Fangirls' Guide 2009-10
Yes indeed, it’s that time again. The season has started, and no-one's going anywhere - it's time to cherry-pick the pretties/make lists of potential stalkees, y/y?
Over the next five days, I will be posting a run-down of all twenty Serie A squads for this season. Four a day. Each and every squad member will be listed, with a photograph (if I can find one. Bloody Udinese.) and a rating on the following three categories:
Attractiveness
Nationality
National Caps
Here's how it works:
Attractiveness
This is the tricky one. As many will attest, my idea of teh pretty (flippy haired, pouting Princesses) does not match theirs. So I shall do my best to be unbiased, and reckon most of them will get a mid-range one point. But there are two other alternatives:
Astonishingly pretty - aka classically beautiful/50 people on my flist can't be wrong/have to have a sit down when you see him: 2 points
Pleasant, everyday eyecandy: 1 point
Oh-my-God-I-need-to-bleach-my-eyes: 0 points
As you will have realised by now, I am open to bribery bludgeoning suggestion for two-pointers. Especially if you can provide pictorial proof.
Nationality
Come on, this is an Italian League. Teams should be rewarded for having Italians, right? [And before fingers start being pointed about me doing this to remove points from Inter, plztobe remembering that my team is practically the Seleçao in different coloured shirts going to need every fucking point it can get this season. :(]
Italian: 2 points
Other European: 1 point
Non-European: 0 points
Nationality will be taken, where applicable, on the National side for whom they play. So Camo would get 2 points and Seedorf 1. If they have dual nationality, but have not yet been capped for a team, I will base the points on their country of birth. Yes, Amauri, I'm looking at you.
National Caps
Players will be given points according to the number of caps they have acquired for their national side according to this sliding scale. These caps include U21 and full, grown-up appearances, but not anything younger else I’dve been here ‘til Christmas:
30+: 2 points
6-29: 1 point
5 or less: 0 points
There will also be a bonus point for any squad member who has 100 or more caps because, you know, that’s pretty damned impressive.
N.B.: Caps totals DO NOT INCLUDE any from this international break. Because I couldn't possibly be arsed to check/note who appeared where and add them to the total. I R lazy, sorry.
Coaches
Coaches will be scored on the same criteria, but instead of national caps, they will be ranked on cumulative years in charge of their team:
Five or more: 2 points
1-4: 1 point
Less than 1: 0 points
Team totals
Team totals will be presented as percentages - total score divided by maximum available score (i.e. number of people in team times six). Because I am anal about being fair, and stuff.
Additional
I have used, where possible, official team site images apart from Fiorentina, who have these fancy-pants video pages for each player, but no bloody pictures. OR Siena and Udinese, who have non-clickable squad pages, miserable goits. For them, I am using last year’s/Google/whatever the hell I can find. I am aware that these are not the most flattering of shots, but frankly, I couldn't be arsed to rummage around until I found good ones. If you truly think someone has been grossly misrepresented, you are welcome to give me a more representative image and I will tweak. [Although, I completely reserve the right to not tweak. ;)]
Out of curiosity, I will also be calculating the Italian:foreign ratio for each team. It won't count towards the final score, but it could make interesting reading. Well, I think so, anyway.
Finally, I am only human. I am bound to make errors. Working out all their bloody ages is a task in itself, I've numbers spinning round in front of my eyes now. If you spot a typo/miscalculation, please do tell me, and I will fix it.
So, there you have it. Everything is logged and uploaded, and the first batch will go up tomorrow. There will be a running total at the end of each entry with the standings in, and by the end of the week we should know which team is the best!
Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Over the next five days, I will be posting a run-down of all twenty Serie A squads for this season. Four a day. Each and every squad member will be listed, with a photograph (if I can find one. Bloody Udinese.) and a rating on the following three categories:
Attractiveness
Nationality
National Caps
Here's how it works:
Attractiveness
This is the tricky one. As many will attest, my idea of teh pretty (flippy haired, pouting Princesses) does not match theirs. So I shall do my best to be unbiased, and reckon most of them will get a mid-range one point. But there are two other alternatives:
Astonishingly pretty - aka classically beautiful/50 people on my flist can't be wrong/have to have a sit down when you see him: 2 points
Pleasant, everyday eyecandy: 1 point
Oh-my-God-I-need-to-bleach-my-eyes: 0 points
As you will have realised by now, I am open to bribery bludgeoning suggestion for two-pointers. Especially if you can provide pictorial proof.
Nationality
Come on, this is an Italian League. Teams should be rewarded for having Italians, right? [And before fingers start being pointed about me doing this to remove points from Inter, plztobe remembering that my team is practically the Seleçao in different coloured shirts going to need every fucking point it can get this season. :(]
Italian: 2 points
Other European: 1 point
Non-European: 0 points
Nationality will be taken, where applicable, on the National side for whom they play. So Camo would get 2 points and Seedorf 1. If they have dual nationality, but have not yet been capped for a team, I will base the points on their country of birth. Yes, Amauri, I'm looking at you.
National Caps
Players will be given points according to the number of caps they have acquired for their national side according to this sliding scale. These caps include U21 and full, grown-up appearances, but not anything younger else I’dve been here ‘til Christmas:
30+: 2 points
6-29: 1 point
5 or less: 0 points
There will also be a bonus point for any squad member who has 100 or more caps because, you know, that’s pretty damned impressive.
N.B.: Caps totals DO NOT INCLUDE any from this international break. Because I couldn't possibly be arsed to check/note who appeared where and add them to the total. I R lazy, sorry.
Coaches
Coaches will be scored on the same criteria, but instead of national caps, they will be ranked on cumulative years in charge of their team:
Five or more: 2 points
1-4: 1 point
Less than 1: 0 points
Team totals
Team totals will be presented as percentages - total score divided by maximum available score (i.e. number of people in team times six). Because I am anal about being fair, and stuff.
Additional
I have used, where possible, official team site images apart from Fiorentina, who have these fancy-pants video pages for each player, but no bloody pictures. OR Siena and Udinese, who have non-clickable squad pages, miserable goits. For them, I am using last year’s/Google/whatever the hell I can find. I am aware that these are not the most flattering of shots, but frankly, I couldn't be arsed to rummage around until I found good ones. If you truly think someone has been grossly misrepresented, you are welcome to give me a more representative image and I will tweak. [Although, I completely reserve the right to not tweak. ;)]
Out of curiosity, I will also be calculating the Italian:foreign ratio for each team. It won't count towards the final score, but it could make interesting reading. Well, I think so, anyway.
Finally, I am only human. I am bound to make errors. Working out all their bloody ages is a task in itself, I've numbers spinning round in front of my eyes now. If you spot a typo/miscalculation, please do tell me, and I will fix it.
So, there you have it. Everything is logged and uploaded, and the first batch will go up tomorrow. There will be a running total at the end of each entry with the standings in, and by the end of the week we should know which team is the best!
Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.