Group Identities and Comparisons: Elliot Rodger and 'Nice Guys'

[ahunter3]

So, let's say you're espousing pride in some sort of group identity. Could be anything: polyamory, communal living, lefthanded people, people who like to retain their underarm hairs, whatever

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

Here's my field report after going out with a self-described "nice guy" (who wasn't):

http://mallorys-camera.livejournal.com/471397.html

Rodger wasn't just uncomfortable taking the sexual initiative, he was also really entitled. One might almost be inclined to think that he'd OD'd on Nietzsche except I don't really think he was much of an intellectual.

[ahunter3]

Oh, I remember that blog post! I recall thinking "You know, I really have to write something about the 'nice guy' phenomenon..."

[rick_day]

I am going to have to go back and re read your earlier posts, but I'm reading this as a frustration on your part because you don't seem to fit neatly into socially approved categories. Indeed, you straddle several at once. I simply refer to these desires and subsequent acceptance/rejection as 'tags'.

My first question is, "why do you feel societal tags are enough a vindication for you, in order to be 'accepted' for whatever you are?"

My second question is, "why were you not angry enough to tip towards violent revenge? What did you have that Rodgers lacked?"

My last question is,"do you think these pressures are worse in a world of social networking where even strangers can mock the 'loser' that it was for you when a teen?

[ahunter3]

First question answer

[musicman]

Perhaps Rodger didn't have much of a conscience, nor a good consciousness of others? Whereas, you do, on both counts. When people lose the rational basis of what they hold as normal, it seems to me they are sometimes doing so because they have lost, or never had a conscience. And when the individual is so self-absorbed that he loses consciousness of other people as real, instead of "them bitches" or "those people who rejected me" or "those people who never accepted me," they they can act on ideas, as crazy as they are, without being bothered by thinking it might be wrong

[ahunter3]

Thank you! That's very affirming and I appreciate it!

>We all want some kind of cover, so we don't have to stand around forever explaining who we are and what we do< Yeah, very well and concisely put!

I do not as of yet have any close genderfluid friends, but I've read about them (autobio and otherwise); I think I, too, would initially find it hard or at least awkward. Transitioning in the older, unidirectional M2F or F2M sense might be easier to learn but as you say the transitioning itself is a process and identity may move around in nonlinear ways over the short term even if the overall trajectory is more linear.