must be midnight by now. Probably later, actually. I don’t even know what day it is.
Maybe right now isn’t a day.
Because it sure feels like something else, like something between days, as if time stopped right between 11:59 and 12:00, and we’re not part of the world anymore, with no yesterday and no tomorrow.
Maybe we’re not part of the world anymore. Or maybe the rest of the world has just vanished. All there is, all that really exists, is just us right this moment.
Yami’s asleep; at least I think he is. Like every other normal person would be at this hour, but as soothing as his breathing and warmth is, every time I close my eyes I just can’t fall asleep. Even though it’s been a few months, I keep thinking I’ll wake up and he’ll be gone again.
It was a miracle that he came back. I don’t even know fully how he managed it. But when I saw him again…after seeing him walk away and thinking I may never see him again…seeing him standing there in front of me…something just shattered. I spent all my time when he was around either worrying about saving the world or worrying about hiding my feelings from him. But when he came back…neither of those things seemed to matter. I wouldn’t have cared if the world exploded at that moment and I didn’t care at all if I gave away my more-than-friends feelings for him. And when he hugged me back and I looked up at him, I saw him openly cry for the first time, and that’s when I knew he wasn’t hiding anything either.
I’ll never forget that day.
About three months since then, and we haven’t spent a night alone since. We never even had to discuss it, really. It’s like we knew. The day he came back, he moved into the Game Shop without even a question about it. We slept in the same bed, side-by-side that night, blushing furiously, but by the time the sun rose the next morning we were cuddled into each other’s arms. Things haven’t changed there, except that you might say the relationship eventually got more “serious,” and yet I still find myself sitting up awake at night sometimes just to watch him. Usually it’s those nights when we’ve either stayed up talking or when we’ve made love. The nights we’ve bared our souls, those are the nights when I can never sleep, and I feel the need to stay awake and make sure he’s still there, to make sure that what we shared wasn’t a dream.
Some people say sex is the most important thing in a relationship. I’ve never really agreed with that. I fell for Yami’s heart before I ever saw his body. But I can’t deny there’s something about it with him…something about becoming part of him for just a moment, merging into one being with the person that most people would consider my polar opposite. It’s as if neither of us is actually a whole person, and only for that moment when we join are we both complete. The first night we made love was amazing…I don’t think either of us slept at all for the rest of the night, we just held onto each other afterward and I remember staring into his eyes in silence, yet speaking so much to him with my own eyes, and he was speaking back, even if we never said a word. When the morning came we finally fell asleep and woke up that evening, starving, And laughing.
That night changed my life. I could never make love with anyone else of either gender and enjoy it. If I ever lost Yami, I knew from the start that I would never be able to love anyone as deeply ever again. I would never be able to talk to someone the way I could talk to him. But I also knew then that I’ll never have another lover either. Because it’s not the sex. It’s being with him in that intimate way. It’s drawing out his primal emotions and seeing him let down his walls. It’s the feelings he somehow unleashes from places inside me that I didn’t even know existed. It’s hearing him moan when I caress him and seeing him surrender himself to me, and only to me. It’s looking into his eyes, and feeling his hair on my skin, and tasting him on my lips. Replace Yami with anybody else, and I would feel nothing.
Our talks are the same way. When he speaks, about anything, every word he says goes right to my heart. His voice draws me in and I could just listen for hours. I’ve never been able to listen to anyone else that way. And when I talk to him, I know that he is listening. I know he’s taking in everything I say. I know he cares about anything and everything I want to tell him. I’ve never been able to talk to anyone else that way either. I never will.
I sometimes don’t understand why he chose me. Yami is a hero, a leader, someone that people naturally respect and admire. And me…I’m just a shy awkward high school student. I’m not cool or brave, (although Yami says I am), so sometimes I wonder why me. Yet when he looks at me, I can see in his face that he’s not lying. Somehow, he is able to love someone like me. I think I’m the luckiest person in the world.
Now he’s mumbling a little in his sleep. Cute is not a word many people would use for him, but it’s one I think definitely fits at times like these when he’s sleeping and looks so young. One of his arms is around me, holding me to him like he wants to make sure I can’t get away. Yet it’s not a possessive embrace, not really. More of a gentle, protective one. One telling me that I could move away if I wanted, but that he’ll wait for me. He’s always like that, although nobody really believes me when I try to tell them. They prefer to think up dangerous, devious fantasies and assume he’s forceful and dominant. I let them because I know they’re just kidding around, but while Yami may sometimes seem that way, he is never forceful to me. I know that he would never make me do anything I didn’t want to, never hurt me or cause me pain. I never have to worry about that. For someone that most people see as aggressive and controlling and even downright bossy on occasion, he’s extremely kind and gentle. He just never shows it to anyone else. I’m not sure he knows how to show it to anyone else.
He still has nightmares, you know.
You’d never believe it; I didn’t either until I saw it firsthand. All that confidence and bravery is something Yami has only taught himself to show, it’s not how he always feels.
He never talks very much about the time he was alone in the Puzzle. Even then, he’s only spoken about it in depth to me, because he says he feels I’ll understand, having spent a good deal of my childhood alone as well. And I do understand, but I know that what I felt was nothing compared to his suffering. At least I had something. I had light. I had the sun and the sky and a home to come back to each night and a world to go out into if I wanted. If I was sad, I could cry and eventually my grandpa would bring me tissues and some water and some new game he’d found to distract me from feeling sad. If I was scared, eventually something would change and either it would pass or I’d forget the fear or at least be distracted from it. Whenever things seemed down, I could always believe that maybe the next day or next week would be better, and they usually were.
Yami had nothing. He had only darkness. No matter how far he traveled, it was only dark. He never saw light or felt the warmth of the sun. No matter how loud he screamed, the sound never hit a wall to echo from. No matter how much he cried or pleaded or begged, nobody answered. No matter how scared he felt, there was no comfort and nothing would change to provide any. There was no change, there was no hope for a better day or a better next week for him. It drove him to insanity. He had to give up all his human emotions to protect himself from being destroyed by his own madness. He says I’m the only thing that saved him. Because I brought his emotions back.
The person that first emerged when I solved the Puzzle was not the Yami I know now. He prefers to not talk about his time alone or the madness that he was a slave to in those early days when he scared me. But in his nightmares, I think those days still come back sometimes. I don’t know for sure, he never gives me the details. He just shakes and chokes on horrible sobs and clings to me, and I think I know what he’s feeling.
You would never think a man like Yami could be scared. Nobody else would believe it. But I’ve seen him terrified of things that exist only in his own mind. I’ve seen him crying, screaming, shaking in fear of mere memories.
It really is amazing sometimes, when I think about it. How he can go from upfront and confident, to cool and withdrawn, to arrogant and smirky, to rational and logical, to wounded and vulnerable, to exerting a laser-precise control over every single emotion and thought in his body, to at times giving into fits of rage that burst uncontrollably from him and even border on his former insanity. And then, at the end of the day, to become the gentle, quiet, soft-spoken person that strokes my hair while I listen to his heart.
I would never trade a single side of him for anything though. All of those personalities, they’re part of him. And he would never hurt me. So none of them scare me anymore, not even his angry, uncontrollable side. All of his sides make him who he is. I love them all. I would never give him up.
Yami’s eyes suddenly flutter a little bit and he slowly opens them and looks up at me.
“Y…Yugi?” He asks, his voice groggy. “What are you still doing up? Are you okay?”
My lips settle into a smile before I even need to think about it. I slide back down under the covers beside him and press my body close to his.
“I’m fine. I was just thinking.”
“Thinking? About what?”
“About how much I love you.” I grin, and snuggle against his chest, breathing in his comforting scent.
Yami’s face softens so quickly it’s almost as if he’s a whole different person. But I know he isn’t. I know this is just another side of him. A side only I get to see.
“I love you too, Aibou,” he whispers, and gently kisses my forehead before hugging me and sighing deeply as he settles back. I think I’ll finally be able to get some sleep now, feeling him holding me. Sometimes it feels so amazing that we got to this point, I still wonder if it’s real.
This is real. I know it is. This moment is real. Right now, I don’t even know if a yesterday or a tomorrow even exists. But if they don’t, it’s okay.
Because this moment is all I need.
Author: Chey
Pairing: YamixYugi
Fandom: Yugioh
Rating: PG-15 for discussion of sexual content. xD;
Theme: #33 “Right now I can’t remember yesterday, and I don’t care about tomorrow. This moment is all that matters.”
Summary: Yugi stays up to watch Yami sleep and reflects on himself, Yami's past, their love, and everything they've shared.
Extra info: I read this most awesome Puzzleshippy one-shot the other day, (I believe it was called Fire and Ice, though I'm not positive) and I really loved the style the author used. So I decided to try and see if I could emulate the style. Thus, this is in first person. Yugi's POV. I also have one I did from Yami's POV, it'll be posted later. Be afraid, for I am in ur intarwebz, stealin ur fanfic stylz. 8D; *smacked very hard for that one* And I don't know why I decided I had to do the middle in italics. It just seemed appropriate.
I sit up in bed, moving very carefully as to not jostle the person beside me. It’s a bit of a challenge since we’re only in a twin-size bed.
It must be midnight by now. Probably later, actually. I don’t even know what day it is.
Maybe right now isn’t a day.
Because it sure feels like something else, like something between days, as if time stopped right between 11:59 and 12:00, and we’re not part of the world anymore, with no yesterday and no tomorrow.
Maybe we’re not part of the world anymore. Or maybe the rest of the world has just vanished. All there is, all that really exists, is just us right this moment.
Yami’s asleep; at least I think he is. Like every other normal person would be at this hour, but as soothing as his breathing and warmth is, every time I close my eyes I just can’t fall asleep. Even though it’s been a few months, I keep thinking I’ll wake up and he’ll be gone again.
It was a miracle that he came back. I don’t even know fully how he managed it. But when I saw him again…after seeing him walk away and thinking I may never see him again…seeing him standing there in front of me…something just shattered. I spent all my time when he was around either worrying about saving the world or worrying about hiding my feelings from him. But when he came back…neither of those things seemed to matter. I wouldn’t have cared if the world exploded at that moment and I didn’t care at all if I gave away my more-than-friends feelings for him. And when he hugged me back and I looked up at him, I saw him openly cry for the first time, and that’s when I knew he wasn’t hiding anything either.
I’ll never forget that day.
About three months since then, and we haven’t spent a night alone since. We never even had to discuss it, really. It’s like we knew. The day he came back, he moved into the Game Shop without even a question about it. We slept in the same bed, side-by-side that night, blushing furiously, but by the time the sun rose the next morning we were cuddled into each other’s arms. Things haven’t changed there, except that you might say the relationship eventually got more “serious,” and yet I still find myself sitting up awake at night sometimes just to watch him. Usually it’s those nights when we’ve either stayed up talking or when we’ve made love. The nights we’ve bared our souls, those are the nights when I can never sleep, and I feel the need to stay awake and make sure he’s still there, to make sure that what we shared wasn’t a dream.
Some people say sex is the most important thing in a relationship. I’ve never really agreed with that. I fell for Yami’s heart before I ever saw his body. But I can’t deny there’s something about it with him…something about becoming part of him for just a moment, merging into one being with the person that most people would consider my polar opposite. It’s as if neither of us is actually a whole person, and only for that moment when we join are we both complete. The first night we made love was amazing…I don’t think either of us slept at all for the rest of the night, we just held onto each other afterward and I remember staring into his eyes in silence, yet speaking so much to him with my own eyes, and he was speaking back, even if we never said a word. When the morning came we finally fell asleep and woke up that evening, starving, And laughing.
That night changed my life. I could never make love with anyone else of either gender and enjoy it. If I ever lost Yami, I knew from the start that I would never be able to love anyone as deeply ever again. I would never be able to talk to someone the way I could talk to him. But I also knew then that I’ll never have another lover either. Because it’s not the sex. It’s being with him in that intimate way. It’s drawing out his primal emotions and seeing him let down his walls. It’s the feelings he somehow unleashes from places inside me that I didn’t even know existed. It’s hearing him moan when I caress him and seeing him surrender himself to me, and only to me. It’s looking into his eyes, and feeling his hair on my skin, and tasting him on my lips. Replace Yami with anybody else, and I would feel nothing.
Our talks are the same way. When he speaks, about anything, every word he says goes right to my heart. His voice draws me in and I could just listen for hours. I’ve never been able to listen to anyone else that way. And when I talk to him, I know that he is listening. I know he’s taking in everything I say. I know he cares about anything and everything I want to tell him. I’ve never been able to talk to anyone else that way either. I never will.
I sometimes don’t understand why he chose me. Yami is a hero, a leader, someone that people naturally respect and admire. And me…I’m just a shy awkward high school student. I’m not cool or brave, (although Yami says I am), so sometimes I wonder why me. Yet when he looks at me, I can see in his face that he’s not lying. Somehow, he is able to love someone like me. I think I’m the luckiest person in the world.
Now he’s mumbling a little in his sleep. Cute is not a word many people would use for him, but it’s one I think definitely fits at times like these when he’s sleeping and looks so young. One of his arms is around me, holding me to him like he wants to make sure I can’t get away. Yet it’s not a possessive embrace, not really. More of a gentle, protective one. One telling me that I could move away if I wanted, but that he’ll wait for me. He’s always like that, although nobody really believes me when I try to tell them. They prefer to think up dangerous, devious fantasies and assume he’s forceful and dominant. I let them because I know they’re just kidding around, but while Yami may sometimes seem that way, he is never forceful to me. I know that he would never make me do anything I didn’t want to, never hurt me or cause me pain. I never have to worry about that. For someone that most people see as aggressive and controlling and even downright bossy on occasion, he’s extremely kind and gentle. He just never shows it to anyone else. I’m not sure he knows how to show it to anyone else.
He still has nightmares, you know.
You’d never believe it; I didn’t either until I saw it firsthand. All that confidence and bravery is something Yami has only taught himself to show, it’s not how he always feels.
He never talks very much about the time he was alone in the Puzzle. Even then, he’s only spoken about it in depth to me, because he says he feels I’ll understand, having spent a good deal of my childhood alone as well. And I do understand, but I know that what I felt was nothing compared to his suffering. At least I had something. I had light. I had the sun and the sky and a home to come back to each night and a world to go out into if I wanted. If I was sad, I could cry and eventually my grandpa would bring me tissues and some water and some new game he’d found to distract me from feeling sad. If I was scared, eventually something would change and either it would pass or I’d forget the fear or at least be distracted from it. Whenever things seemed down, I could always believe that maybe the next day or next week would be better, and they usually were.
Yami had nothing. He had only darkness. No matter how far he traveled, it was only dark. He never saw light or felt the warmth of the sun. No matter how loud he screamed, the sound never hit a wall to echo from. No matter how much he cried or pleaded or begged, nobody answered. No matter how scared he felt, there was no comfort and nothing would change to provide any. There was no change, there was no hope for a better day or a better next week for him. It drove him to insanity. He had to give up all his human emotions to protect himself from being destroyed by his own madness. He says I’m the only thing that saved him. Because I brought his emotions back.
The person that first emerged when I solved the Puzzle was not the Yami I know now. He prefers to not talk about his time alone or the madness that he was a slave to in those early days when he scared me. But in his nightmares, I think those days still come back sometimes. I don’t know for sure, he never gives me the details. He just shakes and chokes on horrible sobs and clings to me, and I think I know what he’s feeling.
You would never think a man like Yami could be scared. Nobody else would believe it. But I’ve seen him terrified of things that exist only in his own mind. I’ve seen him crying, screaming, shaking in fear of mere memories.
It really is amazing sometimes, when I think about it. How he can go from upfront and confident, to cool and withdrawn, to arrogant and smirky, to rational and logical, to wounded and vulnerable, to exerting a laser-precise control over every single emotion and thought in his body, to at times giving into fits of rage that burst uncontrollably from him and even border on his former insanity. And then, at the end of the day, to become the gentle, quiet, soft-spoken person that strokes my hair while I listen to his heart.
I would never trade a single side of him for anything though. All of those personalities, they’re part of him. And he would never hurt me. So none of them scare me anymore, not even his angry, uncontrollable side. All of his sides make him who he is. I love them all. I would never give him up.
Yami’s eyes suddenly flutter a little bit and he slowly opens them and looks up at me.
“Y…Yugi?” He asks, his voice groggy. “What are you still doing up? Are you okay?”
My lips settle into a smile before I even need to think about it. I slide back down under the covers beside him and press my body close to his.
“I’m fine. I was just thinking.”
“Thinking? About what?”
“About how much I love you.” I grin, and snuggle against his chest, breathing in his comforting scent.
Yami’s face softens so quickly it’s almost as if he’s a whole different person. But I know he isn’t. I know this is just another side of him. A side only I get to see.
“I love you too, Aibou,” he whispers, and gently kisses my forehead before hugging me and sighing deeply as he settles back. I think I’ll finally be able to get some sleep now, feeling him holding me. Sometimes it feels so amazing that we got to this point, I still wonder if it’s real.
This is real. I know it is. This moment is real. Right now, I don’t even know if a yesterday or a tomorrow even exists. But if they don’t, it’s okay.
Because this moment is all I need.