Happy!Who fic: "Writers are liars"
Title: Writers are liars
Author: aibhinn
Pairing: Ten/Rose
Spoilers: None, unless knowing what someone was wearing in one of my fics is a spoiler.
Summary: The Doctor and Rose find themselves on-set between stories, and do a bit of exploring backstage.
Author's notes: Written for the Happy!Who ficathon. Prompt: Liar. This is a very, very silly fic; points go to the first reader to correctly identify all of the fics referenced. Hint: two of them haven't been finished yet, so those of course don't count. I'm not telling you which two, though! Also, all of them are mine, except for one. And yes, you have to identify that one, too. ;)
Rose looked up and took in the open, empty space in which she found herself. It looked a bit like a disused set where television shows were shot, and a bit like an open warehouse; there were ladders and bits of scenery everywhere, painter's drop cloths on the floor, and a musty odour that said louder than anything else that it hadn't been used for a long time. The only light was from the sun streaming down through the banks of stage lights, coming in through windows stuck up high along the walls. Dust motes gleamed in its rays. "Oh, God," she said, closing her eyes. "It's her again."
"It's who?" the Doctor asked, coming up beside her. She turned round to look; sure enough, there was the TARDIS as well. She never remembered getting to this place, but she'd been here many times before.
"Her," Rose said with emphasis, and put her hands on her stomach, where a bump would be if she were pregnant. "You know."
"Oh, that one," he said with sudden understanding. "Excellent! Bound to have some good lines, at least."
"She made me pregnant," Rose reminded him. She was still a little miffed about that.
"Now, that would be a something, wouldn't it?" The Doctor grinned. "If I recall correctly, in the story, I made you pregnant, and then came back across the Void to rescue you."
"Despite the fact that, according to canon, children and unborn babies can't travel in time. It messes up their development."
"Yeah, well," the Doctor said, shrugging. "She didn't know, did she? Not until she was most of the way through the story. Besides, she did come up with that whole binary-cardiac thing. That was pretty impressive, I think."
"What I want to know," Rose said, "is why she's so bloody determined that I'll be coming back to you. I mean, you did say 'impossible.'"
He raised an eyebrow. "And since when has 'impossible' ever truly meant 'impossible' in this show?"
"Eh. Point." She wandered over to a wardrobe that stood against the wall and opened it. "Oh, look!" she exclaimed, pulling out a long, white dress with a halter top. "From Praxis II."
"Oh, yeah." He wandered over and rummaged through, pulling out a short black dress with a wide neckline and sleeves that would leave her shoulders bare. "I seem to remember this one as well." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "Loved this story."
She grinned. "Like you ever needed to seduce me, really."
"Of course not, but the whole point of fiction is to improve reality, didn't you know?" He flipped through them some more. "Here's the gown you wore to The Importance of Being Earnest… and-wait a minute, this is the outfit you wore when we went to Antarctica and got charged by a flock of penguins! What's that doing here? Shouldn't that be on that other set?" He waved his hand off to the right, in a vaguely easterly direction.
"It was a gift for her," Rose reminded him. "Maybe she gets some of the pieces, too. What's this?" She held up a ragged, stained pink hoodie and a pair of jeans that had definitely seen better days. Both garments were filthy, full of holes, and looked as though she'd worn them for weeks on end. "What'm I gonna do in this one?" she demanded. "Crawl through the sewers?"
"Who knows?" he asked rhetorically. "At least you know you'll be with me, so it can't be all that bad."
"Oh, can't it?" she retorted.
He ignored her, looking farther back. "Ooh, a box of photographs!" he said in delight, and pulled it out, sitting down cross-legged on the floor to look through them. "The Moxx of Balhoun-he was an interesting bloke, wasn't he? What's written on the back of this?" He flipped it over. "'Bad Wolf.'"
"That's what this one says, too," Rose said, picking up a picture of Gwyneth. "And this one. Oi, when'd someone graffiti the TARDIS?"
"When I brought you back to your mum that first time, remember? She slapped me." More pictures: graffiti, nightclubs, the model of the Blaidd Drwg nuclear power plant that Margaret the Slitheen had nearly got built. "Rassilon, she's not raking all that muck up again, is she? We've done with Bad Wolf."
"I dunno about that," Rose said, tossing the photo back into the box and standing up. "Jack was saying something about it." Something caught her eye in the wardrobe, and she stepped forward, pulling out a beautiful pink ball gown. "Ooh," she breathed, holding it up to herself. "Isn't this gorgeous? Oh, I can't wait to wear this one."
The Doctor put the box of photos back and also stood, surveying her critically. "I'm not sure you're meant to," he said after a moment. "It's a bit big on you. Perhaps it's for someone else."
"Who?"
He shrugged. "Your fairy godmother, maybe?"
"I haven't got a fairy godmother, thanks."
"You haven't got a set of twins right now, either," he reminded her. "But you did at one time. That's the power writers have got."
She snorted, putting the ball gown back. "They're a bunch of liars." Her eyes wandered round the empty set, and she sighed. "Bugger. I'm bored, and it doesn't look like she'll be getting on with any of these stories any time soon. What should we do in the meantime?"
"Well," the Doctor drawled, sidling up next to her and bumping his shoulder against hers in a confidential sort of way. "We've always got the TARDIS."
"We won't be able to go anywhere, though."
"Oh, probably not. But there are places in there you've not seen yet. I'm sure we can manage to, er, find some way to entertain ourselves."
She met his gaze, a slow smile spreading over her face. "I imagine we could, at that," she agreed, tongue mischievously between her teeth. "But no twins, yeah?"
"Not till she writes the next one, at least."
Hand in hand and grinning at each other, they walked back to the TARDIS.
Author: aibhinn
Pairing: Ten/Rose
Spoilers: None, unless knowing what someone was wearing in one of my fics is a spoiler.
Summary: The Doctor and Rose find themselves on-set between stories, and do a bit of exploring backstage.
Author's notes: Written for the Happy!Who ficathon. Prompt: Liar. This is a very, very silly fic; points go to the first reader to correctly identify all of the fics referenced. Hint: two of them haven't been finished yet, so those of course don't count. I'm not telling you which two, though! Also, all of them are mine, except for one. And yes, you have to identify that one, too. ;)
Rose looked up and took in the open, empty space in which she found herself. It looked a bit like a disused set where television shows were shot, and a bit like an open warehouse; there were ladders and bits of scenery everywhere, painter's drop cloths on the floor, and a musty odour that said louder than anything else that it hadn't been used for a long time. The only light was from the sun streaming down through the banks of stage lights, coming in through windows stuck up high along the walls. Dust motes gleamed in its rays. "Oh, God," she said, closing her eyes. "It's her again."
"It's who?" the Doctor asked, coming up beside her. She turned round to look; sure enough, there was the TARDIS as well. She never remembered getting to this place, but she'd been here many times before.
"Her," Rose said with emphasis, and put her hands on her stomach, where a bump would be if she were pregnant. "You know."
"Oh, that one," he said with sudden understanding. "Excellent! Bound to have some good lines, at least."
"She made me pregnant," Rose reminded him. She was still a little miffed about that.
"Now, that would be a something, wouldn't it?" The Doctor grinned. "If I recall correctly, in the story, I made you pregnant, and then came back across the Void to rescue you."
"Despite the fact that, according to canon, children and unborn babies can't travel in time. It messes up their development."
"Yeah, well," the Doctor said, shrugging. "She didn't know, did she? Not until she was most of the way through the story. Besides, she did come up with that whole binary-cardiac thing. That was pretty impressive, I think."
"What I want to know," Rose said, "is why she's so bloody determined that I'll be coming back to you. I mean, you did say 'impossible.'"
He raised an eyebrow. "And since when has 'impossible' ever truly meant 'impossible' in this show?"
"Eh. Point." She wandered over to a wardrobe that stood against the wall and opened it. "Oh, look!" she exclaimed, pulling out a long, white dress with a halter top. "From Praxis II."
"Oh, yeah." He wandered over and rummaged through, pulling out a short black dress with a wide neckline and sleeves that would leave her shoulders bare. "I seem to remember this one as well." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "Loved this story."
She grinned. "Like you ever needed to seduce me, really."
"Of course not, but the whole point of fiction is to improve reality, didn't you know?" He flipped through them some more. "Here's the gown you wore to The Importance of Being Earnest… and-wait a minute, this is the outfit you wore when we went to Antarctica and got charged by a flock of penguins! What's that doing here? Shouldn't that be on that other set?" He waved his hand off to the right, in a vaguely easterly direction.
"It was a gift for her," Rose reminded him. "Maybe she gets some of the pieces, too. What's this?" She held up a ragged, stained pink hoodie and a pair of jeans that had definitely seen better days. Both garments were filthy, full of holes, and looked as though she'd worn them for weeks on end. "What'm I gonna do in this one?" she demanded. "Crawl through the sewers?"
"Who knows?" he asked rhetorically. "At least you know you'll be with me, so it can't be all that bad."
"Oh, can't it?" she retorted.
He ignored her, looking farther back. "Ooh, a box of photographs!" he said in delight, and pulled it out, sitting down cross-legged on the floor to look through them. "The Moxx of Balhoun-he was an interesting bloke, wasn't he? What's written on the back of this?" He flipped it over. "'Bad Wolf.'"
"That's what this one says, too," Rose said, picking up a picture of Gwyneth. "And this one. Oi, when'd someone graffiti the TARDIS?"
"When I brought you back to your mum that first time, remember? She slapped me." More pictures: graffiti, nightclubs, the model of the Blaidd Drwg nuclear power plant that Margaret the Slitheen had nearly got built. "Rassilon, she's not raking all that muck up again, is she? We've done with Bad Wolf."
"I dunno about that," Rose said, tossing the photo back into the box and standing up. "Jack was saying something about it." Something caught her eye in the wardrobe, and she stepped forward, pulling out a beautiful pink ball gown. "Ooh," she breathed, holding it up to herself. "Isn't this gorgeous? Oh, I can't wait to wear this one."
The Doctor put the box of photos back and also stood, surveying her critically. "I'm not sure you're meant to," he said after a moment. "It's a bit big on you. Perhaps it's for someone else."
"Who?"
He shrugged. "Your fairy godmother, maybe?"
"I haven't got a fairy godmother, thanks."
"You haven't got a set of twins right now, either," he reminded her. "But you did at one time. That's the power writers have got."
She snorted, putting the ball gown back. "They're a bunch of liars." Her eyes wandered round the empty set, and she sighed. "Bugger. I'm bored, and it doesn't look like she'll be getting on with any of these stories any time soon. What should we do in the meantime?"
"Well," the Doctor drawled, sidling up next to her and bumping his shoulder against hers in a confidential sort of way. "We've always got the TARDIS."
"We won't be able to go anywhere, though."
"Oh, probably not. But there are places in there you've not seen yet. I'm sure we can manage to, er, find some way to entertain ourselves."
She met his gaze, a slow smile spreading over her face. "I imagine we could, at that," she agreed, tongue mischievously between her teeth. "But no twins, yeah?"
"Not till she writes the next one, at least."
Hand in hand and grinning at each other, they walked back to the TARDIS.