Fangirls' Guide 2008-9: Introduction
It’s that time again. The mercato has closed, the squads are finalised. Now we need to cherry-pick the pretties, amirite?
Over the next few days, I will be posting a run-down of all twenty Serie A squads for this season. Four a day. Each and every squad member will be listed, with a photograph and a rating on the following three categories:
Attractiveness
Nationality
National Caps
Here's how it works:
Attractiveness
This is the tricky one. As many will attest, my idea of teh pretty (flippy haired Princesses) does not match theirs. So I shall do my best to be unbiased, and reckon most of them will get a mid-range one point. But there are two other alternatives:
Really very pretty indeed - aka classically beautiful/50 people on my flist can't be wrong/have to have a sit down when you see him: 2 points
Pleasant, everyday eyecandy: 1 point
Oh-my-God-I-need-to-bleach-my-eyes: 0 points
As you will have realised by now, I am open to bribery bludgeoning suggestion for two-pointers. Especially if you can provide pictorial proof.
Nationality
Come on, this is an Italian League. Teams should be rewarded for having Italians, right? [And before fingers start being pointed about me doing this to remove points from Inter, plztobe remembering that my team is practically the Seleçao in different coloured shirts.]
Italian: 2 points
Other European: 1 point
Non-European: 0 points
N.B. Nationality will be taken, where applicable, on the National side for whom they play. So Camo would get 2 points and Seedorf 1. Ricky and Crispy get none, I'm afraid - despite their Italian passports.
National Caps
Players will be given points according to the number of caps they have acquired for their national side according to this sliding scale. These caps include U21 and full, grown-up appearances, but not anything younger else I’dve been here ‘til Christmas:
30+: 2 points
6-29: 1 point
5 or less: 0 points
There will also be a bonus point for any squad member who has 100 or more caps because, you know, that’s pretty damned impressive. And a bonus point, also goes to Paolo Maldini anyone who has amassed 500 caps or more for their club team.
Coaches
Coaches will be scored on the same criteria, but instead of national caps, they will be ranked on cumulative years in charge of their team:
Five or more: 2 points
1-4: 1 point
Less than 1: 0 points
Team totals
Team totals will be presented as percentages - total score divided by maximum available score (i.e. number of people in team times six). Because I am anal about being fair, and stuff.
Additional
I have used, where possible, official team site images apart from Fiorentina, who have these fancy-pants video pages for each player, but no bloody pictures. For them, I am using last year’s. I am aware that these are not the most flattering of shots, but frankly, I couldn't be arsed to rummage around until I found good ones. If you truly think someone has been grossly misrepresented, you are welcome to give me a more representative image and I will tweak.
Finally, I am only human. I am bound to make errors. Working out all their bloody ages is a task in itself, I've numbers spinning round in front of my eyes now. If you spot a typo/miscalculation, please do tell me, and I will fix it.
So, there you have it. I am busy uploading stuff to Photobucket as we speak, and hope to get the first four teams up very soon. There will be a running total at the end of each entry with the standings in, and in not too many days we should know which team is the best!
Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Over the next few days, I will be posting a run-down of all twenty Serie A squads for this season. Four a day. Each and every squad member will be listed, with a photograph and a rating on the following three categories:
Attractiveness
Nationality
National Caps
Here's how it works:
Attractiveness
This is the tricky one. As many will attest, my idea of teh pretty (flippy haired Princesses) does not match theirs. So I shall do my best to be unbiased, and reckon most of them will get a mid-range one point. But there are two other alternatives:
Really very pretty indeed - aka classically beautiful/50 people on my flist can't be wrong/have to have a sit down when you see him: 2 points
Pleasant, everyday eyecandy: 1 point
Oh-my-God-I-need-to-bleach-my-eyes: 0 points
As you will have realised by now, I am open to bribery bludgeoning suggestion for two-pointers. Especially if you can provide pictorial proof.
Nationality
Come on, this is an Italian League. Teams should be rewarded for having Italians, right? [And before fingers start being pointed about me doing this to remove points from Inter, plztobe remembering that my team is practically the Seleçao in different coloured shirts.]
Italian: 2 points
Other European: 1 point
Non-European: 0 points
N.B. Nationality will be taken, where applicable, on the National side for whom they play. So Camo would get 2 points and Seedorf 1. Ricky and Crispy get none, I'm afraid - despite their Italian passports.
National Caps
Players will be given points according to the number of caps they have acquired for their national side according to this sliding scale. These caps include U21 and full, grown-up appearances, but not anything younger else I’dve been here ‘til Christmas:
30+: 2 points
6-29: 1 point
5 or less: 0 points
There will also be a bonus point for any squad member who has 100 or more caps because, you know, that’s pretty damned impressive. And a bonus point, also goes to Paolo Maldini anyone who has amassed 500 caps or more for their club team.
Coaches
Coaches will be scored on the same criteria, but instead of national caps, they will be ranked on cumulative years in charge of their team:
Five or more: 2 points
1-4: 1 point
Less than 1: 0 points
Team totals
Team totals will be presented as percentages - total score divided by maximum available score (i.e. number of people in team times six). Because I am anal about being fair, and stuff.
Additional
I have used, where possible, official team site images apart from Fiorentina, who have these fancy-pants video pages for each player, but no bloody pictures. For them, I am using last year’s. I am aware that these are not the most flattering of shots, but frankly, I couldn't be arsed to rummage around until I found good ones. If you truly think someone has been grossly misrepresented, you are welcome to give me a more representative image and I will tweak.
Finally, I am only human. I am bound to make errors. Working out all their bloody ages is a task in itself, I've numbers spinning round in front of my eyes now. If you spot a typo/miscalculation, please do tell me, and I will fix it.
So, there you have it. I am busy uploading stuff to Photobucket as we speak, and hope to get the first four teams up very soon. There will be a running total at the end of each entry with the standings in, and in not too many days we should know which team is the best!
Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.